


Wearing the Faces of Men

by The_Carnivorous_Muffin



Series: Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus [51]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Existentialism, Female Harry Potter, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Master of Death Harry Potter, Religion, Slavery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2019-07-01 15:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 101,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15776991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Carnivorous_Muffin/pseuds/The_Carnivorous_Muffin
Summary: When Wizard Lenin and Lily mysteriously find themselves in the Pokémon universe in Lily's second year, the pair are forced into becoming Pokémon trainers, and they, along with Ash Ketchum, travel on their journey to become Pokémon masters even as they search for a means to get home.





	1. No Shirt, No Pokemon, No Service

**Author's Note:**

> Obligatory note that this is NOT CANON

_In which Lily and Wizard Lenin aren’t in Kansas anymore or Hogwarts either, Wizard Lenin has something of an existential crisis, the duo picks up a seemingly incompetent local third as their guide along with his overpowered giant yellow mouse, and Lily discovers the role she was born to play, that of a pokémon master._

 

* * *

 

 

Meet our heroes, Lily and Lenin, two extradimensional twelve-year-olds who find themselves in a new and exciting world beyond their imagination, and although they don’t know it, are about to begin their own pokémon journey.

 

* * *

 

The first thing Lily saw when she opened her bleary eyes, was sunlight filtering through leaves, which was a rather worrying sign as the last she recalled it had been November and most of the trees had been a bit barren, and she had also been indoors.

 

“Oh, sweet Jesus,” Lily exclaimed as she forced herself to sit upright, her head pounding as she took in her surroundings, the sweet smell of flowers in the air, the trees swaying in the summer breeze, the tall grass, and the complete and utter absence of people.

 

Well, not quite, looking down and next to her, in this flower filled clearing that she had woken up in, was none other than Wizard Lenin in his Lenin Rabbitson Albanian refugee form complete with the Hogwarts uniform (well to be fair, Lily was also in her own Hogwarts uniform, though looking briefly down told her that her Hogwarts uniform, sporting tears, dirt, and even blood stains, had seen better days.)

 

So, to sum up, Lily had a blinding headache the kind she hadn’t had since Lenin had lived in her brain or Squirrel had been among the living, she was somewhere where it was definitely not Hogwarts and not Scotland with Wizard Lenin brought along for the ride, and she had absolutely no idea how any of this had happened.

 

Also, looking to her left, there was a giant purple rat.

 

Blinking at it, the giant purple rat didn’t disappear, but instead blinked back at her with large red eyes, sniffling towards her in curiosity.

 

The point being, Lily was in a place where giant purple rats existed, or else… Rabbit eating Scotland had somehow infested it with giant purple rats. She hoped it wasn’t diseased along with being giant, Lily did not need the giant purple rat version of the bubonic plague.

 

Next to her, Wizard Lenin groaned and slowly rolled into a sitting position, a hand on his forehead, “Lily, please tell me that what I think happened hasn’t happened.”

 

Lily, as she always did in a time of crisis, stalled, “… What do you think happened?”

 

Lenin however said nothing as he dropped his hand, looked out at their surroundings, and seemed to come to the same conclusions that Lily herself just had. The important ones being giant purple rat and not in Kansas anymore.

 

Or, well, Scotland, but the point remained.

 

“Lily, where the hell have you teleported us?”

 

It was said in that quiet deathly terrifying voice that Wizard Lenin had developed to show how displeased he was and how very close he was to committing homicide. Well, if homicide with Lily was even a possibility, since it never really seemed to stick.

 

Lily grimaced, “Well, I have no idea, I mean, to be fair, I don’t even remember the teleporting part of this… I’m not actually sure I remember the past day and a half all that clearly.”

 

Certainly, it seemed, fuzzier than usual, she’d probably hit her head against something which had probably caused this whole mess in the first place.

 

That, judging by Wizard Lenin’s expression, was not the answer he wanted to hear. His smile stretched itself, grew thinner and more jagged, as he asked politely, ever so politely, “Well, Lily, aren’t you going to take us back home?”

 

Lily thought about it, or tried to through her headache, tried to focus on Scotland or England, but on grabbing his hand and trying to pull through she hit what felt like a brick wall, or at the very least, like trying to leap over a giant abyss from here to there. Point being that maybe, when her head didn’t feel like it had been run over by a steam roller, she might be able to do it, it somehow seemed like one of those things that was not a great idea.

 

“Uh, Lenin… I think it might be too far.”

 

And judging by the literal inferno of rage that sprung around him, (completely burning the field they were standing in and causing all the giant purple rats that had been watching them to scatter in terror) he also hadn’t wanted to hear that.

 

“Are you telling me, that we’re stuck here, in the middle of nowhere, where I don’t even have a wand?!”

 

Lily looked at his hands, noting that they were, in fact, empty, and Lily’s wand which he had permanently borrowed was nowhere in sight.

 

“…Sure,” Lily said after a rather meaningful pause where she debated whether or not to agree with him or to point out that they were also likely in the Fire Swamp considering all the purple R.O.U.Ses hanging about.

 

If he’d had kerosene and a few glass windows, Lily imagined it’d be rather similar to the temper tantrum he’d first thrown when he’d discovered what had happened to Voldemort while he’d been trapped inside Lily’s head for five years. As it was, he made do with his own rather volatile magic and lighting trees, grass, and anything he could find on fire to the point where Smokey the Bear probably would have had some sort of a heart attack for all the not preventing of fires that Lily or Wizard Lenin were doing.

 

Eventually, he calmed down, which turned out to be heavily breathing and staring death at the trees around them while he spat out the plan, “So, we should find a town, assuming there are people in wherever the hell this is.”

 

“Towns are good,” Lily nodded in agreement, “I like towns.”

 

Looking at their feet then upwards, towards a forest covered mountain peak, he noted, “There’s more likely to be a town below the mountains than towards the summit, so we might as well start walking down the foothills. And you better pray, Lily, pray hard, that this is a place where magical research is a thing or else I will be very, very, upset.”

 

“… You mean you’ll light more shit on fire?” Lily asked even as she began to travel down the hills and into the valley with Wizard Lenin at her side.

 

“No, Lily, I mean I will light you on fire.”

 

Well, that sounded unpleasant, distantly, Lily hoped that Wizard Lenin would be satisfied by whatever they found. However, she also acknowledged, that given Wizard Lenin’s perfectionist nature and general probability, it was highly unlikely that whatever they found would conform to his standards.

 

Yes, Lily’s future was looking bright, if only because Lily’s future was likely to be her tied to a stake and being burned alive.

 

* * *

 

It took them a solid week to get out of the mountains, mostly because Wizard Lenin, while fueled by rage, was not fueled by any sort of stamina and ended up being little more than dead weight.

 

Actually, no, he did end up being dead weight.

 

About halfway down Lily had to start dragging him along on her back with him backseat driving her down the mountain path and arguing with just about any direction she decided to take. Meanwhile, where were giant animals everywhere, it wasn’t just the giant purple rats, no there were giant pigeons, giant plants, giant bugs, giant yellow mice, giant turtles, and more.

 

So far, Lily hadn’t seen any sort of animal that wasn’t at least the size of her forearm, and then there were the animals that were even more giant than the giant animals.

 

More, the giant animals seemed eerily… aware, she supposed she’d call it. They kept a close eye on both her and Lenin, giving them wide berth for the most part (which was greatly appreciated), but also seemed to be actively trailing them, always on the edge of their camps, not quite approaching, but not quite out of sight either.

 

Like they were watching Lily and Wizard Lenin as much as Lily was watching them.

 

Luckily, when they finally reached the end of the foothills, there was indeed a town, a town filled with people (people with blue hair, but hey, Lily wasn’t going to judge if they were going to give them food), as well as… more giant animals.

 

Still, there were people, and buildings, and the surprising fact that people were speaking English, so Lily didn’t entirely care that there were giant red fire breathing dogs the size of small buildings roaming the streets.

 

Unfortunately, as soon as she actually started talking to any of them, she realized they made even less sense than the Dursleys did.

 

“Hey, what are you kids doing travelling the wilderness without any pokémon?”

 

Lily blinked having just stepped out of the underbrush and onto the paved street, Wizard Lenin shoving himself off her shoulders and brushing off his clothing, attempting to regain some of his manly twelve-year-old refugee pride as a blue haired woman, dressed as some sort of a cop, approached them, “What?”

 

“I saw you kids just walk down from the mountains, not even on a route, and neither of you have any pokémon or even a trainer’s license!” the blue haired woman accused with a gloved finger towards each of them, “You two could get really hurt, what were you thinking?”

 

“Uh… Well, we were obviously not thinking what we should have been thinking,” Lily said slowly, hoping this was the right answer.

 

“You’re darn right you weren’t,” the woman agreed though not as if she was mollified by Lily’s words or about to leave either her or Wizard Lenin alone, “You shouldn’t even be leaving your hometowns without a pokémon with you.”

 

“Right, right, we won’t forget our pokémon next time,” Lily said slowly as if she had every idea what a pokémon was and the importance of it to her own survival, “Now… Do you know if there’s any sort of restaurant nearby that accepts pounds and or gold? Or a shopping mall?”

 

Lily was getting kind of tired of her Hogwarts uniform not to mention she could use a cheeseburger right about now. However, despite Lily and Wizard Lenin’s rather haggard appearances (courtesy of spending the last week or so roughing it in the mountains without food or shelter) the woman was not to be distracted.

 

“Ha, don’t think you can fool me!” the woman said, apparently not fooled in the slightest, “You don’t have your trainers’ license which means neither of you have pokémon of your own! No, you know what we’re going to do?”

 

“Have breakfast?” Lily asked slowly, hopefully, but the answer to this was apparently no.

The woman set up her motorcycle along with a side car, first shoving Wizard Lenin inside and then Lily on top of him, then took off on the roadway, away from the town and all civilization with it, “No, you kids are coming with me, we’re going to Pallet Town to see Professor Oak so that you two can get your starter pokémon, trainer’s licenses, and can wander around the mountains unsupervised as much as you want.”

 

“Oh, that’s wonderful, I love wandering around the mountains unsupervised,” Lily said with a rather forced grin, trying to ignore Wizard Lenin’s elbows in her ribs and his own death glare aimed at the back of her head.

 

“Lily,” he said quietly in her ear, “If I didn’t have painful experience with how impervious you are to dying, then you would be having a joyful family reunion right about now.”

 

The motorcycle ride was somewhat awkward, if only because the side car really hadn’t been built for two people and Wizard Lenin clearly wasn’t enjoying being crushed. Still, it was, at the very least, somewhat informative.

 

“I can’t believe you kids managed to get to Viridian City all by yourselves and without any pokémon,” the woman, Officer Jenny, mentioned at one point, “Especially from the mountains, you must have been near the Indigo League, and that’s no place for anyone but the most qualified pokémon trainers.”

 

“Well, what can I say? We’re a determined pair,” Lily said rather bashfully but Jenny didn’t seem to be listening as she drove rather recklessly on the dirt road between what Lily assumed had been Viridian City and this Pallet Town that they were headed to.

 

“My whole family’s in the force, you know, and I don’t think any of them have a story like that. You kids are really lucky, that’s what I’ll say. Maybe it’s a sign you’ll be great trainers though.”

 

“You think so?” Lily asked, not having any idea what a trainer was nor what made a good one or a bad one, or what the devil pokémon were for that matter.

 

“Sure, I do. If you two could be okay by yourselves out there, without any pokémon of your own to help you, that’s got to be a good sign,” Jenny grinned cheerfully at them, blissfully taking her strangely maroon colored eyes off the road, “I’m sure you’ll do great, and when you pass through Viridian City again be sure to say hello, with your own pokémon too this time.”

 

Soon enough, after passing through a field filled with, who would have guessed, even more giant purple rats, the woman dropped them off at an absurdly small town comprised of only a few buildings, in front of what looked like it could maybe be a government lab.

 

Or, what looked like it could be one, if it wasn’t surrounded by cheerleaders, a red sports car, and a crowd of cheering spectators who looked like they had missed the latest quidditch and or rugby match.

 

“Uh oh,” Officer Jenny announced as she slid off her bike, “It looks like today might have been the day. Hopefully he’ll still have some pokémon left for you two.”

 

Lily and Lenin meanwhile both clambered out of the side car staring at the building and the over enthusiastic crowd, then Officer Jenny, rather dumbly as they listened to the chanting of “Gary, Gary, he’s our man, if he can’t do it, no one can!”

 

A glance at Wizard Lenin told Lily that he was just as, if not more, dumbfounded than she was and that there was no rational reason in his mind that could supply cheerleaders for the occasion.

 

Next to them a dark-haired boy their age or a few years younger in, what looked like his pajamas, sprinted down the street towards the building, squeezing through the crowd in desperation, “Excuse me, sorry!”

 

He gave out a small cry, knocked backwards, and as Lily pulled Lenin through the crowds both blinked as they saw another little boy, roughly the same age as them, in a purple shirt who sneered (and it was quite the sneer, Mini Pimp would have been proud), “Hey, watch where you’re going!” 

 

Then there was a spark in his eyes as the boy clearly recognized the panicked boy now sprawled on the ground, “Well, you must be Ash. Better late than never, I guess. At least you get the chance to meet me.”

 

Purple Pimp’s eyes then landed on Lily and Wizard Lenin, “Oh, and what have we here, I haven’t even heard of you two losers.”

 

“We were in the mountains fighting giant bears,” Lily said before Wizard Lenin could open his mouth, “Naturally, if we’d heard of your magnificence, we would have hastened to get here that much sooner…”

 

Wizard Lenin was giving her that look, that look that said he was clearly not amused, and very dubious of her response but Purple Pimp didn’t even seem to really care as he sneered at the state of their attire. Which, really, Lily didn’t blame him, she and Wizard Lenin were not dressed their best at the moment, they also hadn’t eaten any real food in days.

 

“Gary?” the dark-haired boy, Ash, asked in vague recognition of someone he had always heard about but never met, as he got to his feet.

 

“That’s Mr. Gary to you, show some respect!” His eyes then narrowed as his sneer somehow became even more sneerish if that were possible, “Well, Ash, you snooze you lose, and you’re way behind, right from the start. More, I have a Pokémon and you don’t.”

 

Mr. Gary spun a red and white ball on his finger, which appeared to be an impressive argument given the devastation on Ash’s face, “You got your first pokémon?”

 

“That’s right loser, and it’s right inside this pokéball!” Gary said and then motioned to the largely ignored Lily and Wizard Lenin, “Of course, you can always hang out with these two losers, and maybe then you’ll look like a real trainer at least by comparison.”

 

“Oh, Mr. Gary,” Wizard Lenin said with a rather forced grin and then an even more forced laugh, the kind that would have any sane person fleeing for the hills, well, any sane person at all familiar with Wizard Lenin’s moods, “You’re hilarious, us two losers, you just slay me with your dry wit.”

 

Lily hoped that Wizard Lenin was desperately trying to remember that homicide, especially murdering children, was considered bad. Especially given that Officer Jenny was still standing outside the mob, looking in on them with a rather worried expression on her face as she took in this scene.

 

Gary however didn’t even seem to notice the danger he was now in as he waved to his cheering crowd, the cheerleaders starting up a new chorus of, “Let’s go Gary, let’s go!”

 

“Thank you, fans, thank you all for this great honor!” Gary benevolently declared to his cheering mob like Caesar standing before the coliseum when the gladiator games were about to begin, “I promise you I will become a pokémon master and make Pallet Town known all around the world!”

 

Unfortunately for Caesar Gary, that was when his red Ferrari spontaneously burst into flames. Cue screaming, Officer Jenny opening her red ball and summoning a giant horned goldfish which then spit on the flames as it flopped about in the dirt, and the mob panicking and running in all directions while Lily, Wizard Lenin, and Ash all stood there watching.

 

“Oh, look at that, how unfortunate, it appears your car has exploded,” Wizard Lenin said with a slightly more relaxed smile though still as cheerful as ever, the red-light of the fire dancing in his pale hair and pale blue eyes, “It’s just too bad us losers here can’t be of any assistance. However, you being so impressive, I’m sure you don’t need our or good Officer Jenny’s help, do you, Mr. Gary?”

 

Mr. Gary, in a panic, didn’t even seem to hear Lenin and instead was floundering about while his car fell into further and further disrepair as even Officer Jenny’s mighty goldfish failed to quench the very likely unquenchable flames.

 

“Uh, you didn’t set his car on fire, did you?” the boy, Ash, suddenly asked Wizard Lenin, which showed a lot of intuition as normally, despite Wizard Lenin’s total lack of ability to be a twelve-year-old, his beautiful face deflected all attention.

 

That and he used Lily as a scapegoat.

 

“Of course not, how could I possibly set it on fire when it’s all the way over there and I’m all the way over here?” Lenin’s cheerful smile should have been anything but convincing and although the other boy paled he nodded slowly, as if this was explanation enough.

“Huh, I wonder if it was some kind of pokémon… Oh, I wanted to ask him what type of pokémon he got!” Ash then proceeded to panic further, “Oh, wait no, I need to find out what type of pokémon I got!”

 

Ash turned but before he could sprint up towards the lab he ran into an old man in a white lab coat, “Oh, is that Gary’s car? What’s it doing on fire?!”

 

“Oh, Professor Oak, sorry I’m late my alarm clock didn’t go off and…”

 

“And you decided to finally show up,” Professor Oak noted before his eyes slipped to Lily and Wizard Lenin, “And I don’t even know you two.”

 

“Officer Jenny sent us from Viridian City, it’s um, apparently dangerous to travel the mountains by yourself without pokémon or a license,” Lily said with what she hoped was a convincing grin.

 

It apparently was convincing enough as the man wasn’t accusing them of being extradimensional aliens who were only pretending to know what the hell a pokémon was, but he did shoot the pair of them an odd look, even as he looked over towards Gary, his car, and the valiant Officer Jenny who was now doubling her efforts to reduce the levels of the flames, “She sent you today? If she’d sent you a few weeks ago I might have been able to get something for you, but this is just terrible timing. Still at least you two aren’t late technically speaking, even if I do have no idea who you are.”

 

This appeared to be the last thing Ash was willing to hear as he cut in, pleading, “I’m ready I promise!”

 

“You look like you’re ready for bed, not for pokémon training,” Professor Oak shot back rather quickly, “Still, I suppose you three better come with me and we’ll see what we can do.”

 

This turned out to be very little.

 

Apparently the red and white ball things were pokéballs, used to store [okémon when not used for something called pokémon battles, pokémon themselves turning out to be the giant animals that Lily and Wizard Lenin were seeing, well, everywhere. Pokémon, apparently, were a very large deal.

 

Unfortunately, each one of the pokéballs, with names inscribed in foreign almost Japanese looking characters on the top, were empty, having been claimed by those dirty bastards who hadn’t overslept their alarms or else been fighting giant bears in the mountains.

 

“Does that mean all the pokémon are gone?” Ash cried out as he opened the third and last empty pokéball.

 

“Well, there is one left, but… uh…” the professor trailed off in a way that should have been a warning sign, but it was one that Ash didn’t take.

 

Which he should have, as the yellow mouse of death, upon being released from his spherical prison, proceeded to electrocute the entire laboratory. Finally, the four of them sat down for a discussion, Professor Oak starting as he smoothed out his hair from the recent high voltage, “Well, it appears we are at something of an impasse.”

 

“There are three of you and only one Pikachu,” the professor explained as he motioned to his audience, “Normally, I’d give the Pikachu to you, Ash, as you’d be the only one here and you are registered. However, you were late, and this Pikachu is something of… a handful.”

 

Was it just Lily or did the yellow electric death mouse look pleased by this?

 

“Oh, I promise I’ll take care of him, I promise!” Ash pleaded even as the Pikachu in question shot him a rather dry, if yellow giant mice had the capability of looking dry, look. Wizard Lenin shot him the same one, likely reflecting on Ash’s sanity given that he’d probably come close to death after that last brush with the yellow monster.

 

“I also get the feeling that you two will start your own journey whether I give you a pokémon or not, and wouldn’t be willing to wait a year or even a few months for me to find some for you,” Professor Oak said, pointing to both Lily and Wizard Lenin.

 

“Places to be, people to see,” Lily quipped back with her arms crossed, trying not to notice how large her hair had gotten after the voltage, it was almost at a Hermione Granger level of poofiness.

 

“What, but that’s not fair!” Ash cried, “I’m only a little late and I’ve got to start on my pokémon training now or I’ll never become a master!” 

 

Not becoming a master, apparently, was roughly equivalent to death itself.

 

“Hold on, I haven’t decided yet…” the professor paused, appeared to think this over, and then came to a rather subpar solution judging by the hesitance on his face, “Well, since you’re all going the same direction, how’s this? I’ll get you two registered, give you all pokéballs, and you can have temporary joint custody of the Pikachu.”

 

“Joint custody?!” Ash cried out, “You mean I’m not even getting my own pokémon?!”

 

“Well, if you weren’t late you wouldn’t be having this problem,” Professor Oak said which appeared to be enough to put Ash back into his place, “Besides, it’s really only a temporary measure, until Pikachu decides who he’d like to go with. Until then, catch what pokémon you can, build your team, and travel together.”

 

The Pikachu gave a small nod and an adorable squeaking, “Pika”, as if to say that yes, this courting process for his own magnificent electrical powers was perfectly fine by him. How was it, that a giant electric mouse, could look so very smug?

 

“Are you serious?” Wizard Lenin asked with a complete look of distaste aimed towards their future travelling companion as well as the yellow mouse.

 

“Perfectly, you two can’t be travelling on your own without a Pokémon, it’s dangerous out there on the road.”

 

And that seemed to be that, soon enough they were leaving the building, the remains of Gary’s burnt out car still in the street, Officer Jenny trying and failing to console the boy, and Gary’s fans replaced by a smaller mob of Ash’s adoring fans.

 

And while Ash was being given many, many, pairs of underwear by his mother, Lily and Lenin stood to the side, watching as the mouse electrocuted his mother, likely sending her and all of Ash’s friends to the hospital.

 

“I can’t believe that we’re stuck with this ten-year-old,” Wizard Lenin remarked, as if yes, he really couldn’t believe that somehow, they’d been stuck with this ten-year-old, or the yellow death mouse.

 

“You know, Lenin, I’m only twelve,” Lily helpfully pointed out.

 

“You’re different, you’re not even human, twelve for you barely counts,” Wizard Lenin cut in, which was fair, Lily had never quite managed to connect to any of her fellow peers back in Hogwarts.

 

Plus, she and Wizard Lenin had been stuck together forever, one without the other at this point would just be bizarre. Like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without the jelly, just… bread with a lot of peanut butter.

 

“Well, do we have any other option? Apparently, pokémon are the thing to have in this world, and no shirt, no shoes, no pokémon, no service,” Lily noted before brightly adding, “Besides, until we figure out what’s going on, we really have nothing better to do. And I kind of like the death mouse, he has spirit.”

 

Spirit, and a lot of pent up rage in the form of electricity.

 

“… I am going to loathe this,” Wizard Lenin remarked, which was probably true, still, on the bright side, it couldn’t be worse than Potions.

 

* * *

 

Lily decided, about halfway through the open field, that she liked the death mouse, they were getting on fabulously.

 

“So, Pikachu, what brings you to the fine town of Pallet?” Lily asked the yellow mouse conversationally as it walked alongside her, ahead of both Ash and Wizard Lenin, Wizard Lenin glaring morosely at the back of her head while Ash fumed in dismay.

 

For the first fifteen minutes Ash had insisted on dragging Pikachu behind him with a rope and a pair of hideously Pepto-Bismol pink rubber gloves, however this had been slow going, even by Lily dragging crippled Wizard Lenin down a mountainside standards, and so she had decided that Pikachu and her had best reach an agreement.

 

Clearly, they were all going in the same direction, and clearly, it was in both their and Pikachu’s best interests to be travelling companions. Especially considering that it had Ash rather whipped, Wizard Lenin was moody and indifferent, and Lily herself didn’t quite understand this whole Pokémon training business in the first place.

 

Pikachu was unlikely to get a better deal than that.

 

Pikachu had considered this with a thoughtful, “Chu” and when Lily had gone on to point out the likely adventures the gang would run into on their quest to destroy the one ring, or return home, or whatever the quest du jour was. Pikachu had been apparently convinced enough to tag along, or at least, to stop tormenting Ash at his own expense and had now taken to walking alongside Lily and conversing with her at his own leisure.

 

Pikachu answered with a couple of, “Pikas” and a softer, “Chu” tacked onto the end with Lily nodding here and there at the appropriate places.

“I see, I see…” Lily, unfortunately, didn’t see at all, as she suspected the pikas and chus had some meaning, but whatever it was she couldn’t quite parse it, only vaguely guess judging by his remarkably human gestures and expressions Pikachu used now and then, “Pikachu, you wouldn’t happen to know Morse Code, would you?”

 

“Pika?” Pikachu gave her a rather dry almost Lenin-esque look that clearly was questioning her very intelligence.

 

“I’m getting lost between the pikas and the chus and you’re clearly a sentient and intelligent being and I feel like an ass having a one-sided conversation here and simply assuming what you’re saying,” Lily said with a shrug.

 

“An intelligent and sentient being?” Wizard Lenin questioned from behind her.

 

“Shut up, Lenin, we are bonding!” Lily cried back over her shoulder before smiling down at Pikachu, “Morse Code, while long and tedious, would go a long way towards correcting that. And once we get that down you can teach me the parsing of chus and pikas correctly… Assuming you do understand English? Although, actually, where did you pick up English? That’s kind of alarming that you’re as good at it as you apparently are.”

 

“Chu,” Pikachu responded with a shrug, as if it was irrelevant just where and when it picked up English, which Lily supposed was fair, she couldn’t pinpoint a time and place when she had picked it up after all.

 

“Fair enough,” Lily said with her own shrug, “But anyways, back to Morse Code, are you at all familiar with it?”

 

“Chu,” the Pokémon shook its head at least, a clear negative, which meant yes and no were clearly options, which was better than Rabbit had been for almost a year. Actually, it was much better at sentience than Rabbit, it could shrug, have general expressions, and do all sorts of things besides yes or no.

 

It also wasn’t a reality devouring abomination, or at least, Lily assumed it wasn’t.

 

“How come Pikachu likes her so much?” Ash asked Wizard Lenin from behind her, “What’s she doing that I’m not?”

 

“It’s terrifying, she’s terrifying, it’s a match made in heaven,” Wizard Lenin responded drily as he flipped through the Pokémon manual that Professor Oak had benevolently given to them at the lab, “I’d try not take it personally if I were you.”

 

At being called terrifying, Pikachu preened, apparently Wizard Lenin had just risen in his good books. There was something vaguely alarming about taking pride in one’s ability to terrify little boys, although terrifying Wizard Lenin would be an act worthy of pride, so Lily had to give Pikachu that one.

 

“You take that back, he’s not terrifying at all!”

 

And Ash plummeted right back down to the bottom of Pikachu’s good books as a look of dull annoyance crossed the mouse’s features.

 

However, Ash, lacking any sense, just kept on going, sprinting up towards Lily and Pikachu, interjecting himself between them and grinning down at the electric mouse, “Pikachu, don’t listen to anything these guys say, I know you’re a nice Pokémon somewhere in there and we’re going to be the greatest team ever!”

 

Maybe it should have alarmed Lily that she’d bonded with a giant mouse well enough to know when to step backwards and get out of dodge, but as Ash was electrocuted for what had to be the fifth time that day, Lily found that she couldn’t regret it.

 

Ash, despite having notably burnt skin, was somehow back on his feet in an instant with all the determination his ten-year-old heart could muster, “Just you wait, Pikachu, I’ll show you what a great trainer I can be!”

 

However, unfortunately for Ash, both Pikachu and Lily were already moving on, walking on ahead of him as if nothing had happened.

 

“Right, anyways, not sure if you heard this but Lenin and I aren’t really from Pallet Town like Ash, we actually came from Viridian City… Well, sort of, we came down from the mountains first, but either way you can’t exactly call us locals either,” Lily started, and to her mild surprise Pikachu actually seemed vaguely interested in this life story of hers, large brown eyes staring adorably up at her. Of course, Pikachu always looked adorable, even when it was raining electric death down upon poor fools.

 

It was a little like Wizard Lenin in that respect, who despite his terrifying inner nature, had a rather pleasant face to look at. Actually, if she thought about it, if Wizard Lenin was a giant yellow electric death mouse, then he could have been Pikachu’s prideful twin brother and feudal lord of all the electric giant mice… Did yellow electric giant mice even have feudal lords? Maybe that was something worth asking about.

 

“Lily, don’t tell all our secrets to the rat,” Wizard Lenin called out, Pikachu glaring over his shoulder at being referred to with such blatant disrespect, to which Wizard Lenin merely raised his pale eyebrows.

 

“I am not telling our secrets to the…”

 

“Wait, so you guys didn’t want to become pokémon trainers?” Ash interjected, looking between the two of them in some confusion.

 

“Well, pokémon trainers aren’t really a… thing where we’re from. To be honest, I’m a little confused on the whole business,” Lily confessed before sheepishly adding, “Lenin and I honestly were just trying to get from point A to point B, which apparently cannot be done without pokémon.”

 

“Not a thing?” Ash asked, “But I’ve wanted to be a pokémon trainer my whole life!”

 

“Really, you don’t say?” Wizard Lenin asked in that way of his that meant he wasn’t interested at all, but Ash didn’t seem to notice.

“Sure, someday, I’m going to catch all the pokémon in the world and beat the Indigo League!” Ash declared, and it really was a declaration, as if a spotlight should be shining down upon him from the heavens as he prophesized his own greatness.

 

“Beat the Indigo League?” Lily asked, thinking back to what Officer Jenny had said on the way over, “You mean that place up in the mountains?”

 

Ash nodded, “Yeah, they’re the greatest trainers in all of Kanto, and if you beat them, then you’re a champion and one of the best pokémon trainers ever!”

 

(Distantly, Lily wondered, just how successful a drinking game in this universe would be if every time someone used the word pokémon you had to take a sip. She suspected you’d die of alcohol poisoning.)

 

Out loud, Lily wondered, “Wait, that’s the goal of your life? Catch all the pokémon and beat the Indigo League? That’s all you have to do?”

 

Ash seemed a bit confused by this, flushing slightly, “Well, yeah, I guess that’s it…”

 

But Lily, Lily was dazed, it seemed as if a door inside her mind had been flung open revealing a whole universe of possibilities. Life, as she’d come to understand it, was a wishy-washy mess of meaninglessness. Even as Eleanor Lily Potter, who had the most set road for her in life, there was no clear outcome, no clear goal. But here, in this world, not only were there direct rules like travelling with pokémon, not only was there the guidance of somehow getting Lily and Wizard Lenin their own pokémon, but now the end all be all of life, the very purpose of living, was something clear and definable.

 

She felt…

 

She remembered sitting in Potions, that first day, and everyone laughing while Lily sat there without any clue what to do. And she had asked, in all earnestness, what the arbitrary rules were, and no one had answered, had even been offended by her asking but here…

 

Here, they more than answered. In this world, it was assumed the rules were unknown, and they were oh so helpfully provided to all who asked. Even strange alien girls and boys who didn’t belong to this dimension at all.

 

Oh, you don’t know what you’re doing here? Here, have a pokémon, now visit these cities in this order, catch more pokémon, and become a pokémon master. There was… such a beauty to its simplicity.

 

“Pika?”

 

Lily looked down to see Pikachu staring at her rather worriedly.

 

“I have just discovered the meaning of life,” Lily said softly, staring ahead at the path to Veridian City, her path to an easy understandable destiny, “And it’s so simple, so absurdly simple that it’s not absurd at all, the very antithesis of absurd…”

 

Wizard Lenin started in from behind her, an edge in his voice, “Lily? Lily, don’t get any ideas…”

 

Lily could barely hear him as she continued to walk forward, an awed look on her face as she took in the sky, the approaching clouds, the tall grass, the giant purple rats…

 

What exactly was it waiting for her in Hogwarts again? Giant snakes? More, what exactly was waiting for Wizard Lenin? Oh, he thought there was a war waiting for him, and maybe there was, but when he became God Emperor of Britain, well then what? For him it was all about getting power, getting the respect, getting the land and the wealth and the fear. She had a feeling he’d have no idea what to do with it once he really got it, more, she felt it would drive him into ennui.

 

No, glancing back over his shoulder, at his fierce pale blue eyes and his scowl, she knew it would.

 

There were no politics here, or at least, none that she could see. No, the path to success, to mastery of the universe was simple, simple enough that a ten-year-old boy like any other could clearly envision it.

 

And it was a path whose simplicity Lily found she envied greatly, no, coveted, with a passion she did know she had possessed.

 

While she was standing there staring forward into the future as well as the path to Viridian City a giant pigeon landed next to them, Ash exclaiming, “It’s a Pidgy!”

 

Lily blinked, turned, and watched as it pecked at the ground like any normal, non-oversized pigeon might do.

 

He pulled out his red calculator which then in an electronic voice began to explain what exactly a Pidgy was… Which was essentially a giant pigeon like Lily had thought.

 

“This is great, it’s our lucky day, Pikachu go get it!” Ash declared, not realizing, that of course, Pikachu had absolutely no respect for him and wasn’t going to do anything on his behalf, much less beat up a giant pigeon.

 

Ash faltered, flushed, “Right, I guess you’re not listening to me. Leave it to me then!”

 

“Leave what to you, the pigeon?” Lenin asked but Ash wasn’t listening, and what followed was a rather pathetic attempt at throwing a pokéball at the pigeon, trapping the giant pigeon in his shirt and failing miserably, getting his food stolen by giant purple rats, and then throwing a rock at a giant sparrow.

 

Which then proceeded to call all its giant sparrow friends.

 

“Well hell,” Lenin exclaimed as he saw all of them in the distance flying swiftly towards them, Lily wasting no time, decided to book it while the going was still good. Soon enough the rest of them had the same idea.

 

“You just had to throw the rock at the sparrow, didn’t you?!” Lily cried out as they sprinted, picking up Pikachu in her arms as she passed him, an action which Pikachu seemed rather grateful for as Lenin in the back began to be attacked by giant birds and then the birds began to dive in and peck Lily herself to get to the yellow mouse.

 

“Spearow!” Ash corrected as he shielded his face with his arms even as he ran, “And it’s not my fault!”

 

“How is this not your fault?!” Lenin cried out as he attempted to sprint faster and avoid the birds, “Explain to me, exactly, how this isn’t your fault!”

“I don’t know!” Ash cried out, “It’s just… It’s not my fault, okay?!”

 

“It is completely your fault!” Lenin went on before asking, “How long exactly can we expect these things to follow us?”

 

“I don’t know!” Ash cried out, but they didn’t look like they were giving up anytime soon, not without proper motivation anyways.

 

“Right,” Lily said skidding to a halt and rubbing her hands furiously together, even as she stuck Pikachu under her sweater, then swiftly, she turned and sent bolts of lightning out from her fingertips into the clear blue sky, striking through each of the giant sparrows and causing them to collapse to the earth.

 

She stood there breathing heavily for a moment, hands still out reached, then, when there was only twitching, she breathed out and removed Pikachu from her sweater, who was looking at her with very wide eyes.

 

“Wow, good job Pikachu!” Ash cried out even as he and Wizard Lenin, both panting, stumbled up to them.

 

“Lily, I was not made for that kind of sprinting, not in this body… I blame you for this,” Wizard Lenin announced but Lily wasn’t in the mood to listen to his whining, instead continued to have her staring moment with Pikachu, who had very likely realized that Lily wasn’t all that she seemed.

 

Pikachu, however, slowly gave her a nod, as if he perfectly understood what had passed between them and what would happen between them now, and instead moved his gaze to the twitching sparrows.

 

“You know, Ash, your calculator said earlier it’s easier to catch weakened pokémon,” Lily said, which jolted Ash’s memory and caused him to take a pokéball from his belt and catch one of the nearest twitching birds, deflecting his attention from her.

 

Ash grinned and began to dance, truly enthused as he declared, “Alright, I got it, my first pokémon! Thanks to you Pikachu!”

 

Pikachu offered a short, rather flat, as it blinked at Ash, “Pika.”

 

Lily looked up at the sky, clouds closer now and the distant sound of thunder, “It looks like rain, we’d better get a move on.”

 

“Oh, right,” Ash said, stopping his celebratory dancing as he looked at the sky, he then reached out and ruffled Pikachu’s fur, ignoring the distant look on the mouse’s face as he began walking forward.

 

And so, in the pouring rain, Ash, Lily, and Wizard Lenin entered Viridian City, only Ash with a single knocked out giant sparrow to his name and a joint giant mouse shared between them.

 

* * *

 

This is just the beginning of the amazing adventures of Ash, Pikachu, Lily, and Lenin. Their journey is destined to be packed with non-stop action, millions of laughs, millions of tears, heart pounding perils, spontaneous combustion, endless excitement, and a handful of communists. Together, they’ll encounter fantastic friends, evil enemies, people they’re entirely indifferent to, and meet creatures beyond their wildest imagination. And, as their story unfolds, we’ll unlock the magic and mystery of a most wondrous place, the incredible world of Pokémon.


	2. The Legend of Brick

_In which Lily and Lenin discuss the possible sentience of giant yellow mice, Lily debatably catches her first ridiculously over powered and rare Pokémon, and the trio meets what Lily suspects are the most comically relieving villains she’s ever seen, including Squirrel._

* * *

Last time, Lily and Lenin, our heroes from Scotland, spontaneously arrived in the mountains near Viridian City without any explanation or means to get home. There they struggled for days and eventually arrived in Pallet Town, where they met our local hero Ash. Together, they gained joint custody of a pokémon, Pikachu, who was not too thrilled with its new trainers.

 

Soon, they found themselves fighting off a flock of fearsome Spearows, who were anticlimactically fended off by none other than Lily herself, leaving the company to congratulate Pikachu for his heroic and timely rescue. Now, the group heads to Viridian City and all that awaits them there.

 

* * *

 

“My god, is it already sunset?” Wizard Lenin asked as they arrived on the edge of Viridian City, and yes, looking up at the sky, now having cleared after the rather heavy shower that had passed through, it was the nice shade of golden pink that signified nighttime was quickly coming.

 

Pikachu had decided it was close enough and, after having sheltered in Lily’s sweater during the deluge of rain, was now taking a blissful nap in her arms, not seeming to care that he was vaguely heavy, and Lily’s arms were starting to hurt.

 

Why did she have the feeling he was taking advantage of their newfound companionship?

 

“We never did get breakfast,” Lily noted rather glumly, they also hadn’t gotten lunch, and now it looked like they wouldn’t be getting dinner either. She didn’t know where the time had flown.

 

Well, first there had been arriving in Viridian City in early morning, then being whisked over to Pallet Town, then the whole Pikachu debacle, then walking back to Viridian City, and then the giant birds…

 

When put like that it really did seem like Lily and Wizard Lenin had made no progress whatsoever. Well, they’d gained a ten-year-old and a yellow mouse, so that had to count for something.

 

However, judging by the look on Wizard Lenin’s face he was anything but satisfied by their current state of affairs.

 

“The first thing we are doing, before anything else, is we are going and getting something, something that isn’t fish, or berries that may or may not be poisonous, or mushrooms that are undoubtedly poisonous, to eat,” Wizard Lenin ground out, though this was more of a demand than an actual statement. Lily was hardly complaining, she was still dying for that cheeseburger that she hadn’t gotten in Viridian City the first time around.

 

“Uh, I guess you guys are pretty hungry, huh?” Ash asked rather bashfully as he looked at them, perhaps realizing for the first time that Lily and Lenin really had just wandered down from the mountains surviving on whatever they could.

 

Which had mainly consisted of Lily acting as poison control by eating all the food first, growing violently ill and very close to death a couple times, and going through this trial and error process until they found the one set of berries that weren’t poisonous.

 

Wizard Lenin, for his own part, merely glared Ash into submission for even daring to ask such a stupid question, or for Ash just existing at all. Wizard Lenin’s tolerance had whittled down to zero after the whole being pecked by giant flying birds incident.

 

“We should also get clothes, I look like the victorious catholic school girl champion of mud wrestling,” Lily said as she glanced down at her clothing, or what was left of it after mountains, giant birds, and thousands of volts of electricity.

 

Oh, Hogwarts uniform, you lived a good, if short, life.

 

No one denied this, though judging by Wizard Lenin’s expression he really wished he could.

 

However, before they could settle on what type of food to eat or anything else for that matter, they were interrupted by a loudspeaker and Officer Jenny’s voice, “Attention citizens of Viridian City, attention citizens of Viridian City, we have reports of possible pokémon thieves in our area! Be on the lookout for suspicious looking strangers! Repeat, be on the lookout for suspicious looking…”

 

“What the hell?” Wizard Lenin started but before he could even ask why pokémon thieves warranted announcements over city-wide loudspeakers he was interrupted.

 

Officer Jenny’s head popped out of a small booth only a few feet away from them, she grinned at them as she stepped out fully, “Hey kids, long time no see!”

 

On seeing Pikachu, now blinking into wakefulness in Lily’s arms, her mulberry eyes practically lit up, “Is that your pokémon? What’s he doing outside of his pokéball?”

 

“Pika?” Pikachu queried rather blearily as he tried to sit upright in Lily’s arms and regain awareness of his surroundings.

 

“Pikachu finds pokéballs to be confining,” Lily informed the policewoman, to which Officer Jenny nodded shortly, but with that look of someone who was trying to understand the reasoning behind this, but failing rather miserably.

 

Finally, Jenny settled on a puzzled, “Huh, well that’s interesting, what other pokémon did you get?”

 

“Just the Pikachu,” Wizard Lenin said rather drily and at Officer Jenny’s confused look he added, “There was a shortage, the three of us now have… joint custody.”

 

“Oh, I was worried about that,” Officer Jenny then offered them a consolatory smile, “Still, I suppose better a pokémon between the three of you than none at all, right? Now you can wander all over Kanto without having to worry.”

 

Well, wasn’t that a weight off Lily’s mind? Still, it was again delightfully refreshing, that after satisfying a very clear requirement Lily really could do what she wanted. In Hogwarts this would be just the sort of thing where Dumbledore or Snape or whoever would change their minds and the whole set of rules would change on her.

 

At least Jenny was consistent.

 

“I caught a Spearow earlier with Pikachu’s help!” Ash announced, showing his pokéball to the officer with a grin, oblivious to Pikachu’s somewhat wilted expression at the sight of it or Pikachu’s surreptitious glance over towards Lily, “We’re going to be the greatest team ever.”

 

“Oh, are you headed to the pokémon center then?”

 

“The pokémon center?” Ash asked, “But Pikachu isn’t hurt, he did great!”

 

Officer Jenny offered Ash a rather reprimanding look as she chided him, “Yes, but your Spearow probably is, and I’m sure Pikachu could use a rest after battling so much even if he isn’t seriously hurt. It’s always a good idea to check in with the local pokémon center after being on the road.”

 

“Chu,” Pikachu said, as if to remind them that he too was rather tired, and had just woken up from his nap.

 

“Can it wait?” Wizard Lenin asked, and there was a certain desperation to that question, which just went to show that he already knew the answer as well as Lily did, but just didn’t want to have to hear it out loud.

 

No shirt, no shoes, no pokémon, no service.

 

“What kind of a pokémon trainer are you?” Officer Jenny asked him, whacking him across the back of his head, “A good pokémon trainer always takes care of his pokémon when they’re injured.”

 

For a moment it looked Wizard Lenin dearly wanted to argue with that, argue with it using all of the fiery passion of that his orphaned refugee Albanian status would allow him, but then his motivation died and he acquiesced bitterly, “Fine… Where is it and how long will it take?”

 

Officer Jenny considered this question, and looked down the road, then with a grin, brought out her motorcycle and sidecar once again, “Here, get in, I’ll get you there in no time at all!”

 

Cue Lenin being shoved in, Ash in next, and then Lily and Pikachu on top of them in one giant dogpile that in no way fit into the sidecar but somehow managed against the odds. And, just like that, Lily and Wizard Lenin weren’t eating cheeseburgers, but were instead racing through Viridian City, watching as the sunset and the streetlights flickered on, towards what looked like a giant hospital, except, well, for pokémon.

 

Then, with a great cry and a burst of speed, Jenny vaulted the motorcycle over the steps and slid through the automatic glass doors to come to a full stop right before the information desk.

 

“We have a driveway, you know,” a red headed nurse said at the information desk with a look of annoyance at Officer Jenny, which Jenny rather dutifully ignored as she looked towards the rest of them with a smile, “Alright, now go get your pokémon healed up, and be on the lookout for any suspicious characters who might come and try to steal them!”

 

And with that, Officer Jenny was off, speeding back out the automatic glass doors and into the night leaving the rather incensed nurse behind, “Honestly, all that and it better be some kind of pokémon emergency.”

 

The woman sighed then looked at them, “Well, I suppose since you’re here, we might as well get your pokémon feeling better.”

 

Pikachu hopped onto a small tray and Ash placed the captured Spearow pokéball alongside him, the woman smiled, then said, “This should be just a minute, you can wait here.”

 

The woman disappeared into the back office leaving the three of them to stare blankly at the desk and listen to the ticking of the clock in the background as one minute turned into two, then three, then four, then five…

 

“If I don’t have a decent meal, at some point today, I can’t be held responsible for my actions,” Wizard Lenin finally announced to the empty room, or, perhaps, to Lily and Ash, but honestly Lily was sort of past the point of caring herself and she doubted Ash understood what an ominous statement this was.

 

“Uh, we’ll go get something to eat next,” Ash said before flushing as he looked at their clothes, “And I guess get you guys some new clothes.”

 

“That would be nice,” Lily remarked in a wistful sort of tone, thinking it was very likely that some other event would do its darndest to get between Wizard Lenin and a hot meal, that seemed to be their fate today.

 

As if on cue the nurse reappeared with Pikachu on the tray but no other pokéball, this time with a rather more upset look on her face than when she’d left, “It’s a good thing you came when you did.”

 

“Huh?” Ash asked eloquently.

 

Pikachu hopped off the tray and onto Lily’s shoulder, balancing himself there with one tiny hand against her ear as his own ears twitched as he looked at his surroundings, a good deal more alert than earlier.

 

“Your Pikachu is fine, but your Spearow is in an awful state!”

 

“Spearow?!” Ash cried out in alarm, likely only just remembering that Pikachu, or well Lily but Ash thought it was Pikachu, had probably come close to frying its brains out earlier. In fact, now that the nurse mentioned it, Lily was surprised it was still, well, alive.

 

Lily hadn’t exactly taken it easy on their flock of tormentors.

 

“If you want to become a pokémon trainer, young man, then you don’t let your pokémon battle until it’s in this condition!”

 

“But… I… You don’t know what happened!” Ash cried out in alarm, though the worried look on his face spoke miles for his compassion for the giant sparrow that had earlier attempted to eat his face, “It wasn’t like that!”

 

“What’s past is past, but you all will be sitting here a while we heal your Spearow,” the nurse declared with hands on her hips.

 

“What?” Wizard Lenin asked, shortly, and rather coldly, but the nurse was not to be distracted even by the scariest looking twelve-year-old.

 

“You all will just have to wait in the waiting room, and remember to be more careful next time!”

 

And with that, their red headed nurse was gone, entering one of the doors that just screamed pokémon ICU, a group of giant pink spherical marsupials with eggs in their pouches instead of young awaiting her with delighted cries of, “Chancy.”

 

Wizard Lenin stared at the door as if he was staring into the gates of hell itself.

 

“Uh, Lenin?” Lily asked, Wizard Lenin didn’t move, didn’t even seem to breathe.

 

“Lenin?” Lily asked again, but again, nothing, just a palpable miasma of rage building around him, the furniture and windows rattling ever so slightly under the pressure of his anger.

 

Lily glanced at Ash, then Pikachu on her shoulder, and decided it was best to find a compromise before Wizard Lenin really did blow up the hospital, “We’ll order pizza.”

  

* * *

“Hey, it can’t be a bad dimension if it has pizza,” Lily remarked as she bit into the tip of another delicious cheesy triangle. The group, temporarily, had disbanded as Ash used one of the video phones to make a call to his mother, Pikachu took a cat… mouse-nap on one of the empty chairs, and Lily sat next to a brooding Wizard Lenin who had devoured more slices of pizza than he probably ever had before in his life.

 

Pizza just seemed like one of those things that Wizard Lenin had avoided on principle.

 

Distantly Lily, listening in on Ash’s conversation with his mother, heard something about underwear and laundry as well as confidence. She decided not to try to put those things together into a full cohesive sentence, she really didn’t want to know.

 

Judging by the distraught slump of Ash’s shoulders, it wasn’t exactly what he’d wanted to hear either.

 

Wizard Lenin sighed even as he eyed the remaining pizza slices with distaste, “Well, it is food, I’ll give you that.”  


“However,” Wizard Lenin cut in before Lily’s bright and encouraging smile could grow too bright and encouraging, “So far, we’ve been settled with this idiot, the yellow death mouse, trapped inside of a hospital waiting for an oversized sparrow to recover, and I have absolutely no idea what we’re going to do next.”

 

“Well,” Lily started between bites of cheesy bread, “I assumed we were going to become pokémon masters.”

 

“Really, you assumed, why would you assume that?” judging by his expression Wizard Lenin had assumed they were going to do anything and everything that wasn’t that.

 

“It seems like the thing to do here,” Lily said with a shrug, “You get pokémon and you become this pokémon master person.”

 

“And we should do it, simply because everyone else is doing it?” Wizard Lenin asked, his eyebrows raising dubiously, looking like he dearly wanted to question her intelligence and was doing so internally.

 

Lily suspected, had he been inside her head, he’d be saying something about lemmings and cliffs but Lily didn’t need to put up with that time old argument.

 

“Sure, you don’t have any better ideas,” Lily pointed out, which did cause Wizard Lenin to sink into mulish silence as he couldn’t counteract her point, he crossed his arms and sighed, before relenting and taking one of the last few slices of pizza.

 

Thinking back on the rest of what he’d said, Lily couldn’t help but point out, “Also, the yellow death mouse has a name.”

 

“We’ve been calling the yellow death mouse Pikachu, which I understand is its species,” Lenin hissed, even with his mouth full of pizza, which was actually damn impressive, glancing over at the sleeping Pikachu as he did so, “So no, Lily, it doesn’t have a name.”

 

“He could have a name,” Lily said with a shrug, “I haven’t gotten around to asking him yet, since I probably wouldn’t understand the answer right now.”

 

It was probably some variation of pika, chu, pi, or the full-blown Pikachu. However, Lily didn’t entirely trust herself to hear or pronounce it correctly, so it seemed best to wait on that one.

 

They really had to get started on Morse Code, or some sort of code, or maybe Lily just had to suck it up and learn to parse Pikachu’s native tongue since he apparently understood English to an absurd degree of fluency.

 

It’d just be downright embarrassing if she couldn’t manage the same.

 

Wizard Lenin, for a moment, was silent, looking at her with a rather dull expression, before finally, slowly, he asked, “Lily? You don’t still seriously think that thing is sentient, do you?”

 

Of course, she did. Pikachu wasn’t only sentient, but was alarmingly human, or well, alarmingly good at understanding the subtleties of the English language as well as the nuances of human expression and then conveying them himself to his human audience.

 

He clearly not only recognized one human from another, but could also read behind their words to their intent, and could certainly hold his end of the one-sided conversations. Not only that but he had his own range of rather human expressions of his own from nods, shakes of heads, shrugs, and far beyond any of the basics that one would expect even to transcend cultures let alone species.

 

It honestly felt, not so much like talking to a giant yellow mouse, but talking to another human being who just happened to be trapped inside the body of this adorable giant yellow electricity mouse.

 

“It’s confirmation bias, Lily,” Wizard Lenin said with a rather pitying sigh as his pale blue eyes dissected her, seeming far too old for his twelve-year-old features, “You only think he’s responding to whatever you’re saying because you believe that he is.”

 

“Hey, Pikachu and I have a bond,” Lily said in response, which apparently, to Wizard Lenin, meant absolutely nothing.

 

“Well, I hope that bond is easily broken, we’re ditching it and the brat at the first opportunity,” Wizard Lenin said drily, with a small polite smile that no doubt was intended to humor her, as he crossed his arms again, “Just as soon as we find a place with some actual research into what we need.”

 

Lily hoped not, honestly, if push came to shove, she was kind of hoping Pikachu would be down to travel to Scotland with her and Wizard Lenin, it wasn’t often that she made friends, even of the human variety let alone the giant yellow mouse kind.

 

Besides, they needed a pokémon, that had been made very clear. Whether Lenin liked it or not, they were stuck with Pikachu and Ash, simply because without a pokémon they’d find themselves right back where they started.

 

However, Lily was a magnanimous enough person to not crush Wizard Lenin’s hopes and dreams of independence under her heel, so she held her tongue.

 

“Honestly, Lily, you don’t want to stay in a world where the economy seems to be almost entirely based off legalized cock fights.”

 

And Lily was lost again, “Huh?”

 

Wizard Lenin raised the manual that Professor Oak had given him, flipped through and shoved it under her nose, where skimming it revealed something about pokémon battles even while Wizard Lenin verbally explained, “That’s what trainers do, Lily, they train their pokémon to battle on their behalf and earn money from their winnings. This entire country, Lily, centers around glorified cock fights.”

 

“Oh, well, that’s… interesting,” Lily noted, trying to read the words, which sort of repeated what Wizard Lenin had just said, though in a much more positive note about the bonds between pokémon and trainer.

 

“Interesting’s one way to put it, be glad our yellow friend isn’t sentient, otherwise this could be viewed as a rather brutal form of slavery,” Wizard Lenin said with a rather cheerful grin that said he found the prospect of Pikachu’s slavery to be distantly funny.

 

Which… Given that Lily was very certain of Pikachu’s sentience, really did set a whole new light on this situation, no wonder Pikachu seemed so… bitter, about his current situation. Certainly, Lily, if she was in his shoes, would have had little to no respect for her overly enthusiastic ten-year-old slave master Ash. She wished she could have understood what he’d said, when he’d told her how he’d gotten to Pallet Town.

 

Ash appeared to be done with his talk, he hung up the phone with a sigh and morosely wandered back over towards them and the pizza, “I feel so bad about Spearow, I didn’t even think about how injured he was, only that I finally got a chance to catch my first real pokémon.”

 

Pikachu’s ears twitched in his sleep, he looked up, then hopped over towards the three of them and the pizza, “Pika?”

 

“Don’t worry about it, it was… an interesting situation,” Lily said, to which Pikachu just gave her this look before looking away again, and wasn’t it funny how a giant yellow mouse could say a thousand words with just an expression alone?

 

Or the fact that Wizard Lenin gave her the same exact look at the same exact time, but she was so used to those looks from him that she didn’t even care anymore?

 

Ash, however, was busy looking at his shoes, so didn’t notice the brief meaningful glance everyone spared for Lily, “Yeah but… What kind of a trainer am I if I don’t even think about the health of my pokémon?”

 

“A poor one,” Wizard Lenin remarked, which was the exact wrong thing to say as tears started to appear in the corner of Ash’s eyes and his shoulders began to shudder ever so slightly.

 

“Hey, don’t listen to Lenin, he’s just jealous that he didn’t catch an oversized sparrow,” Lily said before the waterworks could start.

“Doubtful,” Wizard Lenin responded, only for Lily to kick him in the shin, she did not need that kind of attitude from him right now unless he wanted to be the one to rebuild Ash’s self-esteem. Unless this was all part of Wizard Lenin’s giant scheme to get rid of Ash, but even so, they were still stuck with him and Lily didn’t want him crying on top of everything else.

 

“You were right, I shouldn’t have thrown the rock, I was just…” Ash trailed off bitterly, gritting his teeth and then confessing, “I wanted to try so hard and impress everyone, you too Pikachu, I just feel like you aren’t giving me a real chance to prove myself!”

 

Lily, with a slow sinking dread, realized that she was about to provide emotional support to a crying ten-year-old. The last time she’d provided emotional support she’d told Hermione Granger that she wasn’t an encyclopedia, that was about as good as it got for therapist Lily.

 

Lily hesitated, tried to think of something to say, and then settled on a vague sort of truth that was mostly a lie, “Oh, no, Ash, we’re… super impressed. Why, look at Lenin and me, we don’t even have pokémon to our names. Well, I mean, aside from the whole Pikachu joint custody thing. You’re already way ahead of us.”

 

And if that was the measure of success in this universe than so be it. Even if Ash had gotten lucky, and really only caught it at Lily’s prompting and after Lily had almost killed it, and that they’d only gotten into that situation because Ash had thrown a rock at a giant bird’s head like a jackass.

 

Pikachu seemed to note the lameness of Lily’s attempt as he let out a short and flat, “Pika.”

 

“You think so?” Ash asked, a smile growing on his face as he looked away from his shoes and at the three of them.

 

“Sure, you and Sparrow…”

 

“Spearow,” Ash corrected.

 

“Will be great friends,” Lily finished, “I’m sure of it.”

 

Well, if he ever forgave Ash for possibly enslaving him and roasting him alive after throwing a rock at his head or his brother’s head.

 

“What do you think Pikachu?” Ash asked, his smile growing into a confident grin. Pikachu looked at him, blank faced for a moment too long, before, with a glance at Lily (who was currently showing through facial expressions alone that she would beat him if he didn’t say something encouraging dammit) gave a short and rather unenthusiastic nod over the prospect of Ash’s and giant sparrow’s future friendship, “Pikachu.”

 

“Alright!” Ash pounded his fist into the air and leapt to his feet, ready to take on all the world again now that he wasn’t a terrible trainer.

 

Well, no one could say that Ash didn’t have both barrels of ambition and optimism to spare, too bad he didn’t have any competence to go with it.

 

Before any of them could say anything else they were interrupted by an obnoxious ring tone, Ash walking over and hitting the enter key on a computer terminal, “Uh, this is Ash, who’s calling?”

 

“Here, I’m over here!”

 

A panel on the sculpture overhanging the entryway, just behind the computer, slid down to reveal the back of an old man’s head, “Ash, it’s Professor Oak, don’t you recognize me?”

 

Ash turned, blinking at the sight, while Lily with Pikachu jumping onto her shoulder walked over towards Ash and the monitor, “No, professor, I didn’t recognize the back of your head.”

 

The man turned, panicked slightly, then adjusted cameras so that Professor Oak’s face greeted them on the wall, “There, I just spoke with your mother and she told me that you’ve made it to the pokémon center in Viridian City, is that correct?”

 

Behind her Wizard Lenin approached with a sigh and asked in her ear, “And exactly what is this Professor Oak a professor of?”

 

“Pokémon?” Lily answered with a vague shrug, really having no idea herself, except he had been the go to guy when it came to getting your first pokémon and being an all around pokémon guru.

 

Ash meanwhile blinked at the monitor, and stated the obvious, “I couldn’t be talking to you if I wasn’t here.”

 

The professor blinked back, a bit dazed, and repeated, “You couldn’t be talking if you… Oh, I see. I dialed the pokémon center in Viridian City and you were able to answer.”

 

“Yeah,” Ash responded, “Because that’s where I am.”

 

Wizard Lenin, at a glance, looked as if he was dying internally watching this exchange go on. Still, it was miles better than Potions or even Defense Against the Dark Arts, so Lily wasn’t going to complain.

 

“Hm, I suppose that proves it,” the professor said, “And I see you are all still travelling together then, with Pikachu too.”

 

“Uh, yeah, it’s been great,” Ash hedged with a rather hesitant look on his face which the good professor seemed to ignore.

 

“The other new pokémon trainers made it there with no problem, and I’m pleasantly surprised you got there so soon,” well, that was a rather bold thing to admit, Ash looking sheepishly at the camera as the professor continued, “I admit, when you left I had my doubts that you could handle your Pikachu, but, when my grandson Gary said that you wouldn’t have a single new pokémon by the time you got to Viridian City, I bet him a million dollars that he’d be wrong!”

 

A million dollars, good lord, that boy was the equivalent of Mini Pimp. Although, well, Lily had sort of guessed that from the red sports car earlier, may it rest in charred pieces.

 

Ash gave out an entirely too nervous laugh, “Well, good thing I caught a Spearow on my way here then, huh.”

 

“And what about you two, how are you faring?” Professor Oak said, glancing over at Lily and Lenin.

 

“… There are no words to describe the exhilaration I am currently feeling,” Wizard Lenin drily remarked, but clearly, Professor Oak was only capable of taking things at face value as he nodded to himself with a rather pleased look, “Good, that’s good, I’m glad you’re doing well. And you, redheaded little girl, what was it, Joy?”

 

“No, it’s Lily,” Lily corrected before answering, “It’s good… I’ve decided to become a pokémon master.”

This, apparently, was a perfectly acceptable response as the man practically beamed at her, “Excellent, it’s good to have ambitious goals in life. Keep up the good work kids and best of luck!”

 

And just like that the man was gone leaving the rest of them to stare blankly at the now black screen. Lenin, slowly, casually, remarked, “Someday, I’m going to kill that grandson of his.”

 

“Thank god you caught that Spearow,” Lily remarked to Ash, “Otherwise we’d be indirectly funding his new sportscar.”

 

Judging by his expression, Ash hadn’t thought of that at all as he rubbed the back of his head nervously, “Right, I guess that’s a good thing then.”

 

As if summoned, the light above the operating room went out and the nurse, along with her spherical oversized pink marsupial aids (because at least most pokémon seemed to look like something familiar, but these things were totally out of the blue), wheeled out the wheezing Spearow. Ash dashed over, “Spearow, are you alright?!”

 

Spearow gave no response even as the nurse explained, “Your Spearow is resting. It’s a good thing you got him here so fast. The procedure went well, and he should be fine.”

 

Ash gave an audible sigh of relief, apparently not thinking that Spearow, upon waking, would likely not appreciate the situation he’d find himself in. Still, if Ash wasn’t going to think that far ahead then Lily wasn’t going to either.

 

And for a moment, everything seemed fine, the giant sparrow was alive and recovering, Ash’s ego was no longer in tatters, Wizard Lenin was… well still moody but at least he was no longer hungry, and everything seemed to be coming up roses.

 

“Your attention please!”

 

They all looked up at the sound of Officer Jenny’s voice blaring through the loudspeakers.

 

“Our Viridian City radar sensors have detected an aircraft belonging to a gang of pokémon thieves! If you have a pokémon in your possession, exercise extreme caution!”

 

This optimistic feeling was probably why, a few seconds later, the glass of the skylight shattered as two pokéballs slammed through roof, opening to reveal a giant floating purple ball spewing smog all throughout the front entrance, and a giant purple snake.

 

Wizard Lenin slowly, ever so slowly, turned to look at Lily. Clearly, without any reason, he was pinning the blame for all of this on her. Which, honestly, he at least could have the decency to acknowledge that most of the time things weren’t Lily’s fault. Things just happened… well, around her, a lot.

 

And half the time she got blamed for his shit.

 

Then there were voices.

 

Lily had once thought, a year or so ago, that you couldn’t get a much more hilariously relieving villain than Squirrel, the nutty stuttering professor. Surely, that stuttering monstrosity, fainting at the first sign of trolls in the hallways, had to be the absolute lowest point that any self-proclaimed evil doer could ever get.

 

Well, first off, you had to be a certain level of low to even proclaim yourself an evil doer, that was already a standard in and of itself. Sure, Wizard Lenin would probably acknowledge that he wasn’t traditionally a nice person and had little to no sense of morality, he certainly wouldn’t deny it and might take some pleasure in pointing it out, but he also wouldn’t shout over rooftops about how evil he was either.

 

Actually, Wizard Lenin’s whole shtick was more that the side of the good was rarely as holy as they liked to believe, and that in the end, the morality of it didn’t matter, it all came down to power.

 

Still, most people, as far as Lily knew, tried to think of themselves as fundamentally good people who sometimes did terrible things for the right reasons. This was what made them dangerous, the amount they believed in what they were doing.

 

However, for the second time in her life, Lily had found an exception to this rule. Living proof that there were people out there who would theatrically embrace their darker side (and she did mean theatrically), and more, would somehow beat out Squirrel for his position of most comically relieving evil doer.

 

And all without stuttering even once.

 

“Allow us to introduce ourselves,” a male voice said from inside the smoke, Lily, squinting, could only just make out a pair of eyes almost as green as hers through the smoke.

 

“To protect the world from devastation,” a red headed woman chimed in, only just becoming visible through the dissipating smog, her blue eyes cutting through the smoke towards Lily and the rest of them with cruel assurance in her own abilities.

 

“To unite all peoples within our nation,” the man, now revealed to have absurdly blue hair and was carrying a… red rose, of all things, chimed in as he gave the audience a rather sultry look that wasn’t really necessary, especially considering all of them except the nurse were far below the age of seventeen.

 

“To denounce the evils of truth and love,” the woman chimed back in, and at this point Lily realized that not only were they talking off one another, they were also uniformed (both wearing strange jumpsuits with red ‘R’ emblazoned on the front), and rhyming every other line.

 

“To extend our reach to the stars above,” the man duly finished for her, although what this had to do with the evils of truth and love (a rather Orwellian concept if Lily had to put her finger on it), was a bit beyond her.

 

The woman made a motion and declared herself, “Jessie.”

 

The man did so in kind declaring himself, “James.”

 

“Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!” Jessie declared with all the passion that Wizard Lenin made his own revolutionary declarations against the rank bourgeoisie.

 

Then with eyes burning with that same passion, sultry James added with his own concluding rhyme, “Surrender now or prepare to fight!”

 

Then, not to be out done, a giant cat jumped through the open window and finished, “Meowth, that’s right!”

 

Now that was excellent rhyming and fantastic timing and choreography, however, Lily, despite being stuck on that, found herself really stuck on the last part. Namely, the giant cat summersaulting through the roof with the gold plate on its oversized head.

 

Lily blinked, blinked again, then pointed to the cat, “Did it just speak English?!”

 

No one appeared to have an answer to this, the cat himself looking somewhat stunned by her even asking. Oh, but it had, and in doing so, had provided Lily with beautiful, beautiful, proof.

 

Lily felt her lips twist into a jagged grin, she turned her head to look at Wizard Lenin, who was indeed, staring at the cat (or actually the whole display) with his mouth slightly open, then, seeing Lily’s look, he quickly realized what Lily was no doubt about to say, and cut in with, “This proves nothing.”

 

“Sure, it doesn’t,” Lily responded, but they both knew it had, and that Wizard Lenin had best swallow his words when it came to their good, sentient, comrade Pikachu.

 

At being ignored, Jessie said, “Oh these kids just don’t appreciate good villainy these days, do they?”

 

“I don’t appreciate my… villains rhyming,” Wizard Lenin stated dully, likely wondering if, in his absence, this is what the Death Eaters had looked like. Somehow, Lily just couldn’t picture Snape having pulled off this kind of a display, no matter how dramatic or melodramatic the man was.

 

“How can we?” Ash asked, “We don’t even know why you’re here, none of what you said makes any sense!”

 

“We’re here for the pokémon,” James, still holding that damn flower near his lips, announced.

 

Which… Well, that hadn’t been in the dramatic speech. Lily ran through it again mentally, rockets, check, truth and love and lies, check, uniting mankind in an unprecedented era of world peace, check, stealing pokémon… Not check.

 

“You’re not getting Pikachu or Spearow!” Ash announced, protectively hovering over the passed out giant sparrow as he glared at the duo as well as their giant talking cat.

 

“Pikachu?” the woman scoffed, “We’re not interested in your precious electric rat or your oversized pigeon.”

 

“Sparrow,” Lily tried to correct but was dutifully ignored.

 

“We seek only rare and valuable pokémon,” the man expanded, ignoring Pikachu’s narrowed eyes and the sparks emitting from the red circles on his cheeks at this brazen insult.

 

“You’re wasting your time,” the nurse cut in, “This is a center for weak and injured pokémon.”

 

“Well, that may be so,” Jesse said with a truly sinister smirk, or, well, it would be if it weren’t trying so very hard, “But I wouldn’t be at all surprised if we find a few little pokémon gems among all the junk.”

 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Lily said, holding up her hands in protest to slow thing whole thing down before it went too far, “Hold up, are you telling me, that your goal in life is just to collect overpowered pokémon? That’s your villainous ambition?”

 

Apparently, this was one of those questions you just didn’t ask, the three looked at each other then back at her in befuddlement, finally it was the blue haired man who hesitantly answered, “Well… yes?”

 

Lily moved her hands as she tried and failed to make sense of Team Rocket’s grand pokémon theft ambitions, “But that’s it, just, get the pokémon. That’s the entire plan and goal, to help you… Reach the speed of light? I’m sorry, I just think I got a little lost in the rhyme earlier… Could you do it again?”

 

Before they could even start Wizard Lenin was cutting them off, “Clearly, Lily, the imagery of blasting off and speed of light was just aesthetics!”

 

Aesthetics, that was a very long introduction for mere aesthetics, Lily supposed it had set a mood, though she wasn’t quite sure what mood it was (she’d been distracted by the giant talking cat at the end of it), but still, you think it would have been a little more informative.

 

Although she had gotten Jessie and James from it, and talking cat, and Team Rocket, so clearly, she’d learned something from that whole spiel. Still, Lily asked, “… But then what’s the end goal?”

 

Wizard Lenin ran a hand through his hair in complete exasperation, “Money, power, women, I don’t know, and I don’t particularly care!”

 

“The pokémon, obviously, little idiot,” Jessie sneered, as if Lily just wasn’t getting that the pokémon themselves were the end all be all of this whole scheme. Which… Well, yes, Lily really wasn’t getting it, “Forget it, James, if they’re content to be little bugs then we might as well start squashing. Ekans!”

 

“Koffing!”

 

The giant snake and giant floating purple ball turned, and then Lily, Wizard Lenin, Ash, the nurse, Pikachu, and Spearow on a stretcher were booking it out of the now destroyed main hallway.

 

They ducked into one of the back offices, lined with pokéballs, and caught their breath, Lily trying to put it all together.

 

“Aright, so step one is the pokémon, got that, very clear on step one,” Lily summarized, “Step two is… we’ll leave that as a bunch of question marks for now. But clearly, combining step one, and the mysterious step two, we have… profit? Did anyone catch step two in that whole poem thing?”

 

“Lily, for god’s sake, leave it alone,” Wizard Lenin insisted as he hunched over, breathing heavily already from only the tiny little sprint.

 

Lily however was too far gone now to turn back, “I can’t leave it alone, I mean, if you’re going to debase yourself that far, with rhyming and choreographed movements and a giant talking cat, you have to have some sort of plan to back it up. Otherwise you’re… Well, lamer than Squirrel.”

 

And god forbid anyone be condemned to being lamer than Squirrel.

 

“Is this really our top priority?” Wizard Lenin asked.

 

“No, our top priority is getting these pokémon out of here to Pewter City,” the nurse interrupted, moving to a computer terminal and typing commands as a robotic arm plucked pokéballs from the wall and sent them onto a conveyor belt which then zapped them into nothingness, presumably to teleport them to their destination, “This is the Viridian City pokémon center, we have an emergency situation, transporting pokéballs!”

 

Lily, however, was still really stuck on step two of that whole scheme, she just had no idea what would go inside of it. Maybe a revolution, she supposed, gather the powerful pokémon and use them to win an arms race, still, that didn’t seem right either.

 

Before she could figure it out, or all the pokéballs could be transferred, the purple floating sphere appeared and slammed through the glass doors, announcing his presence with a delighted, “Koffing!”

 

“Oh no, we have to protect the pokémon!” Ash declared even as the dramatically evil trio appeared just outside the doorway to sneer at them.

 

“Pika!” Pikachu cried out at their presence, and it became clear that here, in this tiny little room, a fight was about to go down, and it would not be pretty.

 

Now, Lily could have left it to Pikachu, probably would have in any other circumstance (though it was dwarfed by both the giant snake and the giant floating ball) however, at that point her eye rested on the rubble in the room, specifically, she saw a lone, gray, brick.

 

And Lily, had what some might call a terrible idea, but she would claim was one of the most brilliant ideas she’d ever had.

 

Lily summoned the brick to herself, then threw it to rest before the giant noxious floating ball and the giant purple snake, “Brick, I choose you!”

 

“Did she just… throw a brick at us?” James asked, sharing a look with Jessie as she too looked down at the brick in complete distaste.

 

“Uh, Lily, I don’t think a brick is going to…” Ash started but Lily cut him off with an ambitious grin of her own.

 

“That’s not just a brick, that’s Brick, my pokémon,” Lily declared, ignoring the sound of Wizard Lenin quietly thunking his head against a wall.

 

“Oh, you must be joking,” Jessie sneered only for the giant talking cat to add, “I think her head is filled with bricks.”

 

“Laugh while you can, Brick is an ultra-rare, super powerful, near mythic pokémon who is about to kick your collective ass,” Lily said, and as she spoke, Brick, upon hearing her confident words (or rather, on being infused with Lily’s own energy) began to softly glow as he prepared for glorious battle on Lily’s behalf.

 

Next to her, Pikachu stopped sparking as he turned to look at her, with a somewhat narrowed eyed expression and a flat, “Pika?”

 

Wizard Lenin’s thunks against the wall became a just a little bit louder and he gave small almost inaudible groans of dismay and embarrassment.

 

Everyone else, however, was looking at the brick.

 

“Well, I think it’s just cute that this little girl thinks she can defeat us with a brick,” Jessie sneered, though her eyes did widen a bit at the sight of the now almost blinding glow coming off of Brick, “Why don’t we grind this brick and her dreams into a pile of dust? Ekans!”

 

Lily stepped forward ignoring those behind her, instead blazing with confidence as she commanded Brick onwards to victory, “Brick, terminate!”

 

Brick, now glowing almost as brightly as a star, shot forward and, with a wave of force from the shield surrounding itself, sent Team Rocket flying into the nearest wall, impaling them all headfirst into the drywall.

 

This not being good enough, apparently, Pikachu shot forward and sent out a powerful electric attack, forcing Lily to dart backwards lest she be caught in the bolts as Jessie, James, the giant purple snake, the giant purple sphere, and the giant talking cat all convulsed in their drywall graves.

 

Unfortunately, in his rage or else his need not to be outdone, Pikachu took it a little too far and, the giant purple smoke floating thing, caught fire and proceeded to explode, taking with it half of the pokémon center.

 

* * *

 

The next morning saw them getting out of dodge, and Lily and Wizard Lenin in new outfits (Wizard Lenin loathing his brightly colored shirt and khaki pants with an hitherto unseen passion) walking towards Pewter City, and through the ominous Viridian Forest. However, Ash seemed more focus on getting to the bottom of yesterday than focusing on his surroundings or the path ahead.

 

“Hey, Lily, is Brick really a pokémon?” Ash’s eyes were once again resting on the pokéball at Lily’s waist which now held its very own pokémon, or, well, a brick.

 

“Of course, Brick is a pokémon,” Lily said with far more confidence than any human being deserved, “Why would you think anything else?”

 

“Yeah, well, I’ve never heard of Brick before, and the pokédex doesn’t seem to recognize it at all.”

 

Lenin and Pikachu, once again appearing to share the same line of thought, both spared a look for Lily once again, waiting to see how she’d dig herself out of this one. Lily did not appreciate their lack of enthusiasm or faith in her abilities… Or, Brick’s abilities, that is.

 

“Brick is exceedingly rare,” Lily insisted with the air of someone who knew exactly what they were talking about and was never ever to be questioned by anyone, “So rare even the pokédex hasn’t heard of it.”

 

Ash hesitated, grimacing slightly as he tried to parse this, “Yeah but… He doesn’t seem to move at all or do anything, I mean aside from when you had him fight, most of the time he seems like… a brick.”

 

“Brick is the strong and silent type,” Lily quickly responded, “He grew up in the era when bricks were neither to be seen nor heard.”

 

“Lily, I still live in an era where bricks are neither to be seen nor heard,” Wizard Lenin cut in needlessly, Lily shooting him a quick glare while Ash wasn’t looking.

 

Ash threw his hands in the air, thoroughly flummoxed, and then asked, “But where did you catch it?” then he added before she could even think to answer, “I didn’t see you catch anything yesterday.”

 

Dammit, Lily thought for a moment, then said the first thing that came to mind, “… While we were getting tormented by giant birds,” then, she added, “You weren’t paying attention.”

 

“Geez, I guess I wasn’t,” Ash said with a sigh and that seemed to be enough questioning of Brick for now, even if Pikachu and Wizard Lenin weren’t quite done judging her and her perfectly reasonable decisions.

 

What, so maybe Pikachu could have taken care of it… And maybe he did blow up the hospital. Still, Brick and or Lily had been doing perfectly fine before that point, better, even, as she hadn’t blown up the hospital!

 

“Hey, Lenin, I guess that makes you the only one without a pokémon!” Ash said with a grin, “You better step up your game or you’ll fall behind.”

 

“Ash, I don’t have a pokémon because I choose not to have a pokémon,” Wizard Lenin dully declared, but Ash didn’t seem to be having any of that.

 

“I don’t know, my mom always says that those who don’t try are just too afraid of failing to do anything,” Ash said, essentially casually questioning Lenin Rabbitson’s twelve-year-old masculinity, and then his eyes brightened as he turned, “Hey, look, it’s a Caterpie! It’s one of the bug pokémon!”

 

Lily, Lenin, and Pikachu stopped, viewing what looked like a giant green caterpillar.

 

Because of course there were giant green caterpillars in this place.

 

“Alright, stand back,” Ash declared as he took out an empty pokéball, “This one’s a piece of cake!”

 

However, before he could, another pokéball landed square on the caterpillar’s forehead, opening and sucking the creature in with a red laser, the ball shaking, then quickly subsiding. Slowly, with a grace that did not belong to his twelve-year-old body, Wizard Lenin picked up the ball and tucked it on his waist band, “Oh, look at that, I have a pokémon.”

 

And then they were on their way again, Ash shouting out his complaints even as they descended deeper into the forest.

 

* * *

 

Will Lenin forge a bond with his newly captured Caterpie? What sinister plans are being concocted by Team Rocket? Will anyone ever confront Lily on the secret of Brick? All the answers in the next chapter!


	3. The Morality of a Revolutionary

_In which Pikachu holds an intervention, Wizard Lenin tries to decide if he has become a slave master out of a need to preserve his pride in front of a ten-year-old boy all while facing an unnerving moral dilemma, Team Rocket makes a brief reappearance with bricks and electric mice on their minds, and Lily fails to see the problem with anything._

* * *

Last time, deep in the dark Viridian Forest, Ash discovered a Caterpie, and tried his best to make his second pokémon catch. He was unfortunately thwarted by the affronted Lenin, who had much faster reflexes.

  

* * *

 

Lily thought, deep in his heart, Wizard Lenin liked to believe he was above pettiness. More, if he wasn’t above pettiness, then he was at least above bickering with children. However, the truth of the matter was that he very much wasn’t.

 

As was proven shortly after capturing his first pokémon while they were all still standing in a semi-circle in the middle of the Viridian Forest.

 

“Lenin, how could you?” Ash bemoaned, looking well and truly betrayed, the kind of betrayal that was reserved for Julius Caesar with a knife in his side and Brutus looking him dead in the eye, “I had my pokéball out and everything.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Wizard Lenin said with that pseudo pleasantness he was so very fond of, while just beneath this no doubt he was having the time of his life grinding Ash Ketchum’s ego into the dirt, “I was just so inspired by your words about how behind I was, that when I caught the caterpillar’s eye, why, I just couldn’t help myself.”

 

Lily and Pikachu stood by the side, silent spectators to this scene, which wasn’t so much a battle of wits or even a duel of insults, as it was Wizard Lenin toying with the oblivious Ash as a cat might a half dead sparrow or a mouse in a cage.

 

Ash readjusted his hat with more force than necessary back into its usual position and grimaced, “But I was going catch him all by myself too! Then I’d be one step closer to becoming the number one pokémon master in the whole world!”

 

“Yes, well, you do have a nasty habit of being late to the game,” Wizard Lenin cheerfully pointed out, “You might want to work on that.”

 

“What? But this is different! I was right here!” Ash then appeared to get a hold himself, mustering all his courage and determination as he declared, “Alright, you may have caught Caterpie, but that doesn’t matter, I’ll still become the greatest pokémon master who ever…”

 

“You know,” Wizad Lenin mused, as if he was truly thinking about this and not just saying whatever he could to push Ash’s very easy to push buttons, “All of your passionate speeches about becoming a pokémon master have really inspired me. I’ve just been directionless for so long… Hey, here’s an idea, why don’t I become the number one pokémon master in the universe?”

 

And he offered Ash his charming, ever so charming, grin that would have twelve-year-old girls swooning all over him and Pansy Parkinson rushing to give some sort of Christmas present to her favorite Lenny-poo.

 

As if he didn’t realize at all the logical conundrum that there could only be one greatest pokémon master in the universe.

 

“You think I’m afraid of you?!” Ash challenged, the fires of all his ten-year-old dreams blazing in his brown eyes as he stared down his rather apathetic enemy.

 

“You should be,” Wizard Lenin, for once reverting to his true-blue personality, noted rather drily but Ash didn’t seem to notice, or if he did then he wasn’t fearing for his life as any sane man would be at this point.

 

Ash stepped forward, removed the pokéball containing the Spearow from his belt and declared, “I’ll take you on any day of the week and I’ll still be the number one pokémon master at the end of it, you’ll see!”

 

“That sounds thrilling,” Wizard Lenin said before adding flatly, “I think I’ll pass.”

 

However, Ash didn’t even seem to be looking at him anymore, instead he was staring in awe at his pokéball, as if it was his first time seeing it, “That’s right, I have caught my first pokémon! Spearow!”

 

Ash then whirled and focused his attentions on Pikachu, who suddenly looked as if he wanted to be just about anywhere else, “Look Pikachu, we’ve got a new friend!”

 

Pikachu’s eyes grew almost comically wide as he looked at the Spearow’s pokéball, his old friend who had tried his best to peck him to death only a day earlier, and offered a rather hesitant, “Pika.”

 

Ash’s face fell, “Don’t you like him? Oh, I know we got off to a rough start, but I just know Spearow will be great friends with all of us! Except for Lenin.”

“I resent that,” Wizard Lenin interjected but Ash didn’t turn around, instead knelt on the ground and held his pokéball out towards Pikachu for inspection, but Pikachu made no moves towards it.

 

“And,” Ash continued, “From now on we’ll catch a whole bunch of new friends! Spearow, you’re sticking with us!”

 

Then, with more dramatic movement than was really necessary, Ash threw the pokéball out and said, “Spearow, come out!”

 

There was a blinding white light from the ball then Spearow materialized. For a moment the bird simply stood there, dazed and wide eyed, then it slowly looked to its left and its right, wings trembling ever so slightly.

 

It looked… It looked like someone who had just faced death head on, had very much expected to die, who had probably thought he had died, but then was now finding himself bizarrely among the land of the living and able bodied to boot.

 

The giant sparrow stretched its wings experimentally giving a cawing, “Spear” as it did so.

 

“Come on Spearow, fly up on my shoulder,” Ash offered with a hand outstretched, the bird looked at it for a moment, then continued his surveillance.

 

Then, of course, it caught sight of Lily and Pikachu. It froze, became perfectly still, talons began to dig into the earth. It let out a great warrior’s cry, or else a cry of terror, or else a cry for the reinforcements that were miles and miles from here (Lily couldn’t particularly tell which it was), “Spearow!”

 

“Whoa, hey buddy, oh, Pikachu…” Ash glanced over at Pikachu and grimaced, taking in Pikachu’s rather awkward expression and remembering Spearow and Pikachu’s recent history, “You don’t have to worry, Pikachu’s my friend too, he won’t hurt you.”

 

Spearow appeared to give zero shits about Pikachu or the state of his friendship with Ash (which was a pretty debatable thing, although Pikachu seemed slightly more… tolerant, of Ash, than he’d been in the beginning, Lily would hardly call them friends). Instead Spearow began to beat his wings rapidly towards Lily and Pikachu, summoning up gusts of wind and likely preparing for the fight of his life.

 

“Spearow, hey calm down!” Ash cried, throwing his arms around the giant bird, “We’re all friends here, all of us, me, Pikachu, Lily, even that jerk Lenin. We’re all great friends and you’re my friend too, nobody’s going to hurt you.”

 

Whether the sparrow believed Ash or not was debatable, but it at least began to realize that Lily wasn’t electrocuting it to death and that Lily wasn’t standing in any position that indicated hostility (indeed, she still had her hands stuffed into her pockets), and with a quick glance at Pikachu, it seemed to relax and accept its new fate.

 

Ash released him with a smile and watched as the bird hesitantly, extremely hesitantly, positioned itself on Ash’s shoulder, “There we go, see, we’re not so bad. Sorry about earlier, you’re really tough and I didn’t realize how hurt you were. But you’re all better now and we’re going to be great friends, I just know it!”

 

If Ash didn’t realize that Spearow kept constant eye contact with Lily even while perched on his shoulder, well, more power to him. Lily, for own part, tried not to grimace as she resumed walking once again, Lenin already walking ahead of her with a very put upon look on his face (only just tolerating this heartfelt display of friendship), Pikachu next to her and Ash and his giant bird a few paces behind. Clearly, she had not thought that whole Ash catching the giant electrocuted sparrow thing through.

 

Oh well, all was well that ended well, probably.

 

“Hey, why don’t you guys take out your pokémon too?” Ash asked, Lily and Wizard Lenin stopped and turned to look at him, both looking rather confused by this suggestion.

 

“It’s a good chance for you to meet Caterpie, and I never got a real introduction to Brick yesterday,” Ash expanded, the Spearow on his shoulder tilting its head a bit in curiosity or eles just because he was a giant bird and that’s what giant birds did.

 

“Yes, Lily, we never did get an introduction to the brick,” Wizard Lenin said slyly, with that look that said he was just dying to see what she came up with to explain the brick’s total lack of any sign of life.

 

“Brick doesn’t need an introduction,” Lily spat back, “Brick’s reputation proceeds him.”

 

“You don’t say,” Wizard Lenin said drily, “What was he again, the strong and silent type? From an era where bricks were neither to be seen nor heard?”

 

“At least he’s not a giant caterpillar,” Lily muttered back watching as Wizard Lenin’s pale eyebrow twitched lower, his lips curling into a twisted mockery of a smile that was trying far too hard to stay pleasant.

 

Oh yes, that one hit home, because even if Wizard Lenin didn’t care about pokémon or anything else in this place, he still had his revolutionary pride to keep track of.

 

Wizard Lenin’s face even flushed as he spat back, “At least the giant caterpillar possesses some sign of intelligence.”

 

Ash held up his hands in protest, “Hey, guys, you don’t need to fight…”

 

“How dare you suggest that Brick is unintelligent!”

 

“I’m not suggesting he’s unintelligent,” Wizard Lenin quipped in return, “I’m suggesting he’s a brick.”

 

“Brick would make you eat those words.”

 

“Somehow, I sincerely doubt that, but Brick is welcome to try.”

 

“Stop it!” Ash cried out, birds flapping out of the trees at the sound of his voice, then, looking between the pair of them, he asked, “Do you guys always fight like this?”

 

Lily and Wizard Lenin paused, glanced at each other as if realizing just where they were and who they were with, then, casually, Lily explained, “… We call it recreational bickering,”

 

“Well, whatever you call it, you can’t just insult other people’s pokémon,” then crossing his arms, Ash declared, “Alright, you two should both get your pokémon out here and apologize.”

 

Wizard Lenin stared, stared with all the flatness that he could muster, as he no doubt wondered if he’d heard Ash correctly, “What?”

 

Lily, however, released her pokéball and silently summoned Brick forth from its inner chamber, Brick materialized, a sturdy, stationary brick, upon the grass, defying the judgement of all those who would dare look down upon its… brick like nature.

 

Wizard Lenin, under Ash’s watchful gaze, threw down his pokéball and watched as the giant green caterpillar materialized.

 

“Caterpillar…” Lily started, bowing forward with all the honor she could muster.

 

“Caterpie,” Ash corrected.

 

Lily continued speaking over him, inclining her head towards the giant caterpillar, “… I deeply regret the insults I have relayed onto you while recreationally bickering with Lenin… It was for a just cause, but yours was too noble a sacrifice for too petty a battle.”

 

The caterpillar produced a series of clicks and chirps that Lily chose to interpret as its acceptance of her rather formal and heartfelt apology. Lily then glanced up towards Wizard Lenin, and waited, waited while he stared blankly at the brick.

 

“Well, Lenin, don’t you have something to say?” Ash asked, and in that moment Lily could almost read Wizard Lenin’s thoughts, there was the thought there, that they could leave now, ditch Ash here and go wherever they wanted, it didn’t matter.

 

Likely Wizard Lenin, for a single beautiful instant, envisioned that glorious future, the world that could have been, stretching out from this single instant that he could never take back.

 

Then, with the look of a man watching as his teeth were pulled out one by one from his mouth with plyers, Wizard Lenin, the great revolutionary terror of Britain, so feared they dare not speak his name ten years after his demise, apologized to a brick.

 

“Brick, I am… sorry.”

 

And Brick, with all the sage wisdom of an aged emperor, silently and graciously, accepted Wizard Lenin’s apology.

 

* * *

 

“We’d better get some sleep you guys, tomorrow’s going to be a big day,” Ash declared with a yawn, scrunched up in his sleeping bag as he stared up at the star spattered sky. Lily and Lenin, for their own parts, leaned back on their newly purchased sleeping bags, looking up silently at the trees, the stars, and the great big moon hanging over it all.

 

Spearow, Brick, Caterpie, and Pikachu all waited outside their pokéballs, looking down at their various trainers with varying degrees of curiosity and fondness (well, except for Brick, who remained as brick like as ever).

 

The moon was bright and full and somehow it seemed brighter and larger than it ever had in Scotland…

 

And… For a moment, she wasn’t sure what she felt, only she felt as if the past few days were catching up on her, as if it was just now occurring how very far she was from home. Not by looking at the pokémon, but simply by staring at the moon, at something so very familiar yet not all at once.

 

And she didn’t know how she felt about that.

 

She turned to look at Wizard Lenin, wondering if he was looking at the same thing, but he wasn’t looking at the sky at all, instead, he was staring, with a strangely torn expression on his face, at the caterpillar.

 

“Lenin?” Lily asked, he glanced over at her, something old and afraid in his eyes as he looked at her, before looking back to the caterpillar.

 

“I should not have done that,” he finally said quietly, and it was quiet, barely more than a whisper, not enough to wake Ash up even. Though it was enough, apparently, to draw the interest and eye of the pokémon themselves, who looked down on Wizard Lenin and Lily as an inscrutable audience, always watching for something but never giving a word back edgewise.

 

In the dark, with the fire beside them, their eyes almost seemed to glow.

 

“Done what?”

 

Wizard Lenin rubbed an exhausted hand over his face and through his hair and it was with a wry smile that he said, “Caught the Caterpie, of course.”

 

With a sigh, his pale eyes landing on the Caterpie, he darkly remarked, “If you are correct, if it and the Pikachu and all our animal friends are sentient, then I have become a slave master simply to win an argument with a child.”

 

“You know, Ash was probably going to catch it if you weren’t,” Lily pointed out but Wizard Lenin merely shrugged inside his sleeping bag.

 

“That’s not the point, all the same…”

 

He then turned to look at her, a question in his pale eyes as they searched her features intently, hanging on her response, “Why is that, anyways?”

 

“Why’s what?”

 

He pressed on, his eyes burning bright even in the dark as he waited for her answer, “Why do you believe that they’re sentient? You’re always so certain of the lack of intelligence in your peers, in your world, and yet here it’s so simple for you to accept the intelligence of a being that you can’t even talk to directly.”

 

“It’s different,” Lily noted with a shrug.

 

Wizard Lenin didn’t seem convinced, instead leaned forward as he continued, his eyes almost desperate, “Is it? Even before we’d… met, you’d been so certain that the Dursleys were nothing more than puppets. And they spoke, had expressions, had ambitions, all the standards you used yesterday to define…”

 

“The Dursleys are automatons, there was no thought behind their actions, no spark of life within their souls. Everything they did was without thought or reason, they were on loop, constantly, with no means to even recognize it,” Lily then glanced towards their audience, who indeed, were watching them intently, “They’re different.”

 

“How?”

 

Lily then motioned over to the caterpillar, who was now looking up at the moon, and in his great black eyes ringed in yellow, there was an echo of Roy Batty staring down at Deckard in the rain, thinking of all the things he had seen, all that had made him what he was, and everything that would die with him in that single heartbreaking moment.

 

There was a palpable dream of electric sheep, of purple butterflies flying against the moon, in the caterpillar’s eyes.

 

“Look,” Lily said, and Wizard Lenin was looking, without even looking towards him she could feel his eyes on the caterpillar and knew that, for at least this instant, he could see what she did, “Tell me, that when he closes his eyes, he doesn’t dream.”

 

And with that Wizard Lenin shuddered out a sigh, for the moment, shaken in his resolve, and as his eyes drifted shut Lily knew the question he wasn’t asking out loud. If it were true, then what did he do now?

 

Lily didn’t have the answer to that, instead she stared, stared up at the moon and thought of men and replicants, intelligence and the approximation of it, and what it meant to covet and dream and if that was enough to make you something more, something bordering the divine.

 

And, glancing over, she caught the eye of Pikachu, glancing down at her with a rather enigmatic expression of his own, the firelight dancing in his dark eyes. However, before too long, before a message could pass from him to her, he looked up again towards the moon with Caterpie, as if he too, was searching for something unknowable upon its surface.

 

She wondered, later, as she drifted to sleep, if he found it.

 

* * *

 

It was like being dragged out of a pit, her eyes fluttering and her fingers clawing at the inside of her dark cave for precious lack of light, and then a small insistent poking and a word like a drum beat repeated over and over, “Pika.”

 

In her mind, in this surreal state she found herself in, she was in the Mines of Moria, Gandalf the Gray stood over a well in which something had plummeted down, down, down into the dark. Lights appeared beneath them, and the drums, slowly, then more insistent began to pound. And the whispered last words of the fallen dwarf king, “They are coming.”

 

“Pika!”

 

A small shock jolted through her and Lily found herself sitting upright, taking in a deep breath in panic, and found herself back in the world of the living just before dawn. She blinked, blinked again, felt the severe need to crawl back into her bag, but before she could even drift downward she there was another, stronger, jolt of electricity coursing through her.

 

Looking downwards to her left, rather than staring at Lenin’s sleeping face, she found herself blearily looking at Pikachu, a Pikachu who was holding the brick.

 

Lily spared a look for the rest of her companions, they were all still sleeping. Lenin, Ash, even the Spearow (who had taken roost up in a tree above Ash and furthest away from Lily while still being able to keep an eye on her), and Caterpie who was now curled near Lenin’s head.

 

Nope, it seemed like only Lily and Pikachu were up at this ungodly hour. Or rather, Pikachu, who had apparently decided Lily needed to join him in the land of the living when even the sun was barely in the land of the living.

 

Lily turned her eyes to him, watching as he stared at her, his eyes trying to convey… something, something important. However, Lily was just too damn tired to get it, “Five more minutes, please?”

 

“Pika pika,” Pikachu chided, poking her ribs with a stubby yellow arm. Lily, however, felt herself disregarding this as her eyes fluttered closed once, the sunlight disappearing and transforming into the bright fires of the goblin army, that drumbeat pounding inside her head as darkness took her…

 

The next shockwave of electricity was not nearly so gentle as the last had been.

 

“Alright, fine, I’m awake, I’m awake!”

 

With Lily outside of her sleeping bag, feeling cold, tired, and not in the mood to do anything, Pikachu led her to the edge of the campsite, just to where the clearing ended and the forest began once again, and then plopped down motioning for her to do the same.

 

He then dropped the brick so that it was sitting between them.

 

Then, with a look of reprimand, he stated flatly, “Pika.”

 

Lily waited, she wasn’t quite sure what she was waiting for, perhaps a divine sign, perhaps something more on the yellow mouse’s part, but either way neither she nor Pikachu made any further movement.

 

And then Lily kept waiting.

 

And then Lily decided she was too tired to wait and if she was going to sit here she might as well get to the point because she’d rather be sleeping.

 

“You do realize this will be me guessing what you’re saying,” Lily pointed out, but Pikachu seemed undaunted and unamused by this fact, and instead silently stared at her, waiting for her move.

 

Now, Lily could only guess what that original “Pika” meant. However, if she was going to supply meaning to his words, then she supposed that would be something along the lines of, “The hell is this?”

 

Oddly enough, somehow, in her head, Pikachu’s voice translated to sounding almost exactly like Wizard Lenin’s…. Maybe because she’d had almost this exact same conversation with Wizard Lenin earlier, just much less direct, and also much less personally insulted vein.

 

That, and that was just the sort of thing that Wizard Lenin would say in this type of situation. And Pikachu seemed to be in a Lenin kind of mood.

 

Lily sighed, then stated quite plainly, “I’m guessing you have issues with Brick.”

 

A nod and an affirmative, “Pika.”

 

“… I don’t have issues with Brick,” Lily stated, and judging by the sparks emitting from Pikachu’s tiny red cheeks, this was not the answer he was looking for.

 

Lily held up a hand and tried again, searching for the right words even when her brain felt like it was being squeezed to death by the lead weight on top of her eyelids, finally she settled on, “I don’t understand why you have issues with Brick.”

 

“Pika pika pikachu!” Pikachu bit out, then seeing Lily’s incomprehension, leaned forward, picked up the brick even while keeping his large brown eyes on her, and dropped it onto the grass with an audible thud.

 

They both watched as it remained anticlimactically motionless afterwards.

 

“… You make a fair point,” Lily noted, and Pikachu seemed satisfied, even pleased by this, his little mouth quirking into that adorable smile that he made every so often, his lightning bolt tail twitching slightly as he let out a joyous, “Pikachu!”

 

“However,” Lily interjected before the yellow mouse could get too far ahead of himself, “Brick is a valued member of this community, and I’m not throwing him to the wolves just because he happens to be a brick… That’s racist.”

 

“Chu!” visible bolts of electricity emanated from Pikachu’s rosy cheeks, then, with a burst of energy, spread out from his body and landed upon the poor unsuspecting Brick who took it as stoically as only a brick could. Afterward, Brick sported a nice black scorch mark.

 

Both Lily and Pikachu stared at the now smoking Brick in the early morning light as the giant birds began to twitter above them.

 

Yes, it was definitely too early to deal with the pride and wounded egos of either mice or men. Finally, Lily stated, “The brick stays, you’ll thank me later… I’m going back to sleep.”

 

Pikachu gave some screeching noise of devastation even as Lily wandered back over to her sleeping back, pulled it over her head, and passed right back out again, simply too tired to deal with… whatever that even was.

 

* * *

 

Actual real people morning came much too soon and Lily was dragged into it much the same way she’d been dragged into Pikachu’s weird meeting or whatever about Brick. Namely, she was being poked in the side with a foot and some rather insistent words, “Lily, get up!”

 

Lily blearily opened her eyes to find a rather irritable Wizard Lenin looking down at her with a giant caterpillar on his shoulder. Lily blinked, the giant caterpillar remained on his shoulder. Finally, she pointed out, “Lenin, there’s a bug on your…”

 

The next kick was a little harder, Lily groaned and slowly, so slowly, crawled her way out of the bag, “Alright, fine, I’m up, I’m alive, I’m here, it’s all cool…”

 

“Good, then we can get moving,” Wizard Lenin started, but before he could there was a great flapping sound from overhead and another giant bird swooped down towards them, only to land a little ways away in the grass, consuming regular sized worms from the dirt.

 

And suddenly Ash was ready to go, “Wow, a Pidgeotto!”

 

He whipped out his fancy calculator which rattled off some rather boring facts, “Pidgeotto, an evolved form of the Pidgy. It is armed with sharp claws and dives from the sky to capture its prey. Unlike the more gentle Pidgy, Pidgeotto can be dangerous, approach with extreme caution.”

 

So, it was like… the uber pigeon, or something.

 

Ash brought out a pokéball with a smirk on his face, “Alright Pidgeotto, ha, I’ll show you who the dangerous one is around here!”

 

“Please tell me that isn’t supposed to be you,” Wizard Lenin remarked but aside from a small grimace on Ash’s face it was as if he hadn’t heard him at all.

 

“Pokéball, go!” Ash said, hurling a pokéball at the Pidgeotto, who with little more than a dismissive flick of his wing, sent the ball flying back towards the now rather dismayed Ash.

 

“Well done,” Wizard Lenin said, slowly clapping his hands together, “I can almost taste the danger, it’s so palpable.”

 

Lily herself would have remarked that they were now officially in the Danger Zone but Wizard Lenin’s thing worked well enough for him she supposed. Instead Lily remarked to the somewhat crest fallen Ash, “You know, if it was that easy, I think everyone would be doing it.”

 

“But that…”

 

Wizard Lenin sighed and then brought out his now somewhat battered manual as he appeared to take some pity on Ash, “Honestly, haven’t you read anything? You can’t just throw a pokéball and capture a pokémon, you have to weaken it through battle first. The only reason I was able to capture the Caterpie is because it was already at a hideously low level.”

 

“I know what I’m doing!” Ash cried out which… alright, if he said so, but Ash continued rounding on Wizard Lenin and blaring in his face, “And now, if you’d kindly keep your big mouth shut, you’ll see how it’s done!”

 

Ash pointed towards the enemy giant pigeon and commanded forth his valiant troops, “Go Spearow!”

 

Spearow tilted its head, looked down at the Pidgeotto, then looked back at Ash. Ash looked up at his pokémon, “Come on Spearow, you can do it!”

 

Cautiously, ever so cautiously, Spearow flew down from his perch and began to flap his wings, attempting to intimidate, well, what looked like a much larger and more powerful bird.

 

“Oh, this should go well,” Wizard Lenin remarked to Lily as an aside, watching as the giant pigeon launched itself at the small giant sparrow, forcing the sparrow to retreat backwards and beginning a cat chase, “He doesn’t have type disadvantage, which is all well and good, except he doesn’t have any advantage either.”

 

“Type advantage?” Lily questioned and at her confusion Wizard Lenin embarrassedly admitted, “What exactly do you think is in this manual?”

 

Because of course Wizard Lenin had probably memorized that thing despite having absolutelyno interest in entering any of these types of pokémon gambling competitions. Lily made sure that her expression let him knew just how much she judged him for that.

 

Looking away from her and back towards the battle, likely internally justifying his own knowledge, Wizard Lenin continued, “At any rate, the point being, Spearow is much weaker than Pidgeotto and untrained to boot, without any strategic advantage he doesn’t stand a chance,” here Wizard Lenin’s lips twisted into a shark-like grin, “He’s about to get slaughtered.”

 

Lily looked over to the two other Pokémon, Caterpie quaking in terror as he hid himself beneath Wizard Lenin’s jacket, and Pikachu watching with mild fascination. Lily focused her attention on the yellow mouse, “Pikachu, you are technically one third Ash’s, you probably should help him out.”

 

Pikachu glanced over at her and if he had eyebrows Lily imagined he would have raised them, “Pika?”

 

“That would technically be a good move,” Wizard Lenin cut in even as his eyes kept track of the dogfight, which was now taking place high above their heads, Spearow going into a nose dive to try and ward off the swiftly approaching Pidgeotto, “An electric attack would be devastating and likely take him out in one hit.”

 

Pikachu however sniffed and looked away from Lily and gave a firm denial, “Pikachu.”

 

“I’ll owe you,” Lily pointed out, and at this Pikachu looked at her, then purposefully looked over towards Brick who was patiently waiting upon the stump where the campfire had been.

 

“Oh goddammit,” Lily stated, because the terms were more than clear, Pikachu would only save Spearow and Ash’s combined bacon if Lily dumped the brick.

 

“…Isn’t there anything else you want?”

 

“Pika pika,” Pikachu shook his head with the tiniest of smirks, the taste of sweet victory no doubt on his pink little tongue already.

 

Lily grit her teeth, well, on the one hand, she was really proud of Brick and felt that had been a moment of brilliance. On the other hand, watching Spearow get torn to shreds by a larger bird was just… painful.

 

“Fine!” Lily declared, stamping her foot down and hating this feeling of being shoved into a corner, “Fine, I will do something about Brick.”

 

And just like that the yellow little monster was delighted once again, hopping like an adorable little angel so he was standing at the ready next to Ash, “Pikachu!”

 

“Ash,” Lily cried out, Ash jerking his head towards her, “Call back the sparrow!”

 

“Spearow, return!” Ash called out then, summoning the bird back into the red ball, and with a finger pointed out, he commanded, “Pikachu, go!”

 

Pikachu darted forward, positioning himself under the flying bird who was now diving towards him at a truly dangerous speed, and, with tiny bolts of electricity emanating from his cheeks he sent out a great bolt of lightning skyward towards the Pidgeotto.

 

“Pokéball, go!” Ash cried, hurling a pokéball into the air forcing the Pidgeotto inside. He then watched as it fell to the earth, the ball twitching ever so slightly, until finally it fell silent.

 

“Yes, we got Pidgeotto!” Ash declared victoriously grinning towards Pikachu who now brushed himself off rather smugly, looking quite pleased with himself. Ash then walked over towards Lily and Wizard Lenin, leering over at Wizard Lenin, “I am the greatest.”

 

“You’re an idiot,” Wizard Lenin said rather bluntly but almost with awe as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing, “Honestly, your decisions are worse than blind luck. It’s as if you take whatever strategy you should be employing, then do the exact opposite, every single time. It’s astounding.”

 

“Hey, I’m trying!” Ash tried to interject but Wizard Lenin talked right over him.

 

“Do or do not,” Wizard Lenin balked, and it said something about this situation that he was surprised enough to start quoting Star Wars, “There is no try! Don’t you realize it’s like chess? Playing blind will get you nowhere, worse than nowhere, you have to use strategy.”

 

“Well…” Ash stammered, leaning back now from Wizard Lenin with an almost fearful look on his face, “If you just try hard enough things will work out, won’t they?”

 

And that appeared to be Wizard Lenin’s limit as he threw his hands into the air, Caterpie still clinging to his shoulder with the sudden movement as Wizard Lenin rounded on Ash and leaned towards him, eyes blazing, “When has that ever been applicable to real life?!”

 

Before Wizard Lenin could say anything else, or before Lily could interject and point out that this was neither the time nor the place to crush Ash into tiny pieces, they were interrupted by a high feminine laugh that was trying much too hard.

 

Along with a man’s voice that was trying much too hard to be far too sultry, “So, we meet again.”

 

Lily, Wizard Lenin, and Ash each turned (Wizard Lenin surreptitiously returning Caterpie to the pokéball) towards the sound.

 

Ash stated slowly, almost uncertainly as he peered into the light, trying to make out the three figures standing just a little way away, “I… know that voice.”

 

“To protect the world from devastation,” the woman, Jessie, began, and… And oh, were those the same words from the last time, certainly it seemed like the same pose, Lily even thought she might be standing on the same side of the trio.

 

“To unite all peoples within our nation,” the man, James, said again, and yes, he was still holding the red rose, though it must have been a different one since the last had probably burnt to a crisp. Did he have a whole collection of fresh roses just for this rhyming number?

 

“To denounce the evils of truth and love,” and there was Jessie’s passionate Orwellian declaration which made no more sense today than it had two days ago. Actually, now that Lily thought about it, all three of them were in remarkable condition for having been inside an exploding building.

 

None of them had a scratch on them, either they’d been absurdly lucky, or they’d somehow made clones of themselves… That actually made some amount of sense, that this almost song and dance routine had been programmed in, it also explained the roses.

 

“To extend our reach to the stars above,” and there was James’ strange line that had nothing at all to do with the evils of truth and love, or at least, nothing without an extensive and confusing use of metaphor that wasn’t explained in this poem alone.

 

“Jessie,” Jessie dutifully reminded her audience, as if they had forgotten since the last time.

 

“James,” James also dutifully reminded them since he couldn’t leave Jessie to hang with her own line.

 

“No, not this again,” Ash bemoaned but there was no helping it, the rhymed chorographic act would continue, not even a god could stop it. And indeed, it was even more choreographed than last time as Jessie and James lifted their legs as if about to do the can-can.

 

“Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!” Jessie announced, not that it made much morse sense today than before, but at least it had imagery going for it.  


“Surrender now or prepare to fight!” James provided as an ultimatum to his star struck audience.

 

“Meowth, that’s right!” And then… Then the cat, the giant talking cat, who no one had explained at all, and who had an unsettlingly obnoxious voice.

 

And it said how not seriously they all could take them that instead of an aura of fear there was the distinct feeling of second hand embarrassment permeating the air.

 

“Uh, we’re kind of busy now so if you…” Ash started only for Jessie to cut him off.

 

“Quiet little boy, we’re not here to listen to you, we’re here to get your pokémon,” Jessie and James, in tandem, pointed dark gloved hands towards Pikachu while the giant cat sat on their shoulders, leering at his prey.

 

“Hand over that Pikachu and that brick,” James demanded, Lily, unwillingly, so unwillingly, found herself turning her head to stare at Brick, still waiting ever so patiently on top of the stump.

 

“Hey, this is my Pikachu, go out and find your own!” Ash stated only for Lily to hesitantly chime in, “And you can find your own brick too!”

 

“The only Pikachu we want is that one!” Jessie said before dully adding, “And the brick goes without even saying.”

 

“We’re only looking for the rarest, most valuable, pokémon in the world, kid,” James expanded even as his eyes never left Ash or Lily’s, already so confident in their victory.

 

“And that special Pikachu and the brick are just the kind of pokémon we need!”

 

Before anything else could be said on this the giant cat took out his claws and began to batter his compatriots, “You idiots! Stop giving them all of our secrets!”

 

“Is my Pikachu really that special?” Ash asked rather dumbly, “As special as Brick?”

 

The cat then jumped down, crossed his arms, and began to explain further, “Your Pikachu’s powers impress even me, I really got a charge out of its incredible attack the last time we met. Its powers exceed its evolutionary level.”

 

However, before the cat could add anymore it was promptly stomped on by Jessie and James, “Now you’re the one giving away all our secrets!”

 

“Shut up before you tell them everything!”

 

The cat gave a great cry, “I’m in charge, cut it out!”

 

Which did seem to be enough to distract Jessie and James to refocus their attention on Ash, who had somehow, without saying, been labelled as the leader of their little trio. Probably because he cared about pokémon the most out of all of them.

 

“Make it easy and hand over that Pikachu and brick,” Jessie said only for Ash to easily dismiss them.

 

“Then you leave us no choice,” James and Jessie held out their pokéballs and summoned forth their purple minions with joint cries of, “Ekans, go!” and “Koffing, go get them!”

 

“Didn’t the purple thing explode last time?” Lily asked but no one was paying attention to her, instead all eyes were focused on the giant snake and his floating gas ball of a friend who now moved ominously towards Pikachu.

 

“Hey, two against one, that’s cheating!” Ash stated, not even noticing the rather stunned look that Wizard Lenin cast towards him.

 

“Well, as we say,” Jessie said with a sneer down at Ash, “All’s fair in love, war, and pokémon battles.”

 

“I say that saying’s rotten and so are you!”

 

“Well, Ash, all is fair in love, war, and, apparently, pokémon battles,” Wizard Lenin remarked as an aside, but Ash only shot him a rather disgusted look for even remotely agreeing with these pokémon thieves.

 

“Well of course we are, we’re the bad guys,” James said with a certain amount of pride he just didn’t deserve when calling himself a bad guy. Still, the tension in the air was almost palpable as Ash looked on his opponents with a nervous determination that spoke of the stakes they were playing.

 

Namely the battle for Pikachu’s (and Brick’s) mortal souls.

 

“Alright,” Lily declared, having enough of this before it even got started, summoning brick towards her then throwing him into the battlefield to rain death upon these poor fools, “Go Brick, crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women! All the best things in life!”

 

“Pikachu!” Pikachu said, looking at her pointedly with sparks emanating from his cheeks and a rather dangerous almost deranged look in his eyes at the sight of Brick once again entering the fray.

 

Ash interpreted Pikachu’s distress as something else entirely as he looked at Lily and said, “Pikachu’s right, the pokémon league rules say only one at a time, Lily!”

 

And for once Pikachu appeared to slightly agree with Ash, or at least, what he meant as he gave a vicious concurrence of, “Pika!”

 

However, while Pikachu was distracted James pointed his hand holding the rose and called out, “Koffing, sludge attack, now!”

 

The great purple floating ball spurted toxic sludge, hitting Pikachu directly in the eyes and effectively blinding him, Pikachu attempting to rub it off and only smearing it in further. Pikachu gave a great wail even as he rubbed, “Pi!”

 

Ash picked up Pikachu, Pikachu not even caring as he rubbed at his eyes, “If you think you can use your dirty tricks to beat me, you’re wrong!”

 

Carefully, Ash passed Pikachu over to Lily who took him with equal care, as he passed him over Ash said, “They might try anything to get what they want, but no matter what happens, don’t let them have Pikachu, understand?”

 

“Oh, I understand, but what are you…” Lily started but Ash was already turning back, digging through his pokéballs and preparing for battle, hesitating over one of the balls before moving to the other and throwing it out into the clearing, “Pidgeotto, go!”

 

Lily stared at the giant bird, at the snake and ball of sludge moving in, and began to shout her command, “Brick, prot…”

 

Ash cut her off, “League rules, Lily!”

 

What was everyone’s problem with Brick? You’d think they all had some sort of personal vendetta against the poor piece of rock.

 

Lily bit her tongue even as James, with the rose to his lips, declared, “Koffing, it’s grime time.”

 

The Pidgeotto desperately tried to avoid the rising ball which now vomited sludge at every opportunity.

 

“Ekans,” Jessie commanded, “Go get your dinner!”

 

Then the snake too was darting upwards, working expertly with the ball of sludge, a dance they had no doubt performed many times before now.

 

Quietly, Wizard Lenin stepped next to her, his eyes raised skywards, “You know, the snake speaks backwards.”

 

“What?” Lily asked, eyes darting over towards him as her hands instinctively tightened around Pikachu.

 

“The snake, it speaks, I can understand it or rather, it sounds like parseltongue, but… it speaks backwards,” Wizard Lenin offered her a pensive frown, “It’s very disconcerting.”

 

She wondered why he was telling her that now, or why it seemed to bother him so much, the idea that the snake spoke at all. Maybe, maybe he was still caught on that idea from the night before, or rather, the state of things that Lily had pointed out to him. If the snake had spoken like any other snake maybe he could have brushed it aside, but backwards and unintelligible, who knew what it could be saying.

 

Perhaps it was profound enough to shake the foundations of Wizard Lenin’s convictions. And perhaps, that sliver of doubt, was more than enough to put Wizard Lenin on edge and reflect upon his own choices.

 

“Oh shit!” Lily watched as Pidgeotto missed, was hit from behind by the snake and hit with black sludge vomit, and Ash at seeing this summoned it back with a red laser into the pokéball. Leaving Ash with only an already pummeled giant sparrow.

 

“Alright Brick let’s…”

 

This time Wizard Lenin cut her off with a pleasant smile and a hand squeezing her shoulder, “Let’s leave the dramatic brick for later, shall we?”

 

He then glanced down at his own pokéball, his eyes distant, and it seemed as if he was reaching some unknowable internal decision which Lily wasn’t privy to. Finally, his voice clouded by thought, he pensively said, “Let’s see what he can do first.”

 

Then he was moving forward, throwing the ball out from his hand, “Caterpie.”

 

And their three opponents stared dumbfounded at the sight of the large green caterpillar, though still so much smaller than every other pokémon, staring up at them with large dark eyes that dreamed of butterflies.

 

“What’s that?”

 

“It’s a bug,” the giant talking cat said, “A measley little bug!”

 

And then there was laughter, laughter and puns, but Wizard Lenin merely looked at the caterpillar and remarked, almost inaudibly, “Show me you’re more than just a caterpillar.”

 

For a moment Caterpie quaked in terror at the sight of incoming death in the form of a giant snake and a giant floating ball, but then, watching it, Ash cried out, “Caterpie, string shot now!”

 

And just like that victory was in hand, not by Brick, Pikachu, or even Pidgeotto, but instead this tiny bug spraying web at his enemies and watching them slow to the point where they couldn’t move at all.

 

Then they were gone, Team Rocket blasting off again, leaving only a red rose behind as well as Lily and the rest of them staring after their departure.

 

“Good work, Caterpie!” Ash said and then to the beaming if battered caterpillar, flushing somewhat, he then turned to Wizard Lenin, “And, uh, good work Lenin, throwing him in there. Spearow, I don’t think he would have made it.”

 

Wizard Lenin just looked at him for a moment, hands in his pockets, then said, “That was quick thinking on your part.”

 

Ash grinned, the compliment no doubt going straight to his head, “Guess I’m not so bad at this strategy after all, huh?”

 

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Wizard Lenin quickly and flatly responded but Ash didn’t seem to care, mollified for now.

 

Lily for her own part, with a sigh, still holding the blinded Pikachu, stared at Brick, sitting there lonely and scorched in the middle of the field. The brick she’d promised a giant yellow mouse that she’d do something about.

 

“Hey, what’s happening?!”

 

Lily turned and watched as Catrpie, on the floor, had turned himself into some sort of a fountain of string. They all watched in silent fascination as Caterpie disappeared, cocooning himself in a silent, green, hardened shell.

 

“Caterpie, this is amazing!” Ash said as the transformation finally stopped, flipping his calculator open as it blared out, “Metapod, Caterpie’s next stage, it has encased its body in a hard shell.”

 

Wizard Lenin slowly, uncertainly picked it up, meeting its eyes with a pair of raised eyebrows and a strangely uncertain look on his face. As if he was still deciding that desperately important thing that he couldn’t quite figure out yet. Out loud, he muttered, “Well… That was fast.”

 

“What was fast?” Lily asked.

 

“It’s called evolution,” Wizard Lenin remarked in a matter of fact tone as he turned the giant green cocoon this way and that in his hands, “It’s when a pokémon essentially moves from one stage of life to another. The caterpillar is now in its second stage.”

 

And suddenly, Lily realized exactly how she was going to keep her promise to Pikachu concerning Brick and outdo Wizard Lenin at the same time (or at the very least keep up with him, because if both he and Ash started moving ahead of her that would be unbearable). And it was nice, being able to clobber two birds with a single glorious stone, or, well, brick.

 

Brick was swallowed by a bright almost divine light, everyone shielding their eyes and turning away from his brickly divinity, and when they opened them, there where Brick had previously been, were two bricks stacked one on top of the other.

 

Everyone silently took in the sight of it, blinking slightly as they rubbed at their eyes, undoubtedly wondering if they were seeing double.

 

“Oh, look at that,” Lily declared to her companions with a cheerful grin, motioning to her evolved pokémon with one hand while the other held onto Pikachu, “Brick has just evolved into Stack of Bricks.”

 

“Stack of Bricks?” Ash asked, “I’ve never heard of Stack of Bricks.”

 

“That’s because Stack of Bricks is even rarer and more powerful than Brick,” Lily said with confidence even as she beamed at her audience as well as the stack of bricks who were in no way related to the brick she’d promised to get rid of. Plus, when you put it like that, she had gotten rid of Brick… He’d just been replaced by the superior Stack of Bricks.

 

Lily probably should have seen it coming, especially since she was holding onto the death mouse at the time, but all the same the watts of electricity pouring through her still came as something of a shock, both literally and figuratively.

 

… It was still worth it.

 

* * *

 

The future looks bright for our heroes now, but up ahead, the Viridian Forest is deeper and darker than they know, and a dangerous new challenge is waiting.


	4. The Death of Misty's Bicycle

_In which Wizard Lenin, in an attempt to preserve his pride, proves that he has no sense of shame, the gang runs into an aptly named trainer who is debatably more bizarre than even Team Rocket, and an angry newcomer joins the party on their pokémon journey._

 

* * *

 

As their adventures began Lily and Lenin, our heroes from Scotland, and Ash, our hero from Pallet Town, were jointly saddled with Pikachu, a pokémon who wasn’t too thrilled with his new trainers.

 

A flock of angry Spearows nearly finished them off but Lily anticlimactically saved the day with her mysterious powers, giving credit to Pikachu, and allowing Ash to catch his first pokémon.

 

Spearow regained his health at the pokémon center in Viridian City, which soon found itself under attack by Jessie and James of the notorious Team Rocket, who, with Meowth, attacked the center, hoping to steal some rare pokémon.

 

But, their sinister plans were thwarted by Lily and Pikachu, who next journeyed into the Viridian Forest where Lenin made his first catch. Next, Ash caught Pidgeotto. And even more surprises were to come.

 

Caterpie evolved into Metapod while Brick, Lily’s fake pokémon who had earned the ire not only of Lenin but also of Pikachu, evolved into Stack of Bricks.

 

* * *

 

Day two in Kanto’s answer to the Forbidden Forest and it was clear that Wizard Lenin had officially reached his limit. Well, no, he had already reached his limit days ago, but he was far past his breaking point as evidenced not only by his darkening face but also by the almost physical waves of rage emanating off his pale body.

 

This could be due to many things, the giant bugs, being stuck with Ash and Pikachu, his becoming a slave master of a giant caterpillar just to rub it in Ash’s face, his lack of a wand, the lack of an easy way home, walking through the forest like a troop of unfortunate hikers. There could be a lot of reasons.

 

Still, helping along Wizard Lenin’s inevitable homicidal fit of rage was none other than Ash, who, while grinning like an idiot as he walked along, had taken to recreational punning, “Hey, you know what would be great? If I could catch a Caterpie of my own, or maybe, a cowterpie!”

 

Ash rubbed the back of his head, laughing at his own pun, which he clearly thought was quite clever even though it made even less sense than puns usually did. Yes, though Ash might be too stupid and oblivious to realize it, he was at this moment digging his own grave with a cheerful enthusiasm that was almost admirable while Pikachu and Lily could only stand as silent and somewhat horrified witnesses.

 

Although, perhaps more Lily than Pikachu, ever since the Stack of Brick episode Pikachu seemed intent on giving her the cold shoulder. Which meant that, of the three of them, he was bizarrely now walking near Ash and humoring him, though it looked as if it was causing him physical pain to do so. With this new outlook on life Pikachu might very well actively grieve Ash’s murder, or at least have his own fit of rage as he lost his means of ignoring Lily.

 

Lily carefully edged backwards towards Wizard Lenin, leaving Pikachu momentarily to the mercy of Ash’s failing wit, whispering in his ear a reminder that, “You know, Lenin, you can’t guarantee that the giant bugs and pigeons will dispose of the body for you… Also, I think murder is frowned upon in this society.”

 

Granted, Lily didn’t really know this for sure, it hadn’t come up, but it felt like one of those things that was probably a safe bet. Just as stealing pokémon while wearing matching jumpsuits was incredibly frowned upon, so too, was murdering one’s fellow man.

 

“Strange, that’s never stopped me before,” Lenin remarked with a false sense of pleasantness that belied just how much he was thinking of gruesomely murdering Ash Ketchem and leaving his body for the giant purple rats.

 

“Well, I for one, am not looking forward to a run in with the pokémon cops,” Lily said, “Who knows what kind of giant animals they have to hunt down their enemies.”

 

From what they had seen thus far the giant animals everywhere were actually rather small as far as pokémon went.

 

“Pokémon cops?” Lenin asked with a twitching eyebrow, “You know, Lily, you don’t have to tack the word pokémon onto everything.”

 

Lily blinked, somewhat taken aback, “Of course I do, that’s what this whole universe is about Lenin! I mean, there was a pokémon hospital, pokémon thieves and villains, we’re pokémon trainers on a pokémon journey to become pokémon masters, I’m pretty sure we’re even wearing pokémon clothing right now.”

 

Indeed, looking down at her newly bought shirt, it was covered in small printed pokéballs and very much pokémon themed, even Lenin’s clothing was pokémon themed (a fact that he seemed to be dutifully ignoring).

 

“We are not on a pokémon journey!” he hissed back, this apparently being a very touchy subject for him, especially considering that they were on a pokémon journey to become pokémon masters of the universe whether he liked it or not, “We are on a journey home or have you already conveniently forgotten that?!”

 

“We can do both,” Lily responded, then continuing before Wizard Lenin could irately interject with some nonsense like pokémon journeys and journeys through dimensions being mutually exclusive, “Besides, either way, get the pokémon fuzz on our ass and it’s going to be much harder to do either.”

 

It said a lot that he couldn’t dispute the logic of this, he’d probably realized it himself ages ago, which was why Ash was currently still in the land of the living. Which, Lily was willing to mark up as a good thing, no matter how… Interesting Ash was.

 

While Lily didn’t personally like Ash, she might feel… somewhat awkward if he were to burn to death without anyone being the wiser. He was nice enough, a lot like the non-Slytherin Hogwarts kids if she thought about it.

 

Actually, if she was really thinking about it, then he was Ron Weasley to a tee. Replace evil snakes with pokémon master and they were for all intents and purposes the same exact person. Lily wondered how she hadn’t even realized this before, it was so obvious.

 

“At the very least, at the next available city, the next glimpse of human civilization, we can leave him and the rat behind,” Wizard Lenin said, apparently no longer willing to wait for a city containing magical research, before darkly adding, “I will not, I repeat Lily, will not, be stuck with this walking catastrophe of a ten-year-old for months if not years on end!”

 

“Hey, I like Pikachu,” Lily noted in response, even though Pikachu was giving her way too much shit over a stack of bricks at the moment, “Also, what happens if we end up going the same direction?”

 

Somehow, Lily highly doubted whatever Wizard Lenin was looking for would be right there in Pewter City, and from the sound of it there was only one road in and out of any town, which meant that if Pewter City wasn’t their destination then all too likely the two of them and Ash would be going the same direction anyway.

 

“Then I suppose we end up going the same direction,” Wizard Lenin remarked, entirely indifferent to the prospect of that awkward meetup after ditching Ash somewhere then meeting him again on the road, “You can even hurl your stack of bricks at his head.”

 

“Don’t bring Stack of Bricks into this,” Lily snapped back, “He’s had a very long day.”

 

“Has he?”

 

Lily wasn’t going to dignify that with an answer.

 

“Right, well, I think we should discuss pros and cons,” Lily stated before Wizard Lenin could really start sassing Stack of Bricks, who had saved the team’s ass more than once and Wizard Lenin could show a little bit of gratitude.

 

“Pros and cons?” Wizard Lenin dubiously asked with judgmentally raised eyebrows.

 

“Sure, I’ll go first, pro travelling with Ash…” Lily started, then stopped, trying to think.

 

A slow, smug, smile crawled on Wizard Lenin’s face, entirely out of place on the twelve-year-old Lenin Rabbitson’s fine features, “Go on, Lily, do enlighten me, what are the pros of travelling with the idiot ten-year-old?”

 

“An electric mouse could be very important for your campaign as future tyrant of Great Britain,” Lily noted, nodding towards Pikachu who briefly looked back, almost desperately, as he was forced to listen to even more of Ash’s delightful pokémon themed puns.

 

Soon, Lily suspected, he’d break and come crawling back to her.

 

It was only a matter of time.

 

“Well, first, I don’t need yellow mice to secure my powerbase,” Wizard Lenin said, looking genuinely affronted by the idea of relying on giant yellow electric mice to inspire fear among his minions, “And second, were I so inclined, the yellow mouse does not include Ash Ketchem in the bargain.”

 

Ah, right, that actually was a very good point.

 

“Well… He knows a lot of stuff about stuff, sometimes,” Lily said with a helpless shrug, trying and failing to come up with a specific example.

 

Wizard Lenin seemed very unimpressed as he noted, drily, holding up the somewhat battered copy of the training manual, “Lily, I’ve figured out more than him after two days of reading through propagandist manuals.”

 

Oh, well, yes, Lily supposed Wizard Lenin had a point. Still, there must be some reason they kept Ash around or they would have ditched him already. Certainly, there must be some underlying reason, aside from Ash being helpless, that Lily was trying to think of ways to keep him around.

 

“Hey, what are you guys talking about?”

 

Lily and Wizard Lenin both spared a glance towards Ash, now looking over his shoulder curiously as he realized that two thirds of his audience had abandoned him completely. For a moment they both stared at him blandly, neither willing to come right out and say they were discussing whether or not it was in Wizard Lenin’s best interests to plot Ash’s death or else abandon him on the pokémon version of the yellow brick road.

 

“Uh… alternate dimensions,” Lily finally blurted, which wasn’t so much a lie, as ultimately that was Wizard Lenin’s main goal. He’d be perfectly indifferent to Ash if he was already in another dimension and didn’t have to deal with him daily.

 

“Alternate dimensions?” Ash asked with a blink of confusion, “Why were you talking about something like that?”

 

“Morbid curiosity,” Lily quickly responded, earning both a glare from Wizard Lenin and a silently curious look from Pikachu, who then looked away as if Lily was not worthy of his attention, “So, speaking of, do you… know of any ways to get to one?”

 

She could hear Wizard Lenin next to her groaning as he placed his face into his hand.

 

“Huh, well…” Ash trailed off, appeared to think, rubbing the back of his head, “That sounds like something only a legendary pokémon could do.”

 

And that was clearly not the answer that Lily or Wizard Lenin had been expecting.

 

 “Legendary pokémon?” Wizard Lenin asked, looking genuinely dumbfounded that Ash had given such an easy response.

 

Apparently, this really wasn’t that absurd of a question as Ash took it quite in stride, as well as the idea that giant element controlling animals could open up rifts in space and time. Lily, personally, wasn’t quite sure how she felt about this.

 

Well, sure, she could open up rifts in space and time, but it was one thing for her to do it and another for a giant magical squirrel to do so. Or a giant magical pigeon. Or a giant magical whatever.

 

Maybe it was a turtle, a giant mystical god turtle seemed like a good space time rift creating giant animal.

 

“Sure, there are all kinds of pokémon. Some are more common than others, but then there are pokémon who have been around forever, and there’s only one of them,” Ash then grinned, beaming as he declared his righteous destiny for all to hear once again, “Either way, as the future greatest pokémon master, I’m going to find all the legendary pokémon and catch them all!”

 

Again, Ash was missing the heavenly spotlight falling upon him in that moment, but he did have the enthusiasm necessary for such prophecies of greatness. Wizard Lenin, as usual, seemed to find the whole display rather distasteful but he also didn’t say anything even as he pursed his lips at the sight of Ash’s overwhelmingly unsupported confidence.

 

Lily wondered if Wizard Lenin was thinking what she was thinking, that Ash, despite everything, really was a decent source of pokémon knowledge or at least common universe knowledge while also being too stupid to ask questions about why Wizard Lenin or Lily would ask such obvious questions.

 

Ultimately, all this meant it really was better to stick with Ash for now then ditch him at the side of the road to be eaten by whatever giant carrion birds happened upon him.

 

Judging by the look of murder on his face Wizard Lenin had come to that exact realization. Lily gave him a somewhat awkward pat on the shoulder for comfort which he unsurprisingly didn’t appreciate. Especially since Lily had been right, and was now unofficially victor of the argument.

 

As it was this was all kind of moot as the end of the forest wasn’t anywhere near in sight anyway. Their pace was… Somewhat slow, this was because every time Ash caught sight of something he thought might be a pokémon he inevitably flipped out, ranted about his destiny, and then met inevitable despair, embarrassment, and disappointment when it turned out to be a rock.

 

As if on cue, he turned, a delighted smile on his face, and this time actually did manage to spot the hapless pokémon innocently approaching them. This one was also a giant caterpillar, the difference being that where Wizard Lenin’s giant green caterpillar had looked more or less benign, this new brown version had a giant horn on the top of its head that was at least the size of Lily’s hand and three times as thick.

 

“A Weedle!” Ash cried in delight as he spotted it and, as always, pulled out his red calculator which began blurting educational information at him, “Weedle, the stinger on this pokémon’s head guarantees that any attacker will get the point right where it hurts.”

 

Although that seemed less educational than usual.

 

“Kill me, even the pokédex thinks it’s funny,” Wizard Lenin moaned, fingers twitching likely as he suppressed the need to strangle someone or else light everything in this country on fire.

 

“A stinger, huh?” Ash asked himself as he stared down with intensity at his calculator, “Now there’s a challenge.”

 

“A challenge?!’ Wizard Lenin cried out, tearing at his hair, and displaying his unnerving amount of knowledge in this universe for someone who had stumbled into it from another dimension, “You do realize it’s one of the weakest pokémon we’re likely to come across in this goddamn forest, don’t you?”

 

“I don’t know, Lenin, that stinger looks like it could impale a toddler,” Lily remarked, eyeing the point dubiously, but Wizard Lenin didn’t seem to care as he was already falling into frustrated despair.

 

“That’s right, a challenge, Lenin,” Ash crowed, turning his hat back on his head as he got that determined and fiery look in his eyes, “And you’re about to watch a great pokémon trainer catch his third pokémon when you still only have one.”

 

Well, he just came right out and said it, didn’t he? Still, Wizard Lenin, as his mouth hung open, seemed to have reached such a state of disbelief that the words started pouring out of him.

 

“Only one?” Wizard Lenin balked, “I have only one pokémon therefore I should be ashamed of myself?”

 

“What kind of a pokémon trainer has one pokémon?” Ash responded in return, looking almost pitying at this, as if Wizard Lenin had just missed something glaringly obvious and important while he Ash was already enlightened for having caught two oversized birds.

 

“A moral one!” Wizard Lenin cried out, and it said a lot that he was so far gone that he didn’t even notice the irony of this statement, of referring to himself as a moral man, in his need to belittle a ten-year-old, “I, at least, don’t force sentient creatures into battle for my own amusement and profit!”

 

Ash flushed, turning from the caterpillar to yell in turn as the horned caterpillar looked on curiously, “That’s not what being a trainer is about!”

 

“That is exactly what being a pokémon trainer is about!” Wizard Lenin said, throwing his hands dramatically into the air, “You think you’re honestly their friend when you force them into… this!”

 

“As a trainer with only one pokémon, you wouldn’t get it,” Ash sniffed, again failing to realize he himself only had two, before adding, “And besides, until a few days ago, you didn’t even know what a pokémon trainer was! I think you just feel bad because I’m better at this than you are, and I’ll be a pokémon master way before you!”

 

Wizard Lenin seemed, at this point, to be entirely beyond words. He just stared silently at Ash, once again that almost conflicted look from before, when he’d stared at Caterpie staring at the moon, crossing his pale face.

 

Lily herself, silently, wondered if this world didn’t run by a different set of moral standards than the one she and Wizard Lenin were used to. Or, at the very least, there was some part of this equation they weren’t seeing. Ash didn’t even seem to understand the point Wizard Lenin was trying to get at, only knowing he was being called stupid and amoral. To him, the idea of equating training pokémon with slavery was a non-concept. Even more of a non-concept than the rights of house elves that Hermione had started ranting about. More, pokémon seemed to be far more powerful than humans and likely just as intelligent. If they wanted a different life, then surely, they could have long since taken over the earth.

 

Perhaps it wasn’t so much humanity abusing pokémon, but pokémon tolerating, humoring, humanity.

 

Or maybe that in itself was too simple, maybe this was the way the world had been for so long that everyone had forgotten that it had once been differentm perhaps Wizard Lenin had a point and no one in this universe realized it.

 

Ash, ignoring Wizard Lenin and turning his back on him completely, reached for his empty pokéballs before stating, with a look of realization on his face, “Oh, oh yeah, I almost forgot, you have to weaken a pokémon before you can capture it.”

 

He then grinned over his shoulder towards Pikachu, or rather, the spot where Pikachu had been standing, “Let’s go, Pikachu!”

 

However, Pikachu, finally deciding he’d humored Ash enough and likely seeing this scene coming as soon as the unfortunate horned caterpillar made an appearance, had darted into Lily’s arms, and was now taking a healthy nap as he turned his face away from the boy.

 

Apparently, when it came down to it, Lily with a Stack of Bricks was still superior to helping Ash out willingly in a battle.

 

And Ash, witnessing this, nearly fell over where he was standing. He straightened himself, gave a somewhat awkward laugh as he said, “Taking a nap, huh?”

 

Then, holding up his two pokéballs, he said, “Okay, snooze you lose, there’s still Spearow and Pidgeotto to do the job, and they give me the respect I deserve.”

 

Unsaid by Lily or Wizard Lenin was that Spearow had no respect for Ash, only a healthy fear of Lily and Pikachu, and Pidgeotto’s respect or lack there of remained to be seen.

 

But the fight was on and Ash was hurling a pokéball towards the hapless caterpillar, crying out, “Pidgeotto, I choose you!”

 

Lenin, at the sight of the giant pigeon facing the giant caterpillar, that look still on his face, without a word, began to walk past Ash and the battle, leaving all of them behind.

 

“Lenin?” Lily asked, darting to catch up with him as she carried Pikachu with her, “Where are you going?”

 

“I’m done,” Wizard Lenin said, shoving his hands into his pockets as he walked, paying no mind to Ash’s commands, “I am done, I am done watching this idiot enslave pigeons and caterpillars for profit and glory. I don’t care how much he knows about alternate dimensions, I don’t care if we’re walking in the same direction, I don’t care if the caterpillar stabs him to death. I am done.”

 

“Oh, oh, well…” Lily pausesd, trying to think of something to say as she realized she was now kidnapping Pikachu from the joint custody agreement and leaving Ash to be stabbed to death by caterpillars, “It was a good run.”

 

“A good run?” Wizard Lenin scoffed, his voice now far louder than Ash’s joyful cries of encouragement as they walked further and further away, “Is that what we’re calling it now?”

 

“Sure, I mean, we… learned something?” Lily wasn’t entirely sure what she’d learned in this adventure, but there must have been something in there somewhere, about pokémon or friendship or friends that were pokémon.

 

“You learned how to impersonate life with a stack of bricks,” Wizard Lenin cut in.

 

“Impersonate is a strong word,” Lily replied, before motioning to her pokéball and stating, “And Stack of Bricks resents that.”

 

Wizard Lenin, with no regard to the feelings of Stack of Brick, continued, “You also blew up a hospital.”

 

“Please, Pikachu blew up the hospital,” at mention of him Pikachu blearily blinked up, seemed to realize that Ash was nowhere in sight, and then decided he didn’t care as he went right back to sleep.

 

Clearly, Pikachu had no issue abandoning Ash to his caterpillar fate.

 

“Either way this has been a complete and utter waste of time and I won’t stand for it any longer!” Wizard Lenin declared, dutifully ignoring that it couldn’t have been that much of a waste of time, since Lily and Wizard Lenin were on the yellow brick road and had at least travelled part of the way to… somewhere.

 

Plus, she had the feeling that Ash was only the seed of this, that perhaps, perhaps something about the sentience and intelligence of pokémon was weighing far greater on Wizard Lenin’s soul. After all, it wasn’t often that he had a crisis of conscience, actually it was… never.

 

Wizard Lenin didn’t do morality, he found it beneath him.

 

Lily was about to remark on this point when from the other direction, came a red-headed girl around their age walking through with a red bicycle sporting several holes in the tires, and looking just as if not more put out by her own experiences than Wizard Lenin, “This whole forest is crawling with slimey, disgusting, pokémon and I wish they’d all just bug off!”

 

And then of course, because things like this seemed to happen in this world, a midget samurai burst from the bushes with a sword, holding it to the girl’s face as if to strike her down with extreme prejudice.

 

And when Lily said midget samurai, she truly did mean midget samurai, from his equally young stature, the high-pitched sound of his voice, jarred by the elaborate shogunate helmet, along with somewhat less impressive armor, as well as a deadly sharp katana.

 

With the sword leveled inches away from the girl’s face he said, “Greetings, oh shrieking maiden, are you by chance the pokémon trainer who comes from Pallet?”

 

The girl, fearful sweat pouring down her face, darted back from the sword and cried out, “No, that’s not me!”

 

The sword then turned to Lily and Wizard Lenin, “And you, oh noble silent lord, stoic maiden, and Pikachu?”

 

Wizard Lenin stared blandly for a moment, taking in the blade, the armor, and the mental instability, before pleasantly smiling and throwing Ash, no doubt still obliviously fighting caterpillars, under the bus, “Oh, the trainer from Pallet, he’s back that way, we just passed him. Blue vest, jeans, red hat, fighting a Weedle and shouting his own praises, you can’t miss him.”

 

“Thank you, oh travelers, for your help on my journey,” the boy said with a stiff bow, his face hidden by the cowl of his helmet, Wizard Lenin even going so far as to offer a polite bow and cheerful smile in return, “In return I will advise you to refrain from further shrieking while passing through this forest, unless your goal is to attract a horde of Beedrills.”

 

Without further word, the boy turned and, with the pride and honor of a samurai who had been born centuries too late, walked off in the direction Lenin had pointed, towards the unsuspecting Ash who was now likely to be rend in two by a sword.

 

“That was cold,” Lily noted, Pikachu, wide eyed, echoing her sentiments with a quiet, “Pikachu.”

“Cold, Lily, or convenient?” Wizard Lenin asked with that still far too cheerful smile, likely imagining Ash’s gruesome death as they spoke which… Lily was finding distinctly uncomfortable.

 

Also, perhaps ironic was that while enslaving his own caterpillar could make Wizard Lenin uncomfortable, cheerfully sending a ten-year-old boy to his death appeared to make his day. Ash should have punned less, it might have saved him.

 

The girl, next to them, dropped to the forest floor, allowing her bicycle to fall as she stared after the samurai had her close call with death, “What a weird kid, I wonder why he’d be looking for a pokémon trainer from Pallet.”

 

Death, if the sword was any indication… Lily, personally, wondered what the town of Pallet had done to offend him so much. Did he do this to everyone who passed through? Was his goal to send the heads of all the unsupervised children back to their hometown? If so he hadn’t been doing it long as there’d been no sign of severed limbs last time Lily and Wizard Lenin had been in the town.

 

Then, glancing up towards Lily and Lenin, she said, “Thanks for that, I would have been out of this creepy forest ages ago if Weedles hadn’t destroyed my tires.”

 

“It was nothing,” Lenin said with that still cheerful and pleasant smile, which, at a glance, appeared a little too cheerful and pleasant as the girl staring up at them flushed, getting that almost Pansy Parkinson look in her eyes as she took in just how finely crafted Lenin Rabbitson’s prepubescent features were.

 

“Oh, right, well,” the girl stopped, stood back up and brushed off her clothing, then held out her hand, “I’m Misty.”

 

Here Wizard Lenin hesitantly took it before letting Lily to do the same, “Lenin and Lily.”

 

“Oh, is that your Pikachu?” the girl asked as her eyes landed on the Pikachu, “He’s adorable!”

 

Pikachu, apparently, took this as a compliment as he preened, letting out a joyful, “Pika!”

 

“Sort of,” Lily replied, “We have joint custody.”

 

Well, had joint custody, now that Ash was not long for this world.

 

At this point they fell into awkward silence, neither having much to say to the other and Misty too busy staring at Wizard Lenin’s beautiful twelve-year-old face while Lily tried and failed to not imagine Ash’s screaming.

 

“Oh, um, so are you headed to Pewter City?” Misty asked, a hesitant shy smile on her face, “That’s where I’m going, actually, my specialty is water pokémon and…”

 

Before Misty could blather too much Lily decided it was time to interrupt, “So, Lenin, are we going to save Ash from certain death or not?”

 

Wizard Lenin looked at her blandly, ignoring Misty’s taken aback expression at his lack of focus on her or else Lily’s interruption, “Not, I think.”

 

“Ash?” Misty asked, blinking and looking at them, as if just remembering how Wizard Lenin had gotten the crazy samurai off their backs.

 

“The, um, trainer from Pallet,” Lily noted, before adding, “We’re sort of friends.”

“That’s stretching it,” Wizard Lenin said, cheerfully, the sheer blinding force of his beautiful smile making him unquestionable in Misty’s dazzled green eyes, “I’d say we’re… acquaintances.”

 

“Seriously, Lenin, sending him to his death makes me very uncomfortable,” Lily said, ignoring Wizard Lenin’s bland look that said that she, of all people, should not be uncomfortable sending people to their death.

 

Except she was, or at least, Ash. He was so… stupid and oblivious that she just knew he’d have no shot in hell of protecting himself. It was like kicking someone when they were already down, it just made you feel kind of ashamed. Or, in this case, stabbing them while they were down while drinking tea cheerfully at the same time.

 

“Wait, you mean, you actually know the trainer from Pallet Town?” Misty asked, realizing the implications of what had just happened.

 

“…Yes?” Lily said, not really sure if she wanted to admit to this or not.

 

“Oh my god,” Misty cried out, “We have to hurry, who knows what that kid will do to him!”

 

And with that Misty was picking up her bike and dashing towards where the maniacal swordsman had gone, however, soon she turned back, looked at them, “Aren’t you coming?!”

 

And just like that, Lily was sprinting after her, Pikachu still in her arms, while, unenthusiastically and with a cry of irritation, Wizard Lenin followed behind, back towards Ash Ketchum and his untimely death.

 

* * *

 

Ash was right where they’d left him, obliviously battling the Weedle, not even paying attention to the shorter ridiculously dressed sword wielding maniac approaching behind him. Naturally, if this were a horror film, Ash would be the first to die and prove an example to the other party members.

 

“Greetings, am I addressing the pokémon trainer who comes from Pallet?” silent death asked as he stood right behind Ash, not even glancing as Lily and the gang darted into the clearing after him.

 

And, obliviously, pokéball out and facing the dazed giant caterpillar, Ash stupidly responded, “I’m a pokémon trainer from Pallet, but I’m a little busy.”

 

The samurai, with a glint in his eye, began to reach for the hilt of his blade, “I have found you at last!”

 

“Ash, you stupid bastard!” Lily cried out as she sprinted towards the swordsman, reaching towards her pokéball and summoning for Stack of Bricks, “Stack of Bricks, wreck him!”

 

Ash looked at her, and watched as the swords man was flung into the trees by Stack of Brick, who stoically ignored Pikachu’s look of annoyance as all good stacks of bricks should as he stood guard between them and the boy.

 

“Huh?” Ash asked, then narrowed his eyes, at her and cried out, “Hey, knock it off Lily, I’m busy right now!”

 

And suddenly Lily understood exactly what Wizard Lenin had been feeling for the past few days and just why he seemed two seconds away from lighting everything on fire.

 

“Busy?!” Lily cried out, “I just saved your life, you ungrateful piece of…”

 

“You, unsavory maiden,” the samurai said as he collected himself and pointed his blade towards Lily, “That was an attack without honor.”

 

“Hey,” Ash said then, now realizing that a sword was involved, but apparently not realizing just how close he’d come to death, “That sword doesn’t scare me! There’s no way you’re stealing my pokémon!”

 

Clearly, Ash had missed the point of this confrontation, as well as how precarious the mortal condition truly was.

 

“I am no pokémon thief,” the boy proclaimed, sword still leveled towards Lily, eyes hard, “I am Samurai! I am also shrewd, fearless, and completely invincible in combat! I have been searching the forest for you and any other trainer who hails from Pallet.”

 

Well, Samurai… Lily wasn’t about to give him points for creativity even if that was the most absurd self-declaration she’d seen since Team Rocket’s choreographed debut. Lily also highly doubted he was completely invincible in combat as he had just gotten owned by Stack of Bricks without Lily even trying.

 

Those were fighting words after all.

 

“What do you want from me?” Ash asked, eyebrows lowering and looking at least somewhat wary of the sword, though not nearly wary enough considering.

 

Somehow, Lily felt she should have been surprised by what Samurai the samurai said next, but she wasn’t, because, as she’d told Wizard Lenin earlier, pokémon really were the end all be all of this world.

 

“A pokémon match!” the boy declared as he held out a pokéball, “Let us see who triumphs!”

 

They all stared at this, Lily, Wizard Lenin, Pikachu, and now Misty who was looking as if she wasn’t quite sure if she had really been pulled into this surreal adventure or not. Finally, tilting his head, Pikachu asked, “Pika?”

 

At that Ash turned back towards his abandoned wounded caterpillar, now slinking away back into the underbrush, “Oh no, I forgot about Weedle!”

 

Unfortunately, the pokéball he threw at it was too little and too late, falling uselessly against a tree trunk as the bug crept away back into the forest. With a great cry Ash called back Pidgeotto, “Pidgeotto, return!”

 

Ash then, with a look of dismay then resentment, turned towards Samurai the samurai and proceeded to do what Ash did best, never admit his own faults, “That Weedle only got away because you mixed me up!”

 

Misty, taking this in, already seemed to be forming an accurate, if unfavorable, opinion of Ash. Lily would like to tell her he wasn’t normally like this, but that would be lying.

 

“Are you serious?” Wizard Lenin asked, “Do you really think it’s a good idea to be blaming the unstable swordsman for your problems?”

 

Similarly, Samurai the samurai stated, not untruthfully, “Don’t blame your failure on me, your pokémon handling is dimwitted and clumsy.”

 

It was amazing, that after having only seen two seconds worth of Ash, he’d already come to that conclusion.

 

“Lenin, I don’t need your help!” Ash shouted as he stalked over before looking Samurai directly in the eye, “And what do you know about pokémon? I bet I could beat you in a pokémon match blindfolded!”

 

The samurai judged Ash for all he was worth then, fingering his pokéball still, then his eyes slid to Lily and Wizard Lenin, “You two, the pair without honor, you did not say from where you hail.”

 

And suddenly, Lily knew exactly where this was going even if Ash didn’t, “They got their Pokémon from Pallet, just like I did!”

 

“Is that so?” Samurai the samurai asked, he then pointed a finger towards Wizard Lenin who looked at it with a rather dubious and displeased expression, “Your maiden has no honor and resorts to cheap tricks with strange rock pokémon, and your other companion is a fool, if you are as shrewd as you appear then you and I should do battle!”

 

Ash gave out a great offended cry, “What?! No, he only has one pokémon and is barely a trainer at all!”

 

Lenin’s pale eyebrow twitched at this but he kept a level assessing gaze on Samurai the samurai and said clearly, in a voice not to be questioned, “No.”

 

Samurai, however, was not facing down the fully grown and intimidating as hell Wizard Lenin but rather the twelve-year-old Lenin Rabbitson without any reputation to precede him, and so he openly balked, “No? Are you a coward, then? A scoundrel, a fool, a coward, and a shrieking maiden?”

 

“Hey!” Misty cried but was duly ignored by both Samurai and Wizard Lenin himself.

 

“No, I have no desire to engage in a cheap machismo contest with a ten-year-old in a helmet,” Wizard Lenin clarified with that cutting, polite, smile of his, that with anyone else would have been a clear sign to stop while the going was good.

 

Ash scoffed, crossed his arms, and said, “I think you’re just scared, you only have one pokémon, and you’ve never really battled before.”

 

Wizard Lenin’s face, twelve-years old and beautiful as it was, darkened and a miasma seemed to grow around him, shadows spreading from his feet.

 

“You talk about trying and doing and everything but you never do anything!” Ash continued, oblivious to the change in atmosphere, “You just stand there and judge people when I bet I could beat you blindfolded and with my hands tied behind my back!”

 

The miasma grew thicker, an edge of fear perpetrated the clearing, but Ash didn’t seem to notice and neither did Samurai. Misty and Pikachu edged backwards, Misty’s eyes landing on Wizard Lenin in confusion and a hint of fear.

 

“Indeed, better a fool than a coward!” the Samurai proclaimed as he angled himself once more towards Ash, “I would rather face the novice than watch you pathetically squirm like a maggot in search for excuses.”

 

The pokéball on Wizard Lenin’s belt flew wordlessly into his pale hand, floating just above his fingertips, shadows still coming off his skin in waves. Above them, Lily could swear that the sky itself was darkening.

 

“Alright,” he said softly, dangerously, “Alright, Samurai, let’s do battle.”

 

And with that, he threw the pokéball forward, summoning out Metapod while across from him, with a grin, Samurai threw forth his own pokéball shouting, “Pincer, assume battle mode!”

 

From the pokéball a towering oversized beetle, complete with a pair of spiked pincers at the top of his head, stared across at them with narrowed eyes.

 

“Whoa,” Ash breathed, “He’s got a Pincer.”

 

He then flipped out his red calculator, which, as always, rattled off names and facts as well as atrocious puns, “Pincer, this fearsome pokémon uses its powerful claws to put the squeeze on its opponents.”

 

Lily winced at the joke once again, but Wizard Lenin didn’t seem to notice, no, he didn’t seem to notice anything staring forward with an alarming amount of focus and tunnel vision, the grass whipping about in an invisible wind at his feet.

 

“Fool!” Samurai cried at the sight of the green cocoon, “Watch and weep as Pincer crushes your Metapod in half!”

 

Pincer lunged forwards, pincers snapping as it stared down the cocoon in glee, picturing that hard shell snapped in half and Metapod departing for whatever awaited pokémon in death.

 

“Lenin, call back Metapod,” Misty said fearfully, looking at him, “Even a bug doesn’t deserve this!”

 

“This match is already won!” Samurai gleefully agreed as his smile grew at the thought of Metapod, Metapod who was once Caterpie staring at the moon with dreams in his great black eyes, losing that spark of life.

 

However, Wizard Lenin did not move, did not flinch, instead, quietly, as Pincer descended upon it, he commanded, “Metapod, harden.”

 

There was a flash of green light running through the cocoon, then, as the beetle lifted the cocoon high into the air and squeezed, its own pincers formed cracks as spikes broke off attempting to break through the hardened shell.

 

“It worked!” Misty breathed, a perhaps too admiring smile on her face as she took in Wizard Lenin, who had not moved a muscle or even twitched, still waiting, lying in wait for something.

 

“Pincer, return!” Samurai cried out, dismissing Pincer in a red beam of light back into the pokéball, “Clever, quite clever.”

 

Then, with a grimace, another pokéball was thrown into the field, this one featuring… Another green cocoon.

 

“Oh hell,” Lily said, her eyes moving from one cocoon to the other, neither moving or capable of any movement at all.

 

And yes, with Samurai’s first command, this was going exactly where Lily thought it was going, “Metapod, harden, like his!”

 

“Oh shit,” Lily said, more adamantly, as she glanced towards Wizard Lenin who still wasn’t moving, wasn’t blinking, had no expression at all on his face except that horrifying determination to crush Samurai the samurai beneath his boot and make him bleed.

 

“What’s wrong?” Misty asked, looking at Lily in askance while Pikachu did the same with a soft, “Pika?”

 

Lily sighed, glanced towards Misty, Pikachu, then towards the pair of duelers, “We’re going to be here forever.”

 

* * *

 

“Do you have any sevens?”

 

Lily, Misty, and Pikachu had resorted to playing go-fish like sane people. Ash, for his own part, was still intensely watching the battle, though god only knew why. Nothing had happened for at least an hour, Lenin stood there, still bleeding terror into the air around him, while Samurai the samurai stared back shouting “Harden!” every few seconds in case his cocoon forgot.

 

The trouble was that this wasn’t Wizard Lenin being reasonable, this was Wizard Lenin badgered into making a point, and if winning meant winning pokémon battles with giant cocoons who only knew how to harden, then by god, he would.

 

Unfortunately, Samurai the samurai appeared to be of similar disposition, or at least crazy enough not to know that maybe it was a good idea to back down when the boy in front of you seemed to be bleeding shadows.

 

“Pika”, Pikachu said with a shake of his head, forcing Lily to draw from the pile with a sigh, wondering when one of the pair finally decided to be reasonable. Right now her money was on Wizard Lenin, if only because Samurai the samurai seemed beyond hopelessly unstable, but it could take Wizard Lenin… quite some time to come back to the land of rationality.

 

“So, you and Lenin are from Pallet too?” Misty asked before adding, “Oh, do you have any threes?”

 

“Go fish,” Lily dutifully responded before answering, “No, we actually are from… Well sort of from Viridian City.”

 

“Oh, I love Viridian City, I’m from Celedon City though,” Misty said as she drew a card, “But what do you mean sort of from?”

 

“We’re a bit new to Kanto, to be honest, Lenin and I are from a whole different country called England,” Lily said only for Misty to look somewhat puzzled, and Pikachu along with her.

 

“England, I’ve never heard of England.”

 

“It’s pretty far, and an island, I don’t think anyone would have heard of it,” Lily said with a shrug as if England were ultimately unimportant. To these people though, it would be, without any pokémon Lily doubted they’d have any interest in their small island nation.

 

“Either way,” Lily continued, “Lenin and I didn’t meet up with Ash until Pallet, so a few days ago now.”

 

“And you and Lenin have known each other a long time?” Misty pushed, ulterior motives clearly in mind as she stared with starry eyes over at Wizard Lenin, though she at least had the decency to be somewhat put off by his sheer stubbornness and insisting on winning the battle of the cocoons.

 

“Forever,” Lily said before adding, “We’re best friends.”

 

Of course, best friends probably wasn’t the term for it, Wizard Lenin would no doubt have complaints, but it was the closest term that Lily could really come up with that didn’t sound incorrect, hokey, or just plain creepy.

 

One did not casually call another their soulmate, after all.

 

“Oh, is he… Always like this?” Misty finally asked as she took in Wizard Lenin’s blazing blue eyes and the terrifying intensity about his aura.

 

“He’s had to spend three days with Ash,” Lily said, “It’s getting to him.”

 

Of course, Misty didn’t need to know that on some level Wizard Lenin was always filled with morally dubious revolutionary zeal.

 

That seemed to be enough explanation for Misty as she glanced with some distaste towards Ash, she was probably thinking that if she’d been stuck with Ash for days she’d probably be in the same state as Wizard Lenin.

 

Still, Misty sighed, and said, “We could be stuck in this forest for the rest of our lives, boys can be so stubborn.”

 

Pikachu agreed with a solemn and exhausted, “Pikachu.”

 

Ash however, just kept cheering, “Yeah, Metapod, you can do it!”

 

Finally, Misty appeared to have had enough as she threw down her cards and cried, “You two are more hardheaded than your Metapods!”

 

Both Samurai (who now had sweat pouring down his face from the heat), and Wizard Lenin (hair on end from the magic coursing through him), turned to look at her blankly. Then look behind her as a distant buzzing could be heard.

 

“What’s that noise?” Misty asked.

 

“A Beedrill swarm approaches!” Samurai announced, real fear in his eyes now, “Our match must end!”

 

He then held out his ball, “Metapod, return!”

 

Lenin, eyes still burning, silently did the same, summoning back his own green cocoon into its spherical prison, clearly displeased by the lack of a conclusion. However, sure enough, there over the tree line was a swarm of oversized wasps.

 

“Holy shit,” Lily said, because giant sparrows had been one thing, the giant wasps, now those were intimidating.

 

“Beedrill swarm!” Ash cried out, and then, like an idiot, pulled out his red calculator because that was his go to response in any situation, even when giant wasps were flying at him with death in their red eyes, “Beedrill, this pokémon is an evolved form of Weedle, following its Kakuna stage, its sting is highly poisonous.”

 

However, before Ash could contemplate this and the certain death that was now flying towards them, Samurai exclaimed, “The Weedle that got away from you has informed the rest of its kind!”

 

Wizard Lenin’s head slowly but surely turned towards Ash, death in his eyes, as he realized that once again through Ash’s total incompetence, he was about to be chased to death by giant animals, this time the poisonous variety.

 

More, Ash’s stupidity had cost him his victory in a dick measuring contest with a ten-year-old helmet wearing self-proclaimed samurai named Samurai. Which meant, that technically, Lenin had failed to win against said child and must forever live with that shame.

 

Samurai then, turning on his heel, bid adieu and started sprinting, “Good day!”

 

Lily quickly, picking up Pikachu and tugging on Wizard Lenin’s hand and forcing him out of his still and silent rage, did the same, with Misty following behind with a great cry as well as her useless bicycle, “I hate bugs! I hate bugs! I hate bugs!”

 

“Hey, wait!” Ash cried, sprinting to catch up with them, but the wasps were abnormally fast and gaining quick. Lily, glancing back, realized that it was now or never to do something and drive off the swarm.

 

With that, a brief glance behind, and a single hand outstretched Lily silently summoned a great wall of fire, cast out from her fingertips and towards the wasps forcing half to fall back while the unlucky ones plummeted scorched to the earth.

 

At the startled looks of the rest of her companions, barring Wizard Lenin, Lily exclaimed, “Move it, people!”

 

They resumed sprinting, eventually catching up to Samurai and ducking with him behind a bush, avoiding the swarm but unfortunately coming face to face with a great tree covered in tan cocoons featuring black eyes, likely a new type of pokémon.

 

As if to confirm this Samurai exclaimed, “A whole hive of Kakuna.”

 

Ash flipped open his calculator once again, as he always did in times of panic, and listened as it rattled off, “Kakuna, a transitional stage between Weedle and Beedrill, Kakunas remain inactive until they evolve into deadly Beedrills and hatch.”

 

“Well, that’s comforting,” Lily whispered to herself and itching to set the tree on fire and be done with it, judging by Misty’s horrified expression the new girl agreed with her… Lily was starting to like the new girl.

 

She, at least, was reasonable.

 

Indeed, at that moment, great white light appeared from their backs as transparent wings began to break through, and then of course out came the giant killer wasps looking straight at them.

 

“Goddammit!” Lily cried, but she was already moving, sprinting away from the Beedrills again with company hot on her tail even as she declared, “Ash, I swear to god, I am going to kill you this time! This is much worse than the giant sparrows, you hear me, much worse!”

 

“I’m sorry!” Ash cried out, again, as he had before, though this time he didn’t get to add that he didn’t mean to throw rocks at the giant sparrows and it wasn’t his fault.

 

Meanwhile, Misty, with her bike, started to lag behind, dangerously close to the giant spikes the giant wasps had for arms.

 

“Misty, you have to ditch the bike!”

 

“What? I can’t ditch the bike!” Misty exclaimed even as the giant wasps gained on her.

 

“Do you want to live?” Lily asked and for a moment Misty looked truly torn, glancing down with heartbreaking fondness at her bike before tossing it aside, sprinting and catching up to the rest with a burst of adrenaline.

 

“Promise me we’ll come back for it later!” Misty cried out in genuine dismay.

 

“If it isn’t destroyed by giant wasps you are welcome to it!” Lily cried back, which was a rather dubious prospect, as even now, daring to glance behind her, she could see the wasps descending upon it like flies on a corpse… Or wasps on a plate of sugary snacks.

 

That bike was not long for this world, Lily, as always, blamed Ash.

 

Soon a wooden cabin appeared in sight, Samurai declaring, “My cabin!” then, with a glance behind him, crying, “I think we can make it!”

 

And they did, just barely, diving inside the door as the wasps began to drive their stingers clear through the wood while the group panted in the middle of the cabin, hearts racing. Finally, Wizard Lenin turned towards Ash, Wizard Lenin asked the question he so often asked Lily, “What is wrong with you?”

 

“What?” Ash asked, genuinely taken aback as he caught his breath, “How is this my fault?!”

“It’s always your fault!” Wizard Lenin hissed, pulling himself to his feet as he glared down at Ash, “In the few days we’ve known you, Ash, when has it ever not been your fault?!”

 

Samurai the samurai, removing his helmet and placing it on a table, chimed in, “I hope you’ve learned your lesson, novice! Your letting that Weedle escape almost cost our lives!”

 

Ash stood, apparently not bothered by the fact that he’d nearly caused their deaths, but instead shouting, “Take back that novice crack!”

 

“I do take it back!” Samurai shouted in return with his honor shining brightly in his dark eyes even in the darkened cabin, “Because not even a novice would act as you did!”

 

Ash grimaced, opened his mouth to retort, but Samurai continued, “The other trainers from Pallet would never have been so irresponsible!”

 

“Other trainers from Pallet?” Ash asked, “You mean Lily and Lenin? Or have you fought pokémon matches against Gary and the others?”

 

“Ah,” Samurai said with a pleased sigh as he recounted the glory of those other battles, “There were three spectacular matches, each more challenging than the last. Those trainers really knew how to raise pokémon! Even though I was defeated all three times, I was inspired to redouble my own training. I have eagerly been preparing for that day when finally, I would beat the next pokémon trainer from Pallet.”

 

Well, that explained the ambush then, Lily guessed, although she wasn’t sure how she and Wizard Lenin had gotten lumped in with Pallet. She guessed when your other choice was Ash failing to catch a giant caterpillar, you’d make any stretch possible.

 

Samurai then proceeded to rub salt in the metaphorical wounds, “Compared to those other three, even your two companions, novice here is a joke!”

 

Bitterly, Ash looked to the side, unable to deny either this or Wizard Lenin’s accusations. Instead he merely grit his teeth and sighed through them, not saying a single word as night fell and the wasps lay in wait outside.

 

Lily sighed, glancing out the windows at the wasps, “It’s going to be a long night.”

 

* * *

 

Lily and Wizard Lenin ended up staying up later than the rest. Ash had taken his time to fall asleep, staring moodily at the ceiling, but eventually he drifted off along with Misty and Samurai, Pikachu curled on top of Lily’s sleeping bag.

 

Lily and Wizard Lenin, meanwhile, stared out the window at the stars and the sky, empty for the moment, of Beedrills.

 

Finally, softly, Wizard Lenin asked, “Who’s the girl?”

 

He really had been out of it, Lily blinked as she looked at him, it wasn’t like him to miss details like that, “Her names Misty, she likes giant fish and hates giant bugs, she’s surprisingly reasonable, and she also likes your face.”

 

“Funny, I noticed that last one,” Wizard Lenin said with a somewhat wry and amused smile. Which, Misty had made no secret of staring at Lenin Rabbitson, but she was also far more tactful than most of the underage Hogwarts female population put together which Lily could appreciate.

 

Finally, Lily noted, “I thought you didn’t want to battle with pokémon.”

 

For a moment Wizard Lenin said nothing, tapped on the glass, then finally said, “You were right, in this world, it’s very difficult to avoid them. Without pokémon, without prowess in battle, there can be no respect and without that no power. If alternate dimensions are only accessible through pokémon, or guarded by those who own pokémon, then this isn’t a path I can snub.”

 

That was one way to put it, Lily thought to herself, but neither of them commented on Wizard Lenin’s volatile pride. How, even for a moment, even by ten-year-olds, he could not stand to be looked down upon and seen as anything less than what he was.

 

Even at the expense of Caterpie turned Metapod.

 

“I could do it, with Stack of Bricks,” Lily said with a shrug but he shook his head with a fond smile.

 

“That trick has already gotten old, Lily,” Wizard Lenin said, “And besides, you’ve played your hand today, don’t think they didn’t notice your inferno.”

 

They had, Misty had even asked about it, at which point Lily had introduced her to Stack of Bricks much to the dismay of both Pikachu and Wizard Lenin. Misty, and Samurai for that matter, appeared to have bought it well enough if only because there wasn’t really any other explanation.

 

A fact which appeared to infuriate Pikachu to no end.

 

“Would you rather have been stung to death by giant wasps?” Lily asked but Wizard Lenin dismissed this with a wave of his hand.

 

“I’m not complaining,” Wizard Lenin said, “Just remarking, that solution could become… interesting, over time. I’d rather you not be so blatant in the future.”

 

Lily didn’t think, personally that she did subtle but Wizard Lenin had never truly appreciated her bluntness either so she supposed that was just in his nature. Still, he was at least conceding that he had to play the game to win, for now, and for now that would be enough for Lily herself.

 

“So then, still Pewter City next?” Lily asked.

“I suppose so,” Wizard Lenin said with a sigh, looking truly put upon by this, likely thinking that he was going to have to catch more pokémon if he wanted to keep up with Ash. A fact that Wizard Lenin still didn’t seem entirely at ease with.

 

Either way, she offered him a smile in turn, holding an imaginary glass towards him in toast, “To our journey as pokémon masters of the universe!”

 

Wizard Lenin said nothing, frowned, and with a sniff said, “Don’t make me regret this already.”

 

Wizard Lenin then spared a glance towards the sleeping Pikachu, curled into a small ball, “And Lily, about your attempt to teach it Morose code…”

 

“Yeah?” Lily asked, tyring to decipher the strange look on Wizard Lenin’s face, for a moment he said nothing, just watched the pokémon breathe in and out.

 

Finally, he said, turning away from her to stare out the window, “Let me know how it goes.”

 

* * *

 

“No!”

 

It was to a bright and beautiful early morning, after they had said goodbye to Samurai the samurai, who had praised Lenin’s tactics with a rather weak pokémon and continued to be unimpressed by Ash, that the group grieved the remains of Misty’s once beautiful red bicycle, which appeared to have been torn apart by angry giant wasps, and then devoured by whatever other giant creatures happened upon it.

 

All that was left now were patched tires, bent frames, and the memory of what once was a bicycle.

 

“It had a good life, truly, it was the best of bicycles,” Lily said, patting the devastated Misty on her shoulders, who had fallen o her knees in despair.

The rest of them, Ash, Pikachu, Wizard Lenin all looked on with more or less uninterested expressions, clearly not understanding the devastating loss. Not that Lily did either, for that matter, but she could at least appreciate that it had once been a very nice bike and probably rather useful in a universe that didn’t seem to understand paved roads.

 

“Oh, if those Weedles hadn’t eaten my tires then this never would have happened, and I wouldn’t even be in this forest!” Misty cried out in despair, apparently no longer concerned by the Beedrills, which were at the moment sleeping in their giant tree hive not so far away from where they were currently standing.

 

She then paused, looked over at Ash as if in realization, “Wait a minute, no, if you hadn’t let that Weedle get away then we never would have run into the Beedrills!”

 

Ash paled, stepped back, held up his hands in defense, “Hey, that wasn’t my…”

 

“It was completely your fault,” Wizard Lenin interjected before Ash could even finish, earning a sharp glare from Ash in response.

 

“Look at what’s left of my bike, all because you couldn’t catch one weakened bug pokémon!” Misty cried out, apparently more than willing to blame Ash for her current misfortune, which, well, wasn’t unfounded.

 

“I was distracted!” Ash cried back as if that was any excuse.

 

“I don’t care what you were, all I know is that the moment I meet you I’m getting attacked by samurai, chased by Beedrills, running for my life and having to spend the night in some weird kid’s cabin, and then my bike is destroyed!”

 

Well, listed like that she had very valid points, more Wizard Lenin seemed rather pleased that for once someone was backing up his harping on Ash. It was one thing to be a single voice of sanity in the wilderness, another to have at least one other person saying everything you’d been saying for days.

 

Then, standing, rage in her eyes, Misty exclaimed, “You’re gonna pay for this!”

Sheepishly, Ash looked down at the ruined bike then back up at her with a rather chagrinned expression, “Look, I promise I’ll make up for it, I promise, but I can’t do anything until…”

 

“I don’t want any of your lame excuses!” Misty cried out, leaning towards Ash with a fist raised, “I just want a new bike right now!”

 

Ash flushed, apparently having hit his own limit, then screamed right back, “Well I can’t get you a new bike in the middle of the forest so you’re just going to have to deal with it!”

 

That, judging by the look on her face, was not what Misty had wanted to hear, “Oh, you will pay for it, and until you do I will be with you every step of the way! You will get me a new bike, Ash, or so help me you will regret it!”

 

“Pikachu,” Pikachu offered blandly to Ash’s desperate look in his direction, clearly implying that Ash was on his own with this one.

 

“Well, if we’re done here then, I’d like to be on our way before the wasps wake up,” Wizard Lenin, a rather pleased smile on his face and his hands in his pockets, as if just by having someone else screaming beside him, his own anger was relieved.

 

Lily briefly debated whether they should have a funeral for the bicycle, but even Misty, still looking down in anger and despair at it, appeared to be more or less ready to move on. So they all turned, intending to leave on their merry way, when, out of nowhere just as before, the comedic trio of villains arrived.

 

The giant cat jumped from the trees, landing on Ash’s unprotected head as Pikachu darted back towards Lily, cheeks sparking as he prepared for battle and likely to beat Lily to the punch before Stack of Bricks could even think to make a move.

 

“Do you know what Meowth’s favorite game is?” the cat asked as it surveyed Ash as it might a cat toy, then, scratching Ash’s with his claws he concluded, “Scratch and sniffle!”

 

Ash clutched at his now bleeding face, crying out in pain while the cat smirked

 

The man’s voice, James’ sounded out in the distance, “Guess who?”

 

And there, in the same outfits, standing behind them just in front of the clearing where the Beedrill hive was hidden, were Jessie and James complete in their usual uniforms including James’ red rose clutched seductively between his dark gloved fingertips.

 

“Prepare for trouble!” Jessie cried out, voice loud and echoing, and Lily felt her eyes unwillingly move behind her, to wear the Beedrills still slept.

 

“Make it double,” James added with a sultry smirk.

 

“To protect the world from devastation,” and here came the odd pronouncement of peace and love that really had nothing to do with their pokémon snatching ambitions as far as Lily could tell.

 

“To unite all peoples within our nation,” and world peace, must not forget world peace, maybe that was the ultimate goal of all of this. It was a bit unclear how pokémon led to world peace but Lily would buy it as a suitably ambitious goal for a self-proclaimed villain.

 

Here came the Orwell bit, “To denounce the evils of truth and…”

 

Ash, desperately, looking over to where the hive was, to where even now  a distant buzzing could be heard, whisper shouted, “No, no, not again, not now!”

 

Jessie looked genuinely affronted by this, as if never before had someone dared to interrupt the glorious rhyming introduction that Lily and the gang had already heard twice now, “Never interrupt the Team Rocket motto!”

 

Ash looked over towards them, stepping back, listening to the buzzing which was now growing louder, “But the Beedrills…”

 

However, the rhyme, like some dread ritual, could not merely be left unfinished as Jessie continued, “To denounce the evils of truth and love.”

 

James, with excellent timing and choreography, moving his arms into dramatic position, added, “To extend our reach to the stars above.”

 

Then the kick, “Jessie!”

 

Then the kick out into the other direction, “James.”

 

Ash’s voice grew louder, desperate, too little too late as the Beedrills were surely coming, “Keep it down before you wake up the Beedrills!”

 

“Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!”

 

“Surrender now or prepare to fight!”

 

“Meowth, that’s right!”

 

Then, because merely dancing wasn’t good enough, colored fireworks went off at a volume far louder than even Misty’s shouting had been.

 

And there, appearing from over the tree line once again, were the giant oversized wasps the size of a tall human being, a hunger in each of their eyes as the swarm swiftly approached the unaware Team Rocket.

 

“Little boy, why don’t you give us your Pikachu, there’s no use trying to resist us so be smart and hand over the pokémon,”

 

Yes, Lily thought as the swarm approached, she wasn’t really in the mood for this or Team Rocket shenanigans. Plus, when in doubt, there was nothing like a good curb-stomping to teach either angry wasps or comical villains their place, “Sorry, Pikachu.”

 

Pikachu, looking at her in dismay, appeared to know what was going to happen even before Lily’s fingers reached her pokéball, “Pika!”

 

Lily threw her pokéball forward, revealing the mighty Stack of Bricks appearing in a great beam of blinding white light, “Stack of Bricks, Disco Inferno!”

 

The giant inferno, that almost seemed to groove to the music, Pikachu’s cry of rage and despair, Wizard Lenin’s nonplussed and unimpressed expression, Ash and Misty having no idea what to do with themselves, and the charred remains of the Beedrills, Team Rocket, and Misty’s bike did not need a description.

 

Instead, it was the quiet aftermath, where they all simply stood there as if waiting for something else to happen, that had them riveted.

 

All Lily could to think to say, as she watched the twitching bodies of the killer giant wasps was, “Well, Ash, if you want another pokémon I think this is your chance.”

 

Ash grimaced, hesitated, and despite his proclamation of being the world’s greatest pokémon trainer did not reach for one of his empty pokéballs.

 

Instead, perhaps it was new recruit Misty who summed it up best, as she stared at the scene, “I hate bugs.”

 

* * *

 

With Team Rocket thwarted for now, and Stack of Brick’s power still mostly unquestioned, Lily and her friends leave the Viridian Forest and set their sights on Pewter City.


	5. Rocky IV: The Pokemon Edition

_In which Wizard Lenin embraces his lack of shame and decides to show up Ash and Lily with strategy that only Misty can really appreciate, Lily and Pikachu make their first attempts to communicate until Lily’s practical overpowered tendencies push Pikachu too far, and Ash proves that he’s not quite as incompetent as everyone assumed he was._

* * *

 

After perils untold and unnumbered, as well as more than a few anticlimactic showdowns, Lily, Lenin, Ash, Misty, and Pikachu, with the quest of pokémon mastery or bicycles on their minds, finally find their way out of the forbidden forest.

 

No doubt some new and surprising challenges lie ahead for our heroes as they approach Pewter City.

 

* * *

 

Walking through a rugged path formed of gray stones, the trees becoming less dense on either side, Lily, Wizard Lenin, Pikachu, Ash, and Misty sans bicycle all trudged ahead hoping today would be the day that they’d finally get out of the Viridian Forest and find themselves in the grandiose Pewter City.

 

Certainly, the journey thus far had been trying for all of them, in its own way.

 

Wizard Lenin fluctuated between shame, despair, irritation, exasperation, and fury in equal measure as he came to terms with the fact that he was now on a journey with Ash Ketchem to become a pokémon master. For the most part, since the Beedrill incident, he’d kept his own thoughts to himself but it was more than clear that he was ready to get out of the woods.

 

Misty, the newcomer, seemed propelled not only by vague romantic interest in Wizard Lenin and a desperate loneliness, but also over the fury and vengeance for Ash to get her a new bike to replace her old one, having been devoured and destroyed by giant killer wasps.

 

As for Ash, well, for all his upbeat optimism, his grin as he looked forward to reaching Pewter City, even he had to at least wonder beneath his bravado if he really was up to the task when it came to this pokémon training business.

 

Still, as the path wore on, Lily found herself getting down to business, namely walking next to Pikachu and discussing this whole language barrier thing with him.

 

“Alright Pikachu, now Morose code is a bit unwieldy and will probably be tedious in normal conversation, as you do a letter at a time, but at the very least it’s something that we’re both capable of understanding,” Lily started, much to Pikachu’s incredulity given his frown and the crease of his forehead.

 

Not to mention a rather exasperated, “Pika.”

 

“Yes, I know, it’s going to take you about twenty minutes to get through a sentence. You’ll be going at Squirrel speeds, but none the less, I really have no other idea of how to go about this,” Lily said, because while she wasn’t bad at getting the general gist of what Pikachu was saying in any given moment she’d hardly say she was an expert on telling one from for another.

 

When your entire language was reduced to a few syllables and then essentially playing charades it made it more than a little difficult for someone like Lily to pick up. Although, now that she thought about it, how did other pokemon go about understanding one another? They all just said their names over and over again, and yet they seemed to have no problem communicating, it was just human beings who were for some reason left out of the loop.

 

“Now, we’re going to start with ‘A’, the letter ‘A’ is represented by a dot and a line so that’s one short beat and then a long beat that’s the equivalent of three dots…”

 

“Pikachu,” Pikachu whined, looking severely disgruntled and giving a great, exaggerated sigh that gave Lily some rather giant clues as to what he was thinking.

 

“Oh, what else are we going to do?” Lily asked, “We’ve been walking through this forest for days, it’s not exactly like we’re rolling in entertainment here, Pikachu.”

 

Even the change of scenery from endless trees to rocks was hardly what Lily would label as exciting. Truth be told, without the giant wasps, villains in jumpsuits, and hospitals blowing up she was starting feel a little restless and more than ready for the next great disaster or great something to start.

 

That and with all this walking her feet were starting to hurt.

 

However, before Pikachu could strike down her argument Ash was grinning, dashing ahead towards a rock overlooking a valley. As she walked closer, Lily could make out the streets and buildings of another small city.

 

“Thank god,” Wizard Lenin said with a sigh, “If we had to walk through that goddamn forest for one more day I was going to lose my mind.”

 

Lily grimaced, trying not to point out that in some sense he already had. After all, Wizard Lenin in England would have died before being dragged into a ‘hardening’ competition with a ten-year-old boy in a shogunate helmet.

 

“Yay, Pewter City!” Misty cried out with delight, no doubt mostly thinking that it was about time she got out of that bug infest forest. Which, after the bees, Lily could hardly blame her.

 

“Phew,” Ash said as he collapsed onto the rock all at once looking quite exhausted and relieved, “For a while there I thought I was gonna be in this forest for the rest of my life.”

 

“Chu,” Pikachu said, sighing in agreement, clearly more than exhausted if he was giving Ash any sign of tolerance and solidarity.

 

“And the best part is,” Lily said with her own bright and cheerful grin, “Samurai the samurai is miles and miles behind us.”

 

Which meant that surely, the worst was behind them, or at least the most bizarre…

 

“Pewter City is gray, the color of stone,” a voice, almost sounding like Clint Eastwood for its dangerous stoicism and raspy edge sounded out below them, “This town has always been famous for stone.”

 

And Lily had apparently spoken much too soon… Maybe it was just a rule of this universe, that whenever you least expected it, or whenever things had been uneventful for too long, you were going to meet some vaguely terrifying person who would provide some lecture about the proper care of pokémon.

 

“Huh, what the?” Ash said in surprise as he looked over the edge of his rock, “Who’s this old guy?”

 

Lily and the gang glanced down where, seated below them cross legged as any monk, was a strange bearded man, wearing the odd assortment of a plain but worn skin colored wife beater, cargo pants, a red beanie, and white gloves, such that it gave him the appearance of almost looking homeless but mostly looking like a sad, misguided, modern day monk.

 

Lily leaned back towards Wizard Lenin as he walked closer to the edge to get a better look at the man himself, “What do you want to bet his name is Monk the monk?”

 

Wizard Lenin spared her a withering glare before staring back down with raised almost incredulous eyebrows.

 

Misty just shrugged, when it appeared as if Ash somehow expected her to know Monk the monk, and said, “Never met him.”

 

“The name’s Flint,” Monk the monk said, or, well Flint the monk, then, head rising a little bit but eyes still shadowed by his dark hair and hat, he accused, “And you’re sitting on some of my merchandise, young man.”

 

Ash stumbled backwards, as he tried to get off of whatever the man was selling, “Oh, sorry.”

 

However, he looked down, and realized what everyone else was putting together in that moment. Especially as, glancing down the beside the man, they saw a collection of gray stones, some small, some large, all fixed with a red price tag. It was Wizard Lenin who, slowly, dubiously, as if he was severely doubting the man’s intelligence, who asked, “You sell rocks?”

 

Well… That wasn’t very monk like of him, in fact, it might just be more materialistic than your usual run of the mill materialism.

 

“They’re Pewter City souvenirs,” the man explained, as if there was a market for people willing to buy rather ordinary looking gray stones, “Wanna buy some?”

 

Wizard Lenin paused, eyebrows lowering again, and said rather bluntly, “I think not.”

 

Lily for her own part though stepped down to inspect the price tags, granted she didn’t know too much about how much money everything cost, Samurai had given Wizard Lenin a few bills with a hundred printed on it, but from that alone it was hard to tell if Samurai was just poor as dirt, cheap especially since Wizard Lenind didn’t really win, or if these rocks were worth their weight in gold.

 

Still, she asked as she inspected them, “Do people really buy these?”

 

The man had that edge to his voice again, the kind that almost sounded dangerous, if it had been coming from Wizard Lenin or even Frank, but just bizarre from him, “People like to remember the time they spend here in Pewter City.”

 

Couldn’t they just get their own rocks then?

 

Lily decided it was best not to ask.

 

At any rate, Ash started answering for all of them as he beamed, “We’re travelling, I’m trying to become a pokémon trainer!”

 

Lily liked how she, Wizard Lenin, and Misty were reduced to chopped liver in that statement, as if they too weren’t on their own pokémon quests but instead were sidekicks and side notes on Ash’s own glorious journey.

 

However, at that the man finally gained some real interest in Ash, taking in the sight of him with those shadowed, hooded, eyes. He then glanced at the still rather exhausted Pikachu, who did not look like he was in the mood for these sorts of shenanigans, and noted, “Well, your pokémon sure looks worn out. Why don’t you follow me, I’ll show you to the pokémon center?”

 

And with that he was standing and apparently more than willing to show them the way to Pewter City’s pokémon hospital.

 

“I guess this goes to show, Lenin, that you really can always depend on the kindness of strangers,” Lily said as she took in the walking fashion disaster that was Flint as he strode away from them, “No matter how strange they are.”

 

“I’m sure he’s taking us to his unmarked white van to rape us,” Wizard Lenin countered with a rather cheerful smile of his own, as if he wasn’t casually predicting their own gruesome fate with Flint the homeless Clint Eastwood materialistic monk.

 

“But he won’t rape our pokémon,” Lily responded with a hard-won air of wisdom, “And that’s the most important point of all.”

 

“Hey, looks can be deceiving,” Ash cut in with a glare towards the pair of them, “He’s a nice guy.”

 

He probably was only a ‘nice guy’ thus far because he hadn’t called Ash a novice or a fool and had offered to take them to the pokémon center, which, as Wizard Lenin pointed out, could be about the equivalent of luring children into your van with the promise of candy.

 

Misty looked just as dubious as Lily and Wizard Lenin as she stepped down on the rock covered staircase serving as shelves, and asked Ash, “Are you sure?”

 

“By the way,” Flint said, leaning back towards them with a rather impressive glare, “That’ll be a two-dollar charge for resting on my rocks.”

 

Well, whatever he was, Lily thought as she and the gang began to follow him, he certainly was very money oriented. Lily turned to grin at Wizard Lenin, “Ah, Lenin, you’re going to have to spot me for this one.”

 

Lily, after all, while having battled the dubiously evil Team Rocket with Stack of Bricks multiple times now had yet to actually earn any money on her pokémon adventuring. Neither had Ash, for that matter, but at least he’d had some funds to start with.

 

Wizard Lenin said nothing, just grimaced, the air shimmering with the force and heat of his internal fury once again and handed over a few bills to the man while Ash and Misty sheepishly did the same.

 

However, as soon as they were a fair distance away yet still in sight, the rocks all exploded and the staircase caught on fire.

 

Somehow, Lily thought to herself as she listened to Flint’s cry of despair over his lost merchandise, she’d seen that one coming.

 

* * *

 

As it turned out Flint did take them to the pokémon center. It looked more or less like the one in Viridian City, modern and rather like a hospital on the inside. However, as Wizard Lenin, Ash, and Lily as she was chided by Ash for not making sure Stack of Bricks got enough rest and care, handed over their pokéballs and Pikachu to the nurse Lily noticed something rather odd.

 

Rather odd being that Nurse Joy from Viridian City was standing right in front of them. It was her exactly, from the eye color, the red hair, and even the hairstyle itself.

 

“Please, revitalize my pokémon,” Ash said, apparently not having really taken a good look at the nurse yet as he kept his eyes on the rather exhausted looking Pikachu.

 

“Sure, right away, Ash,” Nurse Joy said with a rather pleasant smile.

 

That was when Ash looked up and noticed what Lily and Wizard Lenin had from the beginning, “Nurse Joy?”

 

“Yes, I’m Nurse Joy,” Nurse Joy responded, as if she hadn’t somehow managed to get from Pewter City to Viridian City in less time than they had and was smoothly fitting into her new position. Although, Lily supposed that since they had destroyed the hospital Nurse Joy would be out of a job, but it had seemed like they were very intent on rebuilding when they had left.

 

“But this isn’t Viridian City,” Ash insisted, now looking thoroughly puzzled, “This is Pewter City.”

 

“The Joy in Viridian City is my little sister, I’m the older Joy,” Nurse Joy the second explained, as if this was at all a reasonable explanation, “I’ve heard nice things about you, very nice.”

 

“Uh, thank you,” Ash managed to get out, but Wizard Lenin apparently was too done to handle this as he looked at Nurse Joy II with a rather accusing gaze.

 

“You mean to say, that your parents thought it a brilliant idea, to name you and your alarmingly identical sister the same name?” 

 

“All of my sisters are named Joy,” Nurse Joy added with a nod and a smile, not even deigning to comment on the fact that her parents had either had an extreme lack of creativity, or she and her ‘sisters’ were secretly clones on loan to both Viridian and Pewter City.

 

“All of your sisters?” Wizard Lenin repeated, no doubt having the same thought as Lily, that this meant that there were more than two Joys and they probably all looked the same.

 

“Yes, Joy did mention you were something of a cynic, Lenin,” Nurse Joy said with a smile, then, conveniently, as she took their pokéballs away, she asked, “Have you seen that poster?”

 

Ash turned, and before Wizard Lenin or even Lily could ask anything else Nurse Joy was gone, a woman of mystery as it seemed. However, there on the wall was indeed a rather eye-catching poster, one that immediately drew Ash to it like a magnet

 

There was a single arm holding up a pokéball in righteous glory, several colored circles surrounding it each with its own symbol inside, on the top it said, “Pokémon League Regional Championships: Enter the Competition!”

 

“The Pokémon League Regional Championships,” Ash repeated in awe and then determination as his own delusions of grandeur struck again, “Alright!”

 

Except this time, instead of Wizard Lenin bursting his bubble, Misty beat him to it, “Ha!”

 

“Huh, what’s the matter?” Ash asked, looking genuinely confused by Misty’s derisive laugh.

 

“To compete in the Regional Championships you need to beat gym trainers from different towns and get their badges as proof,” Misty explained as she regarded the poster then Ash in turn, “Can you do that?”

 

Judging by the way Misty had tilted her head, crossed her arms, and leaned intimidatingly close to Ash, Lily very much got the impression that Misty thought Ash was capable of anything but that.

 

Ash, however, was not one to be intimidated, “Of course I can!”

 

And then, not to be forgotten, Flint’s strangely stoic, and again eerily reminiscent of Clint Eastwood’s, laughter sounded, “Don’t tell me you plan on challenging Brock, the Pewter City gym leader.”

 

“Of course I do!” Ash cried out with determination, “As soon as Pikachu and my other pokémon are better I’ll have no problem! Take me to this Brock’s gym, I’ll beat him!”

 

But Ash was only met with more eerily stoic laughter and amusement on Flint’s part, “You’ll beat him?”

 

And then just like that, Flint the monk with no name was walking out of their lives and the pokémon center. Leaving Ash angry and humiliated once again while Lily, Wizard Lenin, and now Misty all had to live with the consequences.

 

* * *

 

A few minutes later found them all seated in a diner, Lily across from Wizard Lenin and Ash, sitting next to newcomer Misty as they waited for the pokémon center to do its work. It was a rather awkward affair, featuring a menu devoid of cheeseburgers, but mostly a rather annoyed Ash at once again being underestimated by complete strangers.

 

Still, if Ash was less of a braggart upstart he might not be having this problem. The issue was Ash’s confidence was grately out of sync with his actual abilities, this was good in that it meant he didn’t back down from challenges and was not easily discouraged, but bad in that it tended to make him look like a giant idiot all the time.

 

“Oh, that Flint,” Ash seethed as he stared at his menu, “Trying to make a fool out of you.”

 

“Ash,” Wizard Lenin said with a sigh, glaring over the top of his menu with cold blue eyes for a moment, “No one actively tries to make a fool out of you. They don’t have to, you do half the work for them.”

 

Ash leveled a glare at Wizard Lenin, but Wizard Lenin was already glancing back, undoubtedly trapped between choices of miso soup and udon as he tried to think of what would be both the most delicious and the easiest on his wallet. Especially since, technically, Lily didn’t have any funds of her own at the moment.

 

That hadn’t ever really mattered to her, after all, she and Wizard Lenin had once been the same person and thus shared all their money. In some sense, Lily supposed they were kind of married, in that they kept track of finances that way. Still, she hated the idea of being dead weight, especially since she thought she’d gotten a pretty good handle on this pokémon thing.

 

Or, well, on Stack of Bricks for whatever that was worth.

 

“Do you really think you can win?” Misty asked, as she set down her own menu, leveling her own rather put out look at Ash, “Gym leaders are different than your everyday pokémon trainer. They’re much, much, tougher.”

 

“Exactly,” Wizard Lenin chimed in, casting a rather appreciative look towards Misty, who in turn blushed bright red at his attention, before turning an unamused glare back at Ash, “If you go in there without any strategy at all, like you always do, I guarantee you’ll come out looking like a complete idiot.”

 

Lily’s eyes moved from Wizard Lenin, to Misty, and back again. It appeared, Lily thought, that Wizard Lenin had found his fellow voice of reason in the wilderness, and it didn’t matter that she was a girl around Lily’s age, so long as someone in some capacity agreed with him.

 

Evidence of this being that, so far, he’d never once asked that they abandon Misty by the side of the road as soon as they got a chance.

 

“Oh, what do you guys know?!” Ash asked with a huff, more than determined to ignore the tag-team of logic that was Wizard Lenin and Misty.

 

“I’ll tell you what Ash,” Misty said with a smile, “If you ask me really nicely I’ll help you out.”

 

Naturally, Ash was having none of that, “I don’t need any help!”

 

“Is that so?” Misty asked with an almost Wizard Lenin like glare, “Fine with me, there’s no way you’ll beat Brock in the Pewter City gym!”

 

“You’ll see, I’ll beat him all by myself without any help from you!” Ash said with a huff, throwing his menu to the side and apparently completely giving up on the pretense of ordering dinner.

 

“You know what, I’m not too proud,” Wizard Lenin said, a rather odd choice of words as he was usually entirely too proud, far more likely was this being a blatant attempt to goad Ash, “Misty, Lily said you’re a water type specialist, right?”

 

Misty blushed again, then nodded with determination and pride, “Yeah, that’s right.”

 

“Do you mind if I could borrow one or two of your pokémon to challenge the gym? Metapod, even if he were to evolve into Butterfree, would be at a severe strategic disadvantage,” Wizard Lenin said with his too polite smile, but Misty hardly seemed to notice, instead there were practically stars in her eyes as she looked over at him.

 

Like Wizard Lenin was the first person in the world to even think of listening to a word she said.

 

Which, given Misty’s tendency towards logic and strategy, and given what Lily had seen of the locals thus far, Misty was as much a stranger in a strange land as Lily and Wizard Lenin themselves were.

 

“Yeah, that’s right! Rock pokémon are weak against water,” Misty said with a grin, leaning forward, then looking at Ash and glaring, “And they’re really, really, strong against flying and electric pokémon!”

 

“Ha! Lenin’s not even a good enough trainer to use his own pokémon!” Ash just said derisively, although it seemed more in an effort to stick to his guns and uphold the pride of his own pokémon.

 

“Lenin’s a good enough trainer to realize when he’s at too high of a disadvantage to win in this fight,” Wizard Lenin countered with narrowed eyes and growing irritation, “And Lenin’s certainly not above thinking strategically to pursue his goals instead of staggering his way through life and battle like a drunkard.”

Ash flushed, his own eyes narrowing, “You can’t really call yourself a pokémon trainer if you aren’t even battling with your own pokémon!”

 

“You try battling with your pokémon, Ash,” Wizard Lenin responded with a rather thin and polite smile, “And I will congratulate you when you inevitably humiliate yourself in front of a live studio audience.”

 

“Oh yeah well…” Ash stood, glaring, but then cut himself forcefully off as the waitress finally appeared and took their orders. An awkward, strained, sense of normality returned until the waitress disappeared back into the kitchen.

 

“Well,” Lily said as she steepled her hands together, “I’m just going to go ahead and use Stack of Bricks.”

 

“Stack of Bricks knows water moves?” Misty asked with raised eyebrows.

 

“Stack of Bricks is a pile of bricks possessing many talents,” Lily quipped rather sagely in response, before rubbing the back of her head and acknowledging, “Besides, I kind of need the money. I feel bad having Lenin eat away into his funds for all my bills.”

 

And gym leaders, Lily was suspecting, would pay a lot.

 

“You know, I don’t know which is worse, Ash, or you,” Wizard Lenin said with annoyance, ignoring Misty’s look of confusion, as she was still under the impression that Stack of Bricks was a rare and utterly powerful pokémon.

 

“Ash,” Lily said without hesitation, “I’m going to win.”

 

“Hey!” Ash cried out, “Come on Lily, can’t one of you believe in me?!”

 

“Ash,” Lily responded, as she took him in, trying to see what he so clearly saw in himself, “No offense, but you’re a walking disaster. Everything you’ve attempted in life since I’ve known you has ended in chaos. Most recently a swarm of angry giant wasps.”

 

“That wasn’t my fault!” Ash cried out, ignoring the fact that it had been undeniably his fault, and that even Samurai the samurai had zeroed in on it being utterly Ash’s fault. Ash flushed and stewed, the rest of the meal was in awkward silence until finally, they had finished, and the bill was paid, leaving Ash to dramatically stand and make his way to face this Brock of Pewter City with his dubious audience in tow.

 

* * *

 

“Lenin, don’t you think you’re taking this a little too far?” Lily asked as she, Wizard Lenin, and Misty settled into the stands. Well, she and Misty settled in, Wizard Lenin was leaning forward with a look of unholy glee on his face as he prepared to watch Ash be slaughtered.

 

“No,” he said bluntly, a jagged smile growing on his face, “In fact, I think I might need popcorn.”

 

Lily, considering Wizard Lenin was usually all about her not displaying her godlike powers, decided to ignore that, and instead sighed as she looked down at Ash and Pikachu. Pikachu, meanwhile, sent a rather hapless look up at them.

 

“Sorry,” Lily cried down to the giant yellow mouse, “You’re the best chance Ash has, and everybody knows it. Besides, I’m using Stack of Bricks and Lenin’s making a point!”

 

That apparently was the last thing Pikachu wanted to hear, clearly still not over his brick complex, as sparks emanated from his cheeks and he suddenly seemed more than willing to fight on Ash’s behalf.

 

Which, according to Wizard Lenin and Misty, was a terrible choice. Against straight Rock pokémon Pikachu might be alright, maybe, but against ground types electricity attacks were completely ineffective and instead Pikachu would become a red and yellow smear against the floor of the gym.

 

The gym itself was a dark place, with only a few lights hanging from the high ceiling, everything carved out of dark blue stone from the floors to the walls.

 

And there, at the edge of the hall, seated cross legged much in the manner that Flint had been earlier, was the presumed Brock of Pewter City. Actually, now that she got a good look at him, his hair, his terrible choice in clothing, and everything, “Hey, Lenin, is it just me or does that guy seriously look like Flint?”

 

Wizard Lenin glanced at him, took in the hair, the similar darker skin tone, and said, “After Nurse Joy, I don’t think I want to think about it.”

 

“So, you must be Brock,” Ash cried out, fist raised in determination as he faced the gym leader, “I’m Ash from Pallet Town, I challenge you!”

 

Brock looked at him for a moment, still cross legged, then asked rather bluntly, “Is this your first gym match?”

 

Ash paused, hesitated, “Um…”

 

Brock didn’t give him a chance to even start, “A gym match is different from other battles. This match is for Pokémon League authorization. There are special rules.”

 

Ash lowered his hand, looked far more like the ten-year-old boy he always pretended he wasn’t, then asked, “Um, what do you mean by special rules?”

 

Brock stood with a sigh, “We will use two pokémon each, understood?”

 

Then, staring down, his eyes narrowing, Brock asked, “How long have you been with that pokémon?”

 

Pikachu glanced up, ears perking at the attention, even while Ash answered, “Uh, about two weeks I guess.”

 

Oh god, had it been two weeks already? No wonder time in the forest had seemed to drag on forever.

 

“Yes,” Brock continued as if Ash had just confirmed something insulting about himself, “Your Pikachu is in its cutest stage, it can’t win.”

 

Pikachu gave a small “chu” of insult and despair as he realized that apparently nobody could take his adorable mouse body seriously. Still, Brock wasn’t wrong, Pikachu was incredibly adorable, although that said he still had been powerful enough to singlehandedly blow up a pokémon center.

 

“I’ll worry about my pokémon and you worry about yours, alright?!” Ash asked with a now determined glare, ready to pound the seemingly far more competent Brock into the dirt.

 

“Suit yourself,” Brock responded derisively, “As gym leader I have to accept every challenge, so let’s just get this over with.”

 

“Oh,” Wizard Lenin said, delighted at the annoyance in Brock’s voice, “This will be good.”

 

They watched as Brock snapped his fingers, the fluorescent lights now shining down on them in full force, the walls opening and two halves of mountainous terrain sliding into position in the middle of the room while Ash and Pikachu both fled to the other side before they could be crushed.

 

Brock jumped down from his seat to the painted white rectangle, drew out a pokéball, and stated, “Let the match begin!”

 

“Alright,” Ash said with a familiar grin, before looking down at Pikachu, now filled with fire and fury for being underestimated, “Okay, Pikachu, I choose you, buddy!”

 

“Pikachu!” Pikachu cried in agreement as he then, with determination, hopped onto the rugged terrain of the battlefield.

 

“Onyx, go!” Brock cried out as he threw a pokéball onto the field and there, as large as the gym itself, appeared a giant snake made of rocks that positively dwarfed even the giant yellow mouse that was Pikachu.

 

“Holy shit!” Lily cried as she watched the Onyx expand and then roar, evidently, Pikachu had the same reaction as he stared up in horror at his massive opponent, crying out, “Pika!”

 

It roared again, and Pikachu immediately darted back to Ash, climbing his leg and patting on a pokéball on Ash’s waist. Ash looked down in confusion, then annoyance, “Hey, this is your battle, Pikachu, not Pidgeotto’s! Go!”

 

Ash nudged Pikachu back onto the field, Pikachu this time looking utterly miserable as he walked towards his giant doom. At once Lily was reminded of the basilisk, or her idea of the basilisk anyways, and how she herself had been rather like Pikachu in that moment. An overpowered yellow mouse, but just a yellow mouse all the same.

 

Pikachu turned back for a moment, questioning towards Ash, “Pika, pika?”

 

But Ash just nodded and Pikachu’s fate seemed to be sealed as he cried out, “Chu!”

 

“Onyx, tackle attack!” The rock snake lunged for Pikachu with a surprising amount of speed, Pikachu only just having time to dart out of the way and avoid being crushed. However, Pikachu wasn’t quite fast enough, he was gathered up by the tail of the great beast and lifted into the air.

 

“Onyx, bind it now!” Brock cried out, and with another roar, the great rock demon snake proceeded to crush Pikachu.

 

Lily leaned forward, her fingers itching for her pokéball and Stack of Bricks inside but Wizard Lenin’s hand caught hers, “Don’t even think about it, this is Ash Ketchem’s fight, and if Pikachu is along for the ride then so be it. There is a lesson to be learned here.”

 

Misty looked at Wizard Lenin in askance, probably finding this a bit cruel even for obnoxious Ash, but she added, “He’s right, this is Ash’s fight, if we interfered then he’d never get a gym badge. He’s just going to have to realize that it’s time to give up.”

 

Ash didn’t though as he cried out, with gritted teeth and desperation, “Pikachu, thundershock!”

 

Suddenly there were great volts of electricity jarring out from Pikachu, far more than a measly shock, but none the less like Wizard Lenin and Misty had predicted, the Onyx was unmoved and completely unaffected.

 

“You haven’t raised it very well,” Brock commented with crossed arms, “Such a weak electric attack can’t hurt Onyx.”

 

“Chu!” Pikachu gave out a great cry of pain, eyes closed as the rocks squeezed in.

 

“Pikachu, return!” Ash cried out, bringing out a pokéball to summon him back but the light was deflected by the great snake’s tail.

 

He paused then, hesitating, “It’s being blocked, I can’t bring him back.”

 

For a few moments Ash stared, gritted his teeth and tried not to see the inevitable moment that must come, until finally, he cried out, “Cut it out!”

 

“Do you surrender?” Brock asked in turn.

 

For a moment, Ash hesitated, his voice so much softer and weaker than usual, finally he said, “I… I do.”

 

And just like that it was done. Ash’s shoulders slumped in defeat and Pikachu looking half dead as he collapsed to the ground. Lily bounded over the railings of the stands and down to the ground below, peering over him.

 

Pikachu looked up at her rather weakly, but in his eyes there was a sense of shame, of humiliation, and disappointment.

 

He’d wanted to win this one.

 

“Pikachu,” Lily said slowly, “You don’t have to prove anything…”

 

But he just waved her off, allowed himself to be picked up in Ash’s arms while Lily watched, feeling suddenly helpless as the pair slunk off into the twilight.

 

Wizard Lenin and Misty meanwhile rushed down the stairs towards Lily while the gym leader moved back to his own position, “Novices should know better than to jump into the fray with a gym leader.”

 

Lily turned to look at him, take him in piece by piece, and noted rather blankly, “That was cruel.”

 

“It was a lesson that needed to be learned,” Brock responded, acting completely unaffected by his own actions. Perhaps he was, for that matter, but Lily suspected that part of why he had gone so far was because some part of him had hated to do so.

 

None the less, it was cruel, to both Pikachu and Ash Ketchem.

 

Lily brought out her own pokéball, “You said you can’t deny any challenger, right?”

 

He turned, looked at her, took her in piece by derisive piece while Misty and Wizard Lenin lingered behind her, both watching her intently, “You? You hardly look more experienced than he did.”

 

“Oh believe me, I am more than good enough to put people like you in their places,” Lily sneered, stepping into the white rectangle Ash himself had just left only moments before, “Ash may be an idiot, a braggart, and have way too much confidence in his own nonexistent abilities but that doesn’t mean you can treat him like dirt underneath your shoe or deride his pokémon. You know as well as I do that Pikachu is something exceptional.”

 

“People like me? Didn’t you see what I just did to your friend?” he asked rhetorically before unwittingly quoting Misty’s words from earlier in the day, “I’m a gym leader, I’m not like your everyday Pokémon trainer.”

 

“And you think I am?” Lily asked, “I won’t even need two pokémon, I just need the one.”

 

“Fine,” Brock said, “I accept your challenge, let’s see just what you’re made of!”

 

“Lily,” Wizard Lenin started but Lily held up a hand to stop him.

 

“Not now, Lenin, I know you wanted to show up Ash tonight but it’s going to have to wait until tomorrow. Besides, he’s not even here so you’d lose half your ability to gloat,” not that Ash deserved that right now, no, tonight Stack of Bricks would have to be enough.

 

With that she cried out, throwing her pokéball into the ring, “Stack of Bricks, I choose you!”

 

“Onyx, go!” Brock cried out, the Onyx appearing again with another great roar and a sense of superiority after having experienced the highs of its last fight. It then stopped though, stared in confusion at Stack of Bricks as Brock stared with it.

 

“A… stack of bricks?” Brock asked, looking at the two bricks stacked on top of one another that made up Stack of Bricks’ body. Lily just grinned though, a shark like jagged thing, more than willing to take advantage of his hesitation and confusion and go in for the kill.

 

“Stack of Bricks, tsunami!” A great wave appeared out of nowhere, rushing towards and towering over the great giant snake as it gave a cry of fear and horror.

 

“She just used surf! Stack of Bricks knows surf!” Misty cried out in shock and maybe just a bit of fear and awe as she took in the wave.

 

And just like that, in a single blow, and another for his next pokémon, the fight was over and Lily had earned her first gym badge of Kanto.

 

* * *

 

“That was amazing!” Misty, half an hour later, the gym now closed as Brock had to rush home to his family, was still gushing, “I’ve never heard of a rock pokémon learn water moves! Starmie can learn electric type sometimes, but even that takes a really dedicated trainer who really knows what they’re doing.”

 

Brock had been surprisingly appreciative and awed as well. After the initial shock of losing and summoning back his giant rock snake, then his giant sentient boulder once it too was out of the running, he’d walked up and actually shook her hand as he handed her the badge.

 

“Sorry, I just see so many unprepared trainers walking out of the Viridian Forest with only flying and bug pokémon that it’s hard to remember that some people really are ready to face gym leaders,” he’d then smiled cheerfully and asked her all about how she’d raised Stack of Bricks, where she’d found the original unevolved Brick, and more.

 

Lily had of course lied her ass off, much to Wizard Lenin’s rather annoyed amusement at the whole thing, but on the whole, it’d become clear that beneath his rather stone like exterior Brock was a strangely nice guy.

 

He just had to deal with ten thousand Ashes in one week while also being basically a single father to ten younger siblings as his mother had died and his no good idiot father had run off to be a pokémon trainer and never returned. Lily could see how that would drive even a saint up the wall.

 

Wizard Lenin, for his own part, seemed to be absolutely done with hearing about Lily’s prowess as a pokémon trainer, “It’s hardly that inspiring, Misty, it was a very… Lily solution to a problem she didn’t have to solve.”

 

Misty cast Wizard Lenin an annoyed look while they walked through the now darkened streets towards wherever it was that Pikachu and Ash were hanging around, Lily only having a vague directional feel of their whereabouts as they walked along.

 

“Lenin, just because she’s trained Stack of Bricks really well doesn’t mean you’re a bad trainer,” Misty responded with a huff, “It’s such a boy thing to get jealous over something like that.”

 

“I am not jealous!” Wizard Lenin cried out, looking horrified by the very idea of being jealous of Lily, especially in the art of pokémon training.

 

“Then if you’re not jealous you have no reason to be upset,” Misty cut in with an annoyed and logical response as she crossed her arms, “Look, you can challenge Brock tomorrow in the morning and show us how great you are then. It’s not that big of a deal.”

 

“I thought the most important thing was that you prove a point to Ash,” Lily pointed out, directing the conversation away from her, “Not that you beat me.”

 

“That’s right,” Misty chimed in, striking her open palm with a fist, a determined glint entering her turquoise eyes, “We have to show Ash that you can’t just waltz into a pokémon battle like a complete idiot, you need strategy, and that with the right strategy even a relatively new trainer could beat Brock!”

 

Misty then shuddered, “After all, even knowing him for a week, who knows what kind of idiot plan he’s come up with in order to beat Brock!”

 

Lily thought about it, tried to think what a despondent Ash could possibly come up with in this situation, what Lily herself might come up with if she were in his position, “Well… I guess he could be doing a Rocky IV training montage.”

 

She could see a rage filled and determined Pikachu running through the wilderness and flipping logs over as he prepared to fight his Russian giant snake nemesis.

 

“No,” Wizard Lenin said, “Even for him, that’s beyond…”

 

Wizard Lenin trailed off as they reached a small and severely out of date wooden hydro-electric plant, powered by a water wheel at the side, the river however wasn’t running, instead turning the wheel was none other than a sweating and determined looking Ash Ketchem using it as a stair master.

 

And inside, dangerous volts of electricity were clearly visible, as Lily had no doubt that Pikachu was hooked up to the generator.

 

“My god,” Wizard Lenin said, apparently at a complete loss for words given the stupidity and dangers of this scene. It was like watching someone light firecrackers in their hands and toss them like grenades at other children.

 

It seemed, that when despondent and desperate, Pikachu and Ash drove each other to new heights of insanity. Wait, no, the familiar strange voice of Flint was also in there, meaning that Ash and Pikachu had taken the candy from the stranger’s van and were now using it to pump Pikachu up full of the equivalent of steroids.

 

“I feel like there’s a lesson to be learned in this,” Lily said slowly as she watched Ash sweat and work, and the windows of the rundown shack grow dangerously bright, “But I’m not entirely sure what it is.”

 

“We have to do something!” Misty cried out, and then stepped forward towards Ash, “Hey, Ash, wouldn’t it be a lot better to just ask me for help instead of going with this crazy power plan of yours?”

 

“Forget it!” Ash cried out, stubborn to the last, “I’ll win without your help!”

 

“But not without creepy homeless monk Flint’s?” Lily asked, but Ash didn’t seem to care about whether he got Flint’s help or not, he just kept on going.

 

“I’m going to get a badge all by myself using the pokémon I’m training!” Ash responded while Misty just shook her head.

 

“Stubborn,” Misty said, “It’d be a lot easier if he just used some of mine too…”

 

She sighed then, apparently ready to give up on Ash for the moment. Wizard Lenin sighed too, turning on his heel and calling out to Lily, “Let’s get out of here before the shack explodes, shall we?”

 

She stared for a moment struck that not only was Ash doing this, but Pikachu as well, had been driven to this through his own pride and perhaps something more integral and fragile than that. Then she too turned on her heel, back into the city for the night, where the next night bright and early Wizard Lenin would challenge Brock to a pokémon battle and then Ash would surely follow.

 

* * *

 

Wizard Lenin’s new gym badge gleamed in the light, he offered a grateful smile to Misty as he returned her giant jeweled sea star, Staryu, as well as her giant horned goldfish, Goldeen. And for all that Wizard Lenin hadn’t wanted to be pulled into this, viewed it as slavery and belittling to everyone involved, he was absurdly proud of his new gym badge as well as the fact that he did, in fact, have a talent for the strategy of pokémon battles.

 

Now all that remained was for Ash to arrive with Pikachu in tow.

 

And then there he was, throwing open the doors and letting in the morning light, “I’m back!”

 

Brock stepped forward, sneer already in place, “Haven’t you learned your lesson yet?”

 

Ash stepped forward, not a hint of doubt on his or Pikachu’s face, “We’re ready for you this time, Brock!”

 

“We’ll see,” Brock said, supplying all the doubt that Ash never knew he needed, as he crossed his arms and judged Ash Ketchem and Pikachu for all they were worth.

 

However soon enough the battle was on, Brock summoning out his floating boulder, Geodude, while Ash sent out Pidgeotto.

 

“Oh, that moron!” Misty cried out as she tore at her orange hair, “Doesn’t he listen to anything any of us ever tell him?”

 

“Apparently not,” Wizard Lenin responded drily, “I’m afraid Ash is just entirely too enlightened for us heathens.”

 

Brock said as much when the giant pigeon’s gust attack failed to move Geodude, “Bad strategy, don’t you know flying pokémon are weak against rock types?”

 

“He would if he ever listened!” Misty hissed as she watched the battle unfold, strangely invested in the outcome despite all her saying she didn’t care if Ash won or lost.

 

“Guess I forgot,” Ash stammered out as he looked chagrinned at Pidgeotto’s attempts to keep out of the grasping boulder’s hands.

 

“Come on, Ash,” Misty pleaded, “Use your head.”

 

“That’ll be the day,” Wizard Lenin noted, but before he could say anything further suddenly a group of children were in the stands with them, each looking more or less like Brock himself.

 

Lily counted, ten, well, these must be the brothers and the sisters. Good god there were a lot of them, no wonder Brock did the asshole routine.

 

“Pidgeotto return!” Ash called back the giant bird much to Brock’s amusement, “Are you giving up again, Ash?”

 

“No way!” Ash called out, “Pikachu, I choose you!”

 

Pikachu waddled out with arms out stretched and a fire in his eyes as he, a mere three hundred Spartans, sought to stem the armies of Persia.

 

“The Pikachu again,” Brock said derisively, “I feel sorry for it, being raised by such a weak pokémon trainer.”

 

Pikachu however did not buckle, did not stand down, his eyes narrowed and there was a dangerous beast within them.

 

“Pikachu, now’s our chance to show them how weak we are,” Ash stated, and in that moment, Lily could see… She could see, perhaps a sliver, of what Ash always believed himself to be.

 

“Pikachu!” Pikachu gave out a great cry, volts of electricity dancing out from his cheeks, and in a single strike took out the giant boulder.

 

“That should be impossible,” Wizard Lenin said leaning forward, “An electric pokémon’s attacks can’t hurt a ground type!”

 

None the less, Pikachu had more than done it, he had done it in a single blow.

 

“Pikachu,” Misty said, stunned, “Nice going.”

 

Lily for her own part, as she stared down at the pair, wondered if there hadn’t been something to that crazy water wheel plan. It had been dangerous as hell, sure, but it had gotten them this far already…

 

“Return Geodude!” Brock called out, while Pikachu stood, smug and ready for the next attacker to come and strike.

 

“It looks like you’ve trained it better,” Brock stated, “But still, it’s no match for Onyx!”

 

Then it was out again, the great hulking goliath that was Onyx against Pikachu’s tiny David. For a moment, Pikachu stared up in terror, his eyes moved to the stands, met Lily’s, then with a great cry he hurdled out more wild electricity than even before, “Pika!”

 

Volts lashed out at Ash’s feet, at the stands, at the light fixtures themselves catching a few on fire, one hit Onyx and sent him reeling backwards for a moment. However soon enough the great rock snake had Pikachu wrapped in its grip again, squeezing the life out of him second by second.

 

“Pikachu, give it a thunderbolt!” Ash cried, and Pikachu cried out again, this time his electrical attack causing Onyx to writhe in pain though still hang onto the pokémon in its tail.

 

And Lily… She realized that Ash and Pikachu somehow had a certain chemistry, one that probably neither quite realized, that had only now had a chance to blossom as they worked together towards a common goal. Somehow, in some impossible way, they were putting up the fight that they should have lost from the second it started.

 

Ash, all by himself just as he’d promised, was halfway to doing the impossible.

 

Then, just like that, Pikachu was out of energy, the electricity waning and Onyx still standing upright, squeezing Pikachu tighter and tighter while Ash grimaced and looked away.

 

“Onyx, stop!” the giant rock snake stopped, dropped Pikachu dazed onto the floor of the gym where he sagged in exhaustion and relief.

 

“No, Brock, I want to play this match til the end!” Ash cried out with determination but Brock was unmoved.

 

“There’s no point in going on,” Brock responded, “I really don’t want to hurt your pokémon.”

 

But then, a miracle, or a spot of luck, happened. The fires from the light fixtures set off the sprinklers. Suddenly Onyx was once again writhing in pain as droplets hit his rocky exterior.

 

“Ash,” Misty cried out as Ash stood there like an idiot, “Rock pokémon are weakened by water!”

 

And that was all Pikachu needed as once again the electricity was out, one final great hit enough for Pikachu to take it down. However, before Ash could command the finishing blow, the children had raced down the stairs and tacked him, holding his arm back.

 

“My conscience is holding me back!” Ash cried out, “I can’t bring myself to beat Brock! I’m imagining his little brothers and sisters stopping me from beating the one person they love.”

 

Then Ash opened his eyes and realized he wasn’t imagining being swarmed by ten children at all.

 

“The hell are we even watching anymore?” Wizard Lenin asked, as he and Lily both realized at the same time that suddenly this had turned into one of those Hallmark specials.

 

“You leave Onyx alone!” one of the boys cried out, “My brother worked hard to raise him, you big bully!”

 

“Believe me kid, I’m no bully,” Ash said, but this did nothing to shake the children from him.

 

“Stop it,” Brock commanded to his brothers and sisters, all slinking off Ash but looking entirely unwilling, “Get off all of you! This is an official match, and we’re going to finish it no matter what!”

 

“But Brock,” one of the sisters cried out to him, “We know you love your Pokémon so much”

 

“That’s why we can’t watch Onyx suffer from another attack!” another little brother joined in.

 

Wizard Lenin was right, Lily thought in an odd daze, this was… Strangely touching. Even for Ash, who, with a smile, recalled Pikachu, “Pikachu, return!”

 

Then, turning away, still with that friendly and pleased smile, he said, “Those sprinklers going off was just an accident, winning the match because of that wouldn’t have proved anything. Next time we meet, I’ll beat you my way, fair and square.”

 

And just like that Ash and Pikachu walked out, gracious in defeat as well as their unconventional almost victory, something Lily hadn’t thought Ash was capable of.

 

Even Wizard Lenin, watching them depart, quietly remarked to Lily, “That Pikachu… Its power, Lily, it is to pokémon what you are to the wizarding world.”

 

Lily looked at him in question, but he seemed stunned, as if he hadn’t quite believed what he had just seen. She supposed it was a day for revelations for all of them. With that, Lily, Wizard Lenin, and Misty all tore their way out the door and after Ash.

 

* * *

 

“You did great out there Pikachu!” Lily cried out as she scooped Pikachu up into her arms after catching up with him and Ash, “Even Lenin was impressed, and he makes it a point to be unimpressed by everything!”

 

Pikachu smiled at first, then frowned, “Pika.”

 

“Oh, it was close enough to a win to count,” Lily said, then sparing Ash a glance, and a smile, she said, “You were very impressive too, Ash, I didn’t know you had it in you.”

 

“What in me?” he asked in genuine confusion, no doubt thinking about the loss rather than the battle itself.

 

“Any of it,” Lily responded, the soft smile growing on her lips.

 

“It was a great fight, Ash,” Misty added, “Even if you are stubborn and you still owe me a bike.”

 

“Hey, hey, I’ll get your bike back, I know!” Ash cried out, flushing, apparently all too willing to forget the fact that he owed Misty a great new bike.

 

And just like that they were on the road again, a smile on all of their lips, headed to the next great city. And Lily, as they walked, picked up where she left off, “Now, Pikachu, we should get started on ‘B’, which is made of… Wait a minute, you can read and write, right?”

 

Now that Lily thought about it, if Pikachu couldn’t spell then this was pointless, and if he could then they might as well just make a dictionary and have Pikachu design it. No need to force him to talk at a Squirrel’s pace.

 

“Pika,” Pikachu said with a dramatic and exasperated sigh, at the sight of it both Ash and Misty laughing, as if he’d just said more than they ever could about the situation.

 

“Hey, hey,” they turned, seeing Brock dashing towards them, “Wait up, Ash!”

 

“Brock?” Ash asked but Brock just panted for a moment then straightened, holding out his hand towards Ash.

 

“Ash, you forgot this,” Brock opened his palm to receive the gleaming badge that both Lily and Lenin had received earlier.

 

“A badge,” Ash said looking at it in wonder, “For defeating a gym trainer? I can’t accept that, I didn’t beat you, I gave up.”

 

Brock however just smiled pleasantly, as he had when Lily had defeated him and later Wizard Lenin, “Nah, I lost to you. You beat me in battle and in being kind to all pokémon.”

 

“But…” Ash started but Brock turned away from him and towards the river, hope in his eyes.

 

“To tell you the truth, I get more pleasure from raising pokémon than making them battle.”

 

At this Wizard Lenin’s eyes lit up, because where Misty had been the first seemingly normal person in this universe, Brock was now the first to admit that perhaps there was something wrong with pokémon battles.

 

And then Brock said something ten times more horrifying, “I don’t care about being a great pokémon trainer, I want to become the world’s best breeder!”

 

Wizard Lenin gagged, looking, for a moment, as if he wanted to vomit. Silently choking down the idea that these people were breeding sentient beings that they used for battle as if they were race horses or livestock.

 

Bred, likely, for strength, speed, intelligence, and obedience.

 

And there was something dark and terrible to that thought. To the life that Pikachu and all others like him lived.

 

Still, Lily was of the opinion that Lenin needed to let it all go, it was clear that this universe had its own moral agenda, and the enslavement of sentient beings was not on the menu. As it was Misty was glancing at him in deep concern and looked like she was about to ask Lily what was wrong with him.

 

Ash, however, didn’t notice Wizard Lenin’s sudden dying of morality, was too focused on Brock as he continued his story about his dreams, “But I can’t leave here, because I have to look after my brothers and sisters.”

 

Brock turned from the river, staring at Ash, “Ash, I want you to take this, and you and your friends fulfil my dream! Will you do that for me?”

 

Ash nodded as he walked forward and reached out for the badge, “I will, and I’ll do my best to deserve this too!”

 

But Ash had already earned this, Lily thought, in his own strange way.

 

However, before this heartwarming moment could end, who else should appear but Flint, “Brock, you go follow your own dreams.”

 

And, with far too much drama, he ripped the beard away from his face, revealing a face almost identical to Brock’s.

 

“Holy shit,” Lily said, looking from Brock to Flint, “Luke, it’s your father!”

 

Because yes, there was no other way, Flint had to be Brock’s deadbeat loser pokémon trainer of a father who had then become homeless and started selling rocks for cash.

 

Ash looked at the man in surprise, “You mean you’re the good for nothing father that left home and never came back?!”

 

“That’s right,” Flint admitted, as if he had not just reenacted Star Wars for all to see, “It was me. I couldn’t become the great pokémon trainer I wanted to, and because I was such a failure, I was too embarrassed and ashamed to go back to my family.”

 

Well, Brock had said his father had abandoned them, but apparently, he’d been sparing them the gory details of just what a loser, his father, Flint, really was. Lily spared him a glance and indeed, Brock had gone quite stony at the sight of the man.

 

“But why did you help me instead of Brock?” Ash asked.

 

“You reminded me of myself,” Flint explained, or rather, insulted Ash completely. Adding onto this thought he added, “You didn’t seem to stand a chance.”

 

“It’s time I started taking care of my family, you go fulfil your dreams and mine,” Flint said, and just like that, apparently, was going to walk back into his children’s lives after who knew how many years of being a complete waste of space.

 

And apparently Brock was too desperate to see the world to know better than to say yes to that arrangement.

 

Then again, these were a people who practiced pokémon eugenics, brutal slavery, and glorified cock fights. So, perhaps this sort of thing was kind of expected in this world, certainly while no one was really agreeing with the scenario no one thought it was too odd when, after lecturing the man on what every child liked, Brock was more than willing to leave his brothers and sisters in his care.

 

Still, Lily thought as Brock joined their unofficial gang, headed towards the mountain range, it’d probably be nice to have another human buffer between Wizard Lenin and Ash.

 

* * *

 

And so, with a new friends and allies, Ash, Lily, and Lenin continue on their quest to become pokemon masters. Or, in Lily and Lenin’s case, find a way home, whichever happens to come first.


	6. Close Encounters of the Clefairy Kind

_In which our heroes discover and advanced society of alien cultists and the true believer who’d like nothing better than to be abducted by them and put in a human zoo on Trafalmadore, Lily does her best to impersonate Indiana Jones in wildly inappropriate circumstances, and after millennia of waiting the Clefairy of Mt. Moon find their Kwisatz Haderach._

* * *

 

Last time, Ash and Pikachu faced their toughest challenge yet, a match against a pokémon gym leader. Through dubious methods and a faulty sprinkler system, Ash won a boulder badge, his first step towards competing in the Pokémon League Championships. However, dampening this feeling of victory was Lily and Wizard Lenin both winning the badges for themselves, with considerably less effort and considerably clearer results. Now joined by the gym leader Brock, Lily and her friends continued their journey, but as they left Pewter City, little did they suspect that their next adventure would be out of this world.

 

Lily and her friends hike towards Mt. Moon. Many strange and astonishing tales have been told about this mysterious place, and the group’s about to discover that all of them are true.

 

* * *

 

Cities as it were, seemed to be rather far apart and the unpaved roads almost always through some dense forest or else a somewhat mountainous terrain. A few days in from Pewter City, walking up the relatively steep incline towards a place called Mt. Moon, Lily was beginning to realize just why Officer Jenny had been so insistent on her and Wizard Lenin getting themselves pokémon.

 

She didn’t think there were any real roads in this world, well, there were in the cities, but no highways or freeways between one city and another. Instead everything was wilderness, it took a week to get from one city to another, and Lily was starting to get the distinct feeling that she and Wizard Lenin were going to be hiking for the rest of their lives.

 

Not to mention that the whole Morse Code idea had kind of gone down the drains that last day in Pewter City, which meant she and Pikachu were back to square one. Worse though, Lily got the feeling that for all that Pikachu liked her and she him, he didn’t really have too intense of a desire to communicate.

 

Sure, he seemed intrigued by the idea, but he understood her, and that one-sided conversation seemed to be enough for him. She could generally guess what he meant, he could play charades until she could figure out whatever it was he meant, and because of that he really didn’t have the drive to do something like sit down and figure out how to read and write.

 

So instead of doing anything productive they’d just been walking up the side of a mountain, for days, the only real thing to look forward to being whatever city they ran into next.

 

“How much longer until the next city again?” Lily asked with a sigh, and to her immense displeasure none of her companions aside from Wizard Lenin really seemed to be feeling her pain.

 

“Well, we have to pass through Mt. Moon and that’s sure to at least take a day,” Brock answered with a smile. He’d been smiling ever since he joined them, of course, this was the first time Brock had a chance to act like a single young man instead of a desperate widower surrounded by ten children. For Brock, even if they spent the whole time hiking and looking at trees and giant purple rats, this was probably the opportunity of a lifetime.

 

Hell, he’d left his siblings with his deadbeat rock selling father just to take advantage of it.

 

“Mt. Moon,” Misty said with a wistful sigh, “Doesn’t the name sound romantic?”

 

Misty, needless to say, was in an oddly cheerful mood herself. That, or, like all preteen girls before her, she had decided that now was the perfect opportunity to flirt with Wizard Lenin. Not that Wizard Lenin was having any of this, he was dutifully staring forward, his eyes dulled by complete boredom as well as disappointment.

 

He hadn’t had too much of a chance to research in Pewter City what with all the showing up Ash and getting a gym badge, but the brief look he had taken at the library before they’d left had left him in a great pit of despair, none of it being any help whatsoever and all on the art of pokémon training, not helping was Brock’s cheerful ambitions of pokémon breeding experiments.

 

A sad fact that said a lot about the situation was that Wizard Lenin hadn’t even bothered to ask if the next city had anything useful. He’d given up on it before they even got there.

 

“People say that a huge meteor crashed into the mountains back in prehistoric times,” Brock explained, likely this being where the moon part of Mt. Moon came from.

 

“A huge meteor?” Lily asked, wincing as her feet started to cramp again, god she wished she had bought better shoes from the store when she’d had the chance, “Wouldn’t that have… I don’t know, had a very large impact on living creatures at the time?”

 

That, after all, was the running theory of why all the dinosaurs had died off and certainly it wouldn’t be good. Except, well, maybe the same thing had happened here, maybe there had been dinosaurs or something like dinosaurs that had lived on the earth millions of years ago and then died when a great meteor hit Mt. Moon.

 

“Well, there are a lot of extinct pokémon from that era,” Brock said with a shrug, “But it’s hard to say if that was the reason or something else. The meteor’s called the moon stone.”

 

Misty’s smile grew wider, brighter, she flushed as she glanced towards Wizard Lenin then back at Brock, “Now that’s romantic!”

 

“The death of several thousand species of sentient lifeforms is romantic?” Lily questioned, only for Misty to blanch and pale. After all, the loss of the dinosaurs and evolution of mammalian life had been one thing. It was an entirely different tragedy and horror of unspeakable proportions for pokémon, the then dominant life forms on earth, to witness the end of their race and civilization, die off, and watch the rise of mankind as they bred and enslaved the evolving species of pokémon that remained.

 

Actually, now that Lily thought about it, this universe might just be a dystopian science fiction novel of the most horrific kind, just from the pokémon’s perspectives. It also put all of humanity’s weirdness and obsession with pokémon into perspective as well. After all, if this was the aftermath of an apocalypse, then one would expect all sentient life forms to be more or less driven mad by it.

 

“Not that!” Misty cried out, “The name, the name’s romantic!”

 

“I don’t know, there’s certainly great tragedy in the unwitting catalyst the moon played in the enslavement of pokémon. I think there’s always a certain romance to tragedy as a genre,” Wizard Lenin added in with his own sly smile, because he always did find the suffering of others to be fairly enjoyable.

 

“Oh, Lenin, sometimes you’re such a jerk!” Misty cried out, not too offended though, as Wizard Lenin’s pretty face did wonders from deflecting bad opinions even when he was being downright horrifying.

 

“Oh my god,” Lily said, still caught on her own thoughts, “It’s ‘Planet of the Apes’!”

 

They all turned, looked at her with raised eyes, but the epiphany was sinking in and there was no stopping it now.

 

“Lenin, think about it!” she said, looking desperate at the only one who would even hope to understand what she was talking about, “Millenia ago several sentient races ruled over the earth with their own civilizations, but then a great calamity happened and the tides turned, humanity evolved into thinking beings and enslaved them while their own society developed. Likely, at the time, humans were considered ghastly dull ape pokémon not even capable of true speech! And if one of them were to travel somehow, someway, from then to here…”

 

Lily fell to her knees on the rocky path, suddenly feeling as if she were that wayward pokémon herself, lost in time and space, staring up at the Statue of Liberty in horror, “And he’d say, in a tongue unknown to man, ‘Oh my God. I’m back. I’m home. All the time, it was… We finally really did it.”

 

Lily paused, stared out at the beaten path before her, seeing Mt. Moon as the Pokémon, perhaps himself a Pikachu, would have seen it, screaming as he would have screamed, “You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!”

 

“Uh, Lily?”

 

And then Lily remembered that she was dramatically reenacting the last scene of Planet of the Apes in front of an unwitting audience and an unamused Wizard Lenin, Lily straightened, “Right, well anyways… I just thought I should share that epiphany while I had the chance.”

 

“Pika, pika,” Pikachu said with an exasperated, if fond, sigh.

 

“Thank you, Lily,” Wizard Lenin responded dully, “I was still caught on the moral dilemma of pokémon battles and breeding, it’s good to know that you are somehow both ten steps behind that and ten steps ahead.”

 

“What’s wrong with Pokémon battles?” Ash asked, rather affronted, only for Wizard Lenin to raise his pale eyebrows in judgement.

 

“Do you really want me to answer that question?”

 

Before Ash could though they were interrupted by a man’s rather whiney sounding scream of fear. Pikachu’s ears perked, they all turned, and Ash cried out even as he darted forwards toward the noise, “Look, over there!”

 

“Oh, it’s about time for that isn’t it?” Lily asked as they dashed towards the noise.

 

“About time for what?” Wizard Lenin questioned.

 

Lily grinned, rather pleased with herself for figuring this out so early, as she noted, “Well, it’s usually around this time that we run into some bizarre stranger who teaches us something about something. You know, like Samurai the samurai, or Brock’s dead-beat dad Flint.”

 

“Lily, that’s the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard,” Wizard Lenin started, but all too soon he himself was proved an idiot as they found exactly the man they were looking for.

 

There, ahead of them, and right on schedule, was a man cowering and shielding the back of his head, huddled in front of the entrance to a dark cave tunnel, as he was mercilessly attacked by giant blue, eyeless, bats.

 

“It’s a bunch of Zubat!” Ash cried out as they all drew to a halt.

 

“They’re attacking that guy!” Misty noted, and, as he usually did in times of crisis, Ash pulled out his handy-dandy red calculator that served as a pokémon encyclopedia.

 

“Dexter, analyze!” Ash cried out.

 

“Zubat, blind pokémon with supersonic powers. Zubat live in caves and hate to fly outside in daylight,” the calculator helpfully informed them, as they watched the blind bats swarm the helpless man in broad daylight.

 

“Not these Zubat,” Ash muttered in agreement as he put the calculator away into his pocket.

 

“This is no time for jokes,” Misty admonished Ash, “That guy needs our help!”

 

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Ash said then, looking at Pikachu standing next to him, he cried out, “Pikachu, thunder shock!”

 

And whether it was because of Ash and Pikachu’s newfound bromance over training like Rocky Balboa if he had a generator and electrical powers, because it was the right thing to do, or because if Pikachu didn’t do it Stack of Bricks would, Pikachu summoned forth his electricity, leapt forward with his cheeks burning, and proceeded to fry the bats into submission, sending them fleeing back into the cave entrance from whence they came.

 

Ash rushed forward towards the man, still moaning, “Are you okay?”

 

And suddenly, the man was on his feet and perfectly fine, adjusting his glasses then leaning in to hug Ash with the unfortunate Pikachu caught between the manly display of love.

 

“Wow, you guys are the greatest!” he said, tears streaming down his face as he smothered Ash in his white lab coat, the kind a self-proclaimed mad scientist would wear in public.

 

“Really, it was nothing,” Ash tried to get out, but it came out very muffled due to his face being shoved into the man’s shirt.

 

“I’m talking super-fantabulistic! I mean, two thumbs-up, way up! The best rescue I’ve ever had!” with each word he squeezed Ash, and Pikachu, harder and harder, until Pikachu likely had Onyx flashbacks and instead chose to fry both him and Ash alive.

 

However, this didn’t seem to deter their new upbeat friend at all. He was back on his feet far quicker than Ash, adjusting his glasses, his tears gone, and smiling at the pair of them, “They say man’s best friend is a pokémon, and with you two I believe it!”

 

Lily glanced at the pair of them, even now Pikachu looking like he was severely regretting his choices, and found herself very dubious of that statement. Sure, Ash and Pikachu were on better terms since their rather terrifying training session from hell and near victory over Brock in Pewter City, but Lily would hardly call them friends. More like… vaguely tolerant acquaintances.

 

However, that didn’t seem to be this guy’s smile. Where Flint had been reminiscent of Clint Eastwood, Samurai had been like a Samurai, this new guy was… She wasn’t even sure, something with a lab coat and glasses as well as a copious amount of tears, but whatever it was, it apparently really digged the Pikachu and Ash combination.

 

Ash didn’t seem to know what to make of this either as he, with a rather confused look, responded, “Oh, that’s nice.”

 

Their new friend apparently lacked any ability to parse emotion, worse than Lily herself, as he declared, “I’m so moved! Such friendship I thought I’d never see, when the Zubat began attacking me! I thought I was done for, when who should arrive, two heroes thanks to whom I’m alive! I’m alive!”

 

This last was said with his arms thrown out wide, as if embracing the twilight while standing at the edge of a cliff, the pinnacle of the human experience as well as human poetry.

 

Wizard Lenin, meanwhile, appeared to hit rock bottom, “Don’t tell me he just rhymed through that whole blasted thing.”

 

“He did,” Lily responded, somewhat at a loss herself, but for once everyone else seemed to be at just as much of a loss as she and Wizard Lenin were.

 

There were tears streaming down his face again as he cried out to both Ash and the mountains themselves, “Thank you so much, thank you!”

 

“He certainly doesn’t look like the poetic type,” Misty said rather blankly as she took in this crying, kneeling man, with his arms stretched out embracing the feeling of being alive.

 

Then, as if nothing had happened, the man was rising to his feet, taking Ash’s hands in his, and remarking, “Did I mention how grateful I am?”

 

“Yeah,” was all Ash had to say to that, “Um, anyway, why were the Zubat attacking you, mister?”

 

The man gasped, leaned forward, and cried out, “Never call me mister!”

 

Then, it appeared to be time to introduce himself as he declared, and you could almost see the changing backgrounds as he struck each new pose with each new phrase, “My name’s Seymore, Seymore the Scientist! Knowledge, research, I’m Seymore the Scientist!”

 

This was followed by a too long moment of silence as everyone took in what Seymore the Scientist had just declared. You could almost hear the crickets and see the lonely tumbleweed tumbling through the mountains between them.

 

However, Lily got over her own shock relatively quickly as she put the words together.

 

“Oh, I knew it,” Lily said with a delighted grin as the theme for their latest stranger fell into place, “Just like Samurai the samurai!”

 

“No, Lily,” Wizard Lenin said slowly, as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was saying, “This might be worse than Samurai the half-baked samurai.”

 

* * *

 

“See,” Seymore motioned to the strings of electric light bulbs lighting the caves as they walked, a worried glint in his large blue eyes and a pathetic whine to his voice, “The cave is all lit up inside. Somebody has strung these lights through the whole cave, but the pokémon in this cave need the dark! These lights are upsetting them and making them confused!”

 

“Which is probably why the Zubat left the cave and attacked you,” Brock added in as they began to pass more giant pokémon involved in strange rituals. There, strange red giant crab like creatures with mushrooms growing out of their backs plucked them out and planted them in the dirt, a giant scaled armadillo laid out flat on the ground with a miserable look in his eye.

 

“Look here, these Paris are planting their mushrooms everywhere, and the hot lights are drying up these Sandshrew,” Seymore said as he motioned to the different giant animals they passed.

 

“Pi,” Pikachu said morosely in sympathy as they walked along, eyes caught on his deranged and drained brothers, driven mad by electric light.

 

“That’s why I’m here,” Seymore then declared, a righteous look in his scientific eyes, “On patrol to protect the mountain from the troublemakers’ attack against these caves!”

 

“Troublemakers?” Misty asked, logical and dumbfounded as always, “Why would they attack a cave?”

 

Seymore stopped, hesitated, and turned, a worried look in his eyes, “I’m afraid it’s because of the moon stone.

 

“The moon stone?” Ash asked.

 

It was with a surprisingly somber note to his voice that Seymore nodded his agreement, “Exactly.”

 

Then, apparently, the somber moment was gone as it was time to drift into rhyme again with dramatic gestures to accompany each phrase, “The moon stone is an awesome boulder, a million years old or even older. Deep in these caves the meteor hides, though no explorer has found the place, of the legendary rock from space! We’ve studied its fragments for many an hour and discovered it increases a pokémon’s power. And that is why the attackers are here! They’ve come to take the moon stone, or so I fear!”

 

Lily, slowly, but surely, clapped, “That was well done, I mean, not particularly creative, but on the fly I’m very impressed.”

 

Ash, however, just dumbly repeated again, “The moon stone?”

 

“Ever since I was a little boy, I believed that pokémon came to earth from outer space!” Seymore confessed with a spark in his eyes, as if he had not just marked himself as a True Believer to his rather disturbed audience.

 

“From outer space?!” Misty, Brock, and Ash questioned simultaneously, aliens apparently being just as much of not a thing here as it was back in England.

 

“Yes,” Seymore nodded, as if his beliefs were perfectly reasonable and in line with the scientific community, “And where, you ask, is the space craft that brought them to Earth? In this cave! It’s the moon stone!”

 

Well… That was… A theory.

 

Wizard Lenin held up a hand, that dubious and entirely judgemental look on his beautiful twelve-year-old face, “Wait, so you believe that pokémon, all pokémon, did not develop here on earth but instead traveled to earth, in a space craft, that was a giant rock from the Moon?”

 

“Of course!” Seymore said, not a hint of doubt within him, “It’s very scientific, after all!”

 

“Well,” Misty said after a moment, “It sure is an… original theory.”

 

“But don’t you see?!” Seymore cried out to them, or rather, cried out to a wall rather than look at any of them directly. That seemed to be a habit of his, to declare things to his surroundings rather than the actual people he was supposedly talking to, “It means the moon stone belongs to the pokémon! We humans must not take it from them!”

 

Suddenly, Seymore turned his attention to Ash once again, a spark of a threat in his eyes, “You agree with me, don’t you?”

 

Ash, frozen stiff with befuddlement and fear in equal measure, nodded desperately to appease Seymore the Scientist, “Uh huh, uh huh!”

 

Seymore probably would have gone on, deeply staring into Ash’s rather nervous eyes, holding his hands too tightly in his own while Pikachu edged towards Lily, but they were interrupted. There, skipping past them with a height, ease, and grace that she almost seemed to float, a strange pink, adorable, almost elfin creature sang out “Clefairy” with a polished silver rock in hand.

 

“Ah!” Seymore said, letting go of Ash’s hands, and adjusting his glasses to peer closer at the creature.

 

“That looks like a… Clefairy,” Brock said, almost sounding unsure of that last name, as if he would have never expected to see a Clefairy before.

 

“It’s so cute!” Misty cried out, a blush on her cheeks, and it was, positively adorable as it floated by without a care in the world, singing its name over and over again.

 

Ash, on cue, pulled out his red calculator, “Clefairy, this impish pokémon is friendly and peaceful. It is believed to live inside Mt. Moon, although very few have ever been seen by humans.”

 

With that last note Ash grinned, took out an empty pokéball, and dashed towards the creature who was now obliviously turning the corner into a different tunnel, “Ah, I got to catch it!”

 

Apparently, Ash had learned nothing, more, had not taken Seymore the Scientist’s rather scientific wrath to heart as the man swiftly grabbed Ash’s arm, “You can’t! Sorry, but it’s best if you just let it stay here. I hope you understand.”

 

Whether Ash did or not was debatable, but all the same he nodded, and responded, “Sure, Seymore, I understand.”

 

Meanwhile, next to Lily, Wizard Lenin noted, “You know, based on past experiences, this is probably the point where everything starts to go downhill. Why don’t we make a break for it while we still can?”

 

Lily, however, was caught on this moon stone idea. It’d been a little glazed over what with Seymore the Scientist being… Seymore the Scientist, but thinking on it now, she couldn’t help but think that there was something almost like a good old Indiana Jones movie about all of this. Replace the moon stone with the Ark of the Covenant and the mysterious trouble makers with evil Nazis, then it was practically the same thing.

 

And if there was one thing Lily was always prepared to do, even in a universe obsessed with pokémon, it was impersonating Indiana Jones.

 

Wizard Lenin didn’t really get a chance to hear her response though, even if he could clearly judge by her delighted grin, as a strangled and fearful cry sounded from around the corner, “Clefairy!”

 

There, rounding a corner, they came across none other than the giant talking cat who seemed to show up everywhere, standing on a ledge and cornering the terrified elfin Clefairy.

 

“Oh Christ, not these people,” Wizard Lenin exclaimed, but it was more than clear, if Meowth the giant talking cat was here then clearly the rest of Team Rocket was not far behind.

 

“It’s Meowth!” Ash declared as he saw the cat.

 

“Meowth, what are you doing here?” the cat exclaimed, its voice strangely obnoxious, accented, and oddly human for coming from a giant cat.

 

“Looking for troublemakers like you!” Ash cried back, that glint of determination entering his dark eyes. At the same time Pikachu darted away from the group and approached the Clefairy, engaging it in conversation and reassuring it with appropriate “Pikas”, “Pis” and “Chus” while Clefairy nodded and chimed in with “Fairies”, “Cles”, and “Clefairies”.

 

Wizard Lenin watched this with a rather odd expression that screamed that he was too tired to deal with any of the shenanigans he’d been forced through already.

 

“So, Team Rocket is causing all the trouble around here,” Ash concluded, “What a surprise?”

 

“We’ve got to stop them before they start any more trouble,” Brock added, his own eyes narrowed in determination as he looked at Meowth, oddly not surprised by him talking despite this being the first time he’d ever seen Meowth before.

 

Then of course, as if summoned by the very word, Jessie’s familiar voice called out as she started in on her own choreographed rhyme, “Trouble.”

 

“Make that double,” James chimed in, unseen from further up in the tunnel behind the giant cat.

 

“To protect the world from devastation,” Jessie said, although it was still entirely unclear how stealing pokémon would lead to the realization of this goal.

 

“To unite all peoples within our nation,” James added, also unclear how they would go about the ambitious goal of world peace while abducting pokémon.

 

“To denounce the evils of truth and love,” Jessie said, which, of course, could be the solution to the world peace issue. A rather Orwellian concept but she could see Team Rocket proclaiming they had always been at war with East Asia.

 

“To extend our reach to the stars above,” James added, of course meaning that once world peace would be solved they’d colonize the heavens… With pokémon, or something.

 

They stepped into the light, Jessie with a shovel, “Jessie.”

 

James joined her, a pick axe thrown sensually over one shoulder as he gave them his sultry look, oddly sans rose this time, “James.”

 

“Team rocket blasts off at the speed of light!” Jessie declared as she and James moved into their choreographed positions, crossing their tools so that it vaguely resembled the flag of the Soviet Union.

 

“Surrender now or prepare to fight!” James said, the final ultimatum.

 

And then there was Meowth, “Meowth, that’s right!”

 

“They sure are show offs,” Seymore said in contempt as he looked upon the display, very likely jealous that it had outclassed both of his poetry performances thus far. Seymore the Scientist, while lacking in prose, also lacked in the choreography so masterfully displayed by Team Rocket at every opportunity.

 

Meanwhile Ash just stared up with an odd, almost exasperated smile, and asked, “Don’t you guys ever get tired of saying the same things over and over?”

 

“You’re just jealous, boy,” Jessie sniffed in contempt, clearly mistaking Ash for Seymore the Scientist.

 

“Because we won’t let you join us,” James added, as if this had ever been an option in the first place.

 

“I’d never join up with you!” Ash cried out, now insulted as well as disturbed.

 

“You put the lights in this cave!” Brock joined in, “It’s your fault the Pokémon who live here are so confused!”

 

With that Lily couldn’t help but note, as her eyes lingered on James, “Wait a minute, I’m confused, hold up.”

 

She held up a hand then pointed it at James, “This can’t possibly be Team Rocket’s James, he’s missing the rose.”

 

“The what?” Misty asked, appearing somewhat confused, likely because she too had yet to have a run in with Team Rocket.

 

Lily however motioned dramatically towards James, who suddenly looked rather self-conscious and uncertain, “The rose! Every time they come up to sing, and dance, and steal pokémon he has this fresh, red, seductive rose that he holds in a hand. He’s gone and replaced it with a pick axe, I mean, that can’t possibly be the same person!”

 

“It’s hard to mine for moon stones and look fabulous at the same time!” James, or very like James substandard clone cried out in despair, “And I tried to make the pick axe work but it’s just not the same! I can’t pull off the rugged miner or lumberjack look!”

 

“Get a hold of yourself, James, we’re not here to look fantastic we’re here to get the moon stone!” Jessie sneered, but James was having none of it, still clearly in despair even as Jessie whacked the back of his head with a shovel.

 

She then sneered down at them again, “With the moon stone in our hands, to power up our pokémon, nothing will stop us!”

 

“Stack of Bricks will,” Lily said shortly, taking her own pokéball into her hand and , without even batting an eyelash, throwing it down before her and allowing Stack of Bricks to nobly appear before them in a flash of light, “Stack of Bricks, annihilate!”

 

“Pikachu!” Pikachu cried in despair and dismay, but it was already too late, a great whirlwind tore through the cave, shattering the lights against the wall, and finally blowing Team Rocket out of the cave.

 

“Oh, Stack of Bricks,” Lily said as she summoned Stack of Bricks back into her pokéball, “Will you ever disappoint?”

 

“Uh, Lily, you know, Brock and I could have handled it,” Ash said slowly, looking at a loss, especially as Lily owlishly blinked back at him, “Stack of Bricks doesn’t have to fight against Team Rocket all the time.”

 

“Pikachu!” Pikachu said in delighted agreement.

 

Lily considered this for a moment then laughed, “Nonsense, no one will ever get tired of Stack of Bricks, he’s the greatest!”

 

However, even as she stood there, grinning and quite pleased with herself, she couldn’t help but notice Clefairy, and how her dark eyes lingered on Lily even as his tiny pink clawed fingers held the piece of the moon stone.

  

* * *

 

“What’s that?” Ash asked, pointing to a strange brown nugget that Brock was feeding to his delighted newly caught Zubat, strangely calm compared to his own desperate attack against Seymore the Scientist earlier in the day.

 

Sunset found them camped outside beside a tranquil river flowing through the mountains, Lily, the gang, as well as the additions of Seymore the Scientist and Clefairy.

 

Lily, Ash, Misty, Brock, Wizard Lenin, and Seymore the Scientist all huddled about in a circle, watching the Zubat as well as Wizard Lenin’s stoic Metapod who had been let out of his pokéball.

 

“This is pokémon food,” Brock explained as the Zubat perched on his shoulder and ate from Brock’s hands, “Made from my own personal recipe. The ingredients are specially blended for each Pokémon.”

 

He handed one to Wizard Lenin who, although he looked at it and Brock dubiously, likely wondering what kind deluded thinking had gotten Brock to believe that breeding and making food for pokémon was a morally just decision, but none the less offered it to the Metapod.

 

It must have been good enough as Metapod for a moment stopped, eyes widening, and with a bright white light emerged a gloriously giant purple butterfly from its previous sentient shell.

 

“Your Metapod evolved into a Butterfree!” Ash cried out in delight, “That’s amazing!”

 

Wizard Lenin just blinked for a moment, listened to his newly transformed Pokémon trill in delight, and then wordlessly handed it another brown nugget to chew on with its blue fingers. A strange transformation that suddenly seemed at once under and overwhelming.

 

Ash then eagerly reached for the nugget himself, an eager grin on his face, “Man, I’ve got to give this to some of my pokémon! How’s it taste?”

 

Brock laughed but said, “I’ve been developing it for years, I keep improving on the recipe. I’ll make a batch for Pikachu.”

 

Ash grinned, and they watched dubiously as Seymore the Scientist, scientifically curious as ever, reached over into the metal tin containing the pokémon food, “I’ll try some.”

 

He popped it into his mouth, chewing, the unshaved whiskers on his chin moving up and down as he considered the flavor, “Mm, not bad.”

 

“Really?” Ash asked in surprise, then looking down at the tin in his hands, reached in and stuck one into his own mouth, “Let me taste.”

 

He immediately appeared to regret this, shuddering violently his face turning blue with the effort to stop himself from vomiting.

 

“Well, you might not like it,” Brock said with a laugh, “But the pokémon sure do.”

 

With that note Lily turned her attention behind them where, a little way off on a small rock, Pikachu and Clefairy were engaged in a deep conversation about something. Every once in a while, Pikachu would motion to them, the group, and then often times to Lily herself with the Clefairy nodding every now and then before chiming in.

 

And though she didn’t want to say it, she had the oddest feeling that they were talking about them, or about Lily specifically, rather than their adventures on the road thus far.

 

As her eyes moved between them, it struck her that she couldn’t make out a word or idea in there, that without Pikachu’s exaggerated gestures she was truly lost. Perhaps, she thought, he wanted it that way, because while he could communicate with her, this way, his conversations with other pokémon would always be private.

 

There would always be a wall standing between men and pokémon.

 

“Pikachu makes friends so easily,” Ash noted with an easy smile on his face, “I wonder what they’re talking about.”

 

At that the pair turned towards the group, finished apparently with their conversation, and stood, addressing them. Pikachu held out a stubby yellow arm, motioned towards Clefairy, and once he had everyone’s attention the pair began to dash up the mountainside, leaving the rest of them to follow.

 

Yes, Lily thought as she scrambled to her feet, somehow Pikachu never had a problem saying what he meant when he meant to. That, likely, was half the problem.

 

* * *

 

They travelled well into the night, the moon round and full overhead, the path up the steep forested mountainside dark and hard to navigate. None the less, Clefairy and Pikachu in turn moved with purpose, up and up, stopping only every now and then to see if the group was still behind.

 

Lily found herself thinking back to her own thoughts, on Indiana Jones, and Arks of the Covenant. There was an air of mystery, more, a thrumming of power somewhere in the distance that got louder and louder with each step she took.

 

She had the unnatural and strangest feeling that here, on this mountainside, Lily was stepping onto hallowed ground, and that in one of the caverns a burning bush might very well await them. There was an almost holy feeling of energy, premonition, to this place.

 

As if god himself had reached down and touched this mountain.

 

“Pikachu, where on Earth are you taking us?” Ash asked, but Pikachu didn’t answer, didn’t even look behind, rather they kept walking until suddenly, they were stepping through a clearing to where an entrance to another cavern awaited them.

 

As Lily stared at the entrance she felt… Almost as if there was a heart inside of there, pounding unseen, gently strumming a sweet and irresistible rhythm within her mind. It whispered to her, a name that Lily didn’t recognize, something inhuman and unknowable, “I am that I am” perhaps, and beckoned her inside.

 

She glanced at Wizard Lenin, but even he hadn’t seemed to notice, looking once again rather put upon as they were following a strange floating elf creature to her cavern.

 

Slowly, they walked inside, led by the Clefairy still holding the shard of the moon stone in her hands, Pikachu walking beside her. Stepping inside the floor was lit by the moon overhead, an odd dusky purple color.

 

As soon as she stepped in Lily immediately took off her shoes, ignoring the odd glances of the others and instead casting them aside until her bare feet touched the surface of the ground and she stared across into her burning bush.

 

Except… It wasn’t a burning bush, though it spoke and beckoned to her very soul it was instead a great glittering rock, blue and shining beneath the light of the full moon. Itself the unbeating heart of something nameless, foreign, and powerful.

 

“Lily,” it whispered to her.

 

“It’s the core of the moon stone!” Seymore the Scientist gasped.

 

“This feels like a dream,” Misty added as she looked at it in wonder.

 

“So, the moon stone legend is true,” Brock added.

 

However, Lily barely noticed, instead she was staring, felt as if she was being pulled, listening to the ebb and flow out of space and time of this monstrous heart.

 

“Lily,” it said, louder this time, almost an audible sound rather than a whisper against the confines of her soul.

 

Lily turned, found Clefairy staring straight at her, dark eyes burning into Lily’s soul. Then, with a smile and a floating skip, it danced towards the great moon stone with its piece.

 

“Look, Clefairy’s doing something!” Ash cried out, and they watched as Clefairy placed its piece of the great moon stone in an empty slot in the ring surrounding the greater stone. The piece began to glow a bright blue, then the stones ringed around, and the great stone itself turned the same color.

 

And in her mind, it spoke to her, deafening yet not screaming, speaking with purpose and undeniable authority, “I am Ubik. Before the universe was, I am. I made the suns. I made the worlds. I created the lives and places they inhabit; I move them here, I put them there. They go as I say, they do as I tell them. I am the word and my name is never spoken, the name which no one knows. I am called Ubik, but that is not my name. I am. I shall always be.”

 

Identical elfin Clefairy appeared from the shadows of other tunnels, walking towards the glowing stone with purpose, delight, and reverence.

 

“There are so many of them,” Misty said in surprise.

 

One of the Clefairy then turned to the group, holding its arms out wide, greeting them and bowing, “Clefairy, fairy, fairy, Clefairy!”

 

“I think it’s saying hello,” Ash said, a delighted smile on his own face.

 

“Yeah,” Brock agreed.

 

“Oh, look at them!” Misty cried, because the Clefairy had turned outward, ringing around the moon stone, dancing up and down in a strange floating dance as they sang out an endless song of, “Clefairy” in time with the beating of the heart that was the moon stone.

 

Lily closed her eyes, trying to block out the sight if not the noise.

 

“Amazing, these Clefairy have formed their own society,” Seymore said in awe, “This is an incredible sight.”

 

Apart from the rest, Pikachu and the Clefairy they had traveled with up the mountainside looked upon the scene. Clefairy with a delighted smile, Pikachu with mild confusion before turning to Clefairy, speaking in a low voice.

 

“Hey, Pikachu, what’s Clefairy been telling you anyway?” Ash asked, walking towards Pikachu and stopping the pair mid conversation. Pikachu looked towards Ash, then briefly, towards Lily herself, looking as if he knew exactly what she was seeing, hearing and feeling.

 

Pikachu then began to rapidly explain with only a few short gestures motioning to the dancing Clefairy and the moon stone.

 

“You understand that?” Seymore asked as he and the rest drew even with Ash.

 

“Of course, I do” Ash said with an easy, and overconfident, smile, “It’s my pokémon.”

 

“The Clefairy collect all of these rocks then…” Ash paused trailed off, before blurting undoubtedly the first thing that came to mind, “Do the macarena!”

 

Pikachu proceeded to fall on his face in despair, crossing his hands to indicate this was clearly wrong, before glancing at Lily. Lily, however, didn’t need to know what Pikachu had said, she was already well aware of exactly what was happening here.

 

“They’re praying,” she said softly, her voice sounding foreign to her own ears, flat beneath the sound of the moon stone, “They’re praying to the stone.”

 

Wizard Lenin glanced at her, expression sobering, a spark of concern entering his eyes as he realized that perhaps Lily was not seeing what he was seeing. That perhaps there was something more to this than strange pink adorable blobs dancing in the night.

 

“What sort of a god, Lily, would pokémon have?” Wizard Lenin asked, but Lily wasn’t capable of answering, not here, not now. For now she could only stare, and watch, and feel as if she herself were being assimilated into and transformed by this nameless, alien, power.

 

Seymore glanced up at the stone, glittering in the dark, “Is it because the moon stone fell from the heavens?”

 

“Then maybe the legends are true,” Misty said as she too regarded the scene once again, “Maybe the moon stone really did come from space.”

 

And that was all the encouragement Seymore the Scientist needed, he whirled about and cried out in delight, “Of course, it all makes sense now!”

 

“What does?” Ash asked, genuinely confused.

 

“Are you sure you want to ask that, Ash?” Wizard Lenin cut in, but was quickly overrun by Seymore’s boundless enthusiasm or his rhyming.

 

“Outer space! Pokémon and the human race will ride the moon stone into space! First to the moon, then to Mars, then together to the stars!”

 

Lily blinked, tried to pull herself whatever funk she was in, about to respond something to that. How she didn’t think the moon stone wanted to go back to the cold dark depths of space. However, before she could get a word in, Team Rocket made their entrance, although how this was possible was beyond Lily’s guess.

 

“Stars, that’s our cue!” Meowth’s voice rang out, and there, right in the entrance, was Team Rocket in the flesh.

 

“Oh god,” Wizard Lenin said with a sigh, “Isn’t it enough to deal with you people once in a day?”

 

“You guys don’t know when to quit!” Ash said with a hearty glare.

 

“You keep away from the moon stone or else!” Seymore cried, flinging his arms wide to protect both the Clefairy and the moon stone.

 

“Or else?” James asked, slightly amused.

 

“I think we’ve been threatened,” Jessie added, a smirk growing on her painted lips.

 

Seymore quivered where he stood, knees rattling, but never the less stating, “The moon stone belongs to the Clefairy, not to you troublemakers! Leave this cave at once!”

 

“What’s that unusual sound?” James asked instead.

 

“His knees are shaking,” Jessie responded much to Meowth’s cackling delight as he crowed, “Sounds like a wimp!”

 

And yet, they shook in time to the heartbeat of the moon stone.

 

Seymore charged at them blindly, screaming in rage, only to be easily tripped by Meowth and sent crashing to the ground.

 

“Heh, did you have a nice trip?”

 

Seymore straightened, his glasses falling and bouncing away from him, and he stared blindly forward, “My glasses, I can’t see a thing!”

 

“Oh, Seymore!” Misty cried out.

 

“That wasn’t fair!” Ash added in, forgetting once again that all was fair in love and war.

 

“All’s fair in a pokémon match, boy,” Jessie reminded them, taking out her pokéball.

 

James did the same, “Enough talk!”

 

“I agree, let’s go Pikachu!”

 

Lily reached for the pokéball containing Stack of Bricks, however stopped, an electric shock seeming to run through her as she touched the surface. She turned, slowly, too slowly, back to the moon stone.

 

“Lily,” it whispered in her ear, “You stand upon hallowed ground.”

 

Brock sent out Onyx to stand with Pikachu while the purple snake, Ekans, and the giant poisonous floating ball, Koffing, faced the pair. However, before they could even think to fight the snake was burrowing underground, the Koffing providing smoke cover, and when it was blown away the moon stone was gone, and a great pit remained.

 

“Huh, the moon stone is gone!” Ash cried out as he stared into the pit.

 

“Team Rocket, stole it!” Misty concluded, naturally, as this seemed quite obvious.

 

However, Ash took it a step further as he realized, “The match was just a trick so they could sneak away with it!”

 

Brock dashed over to the hole, then, pointing to it, said, “Alright, Onyx, follow them underground!”

 

With a roar the great rock snake descended into the hole and rapidly began to move through it. The rest of them, sans the blind Seymore, ran out of the cavern to catch up with the thieves. Lily slower than usual, hands shaking as she now felt the loss of the moon stone and its overwhelming power.

 

What was that? She thought as they raced down the mountain side? What on earth could that have been? For a moment, standing there, she hadn’t felt like Lily at all but something…

 

Soon enough they caught sight of them, Onyx tearing out of the ground and towering overhead like a great tower as he stopped Team Rocket’s sled in its tracks.

 

“Got them!” Ash cried in delight.

 

“Nice work, Onyx, grab them now!” Brock commanded as the dazed thieves looked up at the great rock pokémon.

 

“Koffing, counterattack!” James commanded, the giant purple ball knocking Onyx off balance before it could strike, sending the great tower of rocks slamming to the earth while Koffing did the same.

 

“Onyx!” Brock cried out but soon enough they were distracted by the sight of Seymore the Scientist’s head poking out of the hole Onyx had left.

 

“Hey, look!” As Ash pointed Clefairy, one by one, floated out of the hole, floating as if they themselves were walking on the moon, and onto the earth to face Team Rocket.

 

Each then raised both arms, index fingers raised in time, and together, chanted that same song of, “Clefairy.”

 

In beat with the words, they moved their arms back and forth in time, an almost metronome like gesture that was in itself hypnotizing to watch. And unheard by everyone else, it was also in time once again to the heartbeat of the moon stone.

 

“What are they doing?” Jessie asked dismissively.

 

“Waiving their fingers,” James responded with equal contempt, but soon both were watching avidly, tracking the fingers back and forth.

 

“This way and that way, this way and that way,” the giant talking cat chimed in.

 

“I’m getting dizzy,” Misty muttered, her own eyes tracking the Clefairy’s movement along with everyone else’s, as if they were all held in time by this strange incessant beat.

 

Looking closely, into one’s eyes, Lily could see that they were not dark like Rabbit’s, like she had first thought, but instead a strange dark blue like the night sky itself.

 

“This is an attack the Clefairy use called the metronome,” Seymore explained from inside the hole, swaying in time with the beat the Clefairy provided, “I’ve never seen the Clefariy use the metronome before, who knows what’ll happen.”

 

Then they stopped as one, threw down their arms with a final cry, and began to glow as bright as the sun. The earth cracked beneath their feet, spreading out towards Team Rocket, glowing red beneath with fire, then a great pillar of lava poured itself like a gyser towards the moon itself, right under the feet of Team Rocket.

 

And seeing it, Lily had to cover her eyes, and she couldn’t help but think that this, perhaps, was what an act of God might look like.

 

This was the opening of the Ark of the Covenant.

 

Then it was done, and a great jagged pit remained in the earth where fire had once been. Then, like snowflakes, blue shards of the moonstone drifted down in bubbles of light.

 

“The moon stone…” Seymore whispered reverently.

 

Each Clefairy a shard touch would glow pink for a moment, then grow, voice deepening and body elongating, letting out a sigh of wonder when the process completed, “Clefable.”

 

“The Clefairy are…” Brock started in wonder.

 

“Evolving,” Misty finished for him in equal wonder.

 

Out of his back-pocket Ash took out his red calculator, and in its synthetic voice it crowed, “Clefable, an advanced form of Clefairy. These unique creatures are among the rarest pokémon in the world.”

 

Lily watched as a single, last, shard drifted above her, like a lazy errant snow flake, and watched as it touched down upon her own forehead, right where her scar was. And for a moment, she stood there, mouth open, eyes wide and blinded by light, then, her voice sounded, at once lighter and smoother than any human voice should manage, “My god, it’s full of stars.”

 

* * *

 

For a moment, everything was light, her body itself was held in transition, somewhere away from Lily herself, caught between one form and another higher form. The universe whispered inside of her ear, all universes, and the moon stone itself remained a simple conduit, a means of brushing hands with higher powers rather than the higher powers itself.

 

She fell through a tunnel of time space, all colors flowing out before her in a mad cacophony of sight, an overwhelming humming noise ringing inside of the ears she did not possess.

 

And yet, at the same time, she was standing on the edge of a bridge, one made of color and light, her red hair expanded beyond her like roots tying her back to earth, glowing like sunlight in the dark.

 

She knew, even then, that if she stepped off, if she followed the song of the shard of the moon stone, she would be forever different. No longer could she maintain this human form, she would have to become something more, something evolved, a star child in her own right.

 

A path that she had always been wandering now accelerated so that it could take place now, in this single instant and time and place, and no longer would she be a god playing at being mortal. She would be…

 

“No,” she said, to the stars, the worlds, and all the universes orchestrating themselves before her, “No, I did not choose this. It’s not time, not yet.”

 

Then, turning her eyes towards the heart of all the worlds, the one she could so easily touch now in this state of metamorphosis, she declared, “All these worlds are yours – except Europa. Attempt no landing there.”

 

And with that, she folded back into herself, into Lily, and for this single moment, there were no stars at all.

 

* * *

 

 “Lily!”

 

Lily blearily opened her eyes, found herself lying on the ground, surrounded by a mob of Clefairy as well as the gang, Wizard Lenin supporting her as his blue eyes stared down at her in wordless terror. At the sight of her eyes fluttering open, the recognition in them, he smiled.

 

“Lily,” Wizard Lenin said with clear relief, a smile growing on his lips as he pulled her upright, “For god’s sake, you started glowing.”

 

“Oh,” Lily said, rather dully, suddenly somewhat exhausted. Her body felt… At once it felt frail, heavy, a strange shell that she had forced herself back into. She’d grown so used to it, hadn’t had anything but it, but now it felt entirely foreign.

 

“Oh, is that all you have to say, Lily?” Wizard Lenin chided, but his heart wasn’t in it, after all, his pale blue eyes were still worried.

 

At once, Lily was struck by human he looked as he stared down at her. Even with his white hair, even with those strange eyes of his, he looked so utterly human.

 

“What was that?” Misty asked, her face also more than a little concerned as she looked down at Lily, “You just stood there then started glowing, and then there were rainbows wrapping themselves around your skin!”

 

“It must have been something I ate,” Lily said weakly, a poor excuse, but she was too tired for anything else.

 

“Something you ate?!” Ash balked.

 

“Sure,” Lily said, staring up at the moon, so distant yet seeming so very close, as if Lily could pluck it from the sky if she wished, “Why not?”

 

With a sigh she tottered to her feet, off balance for a moment or too, both heavy and light headed at the same time. Evolution…

 

What would evolution look like for her, she wondered? What would she have been if she had taken the dive off of that bridge into the unknown? Still, there had been blue, light almost colorless blue in that bridge, and it had reminded her of Wizard Lenin.

 

She tottered, Wizard Lenin caught her, wrapped an arm under hers to support her, “The last thing we need is you with a concussion.”

 

Lily smiled weakly in gratitude, “Thanks, Lenin.”

 

Then, looking at the sky once again, she said, “Let’s go home, I’m so tired.”

 

Wizard Lenin smiled sadly at that, his own face rather like the moon in that moment, pale and glowing and so beautiful. Lily realized she had said the wrong thing, home, especially for him, was so much further, “Well, will you settle for Cerulean City?”

 

Lily grinned, laughed, and said, “Yes, I think I can settle for that much.”

 

Before they could say too much though, or move, Lily noticed that the Clefairy and Clefable were all staring at her. Looking at her much the way they had the moonstone, dark blue eyes filled with delight, awe, and reverence in equal measure.

 

As if in Lily, they could see their own terrible prophet or their alien god, their own Kwisatz Haderach.

  

* * *

 

They returned with the Clefairy and Clefable to the cave, carrying the moon stone back with them and restoring it and the cave to its previous state. However, the Clefairy and Clefable did not bound around it yet, instead they stood, circled together, about the moonstone, caught in a strange council whose purposed remained unclear even as Lily watched.

 

However, distracting from this was Seymore the Scientist’s strange announcement, “I’ve decided to live here, with the Clefairy.”

 

“Huh?!” was Ash’s eloquent, if perfectly reasonable, response.

 

“It’s been my life’s dream to find the moon stone,” Seymore explained with a smile, “Someday I will travel to the stars with the Clefairy.”

 

“Wow,” Misty merely said, mostly because there was not much more to say to a man who apparently wanted to be kidnapped by aliens and was willing to become a hermit in a cave with them.

 

“When you do travel to outer space, I hope you’ll remember to send us a post card,” Brock added, cheerfully, as if he truly meant and believed these words and wasn’t simply saying them to be nice.

 

“Well, I hope you enjoy their singing and dancing,” Wizard Lenin noted drily, the only one clearly expressing his feelings, “I have a feeling you’ll be hearing it every night.”

 

Seymore, however, seemed perfectly oblivious to this, as if he had indeed been waiting for the Clefairy’s singing and dancing all his life.

 

As if on cue the Clefairy and Clefable discussion seemed to end, a decision of some sort had been reached, and the dancing, singing, and worship of the moon stone resumed. Lily, meanwhile, could only watch and listen as it still whispered to her.

 

“Lily,” it said, “You could be more than you are now.”

 

Yes, she thought, but what great and terrible creature would she become. And more, how could she ever hope to return, in that case, to her human cocoon?

 

* * *

 

The next morning at dawn they departed the caves, waving as Seymore and the Clefairy bid them goodbye.

 

“So long, Seymore! Goodbye, Clefairy!” Ash cried out with a smile on his face.

 

“Yes, so long, Seymore,” Wizard Lenin said with a smile and grit teeth, no doubt wishing Seymore would be sacrificed to the Clefairy cult.

 

“Twenty pounds say the next one will be worse,” Lily merely said, watching as Wizard Lenin bristled at the mere idea of a second coming of Seymore the Scientist. Still, given the pattern so far, they seemed to get worse as they travelled. It’d be hard to one-up Seymore, but Lily didn’t doubt that the universe would somehow find a way.

 

“Oh, if that’s the case, Lily, I will cheerfully kill the next one,” Wizard Lenin said under his breath through his cheerful smile towards Seymore and his new companions.

 

However, just as they were about to leave, a great weight rolling off Lily’s shoulders with the idea, one of the Clefairy bounded forward, a shard moon stone in its hands.

 

“Huh, Clefairy?” Ash asked, “What are you doing here.”

 

“Oh no,” Lily said, as she watched as the Clefairy floated past Ash and instead stopped right before Lily, staring her straight in the eye.

 

The Clefairy bowed before her, as if greeting a being of great power and great authority, presenting the silver piece of the moon stone, “Clefairy.”

 

“No thank you,” Lily responded without emotion, without any inflection at all, but the Clefairy merely straightened, smiling, as if she had expected this. Then she continued to stand there.

 

“What do you think it wants?” Misty asked.

 

“Lily, I think it’s trying to give you the moon stone,” Brock noted, clearly stating the obvious.

 

Lily, however, made a shooing motion, “Not interested, go home.”  


The Clefairy stood and smiled, not moving an inch, and still staring directly at Lily, holding the means to Lily’s own evolution in her small hands. Lily abruptly turned, walked a few steps, turned again and noted that the Clefairy had walked with her so that they were still the same distance apart.

 

“Go home,” Lily repeated but the Clefairy just smiled, not even flinching, and certainly not turning back from whence she came.

 

“Clefairy,” the Clefairy repeated, and this time Lily didn’t need a translator, Clefairy wasn’t going anywhere. Oh no, it was Clefairy now, and not Lily, who was on a quest, and Lily was sure that nothing short of killing her, and maybe not even that, would stop her now.

 

No, Clefairy was prepared to leave her home, all her relatives, everything she had ever known as Frodo Baggins once had in The Lord of the Rings to embark on this perilous quest to give the avatar of her god the means to a higher level of power.

 

Lily flushed, turned, and began marching swiftly down the mountain side, determined to think about none of this at all and remain perfectly, well, mostly human, “That’s it, I’m going!

 

“Clefairy, fairy, Clefairy!” came the panicked cries of her new Clefairy friend.

 

“Well, on the bright side, Lily, I think you finally caught a real pokémon,” Wizard Lenin said with a sly and rather amused smile considering the situation, “That said, I wish you hadn’t picked up a religious zealot.”

 

“Stack of Bricks is a perfectly fine pokémon!” Lily retorted, without any amusement of her own as Wizard Lenin caught up to her.

 

“Pikachu,” came Pikachu’s rather dismissive response as he too drew even with her and Clefairy beside him.

 

“Fairy,” Clefairy said, almost despondent and all the more adorable for it. Goddammit this was going to be terrible!  


“It’s not you,” Lily said, through gritted teeth, watching as Clefairy beamed up at her with its adorable smile, “It’s your quest… And your religious ideals… And the fact that I just have this feeling you’ll stalk me to the ends of the earth.”

 

Clefairy, however, in a manner almost reminiscent of Luna Lovegood, appeared to take none of this personally and indeed seemed quite flattered.

 

“Hey, Lily, Lenin, Pikachu, wait up!” Ash cried out, and ten he and the others were all with them, congratulating Lily over her latest and greatest friend, each of them seeming to have forgotten the eerie incident that night which had almost turned Lily into a god.

 

Well, more of a god, she was already alarmingly god like.

 

Still, she supposed as she sighed, whatever made them happy. She just had the feeling that this was going to come and haunt them all very shortly.

 

* * *

 

About halfway through the day they finally stumbled from the dirt road onto a sign that pointed them in the right direction.

 

“This road leads to Cerulean City,” Brock said as he read the wooden sign, “Well, I guess we’re headed the right way.”

 

“Ah, Cerulean City,” Lily said as she gazed upon the sign with reverence, its red arrow marking clearly towards one path, “My one true love, civilization, television, and cheeseburgers. God, I hope this town has cheeseburgers.”

 

“Really, Lily, that’s what you want from this place?” Wizard Lenin asked, no doubt being far more ambitious and wanting a way back to England.

 

“Lenin, I almost ascended into divinity, I will take my goddamn cheeseburgers where I can get them,” Lily said with a rather strained smile on her lips, still a little too overwhelmed by everything only half a day after the fact.

 

It also didn’t help that Clefairy was two steps behind, constantly, with that moon stone still in hand and always at the ready. Surely, at some point, Clefairy was going to drop the damn thing.

 

“Clefairy,” Clefairy said curiously as she gazed upon the sign, Pikachu spared her a rather dubious glance before providing an answer with a short, “Pikachu.”

 

Likely trying to get at the heart of what a human city was and what it looked like, very likely, Clefairy had never been outside of those caves.

 

“Hey, there’s something else scribbled here,” Brock said as he peered closer at the sign.

 

“Yeah, well, they say some kids like to write silly notes on these signs,” Ash said with an air of wisdom he hardly deserved, “What’s it say?”

 

Peering closer, Lily along with Ash read the words, “Gary was here! Ash is a loser!”

 

“Oh, Gary Oak,” Wizard Lenin commented, “I completely forgot about him.”

 

“How could you forget?” Lily asked, because while he hadn’t been on her mind she could harldy forget his purple royal highness, “You watched his sports car spontaneously combust.”

 

“Ah, yes,” Wizard Lenin said with a smile, “That was fun, I almost hope he’s managed to buy another one.”

 

“Loser!” Ash cried out, shaking with rage at Gary, mocking him from miles away, “Oh, that Gary! I’ll show you!”

 

And just like that, Ash was sprinting down the road leaving the rest of them staring flabbergasted in his wake.

 

“What’s the hurry?” Misty cried, looking like she wanted to crawl down to a snail’s pace rather than speed up.

 

“A rare bout of self-consciousness the likes of which we’ll never see again,” Wizard Lenin quipped with a sigh before stating, “Why don’t we walk, and he can slow down when he realizes that he’s sprinted ahead to the city like a jackass?”

 

Misty gave Wizard Lenin a rather appreciative smile. However, it was at that point that Clefairy chimed in, hopping up onto Lily’s shoulder and standing there with perfect delicate balance on both feet, “Clefairy!”

 

And Lily, like Ash before her, started sprinting, “Nope, I’m running too! I’ll see you all in Cerulean City!”

 

* * *

 

And so, Ash races to catch up with his rival while Lily runs from herself. Are they running towards victory, danger, or disaster? No one knows for sure, so be sure you’re here, for the next chapter of “Wearing the Faces of Men”


	7. The Mysteries of Cerulean City

_In which Lily uncovers the possible truth behind Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy, questions Pikachu’s sexuality, and almost blows her own cover several times in one day._

 

* * *

Determined to become a pokémon master, Ash continues on his quest. Gaining skill and knowledge and catching new pokémon along the way. His fierce pokémon battle with gym leader Brock earned Ash a boulder badge and a brand-new friend. Brock, hoping to be a pokémon breeder, decided to join Ash and Misty on their journey. But with his rival, Gary, way ahead of him, Ash Ketchem is still playing catch up.

 

Lily and Lenin, determined to get home to England or else become Pokémon masters themselves, continue on their parallel quest to Ash’s. Lenin has been dealt some serious moral blows as he tries to come to grips with the new world he’s found himself in while Lily finds, for the first time, a reasonable goal in life. Together, both have excelled as trainers thus far in their own unique ways, earning their first gym badges from Brock for themselves. However, with the mysterious events on Mt. Moon, where Lily briefly gained the opportunity to evolve then declined it. Lily picked up a new pokémon and friend, Clefairy, as well as a new ominous note to their quest and Lily’s own state of being.

 

We can only wonder what lies ahead of them.

 

* * *

 

“Ah, it’s a great day to just enjoy the sunshine!” Ash declared as he stretched his arms with a grin on his face, apparently forgetting a about his desperate sprint ahead only the day before, Lily, however, was not nearly as fortunate.

 

After a good sprint Lenin, Brock, Misty, and Pikachu had all caught up with Lily’s newest friend and zealot Clefairy in tow. As a result, as the edged closer and closer to Cerulean City, Lily found herself dragging her feet, walking slightly ahead of Misty (who was also oddly dragging her feet) and dutifully ignoring Clefairy staring up at her with hopeful blue eyes while still carrying a chunk of moonstone in her tiny claws.

 

“And while you’re enjoying the sunshine,” Brock calmly noted calmly, as if he too was discussing the weather, “Gary’s catching more pokémon.”

 

Ash nearly fell over, as Brock continued, “But I guess a pokémon trainer can catch pokémon and enjoy the sun.”

 

Lily, needless to say, was not enjoying the sunshine.

 

“Clefairy?” Clefairy asked to which Lily did not even look down but instead said the standard answer that she had been giving for the past twenty-four hours.

 

“No.”

 

“Clefairy?” a more drawn out, dejected, yet somehow adorable sound.

 

“Not going to happen,” Lily emphasized while Wizard Lenin walking beside her simply sighed, as he had been sighing the whole morning as he witnessed Lily and Clefairy’s song and dance.

 

“Lily, can you not argue with… Whatever the hell this thing is?” Wizard Lenin asked, head stuck in the trainer’s manual again as he idly flipped through pages, “It’s getting rather tiresome.”

 

“You try being almost turned into the divine leader of their cult!” Lily hissed without any sympathy whatsoever, which of course, Wizard Lenin only responded to with pale raised eyebrows and no sympathy whatsoever.

 

“Lily, I already have my own cult, as you so often remind me,” Wizard Lenin said, apparently fed up enough to call the Death Eaters by what they really were, “I don’t have to imagine anything.”

 

Then, staring at Clefairy he summoned the stone out of her hands only to store it in his backpack, “There, problem solved.”

 

“Clefairy!” Clefairy cried in dismay, stubby pink arms reaching out for the cruel and indifferent Wizard Lenin while Lily herself felt torn between feeling bad and feeling somewhat relieved. Because honestly, she didn’t put it past Clefairy to try and use it on Lily while she was sleeping.

 

Before Lily could get too relieved though Pikachu, walking beside her, turned around with a questioning glance, “Pika?”

 

“Hey, wait a minute!” Misty called, running up towards them, Pikachu letting out a delighted, “Cha!” at the sight of her.

 

Pikachu, for whatever reason, had a rather large soft spot for Misty that Lily wasn’t quite parsing. Except being the apple of Clefairy’s eye meant that Lily wasn’t entirely sure the adoration of yet another pokémon was something she wanted or needed.

 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Misty asked Ash, the de facto leader of their group for whatever reason, in dismay.

 

Ash, oblivious as always, said, “Oh, I know where we’re going. We’re going to Cerulean City.”

 

This, apparently, was the last thing Misty wanted to hear, “Cerulean City, what are you going there for?!”

 

“It was the next city on the map,” Wizard Lenin dully stated, not so much mad about the destination as he was about the fact that they were forced to follow this metaphorical yellow brick road to the Indigo League, “And since there appears to be only one conveniently unpaved road in Kanto I didn’t think we had a choice.”

 

Ash sniffed in offense at Wizard Lenin’s lackluster attitude, “Well, I don’t know what that jerk Lenin is doing, but I’m going for more badges!”

 

Misty hesitated for a moment, which was rather odd for her because aside from being an unusual paragon of logic, she also tended to be rather headstrong and outspoken. Misty had made no pretense of her feelings in one way or another since she’d joined the group.

 

“Uh, Ash, you don’t want pokémon from there, trust me,” Misty hedged vaguely, her turquoise eyes rather distant and her face pale, making Lily wonder if there wasn’t something truly wrong with Cerulean City.

 

Ash, of course, was clueless as always, “Why not?”

 

“Because they’re all…” Misty trailed off, suddenly losing steam even as she leaned in closer towards Ash.

 

“All what?”

 

“All…” her eyes flicked towards Lily then Clefairy in desperation, “All scary alien pokémon who want to kidnap you to space like Seymore the Scientist!”

 

“Clefairy!” Clefairy cried out, no doubt speaking against this constant slander against her alien race who may or may not be hell bent on enslaving humanity and turning Lily into a… something.

 

For a moment they all stared at Misty, perfectly serious about the dangers ahead, and then Ash laughed, “Oh man, that’s hilarious Misty.”

 

And just like that they were walking again, with a now alarmed Lily standing behind as she realized that of all the people on the journey thus far, Misty had been by far the most rational and thus was the most likely source for dire warnings about alien cultists, “Wait a minute, I don’t think I can handle anymore close encounters this week! Seriously, Ash!”

 

“There’s only one road in Kanto,” Wizard Lenin muttered under his breath as he too started walking, like a man sentenced to death.

 

“Come on, let’s go everyone,” Ash said, bound and determined to move ahead, with or without Misty or Lily’s consent.

 

“Hey, hey, wait a second!” Misty darted in front of the moving group with record speed, blocking their path forward, “What about Vermillion City? It’s right on the water, and there are lots of neat pokémon, and you can watch all the giant yachts pulling into the harbor, and there’s a little park way up on a hill where you can sit and watch the sunset that’s so romantic!”

 

“One road in Kanto,” Wizard Lenin repeated, eyes burning, “Believe me, I have studied the map.”

 

“Yes… but if there are alien cultists then I’m siding with Misty,” Lily pointed out, “Seriously, does no one else see how round two of that might be a bad idea?”

 

“Clefairy!”

 

“Except you Clefariy,” Lily corrected without even looking at the giant pink blob, “Your opinion doesn’t count.”

 

“We’d just have to go around Cerulean City! It’s not like we have to pass through it!” Misty insisted only for Wizard Lenin to whip out the map.

 

“Look at this, do you see this map?” Wizard Lenin asked, apparently having reached his limit and allowing some of his rage to shine through so that even as a twelve-year-old he was terrifying, “Tell me, Misty, exactly how many roads exist in this godforsaken country? That’s right, one, one road exists, and that road takes us from Mount Moon to Cerulean City. And only by passing through Cerulean City can we even think of heading South towards Saffron City and finally your promised land of Vermillion City. Which means, that goddammit, whether you like it, or Lily likes it, or I like it, we’re going through Cerulean City!”

 

“Right,” Ash said after a too long pause, “What he said.”

 

“Oh, you men are so pig-headed and stubborn!” Misty cried out in rage and despair, even as Wizard Lenin, then Ash, Brock, and even Pikachu followed.

 

Clefairy stared longingly after Wizard Lenin’s backpack, the moonstone inside, and then down at her empty claws as if just waiting for the moonstone to reappear inside of it.

 

Lily, meanwhile, put a consoling hand on Misty’s shoulder, more than feeling her pain as she prepared herself for the trial ahead, “When they’re sacrificed to the alien gods of war and death, or kidnapped for the human zoo on Traflamador, we’ll make sure to say, ‘I told you so.”

 

* * *

 

“So, this is Cerulean City?” Ash said as they made their way through what looked like any urban neighborhood.

 

“Pretty nice place, isn’t it?” Brock asked.

 

“I don’t know, it looks alarmingly like every other town I’ve seen so far,” Lily noted, well not Pallet Town as that had clearly been the sticks, but Viridian City and parts of Pewter City had both looked like this street at least.

 

In fact, that very alarming similarity was putting Lily sort of on edge because at least Viridian City had been bigger, Pewter City had been… rock themed, but thus far this looked normal. The kind of normal Lily would expect an infiltrating alien race to take on to lure them into its trap. Where it was so close to what you would expect that it became something entirely unexpected.

 

“You’re overthinking this,” Wizard Lenin said in the voice that said he was entirely done with Lily’s shenanigans, “Besides, I thought you wanted cheeseburgers.”

 

“Not from here,” Lily responded, but Wizard Lenin didn’t seem to care, instead he was looking about in interest, probably thinking on whether they had a library or not. They hadn’t had too much of a chance to do research in either Viridian or Pewter City and that was sure to make Wizard Lenin antsier than usual.

 

“Hey, that’s weird,” Ash noted as he looked over his shoulder back towards the road behind them, “Misty’s not following us anymore.”

 

He was right, of course, Misty had gotten out of dodge ages ago leaving Lily to mildly panic as she wondered if she really was walking to her doom for the second time in the course of a week. Of course, she couldn’t let Wizard Lenin and Pikachu walk to their doom, and she supposed she should put in some effort to save Ash and Brock while she was at it, but each step she took through this otherwise pleasant town had her on edge.

 

The moonstone called to her from Wizard Lenin’s backpack, even a small part of it, and it sounded like a deafening drumbeat inside her head.

 

“Chu…”

 

Lily blinked, saw Pikachu staring morosely behind them towards the horizon where Misty should have been, and forced the thoughts out of her head. As she followed his gaze towards the rolling hills where Mount Moon and its tribe of Clefairy still danced.

 

“She really didn’t want to come to Cerulean City, did she?” Brock noted rather pleasantly, as if it wasn’t odd at all that Misty had insisted on circumventing this city entirely.

 

And for the first time Ash started to look genuinely concerned, “I wonder why she hates this place so much.”

 

The moment didn’t last long though as he shrugged and said, “Ah, we’ll never figure out girls.”

 

Now, Lily didn’t think of herself as a die-hard feminist, per se, but she couldn’t help but feel her eye twitch at that sort of blasé statement of Misty, who clearly had some reason to avoid this place that they should probably pay attention to, being written off by Ash the dumbass because, “she’s just a stupid girl.”

 

Maybe Lily would leave Ash to be sacrificed by the alien cult.

 

Lily would have said as much if, as they walked and rounded the corner, they didn’t happen upon a great mob of people and the sound of police sirens.

 

“The police,” Ash noted in surprise, “I wonder what happened.”

 

They then rushed up and pushed their way through the mob to the front of the police tape. Ash looked over to a man standing there next to them, arms crossed and surveying the scene with quiet interest, “Excuse me, sir, do you know what happened here?”

 

“Some burglars broke into that store last night,” the man said, watching at least seven police officers consulting with the proprietor, standing guard to hold back the mob, and investigating the scene of this heinous crime.

 

“Burglars?!” Wizard Lenin balked, “You mean all of this, is for a simple robbery that happened last night?”

 

He then motioned to the officers, all intent on their work, as well as the curious mob surrounding them as if all of these things only furthered the point he’d probably been suspecting since Officer Jenny had taken on babysitting Lily and Wizard Lenin the first time , “Does crime not happen in this universe? Is this, and pokemon robberies, the only thing these officers deal with?!”

 

“It’s a bit alarming when you put it like that,” Lily noted, because now that she thought about it, that meant this world was probably as close to paradise as humanity could get. And yet, they had built their empire on the backs of slaves who supported their masters through legalized cock fights and gambling.

 

A dystopian utopia in ever sense of both terms…

 

“A bit alarming? Really, only a slight amount?!” Wizard Lenin asked, no doubt about to say more when he was interrupted.

 

“And what would you know about burglars, young man?”

 

Lily looked over and then blinked, because there was none other than Officer Jenny in the flesh, staring at them as if she’d never seen them before in her life and was considering them her prime suspects for the heinous crime of late-night robbery.

 

As if to confirm this, she said with a narrowed red-eyed gaze, “You four look very suspicious to me.”

 

(And Lily also had to wonder how two twelve-year-olds, a ten-year-old, and the slightly older Brock could possibly look suspicious of burglary of all things.)

 

“Officer Jenny,” Lily asked in mild alarm, “What are you doing here? Aren’t you stationed in Viridian City?”

 

Officer Jenny paused for a moment, blinked, then, as if this was perfectly natural, said with a bright smile, “Ah, you must have met my sister-in-law.”

 

“Whose name is also Jenny?” Wizard Lenin asked slowly, looking as if he was still in shock from a world that seemed to be without murder, let alone the idea of the Jenny clones. Who, now that Lily thought about it, were rather similar to the Joy clones they’d seen thus far.

 

“It’s a really common name,” Officer Jenny said, not even noting the fact that her sister-in-law also shared her strange eye and hair color as well as every other physical feature, with a smile before glaring down at the four of them, “But if you know my sister-in-law that means you probably have had some dealings with the police in Viridian!”

 

Ash paled, “I…”

 

“Now maybe you just stopped to ask her for directions,” Jenny said, a smirk crawling on her red lips, arms crossed and leaning intimidatingly towards them, “Or maybe you found a wallet on the street and turned it into her, or maybe you’re a burglar who broke out of jail!”

 

“I’ve never been to jail!” Ash insisted while Brock chimed in, “Neither have I, ma’am.”

 

After a moment’s pause Lily and Wizard Lenin chimed in lamely, “Neither have we…”

 

Which was technically true as Wizard Lenin had blown himself up before getting caught and sentenced and Lily had never been charged with any actual crimes.

 

That, of course, was when Misty’s dire warning clicked and at least some of the pieces, or the symptoms, fell into place. Lily pointed, horrified, at Officer Jenny, “Lenin, it’s her!”

 

“Yes, I know,” Wizard Lenin said dully, no doubt thinking that Lily was referring to the fact that she looked the exact same as her supposed sister-in-law, not even the cousin explanation that Nurse Joy had gone for.

 

“No, I mean Misty’s warning, it’s about her and Nurse Joy!” something, something terrible was going on backstage, something far worse than murder or violent crime. Something that masqueraded as something human and had blended in so well that no one questioned it anymore.

 

“You better bet it’s about me,” Officer Jenny said with a grin, as if she had any idea what Lily was talking about then with a brandished pair of silver handcuffs said, “And that’s what they all say.”

 

Brock paled, shook his head, and insisted, “We just got into town and saw the crowd and…”

 

And whatever Brock was going to say was cut off as Lily reached for her pokéball with Stack of Bricks inside. Unfortunately, Officer Jenny’s sharp red eyes caught the movement and drew a pokéball into her own hands, “Hold it, thief! Don’t think you can get away with the help of one of your pokémon!”

 

“Lily,” Wizard Lenin said, already rubbing at the bridge of his nose in irritated despair, “Please don’t do what I think you’re about to do.”

 

But Lily was way ahead of him, no longer willing to take any chances on this place, instead looking down towards Clefairy with desperation, “Clefairy!”

 

“Fairy?” Clefairy asked, startled at Lily’s noticing of her.

 

“If you want to see me become your dread god and prophet, then letting us be thrown in jail and assimilated into the Officer Jenny or Nurse Joy Borg is not in your best interest!” Lily hissed and at that Clefairy seemed to understand what Lily needed her to do, as she nodded then held up two pale claws.

 

“Oh Christ,” Wizard Lenin said, paling, as he remembered what had happened the last time Clefairy had put on this little show.

 

“Lily, what are you doing?!” Ash cried out even as Pikachu cried out with him, “Pikachu!”

 

“Saving our asses!” Lily said in return with no regrets and as Clefairy began to chant and her fingers began to move as a metronome, Lily summoned her own power, creating a great fog and wiping the memories of the mob and the officers while Pikachu darted up onto her shoulder and she scooped Clefairy up into her arms.

 

Unfortunately, that was right about the moment Clefairy finished the metronome, and the store as well as the rest of the block, was engulfed in a burning ring of fire.

 

And even as Lily ran away from the scene of the crime, Brock, Ash, and Wizard Lenin with her, she shouted, “I regret nothing!”

 

* * *

 

“Lily, why would you do that?!”

 

They reconvened on a bench in a park far enough away from the fires to avoid any attention. Which was nice, because Ash, Brock, Wizard Lenin, and well basically all of them except Clefairy were hardly pleased and expressing their discontent very vocally.

“I did not want to turn into an Officer Jenny!” Lily retorted, arms crossed and not in the mood to argue with Ash Ketchum of all people, “I don’t know Ash, did you want to turn into an Officer Jenny?”

 

“What are you talking about?” Ash said, tearing at his hair, and looking as if he was almost in physical pain.

 

“Officer Jenny, don’t you find it alarming that we’ve run into two now that look exactly the same? And that’s not even getting into the two Nurse Joys we’ve met so far. Maybe they’re not really cousins or in-laws or whatever but instead captured victims whore are Joyified or Jennyified and placed into new towns at the alien overlords convenience! And maybe Cerulean City is where it all goes down!” Lily ranted before finishing with a nod towards Clefairy, who was blinking and staring out at the urban park in wonder, likely never having seen anything like it in her life, “Besides, Clefairy was the one who lit it on fire I just…”

 

Lily trailed off, realizing that now was hardly the time to admit to her own supernatural powers, and finished with a lame grin, “Watched.”

 

“Even for you, Lily, even for you…” Wizard Lenin said with a sigh, as if he didn’t agree with every word she said, even after hearing Misty-the-logical’s warning about this hell-city.

 

Pikachu muttered an equally exasperated and somewhat bewildered, “Pikachu.”

 

Still, at least Clefairy seemed to side with Lily, and god, what a sad statement that was. At this rate, Lily would end up god of the Clefairy and Clefable in no time at all.

 

“Well, I guess there’s no helping it now, even if I wish we could have proved we weren’t burglars,” Brock said, again with alarming ease, because now that Lily thought about it Brock had taken everything with weird ease. His dead-beat hobo father returning to take care of his brothers and sisters, the run in with Seymore the Scientist, Lily’s own quasi metamorphosis, and now Clefairy blowing up half a block.

 

And Lily was reminded again that there was a reason Misty’s was such a lonely voice in this world along with Wizard Lenin’s.

 

“Either way, Ash, shouldn’t you head for Cerulean City gym?” Brock asked, and Ash blinked, “Oh, right, I guess I should… Hey, Brock, you have any inside info on the gym trainer there?”

 

Then with a laugh and a grin, as if also ultimately unconcerned by Clefairy decimating an entire city block, “I just want to find out as much as I can about them before we have our match. Know yourself, know your adversary, and you hold the key to victory!”

 

“Wow,” Wizard Lenin said in genuine surprise, “That was surprisingly deep for you.”

 

Ash then flushed before holding up his red calculator, “Well, I learned that one from Dexter.”

 

“Well, I never actually met the trainer here,” Brock mused as he stared out into the park “But I know his pokémon’s special move.”

 

Ash’s smile grew wider as he asked, “Yeah, what is it?”  


However, Brock, like a rock, was not to be budged, “I’m sorry, Ash, but I can’t give you that information.”

 

“Why not?”

 

Brock just smiled and noted, “I’m a gym leader too after all, I can’t tell you out of respect, you understand.”

 

Ash seemed to get it, or at least, the idea of it, because he didn’t put up too much protest.

 

He then stood and said, “And I think that’s where I’ll take my leave, I have some stuff to do today, so the rest of you are on your own.”

 

“Stuff?” Ash questioned, standing with him, but Brock just smiled and looked off into the distance, where all his vague and mysterious, possibly alien overlord, stuff awaited him. Or else Brock was just a normal strange resident of this universe and Lily really was overthinking everything.

 

“Just stuff,” Brock clarified with extreme vagueness and then walking off he called back “I’ll catch up with you later.”

 

“And that, I think, is my cue as well,” Wizard Lenin noted before looking directly at Lily, “I’m going to see what this city has as far as libraries are concerned. Try not to blow anything else up while I’m gone.”

 

And just like that it was Ash and Lily alone in a park, staring out blankly to where Brock then Wizard Lenin had walked off, with Pikachu and Clefairy still sitting dumbly on the park bench. Lily blinked, shoved her hands into her pocket, “Well… gym time?”

 

“Yeah, right, gym time!” Ash said with a nod, ignoring the look that passed between Clefairy and Pikachu at the determined grin on his face and the sheepish look on Lily’s. Still, she supposed as long as this gym battle didn’t end with her Jennification, Lily was more than fine with the circumstances.

 

* * *

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the star of our show, the sensational Cerulean City Synchronized Swimming Sisters!”

 

Ash and Lily walked into a gym very different from Brock’s, instead of an empty, intimidating dark blue room they found themselves wandering through packed stands, overlooking a great pool with a diving well at one end. There, on the platform, a spotlight fell on three beautiful women, one with pink hair, another with blue, and another a strawberry blonde, each in flattering one-piece suits.

 

The three then head first, arms over their head, dove into the pool where they then began what looked like a synchronized swimming performance, just as had been advertised.

 

“Huh,” Lily noted, “Well, this is different than I expected.”

 

“But I thought this was the pokémon gym,” Ash said in confusion as he looked at their surroundings again.

 

“Well, that is what it said on the sign,” Lily replied, in bold rainbow writing with a giant unicorn seal no less.

 

Pikachu, however, had no time for Lily or Ash as his eyes were wide and brown and mesmerized by the swimmers, “Pika…”

 

Lily narrowed her eyes, looked at the pale legs of the women, then back to Pikachu, “Um, Pikachu, I hate to ask this because it’s sort of a weird question but you’re not… Into human women, are you?”

 

Because today, actually, a couple times it had struck Lily that Pikachu paid an awful lot of attention to people, girls in particular like these or even Misty, than she ever would have expected a giant yellow mouse to.

 

“Pikachu!” Pikachu asked, looking horrified and offended, but in a way that made Lily suspect he doth protest too much rather than genuinely being insulted by the very idea of it.

 

“Because that would be weird,” Lily said, “Really weird… And I like you and all, but I have to tell you, I don’t think they’d be interested in a giant yellow mouse.”

 

Lily really should have seen the offended and angered electric shock coming, but somehow, she didn’t.

 

“Clefairy!” Clefairy said, rushing to Lily’s side once the frying had stopped, reaching over to pat her down with tiny claws while she glared at Pikachu who was now focused once again with entirely too large and adorable eyes on the swimmers.

 

“It’s alright, I don’t think anything’s broken,” Lily rasped as she picked herself up off the floor, flattening her hair and brushing off her burnt clothing. Still, it was nice that at least someone was concerned for her wellbeing.

 

Soon enough the performance ended and Lily, Ash, Pikachu, and Clefairy made their way down the bright orange staircase towards what should be the pokémon gym.

 

“I can’t understand it,” Ash said and then, when they reached the bottom floor noted the walls of glass and the water and fish held inside, “It’s like an aquarium, how can this be a pokémon gym?”

 

It certainly was different than Brock’s gym had been.

 

“The crowd was totally awesome,” a voice echoed down the corridor, in a strange, almost ditzy accent that Lily wouldn’t have expected from anyone in this world.

 

“I know, that was so great.”

 

Down the hallway were the three divers from earlier, each with their distinctive hair colors, still in their swimsuits from the show as they talked to one another.

 

The blue haired one in the middle said to the blonde, “Daisy, the dive you did was super!”

 

The blonde, presumably Daisy, answered with a pleased and somewhat smug smile, “The practice really paid off.”

 

“Totally,” agreed the third pink-haired sister on the other side of blue hair. Then the three laughed, as if this had been the ending to some unheard joke.

 

“Uh, excuse me,” Ash said turning towards them, but they didn’t let him get a word in.

 

“I’m sorry,” the pink one said in a tone that was hardly sorry at all, “But if you like, want an interview, you’ll have to like call our manager.”

 

“No, it’s not that…” Ash insisted only to be cut off again.

 

“We don’t do autographs,” pink insisted, this time with a little bit of distaste.

 

“I don’t want one,” Ash said with a small, awkward smile, “I really just wanted to know if this was a pokémon gym.”

 

“It sure is,” one answered, as if there shouldn’t be any room to doubt this place’s authentic pokémon gym nature.

 

“Well, we’re looking for the gym trainer,” Ash said, motioning to Lily as well.

“You’re looking at them,” another responded, leaving Ash momentarily dumbfounded. Then, almost as if sparkles surrounded them, Daisy said, “The three of us are the gym trainers here.”

 

“We’re the Sensational Sisters,” the pink chimed in, as if this more than any other was a title to be proud of.

 

“We’re world famous,” the blue in the middle insisted, leaving no room for either Ash or Lily to doubt its veracity. Not that Lily would know, being a rather new addition to this world herself. Ash, however, seemed completely taken aback.

 

“But what’s with all that swimming?!” he asked, mouth open, eyes wide, and body stiff with the shock. Which, going from Brock to these women was indeed quite the jump.

 

“It’s like our hobby,” the pink said with a grin, “And our fans love to watch us perform.”

 

“We pool our talents to make a big splash!” Blue insisted, only for all three women to descend into giggles as if she’d just said the wittiest thing since George Bernard Shaw. Which, given some of Ash’s puns, maybe it was.

 

“Well then,” Ash cried out, determination written on his face, “I challenge all of you!”

 

Suddenly the women were not giggling, and instead were looking rather awkward, staring off into the stands and the distance and anywhere but Ash and Lily.

 

“We don’t feel much like battling anymore,” Daisy confessed rather awkwardly, and at that, Lily felt her attention focus. Because Brock had had his own reasons, but the way these women looked, as if they knew that they were expected to battle but none the less didn’t want to…

 

Lily wondered if she’d finally found the people in this universe that agreed with Wizard Lenin.

 

“What do you mean?!” Ash cried out in dismay.

 

“We just got beaten three times in a row by kids from this nowhere place called Pallet Town,” Blue explained somewhat sheepishly, only furthering Ash’s despair as he realized that once again, he’d been more than beaten to the punch by the other local kids.

 

And apparently these were not Wizard Lenin’s missing comrades.

 

“It was just one defeat after another,” Blue continued in a way that showed that they had not been easy losses for her to swallow at that, “My eyes were spinning from all the losses.”

 

“We had to like practically rush all our pokémon to the pokémon center,” Daisy continued for her sister.

 

Pink then held out a pokéball and dropped it anticlimactically on the floor, “This is the only one left.”

 

A burst of white light and then a flopping orange fish with a horn on its head appeared, chanting, “Goldeen” over and over again.

 

“You mean all you have is a Goldeen?” Ash asked as Pink returned the pokémon back into its spherical prison.

 

“If it would evolve into Seaking we could use it,” Blue explained with a chagrinned and rather embarrassed expression on her face, “But all it can do now is its horn attack.”

 

“So, like, there’s no point in battling,” Daisy concluded, apparently more than willing to write this off as a forgone conclusion.

 

“Now, instead of having matches, we have time to make ourselves look more beautiful than ever,” Pink continued, as if this truly was a marvelous turn of events for the three of them, and had been quite an issue in the past when they’d actually had legitimate jobs.

 

Ash opened his mouth and leaned forward but before he could say anything Daisy smirked and said, “I know what you want,” she then clapped and cried out, “Seal!”

 

A great white Seal with dark eyes exited the water and flopped onto the land, barking out, “Seal!”

 

It then stuck out its tongue revealing two teardrop blue stones which Daisy then held up, “A cascade badge, this is what you want, right? You can have it.”

 

Lily took hers slowly, not willing to question the gaining of another gym badge as she stowed it into her pocket to join its brother the boulder badge.

 

“Lily!” Ash hissed out, eyes wide and worried, but Lily just shrugged in turn as if to say she wasn’t about to turn down free candy.

 

Ash hesitated and apologetically said, “Thanks, I’d rather earn my badges.”

 

“Take it,” Daisy insisted, still with that air of superiority, as if Ash was truly stupid for not simply getting it, “A badge is a badge.”

 

Except… Except Brock had taken his job and position very seriously, even when it was not his passion or his dream, and the way these women acted… Even if Brock was a little strange, just like everyone else here, just like these women, the way these women acted was disrespectful for everything he stood for.

 

At that Ash seemed to give up, moving towards the offered badge, and was about to take it when Misty’s voice sounded down from the stands affronted as always, “Hold it right there!”

 

“Misty!” Ash cried out while Pikachu let out a far too delighted, “Cha!”

 

Misty, with an alarming amount of athleticism, jumped down from the stands onto the floor below, “Alright, Daisy, if you don’t want to battle him, I will!”

 

“What do you mean?” Ash cried out in shock.

 

“I’m a Cerulean City trainer too,” Misty announced, “I’m the fourth Sensational Sister!”

 

“There are only three Sensational Sisters and one runt,” the pink haired one quickly corrected, earning Misty’s gritted teeth and ire. And looking between them… Misty was clearly younger, and there was some family resemblance, but it was more than clear that Misty really was the black sheep of the family.

 

And that her sisters, likely more than anything else, had been the ones to driver her away from her hometown.

 

“Oh,” Lily realized, putting together the real reason for Misty’s desperation earlier, “Oh… Oh shit, there probably weren’t any aliens.”

 

Well, no, there could still be aliens, or this planet could still be completely insane, but it was much more likely that Misty like everyone else wasn’t in the know and hadn’t realized how alarming it was that all the Jennys and Joys looked the same, that nothing ever seemed to bother Brock, or that they lived on a society benefiting from the slave labor of sentient beings.

 

… Lily clearly had no choice but to set fire to the entire block.

 

“So, little sister, it’s a surprise to see you back so soon,” Daisy noted, as if this was the most unpleasant surprise she’d had all week.

 

“That little girl with the big mouth who said she wouldn’t come back until she was a great pokémon trainer, wasn’t that you?”

 

Misty looked away, chagrinned, “I guess I did say something like that when I left.”

 

“So, that’s why Misty was so dead set against coming here,” Ash said to Pikachu, apparently just cluing in himself.

 

“Misty,” Pink said, “You left here pretending you wanted to become a pokémon trainer because you couldn’t compare with us, because we’re obviously much more talented and beautiful than you are.”

 

“That wasn’t the reason!” Misty shouted, flushed, but her sisters paid no mind.

 

“Well then, I guess like, you came back because you couldn’t make it as a pokémon trainer,” Daisy concluded only for Misty to shout before pointing accusingly at Lily and Ash, “It wasn’t my idea to come back here, the only reason I’m here is because they wanted to come!”

 

Daisy looked Ash over then glancing side-eyed at her younger, plainer, sister, “Well, he’s totally not someone I’d choose for a boyfriend, but you’re no prize yourself.”

 

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Misty shouted before glaring at her sister with death in her eyes, “If I battle him then I’ll prove I’m not a quitter and just as good a trainer as you three!”

 

“Well,” Daisy said, “You are the only one of us with a pokémon that can actually battle.”

 

And just like that, it appeared to be on.

 

* * *

 

“So,” Lily asked Clefairy and Pikachu (who had chosen to sit this one out, apparently, liking Misty more than he did Ash), “Who do you think will win.”  


“Pikachu,” Pikachu said with that dry, almost Lenin-like look on his adorable mouse face, which all but screamed that he thought Misty would wipe the floor with him.

 

“Me too,” Lily said, but then paused and considered Ash, “Although, every once in a while, he does have these odd moments of brilliance.”

 

Not really strategy, he was pants at that according to Wizard Lenin, but he really had shown… something in his fight against Brock. A bullheaded, dangerous, determination that could almost defy the laws of physics when combined with Pikachu’s absurd power. So, maybe just by wanting it enough, Ash could win this.

 

“Fairy,” Clefairy said, dipping her feet into the water and splashing slightly, to which Lily took to mean that Clefairy didn’t have much of an idea what was going on either way, understood this pokémon battling concept even less than Lily did, and was really just along for the ride or until Lily chose to embrace her divinity.

 

“My answer’s still no,” Lily said, to which Clefairy pouted slightly before brightening again and watching the battle between Misty’s giant gold starfish Staryu and Spearow unfold.

 

Actually, now that she thought about it, as Lily watched the star spin and spurt water out at the Spearow, knocking it into the water where it flailed desperately, she was having an unusually easy time parsing what Pikachu and Clefairy were saying. She normally found it a little harder to get Pikachu’s meaning, but lately, maybe since Mount Moon, she hadn’t even really had to guess for either of them. Sure, the words were still non-sensical iterations of their own names but…

 

Lily blinked, looked across the pool to where Misty’s sisters and the giant seal looked on with disinterest, apparently long since concluded that Ash, of all people, was going to win this fight.

 

“And I thought I disliked my relatives,” Lily mentioned to her companions.

 

“Pikachu,” Pikachu agreed firmly.

 

“What are you talking about? You just spent half an hour today gawking at them,” Lily said, eyebrows furrowed even as she watched Ash return Spearow and release Pidgeotto into the fray, Misty returning her starfish for another giant purple starfish.

 

“Pikachu!” Pikachu insisted, as if to say he was not doing anything so undignified and creepy as gawking.

 

“Yes, you were,” Lily said, “You thought they were the hottest thing you’ve ever seen in your life until Misty showed up to ruin the moment with family drama.”

 

Pikachu’s cheeks sparked in warning, emitting a harsh and dangerous, “Pika”

 

“Fairy, fairy, Clefairy!” Clefairy said, waving her stubby arms desperately as if to break up the fight before it could start. Both Lily and Pikachu looked away for a moment, back towards the battle, watching as the purple starfish pummeled the giant pigeon.

 

With her eyes on the fight, taking in the desperate crying pokémon fighting each other for money and amusement, Lily said, “You know, it’s okay. I mean, it’s weird and pretty deviant but… I’m not one to talk about people being deviant, in any capacity. So, if you like Misty or her sisters, or even me, in a way that’s maybe a little beyond friendship, I don’t mind.”

 

Before Pikachu could respond Ash’s giant pigeon sent a powerful gust towards the flying starfish, slamming it into the door, where it slumped and fell to the ground, jewel in the center of its chest blinking in agony.

 

“Starmie!” Misty cried out, and whether she’d keep going and push Starmie past his limit was a question for another day, as with a great rumble, the wall caved in and there, in a vehicle that looked like a cross between a tank and a boat, Team Rocket emerged right on schedule.

 

 “Sorry to break in on you ladies,” Jessie cried out in a tone that was not apologetic in the least.

 

“Allow us to introduce ourselves,” James added, now holding a slightly pale blue rose in place of the usual seductive red.

 

Right on cue, Jessie began the rhyme, “To protect the world from devastation.”

 

“To unite all peoples within our nation,” James added, and likely Jessie would have joined in at this point if it weren’t for Lily.

 

“Nope, nope, not in the mood for this today,” because by god, if Lily could burn down half a city block then she could certainly take care of Team Rocket, and with that, with nothing more than a wave of her hand, Lily lit the great tank on fire, pushing it back out, a flying burning meteor streaking out into the distance, sealing the wall even as Jessie, James, and their giant cat friend cried out, “It looks like Team Rocket’s blasting off again!”

 

“Well…” Ash said, blinking, that was kind of anticlimactic. Then, he looked at Lily, eyes wide, “Wait a minute, that wasn’t Stack of Bricks! You didn’t release him from his pokéball!”

 

Everyone looked at Lily, clearly waiting for some sort of an explanation that would bring everything to light. Lily, for her own part, stared back in a silence that was far too long and weighted. Finally, Lily pointed to unwitting Clefairy standing right next to Lily, “Clefairy did it.”

 

* * *

 

(Still, it was nice that at the end of the day they ended up giving Ash a badge for doing practically nothing. Still, Lily figured that it was more an attempt to get him out of their gym already and Misty along with him.

 

The important part was, with a new gym badge, a rather miffed Misty, and Wizard Lenin and Brock not showing up until after everything was over, everyone was much too busy to question Clefairy as Lily’s latest and greatest scapegoat.)


	8. Why is a Murkrow Like a Writing Desk?

_In which Ash once again makes an ass of himself to Lily’s complete and utter disinterest, Lily begins to see some of the consequences of her divine trip on Mt. Moon, and Wizard Lenin’s faith in the fickle gods is restored._

 

* * *

With two Pokémon badged pinned to their jackets, our heroes Ash and Lily march boldly along the path to… Uh… The path to…

  

* * *

 

“Where are we going?” Ash, apparently, in his determination to march onward to victory had completely lost track of their surroundings and his own short-term goals. Somehow, Lily was not surprised.

 

Apparently, Misty wasn’t either, as she stopped and explained with a weary sort of patience, “How many times do I have to tell you? Vermillion City, it’s got a luxury cruise ship and I’m dying to see it.”

 

Wizard Lenin sighed and groused at this, studying his own map again, as he’d been ever since Misty had announced their destination a few days ago, “Although how we’re managing to circumvent both Saffron City or Lavender Town is beyond me.”

 

Wizard Lenin, needless to say, was also grouchy because Cerulean City had held an unsurprising lack of any useful information on how to tear holes in the wall of reality or convenient pokémon who could do it for them. It’d apparently mostly just been posters of the three glorious gym leaders with Misty, the ugly one, sulking in the background and nearly cropped out of every shot.

 

(When Lily thought about it, in its own way, her childhood appeared slightly reminiscent to Lily’s in that respect. Well, with probably ten times less cupboards and twenty times more fabulousness from her sisters versus the fat unthinking piece of lard that was Dudders.)

 

“Probably because we’re not really on a road,” Lily noted, or at least, not a major route. Sure, they were walking on dirt, but it was the kind of dirt path that had existed between Pallet Town and Viridian City. Like it existed out of the sheer tenacity of determined pokémon trainers walking along its surface rather than anyone actually commuting from one place to another.

 

Though given this country’s strange lack of any major highways, despite cars and motorcycles being a thing, it was actually a bit hard to tell the difference between something that was a road and something that, well, wasn’t.

 

At the idea of being a stuffy tourist Ash placed his hands on his hips in offense, “We won’t have time for sightseeing.”

 

Let it be known that Ash Ketchum, dedicated pokémon master in training, was above such things as sightseeing and buying cheap knick-knacks at airport kiosks.

 

“I’ve heard that there’s a really great gym in Vermillion,” Brock casually announced, as he always did, and suddenly Ash was all determination and spotlight of glowing destiny upon him.

 

He grinned, leaning forward, fist raised, ready to face on the world and Vermillion City’s gym, “A gym? Alright! I’m gonna win my third badge!”

 

“That’s a rather loaded statement, given that I’m not entirely sure your first two count,” Wizard Lenin sniped, head still stuck in his map as he kept looking over the route, even after having double checked that this really was an accurate map with Misty at least five times.

 

Lily just took it to be another sign that the universe was falling to pieces along with the Jenny and Joy Borg. Every town had a Jenny and Joy duo, all villains wore jumpsuits and had very specific choreography, catchphrases, and rhyming dramatic introductions, there were no paved roads, every task seemed to rely on the cheerful slave labor of pokémon, and none of the simplistic maps were in any way accurate.

 

And just like that Ash was once again filled with bottomless rage at his nemesis, the snarky cynic Wizard Lenin who always insisted on raining on his parade at every opportunity, “What do you mean?!”

 

“I mean that your first was earned via Brock pitying you, a faulty sprinkler system, a horrifyingly overpowered yellow rat, and a highly questionable training regimen,” Wizard Lenin said, cold blue eyes moving to Pikachu who gave an offended, “Pika!”

 

It said a lot though, that while Brock looked slightly chagrinned, he also didn’t contradict Wizard Lenin either.

 

Wizard Lenin ignored them both as he folded the map and crossed his arms, appearing to give up trying to make sense of this world’s cartography, if only to put Ash back into his place at the bottom of the totem pole, “And your second, from what I hear, was given to you after you managed to get Misty to a draw and mostly to get you to shut up and leave so that they could return to looking spectacular before their adoring fans.”

 

This, naturally had been Lily’s summary to the mildly curious Wizard Lenin a few days before, but it wasn’t exactly a lacking one. She doubted any of the other witnesses or participants, Misty, Clefairy, Pikachu, or even Ash would go so far as to actively deny it.

 

“Hey! It was hardly a draw, I was winning, and even if my sisters are…” Misty cried out, only to falter under his glare, and trail off, likely remembering exactly why she’d left Cerulean City in the first place. And the fact that they’d completely torn the rug out from under her and inflated Ash’s ego by an absurd amount by placing the badge in his hands when it’d been all too clear that they were more than willing to give it to him without any work at all.

 

That, or she realized that she was inadvertently proving Wizard Lenin’s point.

 

“Oh yeah,” Ash asked, an undeserved and oddly smug look on his face, and then accusingly pointed at Wizard Lenin, “Well what do you know?! You only have one badge!”

 

“Are you serious?” Wizard Lenin asked drily, undoubtedly wondering why he was being judged against how many badges he had collected. A measly one compared to Lily and Ash’s glorious two (although Ash did seem to be conveniently forgetting that Lily, by badge count, was at least on par with him).

 

“I have one more badge than you and that makes me twice the trainer you are!” Ash said, opening his vest to reveal his glittering polished badges in the sunlight. Oh lord, how they shone, they were almost blinding.

 

It said a lot about Wizard Lenin’s ego and pride that he could look more than mildly offended by Ash’s statement, who by all rights as a lowly idiot ten-year-old was so far beneath him that by Wizard Lenin’s standards he shouldn’t even be worth noticing, “At least I earned my…”

 

Ash didn’t even let him finish, “And you didn’t even use your own pokémon! So, I don’t think you’ve won any of your matches at all, Lenin!”

 

Lily didn’t think it was a coincidence right then, that the tree closest to them on this small dirt path, spontaneously caught on fire.

 

“Pika!” Pikachu cried out, darting away from the flames and onto Lily’s shoulder. “Fairy!” Clefairy did the same only to cling to Lily’s leg.

 

Ash then grinned again, point more than made even as it became clear that only Wizard Lenin’s restraint was preventing Ash from becoming his own towering inferno. Misty and Brock, not nearly so oblivious or conceited, edged away from the tree with rather dubious looks (perhaps for the first time beginning to realize just how often things caught on fire around a seething Wizard Lenin and how close to it they themselves had been standing).

 

Ash moved forward, grinning and ready to take on the world, “Let’s go!”

 

“Wait,” Misty cried out stepping forward with an outstretched hand, “Don’t get your hopes up, there’s a lot of tough trainers around here!”

 

“Bring them on,” Ash said as he ran away from them and towards his glorious destiny, “I bet none of them has even one pokémon badge!”

 

“Why do we hang out with him?” Lily asked no one and everyone as they all dumbly watched Ash run forward in the noon day sun, ready to show the world what he had, and his two badges.

 

“He owes me a bike,” Misty said while in tandem, Wizard Lenin replied, “I blame you, Lily.”

 

Neither of those answers seemed to be enough, so all they could do was stare at Ash’s retreating back and wonder if this was somehow going to last all the way to the Indigo League. Hopefully, in Vermillion City, Lily could buy the pokémon version of a Walkman to at least drown out the noise.

 

* * *

 

“Yeah Pidgeotto, you can do it!”

 

Somehow, it just kept getting worse. This poor seven-year-old, whose giant purple rat was now being attacked by Ash’s giant pigeon, was just the latest in a steady stream of victims to placate Ash’s ballooning ego.

 

And after nine of these in a row, this poor kid being number ten, Lily couldn’t help but look around almost in desperation, “Lenin, where is he?”

 

“Where is who?” Wizard Lenin asked, seething next to her and emitting shadows that had grown steadily darker as they’d run into more and more unprepared victims for Ash’s ego. Likely because after each victory, not only did Ash make sure to display just how many badges he’d won, but he also made sure to rub in that this was one more victory than Wizard Lenin himself had and that Ash really was the better trainer after all.

 

“The homeless con man, the ten-year-old samurai, the hermit scientist and true believer, you know, whatever weird person we happen to run into this time,” Lily said, crossing her arm and tapping her foot, ignoring Pikachu and Clefairy’s dubious looks at her impatience, “It’s about time for one of them to show up by now and I could really use a distraction from the Ash Show.”

 

“You know that has to be one of the dumbest things you’ve ever said, right?” Wizard Lenin asked, but by the dark look on his twelve-year-old face, he undoubtedly agreed.

 

Perhaps even more telling, Misty and Brock, standing over to the side and watching the battle with glazed eyes, agreed as well.

 

“Clefairy,” Clefairy said looking up at her, to which Lily couldn’t help but instinctively bristle and respond.

 

“I’m not that desperate,” to which she meant that Lily was not desperate enough to decide to become a god just to get out of watching Ash clobber children years younger than him.

 

Except, god, watching this giant bird attempt to eat this rat, she might be that desperate. Lily groaned aloud, “Ten, how did he even manage to find ten seven-year-olds in the middle of nowhere?”

 

“Divine providence, clearly,” Wizard Lenin said with crossed arms, by which he probably meant that it was a divine curse aimed towards the rest of them, that the pokémon gods loathed them enough to put them through this.

 

Lily just sighed again and eyed the tree next to the road, at the edge of the plot of grass they found themselves in, it wasn’t too hot outside but with her feet hurting, her own boredom, and the idea that she could end up watching this same scene at least ten more times, it started to look awfully tempting.

 

“Alright Pidgeotto!”

 

And Ash’s joyous cheers pushed her over the edge.

 

“I’m going to take a nap,” Lily said, shuffling over towards the tree and giving Wizard Lenin a small wave of her hand, “Wake me up if anything important happens.”

 

As Lily had predicted, the cool shade of the tree was nice, the grass softer than she would have expected, and with Clefairy bounding and Pikachu running to join her she had two soft balls of furry warmth cuddled next to her. Soon enough, watching Ash and the kid duke it out, Lily found her eyes fluttering closed and her mind wandering here, there, and then somewhere else entirely as REM claimed her.

 

Now it was important to note that while Lily had dreams, ever since Wizard Lenin had departed her brain, they had become lesser unimportant things that she rarely remembered even pieces of. For the most part she’d just go away and then later come back blinking into reality. The worlds and stages that had been built for or by Wizard Lenin inside her head were now empty and barren, and Lily, in whatever dream state she was in, now wandered past them without any thought.

 

Therefore, it was something of a surprise when, somewhere inside her own head, Lily’s eyes opened. She was in the same field, next to the dirt path, except everyone she knew was absent. More, there was a strange out of focus nature to her surroundings, like a camera had been in focus on an item close by, only now that item was removed and the blurred background remained. Everything was softer and brighter than it should be.

 

Underneath the tree there was a single red picnic blanket and three sets of china teacups and a pot of tea in the center. Lily was at one edge of the blanket, the one closest to the tree, hands already holding up her own cup though she had only just opened her eyes in this world.

 

At another, where at a table in purgatory Death would have sat, was a strange woman that was at once reminiscent of Luna Lovegood and Death and yet contained clear aspects that belonged to neither. She was all soft flowing pastels of pinks, her hair a strange thick and curling pale blonde with enough of a hint of red to make it glow pink in the sunlight, her skin pale and flushed where the sun struck it, and her eyes a dark and deep blue whose depths and power were at odds with her soft and ethereal appearance.

 

She was at once serenity and joy, a prophet’s jagged wisdom and a child’s innocent curiosity about the world.

 

And where Wizard Lenin would have sat, angry, irritated, bitter, proud, passionate, and determined was a man who retained some of those qualities but also a brighter enthusiasm and almost boyish curiosity. Blonde, brown-eyed, and years younger in Wizard Lenin’s place, and yet Lily still couldn’t help but compare the two of them if only for the blacks and reds they both wore.

 

Lily, sipping from her tea, and feeling very out of sorts and not sure she liked this dreaming experience for all that she seemed to be currently stuck in it, asked, “Is this where I ask why a raven is like a writing desk?”

 

The man scoffed, shaking his head as if he had no idea what to do with her, a very Wizard Lenin like reaction if Lily had to say so, “Honestly.”

 

The woman seemed slightly more amused, clapping her hands together, fingers long and fingernails glowing like moonstones in the bright sunlight, “I wouldn’t know, I’ve never heard of a raven, are they anything like Murkrow?”

 

Lily grimaced in return, if possible, feeling even more out of sorts with her own dream, “I guess that depends, what’s a Murkrow?”

 

“According to you, akin to a writing desk,” Blonde Lenin retorted, adjusting his red scarf and burrowing into his clothing as if for warmth.

 

“That was exceedingly unhelpful,” Lily noted with some small amount of irritation, though it was more distant than she would have expected, held at bay by the dream itself, “And it’d be nice if you were somewhat helpful. After all, it’s not exactly my idea to be pulled into a dream with strangers sipping tea.”

 

“Strangers?” Death the Moon asked, looking not only affronted, but also genuinely hurt.

 

“Lily,” Blonde Lenin said, looking her straight in the eye, “Don’t tell me you can’t recognize us when you’ve gone and dressed us up inside your head.”

 

Lily stared at them both for a moment, and again, they did remind her of people she knew. Except that she’d never…

 

Suddenly it clicked, “Oh, oh my god.”

 

They just stared at her, waiting for her to say it as she pointed at both of them in alarm, “You’re Clefairy and Pikachu!”

 

And they were, because if Lily was to go so far as to describe traits of people she knew and apply them to her pokémon friends then her subconscious had really nailed both of them.

 

Well, of all the things that Lily would have predicted she’d dream about, anthropomorphizing Clefairy and Pikachu was not one of them. She also felt weirdly uncomfortable, knowing she was dreaming this, and whether Pikachu and Clefairy were unconcerned by this because it wasn’t concerning or else because they were figments of her imagination was hard to say.

 

Also, now that she was aware that she was dreaming this, not only did she feel a tad awkward but also on edge as she waited for something, anything, to happen. However, anthropomorphized Clefairy and Pikachu seemed perfectly happy to just stare at her as if she was a lunatic, sipping their tea in silence.

 

“So…” Lily started before trailing off, trying to find something, anything, to say before settled on, “Is this a thing now?”

 

“Why don’t you tell us?” Pikachu asked, with his trademark snark that normally was conveyed through high pitched and adorable variations on his own given name.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean,” Lily was not digging the cryptic dream speak.

 

“It means that you pulled us in,” Clefairy said with a small cheerful smile, “Only you can tell us why you wanted to talk.”

 

“Wait, hold up,” Lily held up a hand, “Are you saying I dragged your consciousnesses into my dream.”

 

Clefairy nodded with a far too cheerful enthusiasm for that alarming prospect, except even Pikachu didn’t look nearly as alarmed as he should, more mildly annoyed. At Lily’s alarmed look towards him, the rational party of the duo, he explained, “I haven’t experienced this sort of thing personally, but there is more than one species of pokémon that dabbles in the realm of dreams.”

 

Clefairy nodded with sage wisdom, “They say that Drowzee, Haunter, Geingar, Hypno, and many others are the devourer of dreams. That you yourself can warp dreams, weave illusions, and pull other pokémon inside is unsurprising.”

 

“Unsurprising?!” Lily balked, wondering how long Pikachu and Clefairy had apparently been waiting for this to happen.

 

“You called yourself the Kwisatz Haderach, Lily,” Clefairy said, “And given what you are and what you could be, an ability like this is hardly surprising.”

 

Now, Lily would never say this, could barely even think this, but she was starting to wonder if it would have been less terrible to just watch Ash beat the snot out of small children and then rub their faces in the dirt.

 

“Why you pretend to be human is really beyond all of us,” Pikachu said, leaning forward and poking her in the chest, “You’re so bad at it that it’s a wonder that any of them haven’t caught on yet.”

 

“That’s not fair, Lenin seems more than aware that Lily only wears the face of men,” Clefairy cheerfully chimed in as she brightly smiled and sipped from her tea with all the serenity of a very pink monk.

 

“Does he really count?” Pikachu retorted, oh so drily, and oh so familiarly as Lily could just imagine him in his tiny giant mouse body, crossing his arms and lifting his head as he disdainfully said, “Pika!”

 

“I am great at pretending to be human!” Lily shouted, only for them both to look at her as if she was losing her mind or else clearly deranged, “I’m serious, I look, and act, perfectly and utterly human!”

 

“Only by conveniently blaming a stack of bricks,” Pikachu pointed out.

 

“You’re just jealous of Stack of Bricks’ amazing prowess and brick like capabilities!” Lily retorted, only to realize just where she was and who she was talking to as she admitted, “He’s also extremely convenient.”

 

Pikachu seemed hardly convinced, instead looking as mildly irritated as ever while Clefairy chose to be beyond such things as stacks of bricks, and while staring at them, in convenient human form, Lily couldn’t help but realize how little she knew about them.

 

“While we’re here…” Lily trailed off, looking at both, “Do you actually have names?”

 

“Names?” Clefairy asked, looking extremely puzzled, a very Luna expression on her transformed features.

 

“Names are human things,” Pikachu dismissed with a wave of his hand, far more calloused than Wizard Lenin’s, burned at the tips of his fingers by his own electricity, “We haven’t needed them so far, have we?”

 

“Well, I guess not, but we also haven’t had more than one Pikachu or Clefairy around,” except this didn’t seem to bother them, in fact, judging by the look on Clefairy’s face, names were pretty well a non-concept to them. Recognizable only as those strange things humans insisted on.

 

A strange thought struck her then, in the bible, it was through the name that man gained dominion over the animals.

 

There was so much she could say to that, so much she needed to ask about herself and whatever this was, about Pikachu and Clefairy and everything in between, about this strange world, and perhaps even about the path back home but the world splintered then, the image jarring then abruptly crumbling as Lily jerked awake and found Wizard Lenin glumly looking down at her.

 

“He won,” he said, entirely without context, his pale face set into something almost emotionless if it weren’t for the bitterness in his pale blue eyes.

 

Jerking upright and looking over his shoulder Lily could make out Ash, once again, displaying his two gym badges to his awed opponent while Brock and Misty glowered in the background.

 

“You’re a really great pokémon trainer,” the boy said, a far more mature loser than Ash had ever been in his life.

 

“Well, I guess I was pretty good there,” Ash said, oh so casually opening his blue vest to reveal his two gleaming badges.

 

“Wow, you’ve got badges!”

 

Mock surprise, “Oh, you mean these?”

 

“You’ve got two!”

 

“You woke me up for this bullshit?” Lily asked darkly, noting as Pikachu and Clefairy were almost drunkenly getting to their feet, both having a much rougher time of waking up than even Lily herself had.

 

“You must suffer as I suffer,” Wizard Lenin retorted without any sympathy whatsoever.

 

“I bet you could even beat AJ!” the boy said, and this, at least, stopped Ash’s needless gloating.

 

“AJ?” Ash asked, looking as the boy pointed back towards the road.

 

“Yeah, he lives over there. AJ trains savage pokémon, he built his own gym! He’s never lost a single match,” the boy exclaimed, and for a moment, at these words, Ash looked quite solemn.

 

Of course, he ruined the moment not two seconds later as he smugly declared, “Until now, he hasn’t come up against somebody like me.”

 

“Remind me why I can’t simply kill him and leave his body for the oversized rats?” Wizard Lenin asked.

 

“Pokémon fuzz,” Lily retorted, although perhaps with less vehemence than she should have considering they were talking about poor Ash’s untimely demise.

 

Across from Ash Misty and Brock looked perhaps just as beleaguered as Misty drily noted, “He’s getting a big head.”  


With Brock adding, “Yeah, but his brain’s still the same size.”

 

“Still, I suppose this AJ will end up being our Seymore the Scientist,” Lily noted as they began to move out, before stating, “You know, I hope he grinds Ash into dust.”

 

* * *

 

The place was more official than you might expect from being in the middle of nowhere. There was a great scoreboard declaring ninety-eight wins for AJ and no losses. This was resting in front of a great wooden gate to what looked like a circus arena.

 

Granted, it didn’t have the ambience of Brock’s or even Misty’s gym, but it wasn’t too shabby considering that it seemed to have been built by one man alone.

 

Of course, Ash was not in the mood to appreciate any of this, “Look at that, this gym isn’t even licensed by the Pokémon League.”

 

“It’s one more gym than you’ve ever built,” Wizard Lenin said aloud, but apparently Ash’s ego had inflated to the point where he could simply pretend Wizard Lenin and his pointed comments didn’t exist.

 

“Undefeated, big deal, I can beat him,” Ash said with an overpowering confidence, especially when considering his rather dismal track record thus far.

 

“Ninety-eight wins in a row,” Misty noted before slyly adding, “You may have won ten battles, but he’s won almost ten times as many matches as you have.”

 

Ash immediately retorted, fist raised, face flushing, “I go for quality not quantity!”

 

And just on time a boy perhaps around Lily or Wizard Lenin’s age, in the most hideous orange and black shirt Lily had ever seen, that drastically clashed with his green hair, approached them with a truly backwoods accent, “Are you my next victim?”

 

Lily grinned, suspecting that they had found their wild Seymore. Which, at least, would distract her from strange dreams, strange powers, and her subconsciousness anthropomorphizing her animal friends at every opportunity. Lily desperately needed a distraction from that and Ash’s inflating ego.

 

“You must be the wild pokémon trainer!” Ash said, stance confrontational, eyes burning and ready, which only seemed to fuel AJ’s own determination.

 

“That’s my job, but beating chumps like you is my hobby,” he said, and then nodded towards the gate which now began to open dramatically, “Ready to lose?”

 

Inside was a raised battlefield with official markings drawn out in white chalk upon red clay. While the rest of them looked around AJ set down his pack and began to prepare for the coming battle in an efficient manner that spoke of hundreds of times of practice.

 

“Now this is not too shabby at all,” Misty noted.

 

A giant purple butterfly appeared, picking up AJ’s pack and then carting it back to the tent.

 

“What’s in the backpack?”

 

“The wild pokémon I just caught,” AJ said, eyebrows lowered and voice oddly confrontational, “There’s a whole bunch more in the tent and then some.”

 

“Hey, can I see them after the match?” Ash asked, and Lily almost started because it was the first time in days that he looked happy without looking smug. His smile was a purer brighter one revolving around his love of Pokémon versus his love of winning…

 

Lily hadn’t realized that she’d missed that smile.

 

“If you want,” AJ said as he climbed the wooden stairs up onto the platform, then, turning he looked down, “So, which pokémon are you going to choose for my ninety-ninth win?”

 

And then, of course, it was on with all rational parties standing on the sidelines once again. Though Wizard Lenin would perhaps note that it was awfully ironic that Lily herself was among them.

 

“I’m afraid you’re going to have to change your sign after this match,” Ash declared as he stepped into his delegated box, “You’ll be formerly undefeated!”

 

“You may think that you’re hot stuff, kid,” AJ said as he brandished a leather whip with his own smirk, “But you’re not playing in the pokémon little league anymore!”

 

He cracked the whip, forcing Ash backwards in panic, even as he declared, “After I win one-hundred matches in a row, I’ll start competing for badges.”

 

“That means he’s only two wins away,” Brock noted, leaving Misty, as usual, to put together the consequences of this.

 

“And he’ll be extra psyched to win.”

 

Of course, Ash missed both the point and the warning as his arrogance returned, “Ninety-eight wins and you still don’t have a badge? That’s tough luck, AJ. I have ten wins and I’ve won two pokémon badges.”

 

“Oh, I hope AJ eats him alive,” Wizard Lenin said loud enough so that certainly AJ and Ash could both hear, but both were too far gone in trash-talk town to hear him now.

 

“Did you buy those badges or steal them?” AJ asked, unshaken, “Either that or you competed in some loser gyms. Where were they, Failure City or Whimpsville?”

 

“He cheated, actually,” Wizard Lenin shouted, even as Misty and Brock seemed to catch fire with their own anger at the insult, “But it’s a close guess.”

 

“What do you mean loser gyms?!” Misty shouted.

 

“Hey Ash, pulverize this guy!” Brock added, their anger for once making Ash feel the slightest bit of awkward shame that perhaps this had gone too far.

 

“Let’s get started then,” AJ said and threw a pokéball onto the field, “Sandshrew, go!”

 

The ball released with a blinding white light and a giant plated armadillo like creature emerged into the midday sun.”

 

“A Sandshrew, huh?” Ash said with a grin, “This should be interesting.”

 

“Let’s be careful now, Ash,” Brock chided.

 

“Remember, Sandshrew’s a ground type, so Pikachu’s electricity’s no good against it,” Misty reminded him, as Ash had proven quite the dullard when it came to remembering strategy. He actually tended to always pick the worst option.

 

Although, Misty was apparently forgetting Pikachu’s own absurd prowess that had allowed him to defy the laws of types in Brock’s gym and electrocute not only a giant boulder into submission but also the giant rock snake that was Onyx.

 

If it came to raw power alone, then Pikachu might be able to do the impossible and win this thing. But Lily was hardly about to remind Ash of that, Wizard Lenin would kill her.

 

“I know exactly what I’m doing!” Ash shouted, entirely unamused at the peanut gallery’s commentary, “I don’t need your help!”

 

“Pidgeotto, I choose you!” a ball was thrown, bright white light, then Ash’s familiar giant pigeon emerged.

 

And then it was on like Donkey Kong.

 

The giant pigeon flew high into the sky while the giant armadillo scampered forward.

 

“Pigeotto, dive at it!” Ash commanded, the giant pigeon then turning tail and diving towards the earth and the giant desert rat.

 

A crack of the whip, “Sandshrew, go!”

 

“Ash is lucky,” Brock commented, not necessarily thrilled by this arrangement, “The flying pokémon should have the advantage here.”

 

“Well, I suppose he had to get lucky blindly choosing at some point,” Wizard Lenin noted, as usually Ash chose the worst possible pokémon for his battles.

 

Another crack of the whip and Sandshrew flung himself into the air, curling into a tight ball, while Ash commented, “Too bad Sandshrew can’t fly.”  


However, Sandshrew pointedly defied all expectations as he jumped high enough in a tight ball to knock the diving Pidgeotto backwards and to the earth, taken down in one single hit. A dismayed and panicked Ash then cried out, “Pidgeotto!”

 

“Finish it!” AJ commanded with yet another crack of his whip, Sandshrew now scampering forward on the earth rather like the terminator might.

 

“Uh oh,” Ash cried out and then summoned Pidgeotto back into his spherical prison, “Pidgeotto, return!”

 

Then, with even more determination than before, he cried out, “Spearow, I choose you!”

 

Spearow emerged in a burst of white light, soaring into the sky with a wary eye on both Lily and Pikachu in the audience. Pkachu, at the motion, spared a sideways glance towards Lily as if to wordlessly chide her.

 

“Spearow, you can do it, flying versus ground should be no problem!” Ash said, for once appearing to have actually read Wizard Lenin’s battered trainer’s manual.

 

“That’s what you think, kid,” AJ said, entirely unphased, “Now watch and weep!”

 

Of course, this ended quickly and even less dramatically than the battle with Ash’s oversized pigeon. Within seconds, the giant sparrow was pinned to the earth by the truly massive armored desert mouse, begging for mercy as Ash watched in dismay.

 

“Pikachu,” Lily noted down towards her yellow friend who, cocking his head in a rather adorable manner, looked up at her.

 

“Pika?” he asked.

 

“I think you’d best make yourself scarce,” Lily said as Ash, in desperation, turned back towards them, “You are after all, one-third Ash’s pokémon.”

 

If he still had a human face Lily imagined Pikachu would have paled dramatically as he flailed and then, with no other option in sight decided to hope into Lily’s arms and cling to her, figuring she was at least enough to keep a desperate Ash from throwing him into the fray.

 

Wizard Lenin, however, looked as if he’d just seen the face of god, “Oh, that was beautiful. I think that just made my week. There is a god after all, and if I had to watch ten-year-old’s gloat just to see him destroyed by a giant rat then it will all have been worth it.”

 

It just said how long that they’d been travelling with the gang, that Wizard Lenin was this emotionally invested in Ash Ketchum’s misery.

 

“Pikachu! Come on, you have to help out!” Ash said as he looked towards them with a truly pitiful expression.

 

Pikachu shook his head vigorously as he clutched even tighter to Lily, tiny fingers digging into her sweater, “Pika.”

 

“And that makes victory number ninety-nine!” AJ said, raising one hand to the sky while an adoring Sandshrew wagged his armored tail in happiness.

 

Ash, meanwhile sobbed, “It’s not fair, I’m the one with the badges!”

 

Ash then, tears streaming down his face, wandered over to a somewhat alarmed AJ, “How about two out of three?”

 

“Stop whining, kid,” AJ said, jerking his arm out of Ash’s grasp, “Nobody wants to compete against a crybaby.”

 

“It was all worth it,” Wizard Lenin reiterated, smile awed and serene and looking almost on the verge of joyful tears himself, “Even worth not murdering the brat and leaving him in some ditch.”

 

Ash then got over the grief part of his grief and moved onto the bitter anger and paranoia, “Hey, there’s something fishy here! I didn’t have any problems winning until I battled in your ring! How do I know this whole match wasn’t rigged?! That’s it, you cheated! How else could Sandshrew defeat Spearow? Flying pokémon always have the advantage over ground pokémon!”

 

AJ now took a step back, slightly alarmed, while Wizard Lenin began to laugh hysterically, “Chill out.”

 

“What do you say we replay the match someplace else, huh?” Ash asked, a desperate cringeworthy smile on his face.

 

“Ash doesn’t know when to quit, does he?” Misty noted, looking more than a little embarrassed for him as she watched Ash’s display.

 

“No, and for once, it’s actually part of his charm,” Wizard Lenin said, “Oh, this will entertain me for weeks.”

 

“AJ sure is strong,” Brock noted with a bit more confusion, “I don’t get it, how is he so good?”

 

“One more chance?” Ash asked with tentative desperation, hand outreached, smile stretched but AJ was already walking away into the tent, Sandshrew beside him, “Come back when you grow up.”

 

“Oh, that line,” Wizard Lenin said, “I’d have killed to say that line.”

 

“It’s not fair,” Ash said as his hand fell dejectedly to his side, apparently ignoring that it was entirely fair and that he simply hadn’t liked the outcome.

 

Ash was likely about to say more, or Brock was to cement in a lesson that perhaps Ash wasn’t truly the best after all and had a lot to learn, when a whip sounded as well as AJ’s shout. Ash dashed to the tent and peered inside to where it looked like AJ was putting several pokémon through the circus from hell.

 

“And of course, he has enslaved sentient beings into performing circus tricks for training,” Wizard Lenin said drily and with some bitter disappointment, “Well, I suppose one can’t have everything from these people.”

 

Ash however, horrified as he saw Sandshrew dive into a deep pool, shouted, “Knock it off!”

 

He then threw AJ into the water along with himself while Sandshrew, wearing a strange armored body suit, watched.

 

“Now what do you want?” AJ asked, breaking the surface and glaring at Ash, “A swimming match?”

 

“You’re hurting Sandshrew!”

 

“Mind your own business, I don’t need any armatures teaching me how to train pokémon!”

 

“You call that training?!” Ash asked.

 

And this appeared to be enough for Wizard Lenin, “Ash, I hate to point this out, but do you remember a few weeks ago in Pewter City when you gained the help of a very strange and disturbing homeless man who had you hook Pikachu up to a generator?”

 

Ash blanched, looked at Wizard Lenin, and shouted, “That was completely different!”

 

It was not different, certainly Pikachu had been screeching in pain then, and had after Lily, Wizard Lenin, and Misty had gotten out of range blown up that small shack on the edge of the town.

 

“You’re right,” Wizard Lenin said, “The metal straight jackets and swimming pool somehow feel more humane.”

 

Certainly, it seemed less willfully dangerous than what Ash and Pikachu had done. Though to be fair Pikachu had been an entirely too willing participant in that particular machismo contest. Then again, Sandshrew didn’t look entirely too dismayed by his condition either.

 

Lily stared at him long and hard. Pikachu, and Clefairy for that matter, were both rather willful with clearly their own goals and thoughts in mind. They came along on this journey for other reasons than necessary helping Ash be the very best. If helping Ash out here and there aligned with their own tasks, then great, but otherwise Pikachu at least really couldn’t seem to be bothered.

 

Sandshrew, on the other hand, as well as AJ’s other pokémon took a strange pride in their condition as gladiators for their determined lord and master. As if AJ’s goals had truly been transposed onto them, until they endured unbelievable pain to obtain the shared glory of the pokémon league. 

 

To the point where Lily wondered if they even realized they were slaves.

 

She should have asked Pikachu and Clefairy that, in the dream that wasn’t really a dream, she should have asked…

 

But then, what did it really mean that she could have that dream at all? That she could extend her powers not an unthinkable amount, but in a direction she never would have thought of, hadn’t consciously thought of as they said…

 

As they said that Lily herself was merely wearing the face of man.

 

Lily grew distracted, even as AJ went on to talk about his own dream, mirroring Ash’s to become the greatest pokémon trainer of all time (a dream apparently shared by Sandshrew), and how they would almost kill themselves to realize it, no matter the obstacle, no matter the price.

 

And all of them, from AJ to his Sandshrew, didn’t realize the terrifying nature of that declaration.

 

How Lily, like Wizard Lenin certainly, could so easily picture Animal Farm and Boxer the old work horse, working and working and working, until he can work no longer and the cart to the glue factory comes for him with Benjamin the mule the only literate witness.

 

“What you’re doing is wrong!” Ash cried out, “A great trainer should make friends with his pokémon!”

 

And yet, could one truly, could someone like Ash who demanded blood, sweat, tears, and glory be friends with any of his pokémon? It seemed like it, Pikachu and Ash had their moments, Ash and his bird pokémon were pals, and yet at least there was something more honest and brutal in AJ’s methodology.

 

They talked about the pokémon diet, Ash watching in dismay as the pokémon trained and panted, while Lily walked up the stairs to sit on the dive platform, Pikachu and Clefairy scampering up beside her as she watched over it all and wondered how this world had ever come to this.

 

“Why do you put up with this?” Lily finally asked, glancing towards Pikachu, “Surely, the world hasn’t always been like this.”

 

“Pikachu,” Pikachu said with a shrug, as if to say it had been this way for as long as he himself could remember, so why question it.

 

You were free until you were not, and then, if you were lucky, you found yourself in the hands of an idiot, a nihilist, and an absurdist. Beyond that, you must simply play the cards you are dealt, even if that leads you to blood and battle for a glory that isn’t yours alone.

 

“It’s like some form of mass ingrained madness,” Lily muttered with a frown, watching as Ash once again knocked AJ into the water and began fighting him, angry on behalf of AJ’s wounded and winded Pokémon and yet not seeing the larger picture that Lily and Wizard Lenin could glimpse so easily.

 

“You ask why I would pretend to be human,” Lily said scoffing, thinking back to her strange dream, to that night on Mt. Moon, and perhaps to every day of Lily’s life, “Isn’t this answer enough?”

 

To be anything less or more than human in this world, was to be a slave, and it would be Lily standing in the ring, bleeding and panting, looking up at her opponent with fierce eyes as Ash Ketchum encouraged her onward with a, “Lily, I choose you!”

 

The very idea of it…

 

“I can’t choose this,” Lily said with determination, “Even if it means tens of thousands of stacks of bricks, I will not choose this destiny.”

 

Pikachu looked slightly annoyed by this, Clefairy silent and stoic, but neither openly said anything, merely looked down at their struggling counterparts. Perhaps glimpsing what Lily herself saw.

 

And yet, she couldn’t help but wonder, in a strange sense, if in some way she wasn’t already something close to this for Wizard Lenin. Wizard Lenin, who she’d originally denied her own evolution for…

 

Lily decided this was far too much thinking for one day.

 

It was at that point that Lily saw an oddly rolling red rubber ball, one that lingered in front of the curled Sandshrew with ominous attention.

 

“Oh Christ,” Lily said just in time as Pikachu uttered an exasperated, “Pika.”

 

Given the usual suspects who always seemed to show up around this point in style and flair, with schemes that would rate around moving in a giant red ball, Lily had about one guess for who was behind this latest scheme.

 

“Shall you do the honors or shall I, my friend?” Lily asked Pikachu with a smile.

 

“Clefairy!” Clefairy pouted, outraged at her own lack of participation in the event.

 

“Clefairy, last time you blew up an entire city block,” Lily noted, to which Clefairy at least had the decency to look somewhat ashamed.

 

Pikachu smirked, as much as a yellow mouse could, and his cheeks sparked as he motioned down towards the ball, as if to say, “After you.”

 

“Pikachu.”

 

“Right then,” Lily said, and with a flick of her wrist sent the ball in a great whirlwind hurtling out of the tent with the rest of the gang looking up at the ball and blinking in open mouthed confusion even as AJ demanded the rest of his lazy pokémon get their asses back in gear like the sternest of drill sergeants.

 

“Every day I don’t hear that rhyme,” Lily said with a smile, “I believe is a day I get one step closer to god.”

 

* * *

 

“So, I guess he only has one more win to go,” Brock said as they loitered outside the gate, twilight elongating the shadows as they stared at the canvas of the tent, AJ still inside training as hard as ever, “He’ll get plenty of badges when that happens.”

 

“Yeah, but he’s so hard on his pokémon that it will hardly matter,” Ash groused, something bitter and hurt in his voice, but something more dignified in that too, as if he had glimpsed some part of the world as Wizard Lenin did.

 

“It’s an ignorant cruel world you live in, Ash,” Wizard Lenin said softly, eyes lingering on the tent, “AJ’s work ethic and disciplinary training will be rewarded, I think, in a world where he barters in blood and glory.”

 

“And say what you will, but he really does love his pokémon,” Misty added.

 

Ash considered this for a moment, eyes burning, and nodded, “I guess, and that’s what’s important but…”

 

“But these are not problems that you can solve,” Lily said, perhaps in Wizard Lenin’s stead, “After all, Ash, you’re a part of this world too.”

 

They began walking, slowly but surely away from the unofficial gym and into the sunset, towards the ever distant Vermillion City. Still, as they started, Wizard Lenin couldn’t help but be himself and drily note, “Although, Ash, I can’t help but note that you’ve sunk so deep as to lose an unofficial gym match in what has to be one of the most pathetic displays I’ve seen in my life.”

 

“Hey, at least I battled him, Lenin! You just sat there doing nothing as always and you could have been his hundredth win and then where would we be! I think you’re just a coward and…”

 

And all was right again with the world, or as right as it could be.

 

* * *

 

There are many paths that lead to the Pokémon League and Ash is just beginning to discover his own. What lies on that path is unknown, but one thing’s for sure, he’ll never forget the name of that place with the great gym again.


	9. Every Universe Needs a Hogwarts!

_In which our heroes continue to be failed by maps, we discover that there are these things called levels and that Wizard Lenin doesn’t care at all, and Lily finally burns down a Hogwarts._

 

* * *

As our story continues, we once again find our friends travelling together on their pokémon journey in perfect harmony.

 

* * *

 

“We are never going to reach Vermillion City!” Lily cried, tearing at her hair and falling to the path in despair. Or, rather, the patch of grass they were on because they’d walked off the actual road days ago and hadn’t spotted it since.

 

“We’re lost and it’s so foggy and I’m losing my mind!” Lily said, clutching at Wizard Lenin by the back of his collar as she cried out, “We’re just going to be walking in the middle of nowhere until we stumble onto some pokémon worshipping cult again and I just can’t take it anymore!”

 

“I wouldn’t be lost if someone hadn’t ruined my bike!” Misty said, glaring down at Ash, bringing up the same goddamn point she’d been making for days and even if it was a chance to take her frustrations out on Ash Lily was so tired of the bicycle argument!

 

“Hey, I didn’t ruin your bike, it was a bunch of Beedrills!” Ash retorted, as he always did when Misty’s bicycle came into play, “And if you weren’t so scared of bugs then maybe it wouldn’t have gotten ruined in the first place!”

 

“Lenin, this might… This might be worse than Hogwarts!” Lily said, drawing the entirely unamused Wizard Lenin closer to her, “At least Hogwarts had a definitive end term. We’ll just be walking in the middle of nowhere forever!”

 

“Pikachu,” Pikachu said, walking next to Clefairy, and clearly done with all this garbage.

 

“If you’ll remember, I suggested losing idiot number one before we even hit Viridian Forest, but you were convinced that he was somehow useful,” Wizard Lenin said without any sympathy whatsoever, “And if it all seems pointless then I’ll point out that your usual modus operandi is embracing the pointlessness of life!”

 

“Yes, but that’s different,” Lily said with an entirely too cheerful grin filled with hope, rainbows, and quite possibly magic, “We’re now in a world that does actually have a purpose to it, remember?”

 

“Which is?” Wizard Lenin asked dully, pale brows raising.

 

“To become a pokémon master, please, Lenin, we’ve heard it about fifty times,” Lily said, dismissing his skepticism. It was also helpful that not only Ash but just about everyone they ran into repeated this goal back to them at every opportunity.

 

“Oh, right, the enslavement of several sentient species for my own personal profit and glory, how could I ever forget?” Wizard Lenin asked, looking as if he hadn’t forgotten at all, especially not after A.J’s brutal reminder from a few days ago.

 

“Fairy,” Clefairy said, holding up a clawed hand as if she objected to the term slavery but Pikachu just shook his head, sighed, and let out a tired, “Chaa.”

 

“Well, you don’t have to put it like that,” Lily said with a grimace, as she didn’t entirely disagree with his statement from what she’d seen thus far, although it looked like everyone was in so deep (even the pokémon themselves) that they’d forgotten how dystopic and awful all of it was, “But anyways, point being that there is a point to existence here, a very clear and relatively obtainable point.”

 

“That is detestable,” Wizard Lenin said drily, ignored by the others as Ash and Misty really started going to town on who owed who a bike (especially since Ash, despite how much he bragged about winning, really didn’t have the money for a top of the line bicycle).

 

“Who are you to talk about detestable?!” Lily seethed, which just earned her this dull sort of look from Wizard Lenin, which on his twelve-year-old face was just entirely too sardonic and utterly ridiculous.

 

“Well, let me put it like this, Lily, if I’m the one saying it then you know there’s something seriously wrong.”

 

Well, there was really no comeback to that one, Lily slumped slightly before pointing out, “We’re getting seriously off topic here.”

 

“Right,” Wizard Lenin said, going so far as to sigh and pull out some book he’d purchased in Cerulean City on legendary pokémon, likely looking for one with interdimensional portal powers or something, “You were whining.”

 

“I was just saying that in a universe where there is a clear, defined, objective that as a party we are getting seriously off track! Literally, we are literally off the track!” Lily motioned to their feet, to the grass, to the fog around them, “Where is the road, Lenin?! Where is the road?!”

 

“If anyone had been inclined to listen to me,” Lenin said with growing irritation that swiftly transformed into rage, “We would have taken Route Five to Saffron City and then Route Six to Vermillion City. A single, straight, line all the way down from Cerulean City! And if you’re going to whine about it now I will point out that I had a problem with this a week ago!”

 

“Well, I’m just saying, that as far as completing a quest goes we are doing it in a very inefficient manner,” Lily pointed out with a sniff, as Wizard Lenin didn’t really need to be so rude about it.

 

“Yes, good thing it’s not really our goal now, isn’t it, Lily?” Wizard Lenin responded with his far too charming and cheery smile.

 

And, Brock, listening to two different sets of the group bicker, finally appeared to have enough. He stopped dead in his tracks, turned to face the rest of them, and with a look on his face that brooked no compromises asked, “Maybe, if you all spent less time arguing and more time watching the road we’d already be in Vermillion City!”

 

They all stared at Brock for a moment, until Lily pointed towards him, a rather dull look on her face, “Well, that’s our excuse, but what’s yours, jackass?”

 

He then set down his bag and began to fling out a truly staggering amount of supplies such as a full sized wooden table, two chairs, a table cloth, napkins, plates, a tray to hold biscuits, a whisk, a silver bowl, a fully stocked kitchen, as well as an ornate china tea set featuring pokémon on it.

 

“I think we need a little break,” Brock said without even glancing back towards his stunned audience, “Why don’t I just throw a little something together?”

 

At each item that mysteriously appeared from his bag Lily, Lenin, Ash, and Misty all looked at it in more awe and confusion as they each wondered how the hell he’d managed to pack all of that in there in the first place.

 

He then pulled out what looked like a mint condition coffee maker, “Ah, there’s nothing more satisfying than a cup of Cerulean Coffee… You kids are too young for this stuff, but it’s really quite good.”

 

He then threw down a purple can featuring raisins on steroids, “How about some prune juice?”

 

Ash, looking roughly the same shade as the prune juice in question, said, “I think I’ll pass.”

 

“Alright, tea then!” Brock said, holding up his china tea set for all of them to admire, “I did bring my official pokémon tea set after all.”

 

“Wow,” Lily said distantly as she realized that Brock might have just packed his whole life with him when he’d dumped his family on his terrible father, “You really don’t care about fragiles, do you?”

 

Brock paid this no mind as he pulled out a liter bottle of filtered, Mt. Moon, spring water that apparently was the best thing to go with one’s leaf juice. An entire bottle that he’d somehow managed to fit into that tiny bag along with the full-sized table.

 

Wizard Lenin looked at the assorted goods in critical judgement, eyebrow twitching in suppressed rage and irritation, “You packed all of that, and you didn’t think to bring a car?”

 

Or at least a more accurate map, although, one of the odd quirks of this universe was that nobody saw anything wrong with Wizard Lenin’s rather simplistic map of the Kanto region, it just failed to give them any idea at all where they were right now.

 

Lily’s guess, somewhere between Cerulean City and, well, somewhere else.

 

“By the way,” Brock said whisk and silver bowl in hand as he prepared himself to make homemade crepes as a light snack, “I can’t cook crepes and I can’t boil water if I don’t have a fire!”

 

He then motioned to his dumbfounded audience, “One of you is going to have to go into the forest and carry back some firewood.”

 

“You didn’t have some in your pack?” Wizard Lenin asked drily but was sent a rather withering glare from Brock in response, as if the very idea of carrying logs of wood in his pack along with his china tea set was absurd.

 

“I’ll go,” Lily said, volunteering herself as tribute before Misty could even think to volunteer hapless Ash for the job. Besides, Lily really needed a break from, well, the break they appeared to be taking from the endless quest to become a pokémon master.

 

And as if on cue Misty and Ash were at it again, Misty gleefully beating Ash to a pulp over something about chewing his food too loudly and Ash being completely confused over what he’d done wrong this time. Yes, Lily thought as she skipped away into the forest, it’d be nice to get a break from that.

 

* * *

 

“What do you think, a half hour, an hour, is that long enough to find firewood?” Lily asked, as she really could just conjure it from the beginning, but that wasn’t really the point of this whole exercise.

 

“Pikachu,” Pikachu chided, as if to say he was perfectly onto her game and knew exactly what she was doing.

 

“Hey, I don’t see you loitering back there with the rest of them,” Lily pointed out, to which Pikachu just gave her an oddly human look as if to say of course he’d left when he’d gotten the chance. That, or he was following her around to make sure she didn’t get into trouble. Either, Lily supposed, was an acceptable answer.

 

Although why Clefairy had chosen to stick around the rest of the gang was anyone’s guess, either she was studying human culture for its weaknesses or she found the strange human cultural phenomenon known as bickering to be positively delightful.

 

Lily thought about that for a moment, “Now that you mention it, it’s probably about that time again.”

 

“Pi?”

 

“Oh, come on, Pikachu,” Lily said, “You have to have noticed it. Every once in a while, every few days or when things are a little slow, we run into some weird crack pot in the middle of nowhere who teaches us something about… well, something. A few days ago, it was A.J. who taught Ash… maybe humility? Before that it was Misty’s prettier sisters. Then before that it was Seymore the Scientist in that Mt. Moon encounter we’ll never forget. Before then in Pewter City it was Brock’s deadbeat dad teaching us how not to be homeless and juicing you up on electricity. Then, well, the list goes on.”

 

“Chu,” Pikachu said, giving a sort of exhausted sigh.

“I know, it’s bloody exhausting, but it happens like clockwork and I’m telling you that we’re due for one no matter how skeptical Lenin is about my theory,” even after A.J. in the middle of nowhere Wizard Lenin was still decidedly unconvinced about Lily’s theories of the eerie nature of this universe throwing strange people and or obstacles in their path.

 

Pikachu, being something like Wizard Lenin’s tiny yellow clone, looked a bit dubious as well but at least had the manners to keep his mouth shut.

 

“Pika-pi Pikachu!” Pikachu cried out, pointing ahead of them where a bright white light appeared in the foggy haze.

 

“Oh, goddammit,” Lily said, feeling herself pale, and then, as they approached, Lily chanted to herself, “Not aliens, not aliens, not aliens, not aliens, not aliens…”

 

Even a cult at this point she could handle, but please, just not round two of 2001 Space Odyssey almost evolution.

 

However, getting closer it wasn’t aliens at all, instead it was… “Oh, it’s a secret society of adolescent fraternity brothers.”

 

There, circling some poor nine-year-old panting on a treadmill, was a group of kids roughly Ash’s age all holding candles ominously while the fraternity president sneered a rather Draco Malfoy-esque sneer and held up what looked like a trading card, “Alright, what’s the name of this one?”

 

“Is it a Zubat?” the boy asked, clearly desperate, his frail little body barely keeping up with the pace of the treadmill.

 

“Listen, just because it’s foggy out here doesn’t mean your brain has to be,” fraternity brother number two sneered.

 

“It’s a Pidgy!” the boy corrected, much to the universal lack of impressment of his frat brothers.

 

Lily turned to Pikachu who looked as if he was torn between being insulted, angry, and just plain confused, “Well, this is bloody weird.”

 

And Lily was pretty sure she’d been in a fraternity before, well, sort of. If Slytherin didn’t count at least as half of a fraternity then Lily wanted her money back guaranteed. Still, if they had made her run on a treadmill, spitting back trivia about giant animals and something called levels, she would have stolen more than just their wands and lunch money.

 

The boy then fell off the treadmill, crashing back onto the dirt and looking up at his betters with a miserable expression, “I’m sorry, I forgot.”

 

Lily sighed then at the sight of the boy’s forlorn expression, somehow reminding her of Neville in Potion’s class, and said, “I suppose it can’t be helped.”

 

She then walked forward, hands in pockets, Pikachu close on her tail, “Listen, this is hardly my business, but don’t you have better things to do than… Whatever the hell this is?”

 

“Pika!” Pikachu said, at once reprimanding Lily for her rather lackluster attitude (except that it really wasn’t any of her business and she’d kind of learned that the pokémon world played by its own rules) as well as the frat brothers in question as his cheeks sparked dangerously.

 

“You’re right, it’s not any of your business,” the red headed leader sneered before looking back at the failure of an underclassman, “And if he can’t even remember basic facts about Pidgy then he’s not cut out to be a Pokémon Tech student.”

 

“Oh my god,” Lily said slowly as it dawned on her what that sounded like, namely, that it sounded eerily like a cross between Hermione and Draco Malfoy as Hermione ranted about some obscure pronunciation that Lily just had to know or else she was doomed as a witch. Namely, Lily realized that the weird cult wasn’t just a cult, “It’s Hogwarts for pokémon trainers, kill me now.”

 

“Pika?” Pikachu asked her, but he didn’t understand. How could he? He was a giant yellow mouse who had never had Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry forced upon him. He had never had to battle for house points, endure detention after detention with Snape, live in the Slytherin dorm…

 

“Hogwarts, my old nemesis, we meet again,” even in other dimensions, where one would presume Lily would never have to see those castle walls again, they managed to follow her.

 

“Does anyone have any idea what she’s talking about?” one of the frat brothers, a green haired one this time, asked the other.

“Hey, stop bullying that kid!” and looking behind her Lily saw that cavalry, Ash at the front, and Misty close behind had arrived. Ash turned his hat around, fully in battle mode, “Or else you’ll have to answer to me!”  


“Us, Ash!” Misty said, hands on hips, only for Ash to glare at her as the machismo contest between them was back on.

 

“Misty, you stay out of this, leave it to me!”

 

“You’re right Ash,” Misty said sweetly, “There’s no reason for both of us to get into a fight, it’s very brave of you to take on all five by yourself.”

 

Ash then seemed to realize that he was, in fact, outnumbered and that his opponents looked very confident and ominous holding their white candles.

 

“I’ll be right here on the sidelines cheering you on and waiting to drag your carcass away at the end,” Misty finished as Ash, with wide eyes and a now somewhat nervous expression, stared down his opponents.

 

The red head leader then sneered, a truly impressive one at that, “We don’t fight.”

 

“Fighting is for cavemen,” one of the brothers in the back of the mob added, “This isn’t the stone age you know.”

 

The group then walked off, laughing and sneering, and leaving the rest of them to look after them and Lily to realize that yes, even in this pokémon infested world, there was a Hogwarts.

 

“So, those are the infamous tech students,” Brock said, appearing out of nowhere with his whisk and bowl still in hand, Wizard Lenin and Clefairy beside him.

 

“Tech students?” Ash asked.

 

“Pokémon Tech,” Misty said as she dug through her pockets and eventually produced a flyer, “I think it’s short for Pokémon Technical, a school for pokémon trainers.”

 

“A pokémon school in the middle of nowhere?” Ash asked, not realizing that this just added to its Hogwarts like charm, as Hogwarts too prided itself on being in the middle of bloody nowhere in Scotland.

 

Brock then read the flyer, confirming that it was indeed Hogwarts, as it was a boarding school for serious pokémon training preparation, except that instead of passing one’s OWLs and NEWTs and what have you, upon graduation one could enter directly into the Pokémon League without having to gather all the badges.

 

“Getting into the Pokémon League without badges is too easy!” Ash cried out in dismay.

 

“Well,” Lily responded, “Keep in mind that they do also have to suffer through this place.”

 

And if it was anything like Hogwarts, if it was anywhere near as long as Hogwarts, Lily guaranteed that there would be suffering. Immense, terrible, suffering and ennui beyond human imagination and endurance.

 

Misty then added, “You also have to afford the entrance fees and tuition, Ash. You know, it’s one of those snobby private schools that only millionaires can afford to send their kids to.”

 

This was apparently the last thing Ash wanted to hear but before he could cry about it any further a bell rang and a voice over an intercom announced, “Today’s special class, Fog Battle Techniques, is now ended tomorrow’s lesson will be Snow Competition Secrets.”

 

The fog dissipated revealing not a giant castle but instead the sort of institution one might expect from a private boarding school. All gothic architecture, white walls, high arched windows, and the whole place screaming that it’d been here for centuries and was well worth every dime you placed into it.

 

“A pokémon school,” Wizard Lenin mused, cocking his head and rubbing at his chin, “Do you suppose they’ll have a decent library?”

 

“Lenin,” Lily said, feeling her own suppressed rage rising to the surface, “I swear to god, I will kill you.”

 

Wizard Lenin just looked at her as if she’d said the dumbest thing he’d ever heard, “Lily, remember what we’re here for. Every public library I’ve seen to date has been utter garbage. Hoewver, if this is anything like home, a school like this will be the host of most of the knowledge.”

 

Lily drew closer to him, finger pointing directly into his chest as she seethed, “If you make us enroll in this godforsaken place, Lenin, just for books I swear to god I will…”

 

“Fairy, fairy!” Clefairy bounded between them, arms wide, preventing Lily or Wizard Lenin from striking a first blow. And the idea of hitting what was essentially a giant talking marshmallow really did take out the fire from Lily’s rage.

 

“Who would want to enroll in a place like this!” Ash cried out and the poor fraternity brother, who had mostly been forgotten up until this point, sighed.

 

“It’s a great place to learn about pokémon, and if you graduate, you go straight to the Pokémon League,” the boy said, staring at the school like a sad little puppy who just knew he was going to be kicked in the stomach the moment he set foot back inside, “Even being in the beginner class like me is the same as having two badges.”

 

Ash balked, looking more than a little flustered as he remembered his own badge count thus far, “But I have two badges!”

 

The boy just gave Ash a look as if to say that didn’t really mean too much around this place, and that was without even knowing that Ash’s two victories for his gym badges were… Well… Debatable, Lily might say.

 

“What about your friends?” Brock asked, the word friends stressed as if to say that they were anything but.

“They really try to help me,” the boy said then, “They help me learn all sorts of things about Pidgy and what level it evolves at, what attacks it learns at what level, and so on. It’s not their fault that I’m just not that great at it.”

 

“Wait, if you know all of that about Pidgy why didn’t you just answer them?” Ash asked, his arms crossed and his face rather puzzled.

 

“Sometimes I make believe I don’t know all the answer, because if I do they make the questions that much harder,” the boy said, as if this was a perfectly legitimate response, and actually did sound like one Neville might give when talking about answering Snape.

 

“You know,” Lily said slowly, pointing at their latest and greatest dweeby friend, “You could just shorten that whole process by simply saying, ‘thank you, sir, may I have another?”

 

“What?” the boy asked, taking a step back with a horrified look on his face, “But why would I say that?!”

 

And clearly, Lily’s reference along with her point, was entirely lost on the shmuck. She was starting to think he deserved all the shit that was given to him. Clearly, at least some part of him liked this or else felt obligated to stay here.

 

The boy then pointed to a much older guy sporting the starting of a beard on a hill, “See that guy over there, he’d been here for ages, the classes are so tough here that you can get held back for many years. He’s been in the beginner’s class forever but no one wants to go home without graduating.”

 

“Woof,” Lily said, “At least at Hogwarts you’re guaranteed to graduate after seven years.”

 

Lily couldn’t imagine how long Crabbe and Goyle would be stuck in that place otherwise, they’d be there until they were thirty, or maybe until they were dead.

 

“Well,” Wizard Lenin said, “Technically yes, although failing your OWLs and NEWTs is… Not enviable.”

 

“Well, I think this is a violation of student rights and I will put an end to it!” Ash declared, as if it was any of his business whatsoever. Ash did seem to get unnaturally curious or involved about things he really had almost no knowledge about.

 

“Well, alright,” their new friend said, apparently unconcerned about any of this, and pulled out a picture of a very pretty dark-haired girl, “Here’s a picture of Giselle, she’s the one who puts all of this together.”

 

“Whoa, that is a girl,” Ash said, a sudden blush coming over his face as he leaned towards the picture.

 

“She can violate my rights anytime,” Brock added with a similar flush and leer while Wizard Lenin looked over at him in horror.

 

“You do realize she’s fourteen at best, don’t you?” Wizard Leni asked, but according to Brock’s face, he just didn’t care. And Lily wondered why it was that, of their group, Brock just kept getting more and more alarming.

 

Or maybe this kid was more alarming, given that he was carrying a candid shot of this girl in his inside jacket pocket.

 

“Is today’s adventure going to just be about creeping on adolescent girls?” Lily asked, and at that both Ash and Brock flinched, both bright red while Misty rounded on them in rage at being reminded, once again, that she was by far the ugliest of her sisters.

 

Lily sighed, it seemed that Lily would be sitting this one out. She put her hands into her pockets and sauntered towards the entrance of the school, “Well, Lenin, I guess it’s time to see that goddamn library.”

 

“Really? I thought you hated Hogwarts in all its incarnations,” Wizard Lenin easily caught up with her and smirked, ignoring the chaos behind them as Misty’s rage just grew that much more violent.

 

“Yes, but if it’s between that and drooling over pokémon schoolgirls, well, I think I’ll take the bloody library.”

 

She’d leave this one for Ash and the gang to handle.

 

* * *

 

“You know, Lily, call it Hogwarts all you like but I’m not surprised that this place exists,” Wizard Lenin said when they finally found the library, a vast room filled with shelves and shelves of books as well as modern looking computer terminals.

 

Wizard Lenin, with far too easy of a smile, found a table in the sunlight and began collecting any and every book that seemed to be of mild interest while Lily just watched them pile up on that table.

 

“Why’s that?”

 

“Everything in this world revolves around pokémon and much of it around pokémon training, of course there’d be some elite establishment for the wealthy to put their children ahead. The odd part is that there isn’t a public system, or rather, that the public system appears to be letting your children wander unaided to go out and collect these pokémon badges,” Wizard Lenin said when he finally sat down and picked up a book, flipping through its index with a sharp focus.

 

“That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t bring back memories,” Lily said with a sigh, resting her head on the table and staring out the window.

“It’s hardly Hogwarts fault that you had such a bloody awful time there,” Wizard Lenin noted but Lily just shrugged.

“I don’t know, I think it kind of is. I mean, Quirrell was terrible, but the rest of it was… Well, kind of boring or ridiculous. I mean, look at this place, you’ve got some pretty little girl acting as the fraternity’s president and beating up the underclassmen to preserve the reputation of this place,” Lily then looked around them, at the desperately studying students bent over their own books, and said, “You know, I bet they have their own demented version of Pokémon quidditch!”

 

“I put up no argument for quidditch,” Wizard Lenin said, now engrossed in his book, his eyebrows furrowing as he muttered, “Now what the bloody hell is a level?”

 

He then looked up at Lily, looking somewhat torn, and asked, “Lily, do you have… Do you know what a level is, in regards to pokémon?”

 

“A what?” Lily asked.

 

“It says here that pokémon have different levels, that they can be trained to reach higher levels at which they can learn certain attacks…” he trailed off, likely realizing that he sounded as if he was playing D&D than talking about giant magical animals.

 

“This place is weird,” Lily said in explanation.

 

“That they put this much thought into pokémon battles,” Wizard Lenin said with grit teeth, “That they put this much thought, not into the advancement of mankind, or even pokémon, but into these stupid battles…”

 

He threw his head back and laugh, perhaps, for a moment, looking more like his adult self than he ever had in this child’s body that Lily had stuffed him into.

 

Finally, with a small smile and a sigh, he said, “What strange priorities these people have, it’s worse than home.”

 

And Lily, looking down at the book, at the depiction of a giant pigeon, who at level twenty-five could apparently learn whirlwind, she could only say, “Yes, I think you might be right.”

Because England, for all it seemed all too willing to sink back into the sea, for all that it loathed and loved Wizard Lenin and his plan to destroy them all… England, or at least, the Wizard England she knew, was not built on the backs of pokémon.

 

He then desperately flipped through his books, searching for something, some sign, but not finding it even as he started to laugh.

 

“And not a single word on how to break through to other dimensions or even a pokémon that might be capable of such a feat. As if something like that is of no import whatsoever,” Wizard Lenin said, snapping the last of the books shut, “And I doubt there will be any in the next city either, or the city after that, or the town after that and…”

 

His smile grew jagged, jaded, altogether entirely too desperate, and the room suddenly seemed darker and colder as shadows collected around Wizard Lenin, “Lily, if we’re stuck here, truly stuck here… What will we do?”

 

“I… suppose we’ll just keep trying to become pokémon masters,” Lily said slowly, although, in the back of her mind, was the thought that at that point, perhaps at that point, she might turn to Clefairy and the moonstone.

 

Or, perhaps, Wizard Lenin would remember and ask it of her. And if he asked her, really asked, could she dare or even think to say no? And then Lily would no longer be Lily at all but would be… She had no idea.

 

That terrified her.

 

Lily glanced out the window towards the school’s front yard and the large swimming pool, away from Wizard Lenin’s penetrating glance, that at once seemed to see far too deeply into her. Then she stood, walking towards it, “Hey, is that the rest of the gang?”

 

Wizard Lenin stood with her, peering out at the small figures in the distance, “That does look like Misty’s hair, and Ash’s stupid hat.”

 

Lily looked closer as well, at the small yellow blob of rage, cheeks visibly sparking even at this distance, “And it looks like Pikachu’s really going to town.”

 

Pikachu sent out a volt of electricity towards a giant dinosaur wearing a skull, however, this was deflected by the dinosaur spinning a giant bone in a circle, sending the volts out and away from it.

 

“Huh, he’s not doing too well,” Lily noted, and this seemed a bit surprising as normally when Pikachu fought, well, he kind of slaughtered. Of course, for all that he seemed determined here it wasn’t quite the rage and pride with which he’d faced down Onyx back at Brock’s gym.

 

“Lily, you know,” Wizard Lenin said next to her, an odd appraising look in his eye as they both watched Pikachu got hit over the head with the bone club multiple times, “You never did burn down Hogwarts.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“You like the yellow rat, don’t you?” Wizard Lenin asked.

 

“Well sure, but…”

 

“I just think, that perhaps, he could use some of your assistance,” Wizard Lenin said as they watched Pikachu get hit again, likely concussed for sure at this point, “And besides, I’m irritated enough to see you live out your life long dream of burning some iteration of Hogwarts to the ground.”

 

“Oh,” Lily said, her grin growing, “Oh, oh my god, this might be my only opportunity!”

 

“Make it count, Lily,” Wizard Lenin said, placing a hand on her shoulder and smiling, “Make it count.”

 

And it was at this moment, standing before a window and painted in the golden afternoon sunlight, that Lily realized, more than any other, why they really were the best of friends.

 

* * *

 

“Man, that bolt of lightning just came out of nowhere, didn’t it?” Lily said as the group walked off into the sunset and back on the road to Vermillion City, Pikachu an irritated, sparking, grumpy mess as he undoubtedly realized what had happened just when he’d gotten back to his feet and dodged the flying bone aimed towards his head.

 

“It sure did,” Wizard Lenin said with his own cheery smile, “It’s really too bad about the west wing of the school.”

 

“Well, it is filled with elite trainers,” Lily said in response with her own too cheerful smile, “They should have been prepared for random acts of god that obliterated half the campus. But I’m sure they’ve learned an important lesson about friendship and levels and how levels are complete bullshit.”

 

“Or perhaps that they should focus less on training bloody pokémon and more on having well stocked useful libraries,” Wizard Lenin said with a cheerful laugh and a truly blinding smile.

 

“Hey, Lenin, this might be a weird question but…” Ash swallowed, trailed off, looked at Wizard Lenin’s profile, glowing with all the colors of the vivid sunset, “Did you make that lightning hit Giselle’s Cubone?”

 

“Of course not,” Wizard Lenin said with a laugh, “That would be ridiculous. Clearly, it was Stack of Bricks.”

 

“Goddammit, Lenin!” Lily cried out even as Pikachu finally lost control, dark eyes narrowing in Lily, and sent out a great volt of electricity (far stronger than what he’d used against Cubone) towards her with a wrathful, “Pikachu!”

 

* * *

 

So as Ash and his friends journey on they take one last look at the school where they, perhaps, could have learned so much.


	10. A Destiny Beyond Lily

_In which Ash continues to lead the gang into the middle of nowhere, Lily realizes she has a destiny far beyond pokémon mastery, and Ash doesn’t catch a pokémon._

 

* * *

Our young hero Ash leads his friends deep into the forest. Since he doesn’t have a compass, Ash must rely purely on his instincts, and that means trouble.

 

* * *

 

 

“Don’t worry, I’m positive this way will take us back to the path.”

 

Ash had said this at least three times since the last hint of a road had disappeared from beneath their feet. And when Lily said the last hint of a road, she meant any hint of a road. Not only was there no sign of a dirt path in sight they were also wading through waist-high grass in the depths of a temperate forest deep in the rolling mountains.

 

And each time Ash said that particularly damning phrase what small hints there were of human civilization became less and less apparent.

 

Wizard Lenin had gone from a state of rage to profound disbelief. Where the first time they had realized that they’d misplaced the path thanks to Ash’s stellar leadership (which led to a whole questioning rant of why let Ash, the dumbest of them all, was in charge) Wizard Lenin had lit the surrounding field on fire and threatened to dismember him, this time all he seemed capable of was staring blankly at his map.

 

“There’s only one road in Kanto,” Wizard Lenin said forlornly, his eyes glued to the printed path that would lead from Cerulean City to Vermillion City beside the sea, “How is this even possible?”

 

Lily was pretty sure that Wizard Lenin did not want her answering that question.

 

If only because Lily, at this point, had decided the pokémon universe played by its own rules. Like Mirkwood, you stepped off the path once, you were staying off that goddamn path until you died. Or at least until you abused the one ring of power, loitered around the dungeons for a few days, and then snuck out your dwarf companions on the river via empty barrels.

 

“Pika,” Pikachu, however, hardly seemed concerned at all. Lounging on top of Ash’s backpack like a king he looked as if he was finally back in his natural element. Lily just wished his natural element had less trees.

 

“Positive, huh?” Brock asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. Although, Lily couldn’t help but note that he wasn’t volunteering to guide them out of this. Given that Brock had spent presumably his entire life stuck in Pewter City with his ten siblings, he likely had less camping experience than any of them. Well, except that he had managed to fit an astronomically large amount of fragiles inside his backpack. The only thing he seemed to have forgotten to pack was a car.

 

“That’s what you said an hour ago,” Misty moaned, “I’m tired.”

 

Misty also, for whatever reason, hadn’t taken up navigational leadership. Likely, Lily thought, because she presumably had only just left her far more beautiful and talented sisters in Cerulean City and was equally as travelled or even less so than Ash.

 

With Wizard Lenin and Lily lost in an entirely different dimension from their own, and Lily having next to no idea how to teleport directly to Vermillion City even if Wizard Lenin would allow such a flagrant show of power, it was becoming rapidly clear that Ash somehow was their best option.

 

Which meant that they were all too likely to die of starvation and be forced to eat each other’s remains. Lily predicted that Ash would taste like chicken.

 

“Clefairy!” Clefairy said, bounding up to Lily, all too likely reading Lily’s grim cannabalistic thoughts and suggesting the tried but true solution of Lily simply becoming some sort of pokémon god to deal with their problems.

 

Clefairy made sure to make this pointedly clear by her little pointing dance towards Wizard Lenin’s backpack which contained the moonstone, otherwise known as the key to Lily’s destiny and possibly the end of all mankind.

 

“It’s not so much that I can’t get us out of here,” Lily noted blandly to the disappointed Clefairy, “But that I choose not to.”

 

“Fairy,” Clefairy said, not looking surprised so much as bitterly disappointed and resigned.

 

“You should get used to that feeling,” Lily remarked back, because as she had for the past few weeks, Lily was not going to touch that giant problem with a ten-foot pole.

 

No, Lily would get them out of here if it started looking really bad. Probably.

 

“I told you to stick to the main road!” Misty cried out, coming to a stop in the middle of the field, “But you had to take a shortcut.”  

 

“I took a shortcut?!” Ash balked, stopping in his tracks as well and turning around to face the glowering Misty, “It was you who said to go this way!”

 

“Oh,” Lily muttered to herself, ignored by all her companions, “It’s that time of day already, isn’t it?”

 

There were a few things in the land of pokémon that seemed to happen on a regular basis. The first, which Lily had figured out after the third or fourth occurrence, was that every few days they would run into someone truly bizarre. Not just bizarre, but Squirrel levels of strange, to the point where Lily would not have been shocked or horrified to find Squirrel stammering his way through Kanto like the rest of them on the hunt for pokémon vampires.

 

They wouldn’t just show up either. No, that wasn’t good enough. Generally, there seemed to be some greater point to them being around. Lily couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but it was as if each time, Lily was supposed to learn something. Something like the meaning of hard work, the true power of friendship, or whether it’s alright to join a cult of cave dwelling alien pink marshmallow people.

 

Lily wasn’t sure she’d learned any of these lessons personally, but she would swear that they were always lurking about unseen behind every encounter.

 

That hadn’t happened for a few days now, not since they’d run into Hogwarts: The Pokémon edition. Even then, Lily and Wizard Lenin had bailed on meeting Giselle, the prettiest and most vicious fourteen-year-old pokémon training student in the land, to instead blow up the west wing in a moment of protest against the very nature of the pokémon world.

 

The other, more understandable, thing that happened with an even more regular frequency was Ash and Misty bickering. Either, often, it was the status of Misty’s departed bicycle and how Ash had still failed to deliver her a new one. Otherwise it was Ash’s battle strategies, Ash’s dubious victory record, or in this case Ash’s lack of any innate sense of direction.

 

“Ha!” Misty rebutted sharply, leaning forward so she could yell closer to Ash’s face, “If I was leading, we wouldn’t have gotten lost like this!”

 

Ash, not to be outdone, leaned forward as well, “Who says we’re lost?!”

 

Unfortunately, as always, Ash’s comebacks were only worthy of cringing and pity. According to Wizard Lenin’s map, they’d been lost for days.

 

“Listen, genius,” Misty said, raising her fists together with a look of murderous rage on her face, “If you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, that means you’re lost!”

 

Misty, needless to say, was still in the anger stage of dealing with Ash Ketchem that Wizard Lenin had been in during those first few weeks. She had yet to reach Wizard Lenin’s current stage of utter denial and ignoring Ash until he somehow went away. Glancing over at him Lily saw him morosely leaning against a tree, likely wishing he was dead in a ditch somewhere or else that the solutions to his problems weren’t somehow pokémon training and mastery. He still hadn’t quite gotten over that realization or the fact that they might truly never get home.

 

Vermillion City wasn’t just the next point on their map that had a library it might be the next point where Wizard Lenin had to bite down whatever pride or moral protests he had and challenge the gym leader out of something other than spite.

 

“Chill,” Brock said holding up his hands in defense, the peacekeeper as always between Misty and Ash, “Chill!”

 

“Alright,” Misty said, crossing her arms with a huff and clearly only barely mollified, “But remind me to yell at you more if we ever do get to Vermillion City.”

 

If they ever got to Vermillion City, so, even Misty wasn’t holding out hope anymore.

 

Lily groaned, God, maybe she should just teleport them at least back to Cerulean City—

 

“Don’t even think about it,” Wizard Lenin said, apparently reading her thoughts. He was walking beside her now at her pace, map shoved back into his pack, glaring all the while.

 

“What?” Lily asked, “Come on, Lenin, if it was just us, you’d be begging me to get us out of here.”

 

“There’s nothing back where we came from,” Wizard Lenin spat, “We’ve already been there, the only thing we can do now is move forward.”

 

“Well, there’s a badge there,” Lily pointed out, whipping out her two badges from thin air, black and blue stones sparkling in the sunlight, “You skipped that gym, remember? And now that we’re sort of doing this whole pokémon master thing—"

 

“You were given that badge by doing absolutely nothing!” Wizard Lenin spat, “It was passed to you like free candy!”

 

“But it tastes so good,” Lily said, willing to relish in her victory even if it had come at absolutely no cost and no work. She wasn’t like Ash, she wasn’t going to pretend that they weren’t going to go ahead and give her that badge anyway.

 

“And besides,” Wizard Lenin hissed under his breath as he nodded towards their companions, “You’re already flagrant enough, I don’t want that kind of ability advertised, at least not until I get more of an idea of what the norms are in this place.”

“Please,” Lily dismissed with a wave of her hand, “I’d just blame Stack of Bricks.”

 

“Fairy,” Clefairy noted, although whether Clefairy was approving of Lily’s age-old excuse or annoyed by it was hard to tell.

 

“I told you, Lily, that excuse has worn more than thin,” Wizard Lenin said, “And don’t think you can blame the Clefairy either.”

 

“Clefairy loves being blamed,” Lily said, nodding down towards her small pudgy elfin cultist, “Don’t you, Clefairy?”

 

This was a delighted and affirmative, “Fairy!”

 

At seeing Wizard Lenin’s look of utter rage Lily quickly backtracked, “But, that said, I have no idea where this Vermillion City is, or what it even looks like, so teleporting there might have such interesting results as turning us into a pile of severed limbs. So, you know, woods are good for now.”

 

He let out a small, discontent, hum along with a look that said he knew everything going through her head and didn’t trust her in the slightest. Which was great and all, but there wasn’t much Wizard Lenin could do about it.

 

Lily might be immortal enough to survive being lost in the wood for the rest of her life, but she didn’t know how Wizard Lenin’s twelve-year-old Lenin Rabbitson body would fare in those conditions, and it didn’t sound exactly comfortable.

 

And the path, of course, continued to be absolutely nowhere in sight.

 

She glanced over at Pikachu, unusually chipper on top of Ash’s backpack, and wondered how he could possibly be enjoying himself so much. Well, that was a lie, so long as they were stuck out here in the woods and not in a city Pikachu wasn’t battling for his life against giant rock snakes or what have you.

 

Lily could perfectly understand why Pikachu was relishing in this well-earned break.

 

Maybe Lily could try and do the same.

 

* * *

 

 

“Time for a break,” Ash said in exhaustion, signaling the moment the group could perch themselves on a cropping of rocks.

 

“Are we finally admitting we’re hopelessly lost?” Wizard Lenin asked sardonically as Ash sighed and slumped in on himself.

 

“No!” Ash spat back, “We’re just, you know, taking a break.”

 

“I’ll go ahead and admit we’re lost,” Lily chimed in.

 

“Hey, no one asked you!” Ash rebuked Lily in turn.

 

Ash’s attention then drifted to the side, to a small gurgling brook falling into a clear pool. There, drinking out of the stream was a walking giant bulb. Lily blinked, but no, with a blue spherical body, beady red eyes, and an outcropping of weeds on the top of its head it really did resemble an oddly adorable walking giant bulb.

 

Lily wasn’t even going to pretend the pokémon were even trying to be animals anymore.

 

No wonder they hadn’t blinked at Brick.

 

“Oh wow,” Ash said in starry-eyed interest, “A pokémon!”

 

He held out his red calculator, Dexter, to tell them useful information, and possibly terrible puns, about their new plant friend.

 

“Oddish, this pokémon is typically found roaming the forest,” Dexter chimed in with its robotic voice, “Scattering pollen as it walks around.”

 

Putting the calculator away, with a grin, Ash declared, “I’ll catch it!”

 

“Ha!” Wizard Lenin scoffed loudly, barely looking over at the Oddish, which was now looking over at them in curiosity as well as some alarm, “You couldn’t catch a paper bag.”

 

Wizard Lenin was all too likely referencing the fact that the two full-time Pokémon that Ash currently had in his collection, the giant sparrow and the giant pigeon, had both been caught by rather dubious means. The first, thanks to Lily’s god-like powers in driving off their tormentors after Ash had thrown rocks at them, and the other thanks to Pikachu’s spite towards Stack of Bricks and his own phenomenal power.

 

But Ash conveniently didn’t remember that part.

 

“Oh yeah?” Ash asked, “Well why don’t you sit down and watch, Lenin.”  


Lenin pursed his lips, likely decided if it was worth showing up Ash once again for the sake of his own pride, or else using this as an opportunity to further build up his pokémon team. However, looking at the quaking bulb now making small, adorable, noises of terror, something in him seemed to crack.

 

“I believe I shall sit this one out.”

 

Strange, that Wizard Lenin had had the lack of heart to terrorize and murder his own countrymen yet could not bring himself to enslave these alien creatures for his own glory.

 

“Hold it!” Misty said with a grin, walking past Ash with determination.

 

“What for?”

 

“Because I’m gonna catch that pokémon!” Misty said, pointing smugly to herself, the last thing Ash would tolerate seeing.

 

“Ah, no way, Misty! I saw it first!” Ash said, now descending to the point where they were apparently going to call dibs on who got to be the poor creature’s future master.

 

“But we found it around the water,” Misty stated with her hands on her hips, “And water’s my specialty.”

 

Fortunately, the Oddish seemed to get the idea by this point and had decided to make a hasty retreat. “Oddish, Oddish, Oddish,” it said as it waddled its way quickly back into the underbrush.

 

Not quite quickly enough though as Misty launched a pokéball to release her purple floating starfish of doom, “Go Starmie!”

 

It landed right in front of the fleeing bulb, forcing it to stop in its tracks and turn the other way, sweat now dripping visibly down its blue surface as it realized the inevitable end of this venture. There it was sprayed with water and then tackled to the ground by the starfish twice its size.

 

And Lily…

 

Lily didn’t know how she felt, only that, somehow the other pokémon battles she’d seen hadn’t been like this. Ash had caught his pokémon so quickly, in the aftermath of someone else’s actions, it hadn’t looked like this.

 

Or, perhaps, it was that Lily now was remembering that dream she’d once had a few weeks ago. Starring her anthropomorphized animal friends, who had implied that if Lily had been less lucky or less aware, she would be in that same situation.

 

This was what it meant to be a pokémon.

 

With less than a thought, a compulsion, Lily summoned the Oddish and placed it behind her and a notice-me-not ward. Looking over her shoulder, Lily warned it, “Don’t move and don’t make a sound.”

 

The Oddish quaked in horror and confusion, but nodded and remained in her shadow, softly affirming with an, “Oddish Oddish.”

 

“Hey,” Misty asked blinking, empty pokéball in hand, “Where’d it go?”

 

“You must have blinked,” Lily noted, crossing her arms over her chest, “It just made a spectacularly speedy exit into the underbrush.”

 

Misty looked rightfully confused by that, as she hadn’t taken her eyes off of it, “But I swore—”

 

“Oh well,” Lily said with a grin, shrugging as if it couldn’t be helped, “These things do happen, and there’s always next time.”

 

“I guess,” Misty said, disappointed as she looked towards her equally confused faceless starfish, “I was really hoping to catch this one though…”

 

“Good work, Starmie,” Misty said, summoning the starfish back into her pokéball with that familiar red light. Starmie didn’t seem to mind, Starmie even seemed proud of its work here today, but Lily wondered if Starmie remembered when it had once been in a rather similar situation.

 

Behind Lily, she could hear the Oddish give a sigh of relief.

 

“Whoa, what’s that?” Ash cried out, and Lily felt her stomach drop in anticipation and despair. Already? Were they at some sort of pokémon watering hole?

 

Across from them, growling in rage, was what looked like a strange spotted dinosaur with a plant growing on the top of its back.

 

“Wow, I can’t believe it!” Ash declared, eyes somehow growing to the size of half his face, “A Bulbasaur!”

 

“Bulbasaur,” Dexter commented, “It bears the seed of a plant on its back from birth, the seed slowly develops. Researchers are unsure whether to classify Bulbasaur as a plant or animal. Bulbasaur are extremely tough and difficult to capture in the wild.”

 

“Oddish!” Oddish loudly declared behind Lily, jumping up and down in anticipation at the sight of the creature. Not loud enough to break the wards, or Ash’s usual concentration when it came to exciting pokémon, but certainly enough to grab Lily’s attention.

 

“You know this guy?” Lily asked, Oddish nodding wildly that yes, they apparently knew each other very well indeed.

 

Oh, if Lily was going to take a stab in the dark, then judging by the look on the plant dinosaur’s face it had come to rescue Oddish in a truly romantic gesture. Or, a very chivalrous one at the very least. Only, without Oddish in sight…

 

“Oh, hell,” Lily said, because if she was the plant dinosaur, she’d know what she concluded.

 

“Alright, Bulbasaur is mine!” Ash declared, drawing out a pokéball and throwing it, “Pigeotto, I choose you!”

 

And by the look on the plant dinosaur’s face, it was going to eat Ash alive.

 

“Hold it!” Lily said, darting between them with Oddish held protectively in her arms, “Hold it! There seems to be a misunderstanding here.”

 

“Misunderstanding?” Ash balked, glowering over at her even as Lily stood in the way of his now very wary giant pigeon (who apparently could sense the power coming off of Lily in waves), “Lily, get out of the way, I’m trying to catch a pokémon!”

 

Bulbasaur, too, stopped, and looked at Lily with penetrating and assessing red eyes. Vines had extended from the plant on its back, they restlessly moved, waiting for Lily to make some move.

 

“You’re looking for someone, aren’t you?” Lily asked the pokémon, but he said nothing in response, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

“Lily, what in the hell are you doing?” Wizard Lenin asked with a sigh, coming up to join the rest of them, but Lily kept her eyes on the Bulbasaur.

 

“If you look at me, very closely, I think you’ll find what you’re looking for,” Lily said slowly, Bulbasaur’s eyes moved, unseeing at first, and then widening as the illusion lifted enough for him to notice what no one else had yet.

 

“Oddish!” Oddish said in alarm, wriggling in Lily’s arms.

 

Before the plant dinosaur could whip Lily to death, Lily carefully placed the Oddish down, allowing it to scamper to the dinosaur and relay all its wild adventures at the local pokémon watering hole.

 

“There,” Lily said slowly, “Now, we’re all good here.”

 

She grinned, as if this might somehow make her words easier to swallow. Apparently, they did enough, because wrapping one vine protectively around the Oddish, Bulbasaur gave a slow, meaningful, nod towards Lily and then raced his way back into the undergrowth.

 

For a moment there was perfect silence, no one saying anything to the bizarre scene that had just unfolded, and then Ash asked, “Lily, what was that for?! I could have had him!”

 

Lily’s smile dropped, she stood and brushed the dirt off her knees, “But could you have kept him?”

 

“Huh?” Ash asked in turn.

 

“Sometimes, Ash,” Lily said, looking out at their surroundings, “It’s best to let these things go.”

 

“Oh,” Ash cried out, “You’re the worst trainer in the world! You’re just jealous that I was going to catch it!”

 

“If that makes you feel better,” Lily remarked dully, but judging by the look on Ash’s face, it really didn’t.

 

“Oh, it’s not fair!” Ash said, “I would have had him!”

 

Lily sincerely doubted it, but at least now, he could always pretend that he would have.

 

As they started walking again, Ash moaning his fate and Misty still mystified over the missing Oddish, Wizard Lenin put a hand on her shoulder and whispered in her ear, “You can’t save all of them, Lily.”

 

She knew that, or at least, she had thought she had known that.

 

* * *

 

 

Lily didn’t have to worry; Ash’s mood and ego were skyrocketing once again as soon as they found a hint of a direction to walk in. As they stepped on a rickety wooden bridge, Ash marching with reckless abandon out in front, he declared, “I bet there are Bulbasaur all over this place!”

 

“But where is this place?” Misty asked, staring down at her feet and the raging rapids below.

 

“I can’t find this bridge on my map,” Brock noted, now in the place Wizard Lenin was this morning, where he still believed maps could help him. That poor fool.

 

Unfortunately, it was at this point that the bridge collapsed.

 

They all screamed, Clefairy clutching hold of Lily with tiny claws while Pikachu clung to the fabric of Ash’s backpack, and Misty dangled precariously from Ash’s leg.

 

“Holy shit!” Lily cried out, “Who built this thing?!”

 

They had barely set foot on it and the thing had buckled without warning under their weight. And, looking down at the rushing rapids, that was the kind of fall that would lead all too easily to an unpleasant death via drowning.

 

Brock, having only managed to grab onto the wood itself, slipped slowly and then faster until he was lost to the rapids below.

 

“Brock’s falling!” Ash cried out.

 

“No shit!” Wizard Lenin retorted in mortal terror as he clung for dear life onto the rope.

 

Unfortunately, it was at this point that Lily realized she was slipping as well. Before she could do or say anything she and Clefairy were falling down towards the rapids, Lily only barely having enough time to hover them before hitting the waves.

 

There she moved her feet swiftly, trying and failing to match the pattern of the rapids and not get sucked in.

 

“Fairy!” Clefairy cried out in alarm, distracting Lily enough to cause her to lose balance and fall under the waves.

 

There direction was quickly lost, Lily turned upside down and around in darkness, buffeted this way and that and unable to catch her breath. Vaguely she felt Clefairy clinging to her, bobbing up against her shoulder for air, but then her lungs were screaming, and everything grew fuzzy at the edges. All too soon, it grew cold and dark.

 

 

“Lily,” a voice called, soft, feminine, and alarmed beyond measure.

 

“Lily!”

 

Lily opened her eyes. The world was a dark and cold place, gravity a softer thing that had Lily’s hair floating above her head and bubbles of air exiting her mouth, light shifted in white bands around them.

 

They were underwater, Lily realized.

 

Across from her, floating and clasping Lily’s hands in her own, lacing their fingers together, was the pastel human form of Clefairy. Long, curling silver, hair floating above her like a halo while her clear blue eyes looked at Lily in desperate fear.

 

“Clefairy,” Lily said, slowly in recognition, and the woman smiled.

 

“Lily,” she said, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes and floating upwards, “Why didn’t you take the stone?”

 

“We wouldn’t be here, you wouldn’t be like this, if you had taken the stone,” Clefairy insisted.

 

Lily could only smile gently, “You don’t know that.”

 

“I know that someday you’ll take it,” Clefairy said, “I know that we’ve been waiting millennia for you to come and take it. Lily, why are you doing this?”

 

And at once the true answer was clear to Lily, the answer that she had perhaps never realized herself, or never been able to put into such simple terms, “Change.”  


“What?”

 

“Accepting the stone, turning into whatever you think I should be, it’s change,” Lily said, “And I don’t want to change.”

 

“Many pokémon are capable of evolution—” Clefairy started, hands squeezing Lily’s in desperation but Lily just shook her head.

 

“But it’s a death of a kind, isn’t it?” Lily noted, speaking over the anthropomorphic pokémon, “Can you tell me I’d still think the same thoughts, want the same things, that I’d belong in any kind of human world if I took it?”

 

“You never belonged in the human world,” Clefairy said back, a dark shadow falling over her large blue eyes, “And you know it.”

 

“Perhaps,” Lily agreed, “But I wouldn’t be Lily anymore, I’d be something else, and I don’t know if I would like what I would become.”

 

Clefairy said nothing for a moment, just kept holding Lily’s hand, and then noted softly, “Lily, you cannot save us as you are now.”

 

“What?” Lily asked, feeling the breath escape from her lungs as if she’d just been kicked in the stomach, or if this strange dream world had caught up with her and reminded her that she was underwater.

 

The light disappeared and the water grew bitterly cold.

 

Clefairy though, kept speaking, even as shadows fell across her pale elfin face, “If you wish to free my people, all peoples in this world, then you cannot do it as you are now. As a human, as the girl Lily, you will fail.”

 

In the water, beneath them, instead of a black pit visions of the terrified and panicked Oddish, Bulbasaur’s wary red eyes, Pikachu’s dismissive contempt, AJ’s Sandshrew torturing himself for honor and glory, and Caterpie captured by a reluctant and ashamed Wizard Lenin.

 

Wizard Lenin was growing used to this, resigned to this, Lily realized in horror. Soon all his moral qualms would be squashed, and when that happened, he would do what he always did. He would strive to be a great and terrible pokémon master. Ultimately, no matter what he thought of himself, Wizard Lenin was human and in situations like these it showed.

 

Even he, eventually, would become corrupted and complacent.

 

With the loss of England, Lily realized, it was already starting. Wizard Lenin would accept, play by, and assimilate the rules of this world as if he had been born in this place.

 

But Lily hadn’t come here to do that.

 

“That’s not—”

 

“You once said that you would never choose our fate, but you can pretend to be human,” Clefairy said, eyes burning like bright blue stars in the endless void, “You have the choice and means to do so. We do not have the luxury of choosing our destinies.”

 

“We accept our fate because, there is nothing we can do but accept it,” Clefairy said, “Even the proudest, the cleverest, and the strongest among us will come to this path one way or another.”

 

Beneath them images of the proud, captured, Pikachu presented to them by Professor Oak.

 

“All we can hope for, in this world, is that the humans choose to treat us kindly.”

 

Lily swallowed, felt the cold strike through to her heart, and then softly asked, “Is that what your people want from me?”

 

Clefairy said nothing, offered Lily no expression or hint of an answer, leaving it to Lily’s imagination whether they viewed her as a simple messiah or something larger and more terrible than that.

 

“Why are you so certain,” Lily said slowly, “That I would fail if I tried now?”

 

“Because you’re pretending to be human,” Clefairy summarized succinctly, “And have forgotten what it means to be one of us.”

 

Then, abruptly, Clefairy let go of Lily’s hands, plunging them both down into the dark abyss where no bottom awaited them. Here, Lily thought as she screamed, there were no stars.

 

* * *

 

 

Lily startled awake, gulping in air, and slowly taking note of her surroundings.

 

She was outside, still in the forest though now safely on the riverbank. She was drenched in cold water, the sun only barely warming her skin through soaked layers of cotton, and she appeared to be alive and undamaged.

 

There, to her left, perched on a rock like a monk, was Clefairy. Her eyes were closed, her legs were not crossed, but she was sitting there in intense meditation. With Lily’s attention, her eyes opened, but it wasn’t with that joyous cheer that Lily had come to associate with the creature but instead that hard reprimand from the dream.

 

So, this one had been real too then.

 

Lily said nothing, could think of nothing to say. So instead they stared at one another, waiting for the other to speak first, and sum up all the bitterness and expectation into a few empty words.

 

But there was nothing to say.

 

Lily stood, hoisted herself up and walked towards Clefairy, looking down at her. Lily looked deep into those blue eyes, darker and deeper than Lily had given them credit for in this small body, and said, “Let me try as a human.”

 

Then, softly and more desperately, “Let me be Lily, for a little while longer, please.”

 

Somewhere in the back of her head, Lily had the strangest idea, that she had been waiting for far too long for the chance to be Lily. Only twelve years of it, of the joy and the pain, it wasn’t nearly enough.

 

Lily held out her hand in offering, watching as slowly Clefairy took it, curling her tiny claws around Lily’s index finger.

 

Lily smiled, and with that contact, teleported them to wherever Wizard Lenin and the others waited.

 

* * *

 

 

“So, what’d I miss?” Lily asked as she and Clefairy appeared out of nothingness next to Wizard Lenin.

 

Wizard Lenin, as usual, looked thoroughly annoyed by the entire universe, “A series of delightful almost Home Alone inspired traps set up by a well-meaning young woman, Team Rocket blasting off again, and of course this place.”

 

“This place?” Lily asked looking around.

 

“A kind of pokémon sanctuary,” Wizard Lenin noted while pointing to an attractive, dark-haired, girl, “Run by that one, the most moral person we’ve met thus far. By this world’s standards, she’s a saint.”

 

“Huh,” Lily said, taking in the scene. There was Oddish from earlier, perking up in delight at the sight of Lily with Bulbasaur beside it, and a few others besides the giant plant all happily eating food and seeming to enjoy their sanctuary.

 

“Bulbasaur!”

 

Lily looked over in alarm, noticing the Bulbasaur pointing at her with a vine, a vine that said some message Lily couldn’t decipher except Lily was the answer to its uninterpretable question.

 

“Her?” the woman asked, looking fondly down at Bulbasaur, “Not Ash? Are you sure?”

 

“What do you mean, not Ash?” Ash cried out, looking offended, back and forth between Lily and Bulbasaur as if for some clue as to how Lily managed to get involved in this. Lily wanted to know the same thing.

 

“Hey, Lily, when did you get here!” Ash cried, as a clear afterthought.

 

“Thanks for the concern,” Lily noted drily, “Do let me know if you were ever going to send out a search party.”

 

“Well, we were going to, but Ash, Lenin, and I got stuck in a tree,” Misty explained frantically, “And then we thought that Melanie would find you and bring you here. When you didn’t show up we were going to head out but Team Rocket showed up and—”

 

“Well, I guess it’s moot point since we’re here now,” Lily said with Clefairy sagely agreeing with a “Clefairy fairy.”

 

“Lily,” the woman, Melanie apparently, said meaningfully, “We haven’t met, and I am sorry about my traps, but I have a favor to ask.”

 

“A favor?” Lily asked in growing alarm, the last thing that had asked her a favor, Clefairy, had asked her to abandon all humanity and become a messiah and god for her and pokémon everywhere.

 

“I think Bulbasaur should go with you,” Melanie stated as she picked Bulbasaur up, the beast looking at her with inexpressible fondness, “It thinks highly of you, whatever you did, you made a strong impression. This village is too small for it, the bulb on its back can’t grow here.”

 

“What?!” Ash cried in alarm and despair, “But Lily didn’t even let me try and fight Bulbasaur—”

 

Ash was elbowed in the ribs by Misty, taking the hint that maybe this wasn’t the best time to talk.

 

“It needs to go out into the world now,” Melanie continued before looking over at Lily with hope and compassion written all over her face, “And I know you’ll take good care of it. Please do me this favor, take Bulbasaur with you on your journey. It’ll be a good companion.”

 

And Bulbasaur looked at her, with such kind faith, as if he had seen more in Lily than she had ever once seen in herself…

 

“But what will happen to the village without Bulbasaur?” Misty asked, the other pokémon gathered around and looking up at Bulbasaur with desperate eyes. Without Bulbasaur, Lily suddenly realized in horror, without Lily, their fates were sealed.

 

All pokémon reached this road eventually and Lily couldn’t save them all.

 

“Yeah,” Brock concurred, “Who’s going to protect you?”

 

Oddish looked up at Lily with beady, red, terrified eyes.

 

“It’s true that Bulbasaur has done a great job,” Melanie stated, “Maybe too great a job. You see, these pokémon shouldn’t remain in this village forever and ever. After they recover, the pokémon are supposed to leave, but it’s too safe here, so none of them wants to go away. They don’t want to return to the outside world.”

 

Why would they? Lily wondered to herself, when they knew perfectly well what waited them in the outside world.

 

“But I think it’s important that all of them return to the wild. That’s where pokémon belong, and hopefully, someday, they’ll find good trainers like you.”

 

Lily felt tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. When was the last time she’d cried? She couldn’t remember, but somehow this, this moment in time, was enough to twist a knife she hadn’t known was stabbed through her heart.

 

Lily reached out a hand, took Bulbasaur’s extended vine in hers, and gripped it tightly, “Of course, of course you can come.”

 

Looking towards the others, regardless that the humans could see and were watching, Lily declared, “And I will come back for you, for all of you, every last one of you, great or small. I promise, I will be there.”

 

“That’s great, Lily,” Brock said with a knowing smile, “But you can only carry six pokémon with you.”

 

And then he, and everyone else, burst into laughter as if Lily’s ignorant and enthusiastic declarations were a thing to be laughed at. But Lily, she suddenly realized, was not here for the likes of them.

 

No, as Clefairy had stated, she never had been.

  

* * *

 

 

With Bulbasaur now at her side, it looks like Lily is building her own dream team even while the future stretches uncertainly before her. Now, it’s onto Vermillion City. Let’s just hope our heroes don’t take any more short-cuts, or we may never get there.


	11. Waiting for Godot

_In which Lily confronts a newfangled moral dilemma, hears a variety of solutions from a variety of sources, and does her best to play the thankless hero._

 

* * *

With Bulbasaur as her newest pokémon, Lily and friends are making their way triumphantly to Vermillion City.

 

Aren’t they?!

 

* * *

 

 

Lily had lost track of the number of days they’d spent in the wilderness, but whatever that hideously large number was, it was only growing hideously larger.

 

The gang had admitted temporary defeat, Brock staring at a map in concentration and confusion (picking up where Wizard Lenin had left off days earlier), Misty sitting on the ground staring hopelessly into space, Pikachu, Clefairy, and Bulbasaur guarding their supplies, and Ash looking through a pair of binoculars at giant sparrows.

 

“Ah!” Ash cried in frustration, “There’s nothing but Spearrow around here!”

 

“Well, that’s the least of our worries, isn’t it?” Misty looked petulantly across at him, long since having reached her limit days ago. Her mood not helped by the fac that their supplies really were dwindling as they kept trying and failing to reach the promised land of Vermillion City.

 

Lily was starting to think Vermillion City didn’t even really exist.

 

Ash looked back down at her, looking oblivious as usual, and noted, “Just because we’re a little lost doesn’t mean I have to stop catching all the pokémon I can, does it?”

 

He had upgraded from claiming he knew exactly where they were going to terms like ‘a little lost’ which translated to them being hopelessly lost and at risk of starvation out here in the wilderness.

 

“Of course not,” Misty said, voice dripping with venom, “Enjoy yourself.”

 

Wizard Lenin, for his own part, had run out of energy to even give caustic remarks like Misty. For the moment he was moodily staring into space, likely contemplating the fact that he’d murder them all in their sleep if it’d help him somehow find the road to Vermillion City.

 

Fortunately for their health, it wouldn’t.

 

Misty sighed, dropped her head, and moaned, “I just can’t go one step further! We’ve been looking for Vermillion City for ten whole days!”

 

Ten days, really? It’d felt longer somehow. Maybe it was the fact that only a few days ago in Bulbasaur’s hidden village Lily had fallen off a bridge and nearly drowned to death. That somehow made the journey seem perilously long.

 

It was at that opportune moment Brock felt the need to lean over, point to Misty’s shorts, and note, “Hey there’s a bug on your—”

 

He didn’t get the chance to finish as Misty flailed away, screaming, jumping with incredible athletic ability onto Ash’s back as Brock held up the offending piece of grass with a chagrinned smile, “Ah, it was just a piece of grass.”

 

Brock, needless to say, had not been there for the gang’s adventures in the bug infested Viridian Forest. Misty had been bad with bugs to start with, after that giant hornet filled nightmare, she was understandably horrified.

 

Lily, now looking at Misty’s expression, wondered if it was really Wizard Lenin she had to worry about committing homicide. This feeling was not helped by Misty kicking Brock straight in the face with enough force to loosen several of his teeth.

 

“I’m going crazy!” Misty screamed to the heavens, “Where are we?!”

 

“Hell,” Wizard Lenin blandly responded from his seated position on the stump with the rest of their things, “I am utterly convinced that we are, in fact, in Hell.”

 

Lily, personally, would expect Hell to be a little worse than the middle of some random forest, but she had to agree that she’d had more enjoyable moments in life. She’d even had more enjoyable moments at Hogwarts, and that was saying something. Especially, Lily thought as she looked at her assortment of animal friend-slaves, given Lily’s new and overwhelming goal.

 

Pokémon training, that was easy, Lily had been prepared for that. No, she’d been delighted by it, that was such a hopelessly trackable and easy goal to reach. There were clear objectives, clear goal markers to tell you exactly how you were fairing, and it was as if the yellow brick road had been paved and laid out in front of her all the way to that distant Emerald City. Ash knew what he wanted, and he knew exactly how to get there.

 

Lily had more than envied that, when she’d first heard it, she’d embraced it regardless of Wizard Lenin’s contempt and apprehension.

 

Hogwarts had seemed so far away, still did, and instead she’d pictured herself as this mysterious pokémon master who was the best there had ever been. And it had been more than fine while it had lasted.

 

But it turned out this world was more complicated than the humans liked to think, and they had forgotten that they hadn’t built this city on rock and roll or even friendship but something so dark the truth of it became unthinkable. This was an empire built off the backs of slaves, toiling away and destroying themselves for the sake of their master’s profit and entertainment. More, it had been going on so long, had become so ingrained, that even the pokémon themselves seemed almost incapable of questioning it let alone resisting it.

 

Clefairy had asked Lily to dismantle the structure of the world and all societies in it.

 

Lily couldn’t say no, could only say no to the sacrifice Clefairy insisted must be taken at some point or another, the one that was still held in an innocuous moonstone inside of Wizard Lenin’s backpack.

 

And so, Lily had started her journey, one step at a time, with only a brick, a Bulbasaur, a Clefairy, and a promise to free their people to her name.

 

No one else, though, was even remotely aware of this.

 

“According to this,” Ash said looking down at Brock’s map in concentration, “We’re right in the middle of nowhere.”

 

“No, really?” Wizard Lenin asked, dry wit having given way to heavy sarcasm, “It told you all of that?”

 

Not that Wizard Lenin’s bitter sarcasm was appreciated any more than his wit, but, at the very least Ash understood when he was being insulted.

 

Ash ignored Wizard Lenin as he turned the map towards Misty, pointing at the drawn road, “But it looks like Route Twenty-Four will lead us right to Vermillion City.”

 

“Route Six and Eleven, Route Six and Eleven lead to Vermillion City,” Wizard Lenin snapped, rubbing at the bridge of his nose, as if to will his headache away, but Ash as usual wasn’t inclined to listen.

 

“Well who’s got the map, Lenin?” Ash asked before sniffing and telling the suddenly eager Misty, “I’m telling you, according to my calculations, this trail will take us straight there.”

 

“Your calculations?!” Wizard Lenin balked, that familiar miasma of overwhelming rage forming around him, “Your calculations got us into this mess in the first place!”

 

But Wizard Lenin had been outvoted, and apparently a small sign of hope was better than none, as both Brock and Misty picked themselves up in a far better mood than before.

 

“Who cares as long as we get out of this place!” Misty said, suddenly in good cheer as she stood, picked up her bag, and marched straight ahead, “Let’s get this show on the road!”

 

The rest grumbled, picking up their things, while Lily stayed seated. Vermillion City, what was she going to do when they got to Vermillion City? Out here on the road Lily had some time to think, to come up with something regarding Wizard Lenin, pokémon, and the rest of them.

 

She had the feeling though, that once they reached Vermillion City, that things would change and start charging ahead without Lily’s permission. The time to think would be gone, action would be required, and Lily was going to have to do something about all this.

 

“Clefairy?” Clefairy asked, looking down at Lily with a concerned expression on her adorable marshmallow face. Lily forced herself to grin back, picking herself up and preparing to move ahead.

 

“Just thinking,” Lily explained cheerfully, as if it was nothing to worry about in the slightest.

 

Besides, things had been moving along so far without a plan, she could just continue to use Brick in the gym battle and everything would be fine. If there was one thing she’d learned from Wizard Lenin, amassing power wasn’t a bad idea, and gym badges represented some kind of authority. Lily didn’t have to use actual pokémon during them and maybe if she got all of them, defeated the Indigo League herself, people would start listening to her. And if they ran into another Bulbasaur incident Lily could take care of that as well.

 

It was fine, she’d figure it out as she went along—

 

“Hey Ash,” Misty cried out, having come to a dead stop facing a rather large rock in the middle of the trail, “Take a look at this thing!”

 

“Already?!” Lily asked, shuddering to a halt, because dammit she wasn’t prepared for this! She hadn’t been prepared for one pokémon, let alone two, and how was she supposed to prevent the others from hassling or else enslaving this next one?

 

Worse, Lily thought in some horror as she took in Wizard Lenin’s quiet and speculative look, what if he wanted it? If he gave up on going home, or even if he didn’t but really put his heart into this pokémon training thing, then could Lily really spit in his face and prevent it?

 

“It looks like some kind of giant pokémon!” Ash said, that glint in his eyes whenever a new and exciting pokémon appeared in their lives.

 

“Pikachu!” Ash summoned, but Pikachu having self-preservation took that moment to dive behind Brock’s overstuffed hiking backpack and away from the ensuing battle. One could never say that Pikachu didn’t know how to pick and choose his battles.

 

Ash grabbed the unwilling Pikachu, who put up only a mumbling resistance, and all of them came forward to stare at the mystery pokémon. Which, in better lighting, wasn’t nearly as large as they had thought it was.

 

It was a rather adorable, if oversized, red lizard curled up on the rock with a weak orange flame emitting from its tail.

 

“A Charmander!” Brock exclaimed.

 

“Char!” it either yawned and or threatened adorably.

 

Ash whipped out his handy dandy calculator friend, Dexter, who proceeded to categorize the fire lizard in its typical robotic tone, “Charmander, a flame burns on the tip of its tail from birth. It is said that a Charmander dies if its flame ever goes out.”

 

Well, that was certainly ominous, Lily couldn’t help but think. Especially she thought, as looking up that flame on its tail looked like it’d fizzle out with a stray gust of wind.

 

“When I went to get my first Pokémon from Professor Oak,” Ash said with a grin as he stared up at the lizard, “I was disappointed because I couldn’t get a Charmander. Now I can catch my own!”

 

Oh no.

 

Lily stiffened, eyed Ash’s overeager interest, one that was all too familiar from every single time they’d managed to run into some strange and exciting pokémon that could join his party. Never mind the fact that he was signing them up to fight his boxing matches for him for the rest of eternity.

 

“Ah, Ash,” Lily said, her grin strained as she tried to laugh off the situation, “You’re hilarious, don’t you think you have enough pokémon?”

 

“I only have two!” Ash cried out, looking at her in accusation, “You have more pokémon than I do!”  


Technically, given that Stack of Bricks was just a stack of bricks, Lily really didn’t. However, she wasn’t about to correct Ash on that statement, Lily’s future free from heartwrenching hypocrisy relied upon that stack of bricks.

 

“Well, who’s counting?” Lily asked, “I’m just saying that Charmander here looks perfectly content to sit on his rock.”

 

Charmander looked anything but content, Lily couldn’t help but notice, in fact he looked so weak that he could barely lift his head to stare at them with unnervingly large blue eyes. Even now, his chest was heaving, barely managing to take in enough oxygen.

 

“I don’t know,” Misty said, “He looks in pretty bad shape.”

 

“Yeah, catch it and we’ll take it to the pokémon center for help,” Brock added, causing Lily to stiffen that much more, her grin freezing into something that was far too close to a grimace.

 

Ash seemed decided after that, turning his hat backwards like usual and grabbing a pokéball in hand, “Pokéball go!”

 

He through the pokéball, aiming right for Charamnder, only before it could reach him Lily summoned a gust of wind out of nowhere which blocked the pokéball aside. Lily, keeping up the consistent breeze, turned to her travelling companions with that strained smile, “Oh, look at that, it’s so windy you can’t possibly capture this Charmander. Let’s move on, shall we?”

 

“Says you,” Ash said with a pout, “That was just bad luck! I’ll get him next time, you’ll see!”

 

Then, looking at the others, he asked, “Do you think I should battle him first to weaken him?”

 

Oh, this just kept getting worse, didn’t it?

 

“No, look at its tail,” Brock pointed to the weak flame emitting from the lizard’s tail, just on the edge flickering out, “There’s no way Charmander has the strength to battle. Ash, try the pokéball one more time.”

 

This…

 

According to that calculator, if Lily left Charmander here in this condition, didn’t seek immediate medical attention, then he very well could die. However, if she allowed him to be captured by Ash or even Wizard Lenin, she was selling him into a lifetime of slavery just for the chance that he might live.

 

Lily hadn’t realized she’d face this kind of a dilemma so soon, or in fact, at all.

 

The idea that sometimes it really might be better to just let him be caught, if only for a moment.

 

Ash though had made up his mind, threw yet another pokéball at the lizard, “Pokéball go!”

 

This one managed to reach the lizard, engulf him in familiar red light, only as the ball twitched it almost immediately opened to reveal the Charmander glaring weakly down at all of them. Apparently, willing to die rather than be captured by them.

 

Lily found herself, for some reason, breathing a sigh of relief. For better or worse the decision had just been taken from her, Charmander wouldn’t come, even if it meant death. That decision, at the very least, Lily could and would respect.

 

No one would be catching the lizard today.

 

“It sure has a lot of spunk,” Brock noted calmly, arms crossed as he surveyed the glaring lizard.

 

“A little too much if you ask me,” Ash spat back.

 

“I think this Charmander has an attitude problem,” Misty concurred.

 

Lily nearly bit in that she thought these people had an attitude problem for being so blind as to see what exactly they were trying to get out of this. Had Lily been in Charmander’s position, she sure as hell would not go gently into that dark night of pokémon training.

 

Wizard Lenin, apparently, felt no need to keep his thoughts to himself, “I think you’re all being unbelievably petty.”

 

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?!” Ash asked, stamping his feet, and the rest of them proceeded to quarrel over how it was either Charmander’s problem or theirs while, with them distracted Pikachu waddled his way over to the rock and climbed up to speak to Charmander directly.

 

“Pikachu? Pika pika?” Pikachu asked as he lifted himself up, apparently immune to Charmander’s glaring and defensive position.

 

“Char,” Charmander weakly responded.

 

The pair then proceeded to converse in different syllables of their own name, entirely unintelligible to everyone, and Lily watched feeling… Clefairy’s words from the dream world were echoing in her head again, that Lily should be able to understand this, could if she chose to abandon humanity, and that until she did there wasn’t much she could do for them.

 

Watching this exchange, realizing they could easily understand Lily but that Lily couldn’t understand them in the slightest, she was beginning to agree.

 

And that terrified her.

 

“What’s the story, Pikachu?” Ash asked as Pikachu bounded back down towards them.

 

Pikachu straightened and began his usual game of overenthusiastic charades to compensate for the fact that none of them could ever understand what he was saying. And Lily, for the first time, felt oddly embarrassed by the ordeal.

 

Because he shouldn’t have to go through this every single time.

 

“Pi, Pikachu,” Pikachu said, making a line from his chin to his neck, as if adjusting a man’s necktie. And how the hell, Lily thought with alarm, did he know what a tie was or even a noose?

 

“A necktie?” Misty guessed.

 

“A man maybe,” Ash said, earning a joyous cry from Pikachu over being slightly less of an idiot than the rest of them.

 

Pikachu then moved onto the next motion, an arching movement as if moving an object from one place to the next. At this rate, Lily thought, she almost expected the typical charade motions indicating number of words and syllables.

 

“I don’t get it,” Misty said, blue eyes wide with confusion as she looked down at the mouse who really was trying far too hard for them.

“Hey Ash,” Brock asked, “Why don’t you figure out what Pikachu’s saying?”

 

They then all crouched down, closer to Pikachu’s level, and watched as he earnestly and quickly pantomimed his message with all the physical energy and comedy of Jim Carrey. Ash nodded along, deeply focused, and as Pikachu finished said, “Okay, I think I get it, Pikachu’s saying that Charmander’s waiting on that rock for somebody to come and get it!”

 

Lily nearly fell over, that was infinitely worse.

 

“You mean it belongs to somebody?” Misty asked, as she looked at the wheezing lizard that seemed as if it was barely clinging to life.

 

“Well, I’m not exactly sure,” Ash hedged, though Pikachu’s lack of interruption at Ash’s interpretation went a long way towards proving him right.

 

“If it’s waiting for someone,” Brock said picking himself up off the ground, “I think we better leave it. It’s probably best if its own trainer takes care of it.”

 

Lily gaped at them, looking back at the lizard, then back at them, “Does it look like its trainer is taking bloody care of it?!”

 

“Well, things happen,” Ash said, chagrinned, “Remember when I caught Spearrow? He looked terrible, had to go into an operation. Charmander’s probably in that kind of situation.”

 

Sitting here, alone on a rock, looking for all the world like he’d been abandoned? No, Lily thought, waiting for someone or not that was the look of someone who had accepted their death and come to meet it.

 

Whipping her head back towards the lizard, still glaring at them, she said, “We can’t just leave him here!”

 

“His trainer will come back soon,” Ash insisted.

 

“Lenin,” Lily said, spinning to the only person who might have some spark of sanity left in him, “Tell them we can’t leave him here like this!”

 

“It’s a bit early in my career, Lily, to start stealing other people’s pokémon,” he said with a laugh that was all too charming, taken in easily by their newfound pokémon training friends, “I think he should be fine enough.”

 

And Lily, just like that, was abandoned along with Charmander as the rest of them with easy smiles turned back the way they came towards the greater trail. Ignoring as the small lizard weakly lifted its head, staring up towards the darkening clouds rolling in, indicating a storm well on its way.

 

* * *

 

 

A storm was putting it lightly, Lily thought later, after the group had relocated into the pokémon center. It was coming down in thick, dark, sheets combined with enough wind to have it hitting the windows sideways in cold drops.

 

Lily should have been happy, this was their first sign of civilization, of a true road, in days.

 

As it was, she just found herself sitting at the table, Clefairy across from her with a bowl of hot soup and Bulbasaur in the seat to her left, sitting and staring out the window into the cold, black night and wondering about the fate of a single Charmander.

 

It was funny, Lily thought, that for all that talk of trainers all she could see when she looked out the window was a lone red spark in the dark as the creature shivered curled protectively over its tail.

 

“I wonder,” Brock said, echoing Lily’s thoughts, “Do you think anyone picked up that Charmander yet? What if its trainer left it there?”

 

“I don’t think the Charmander would wait around this long,” Ash said, brow furrowed as he looked across at Brock, “Do you?”

 

Lily’s hands clenched, her eyes closed, and for a moment however strange it was it wasn’t Charmander she saw out in that rainstorm. Instead it was a younger, terribly vulnerable, Lily who had no one in the world and only the desperate hope that there could be someone. What if Wizard Lenin had had the ability to abandon her in the beginning, what if he hadn’t had need of her then or now, how long would she have waited?

 

She knew exactly how long she’d wait, through wind, rain, and hail, she would wait until she died.

 

And what if this trainer did come back for Charmander? What would happen then? Because his relationship would surely be different, far more toxic, than Lily and Wizard Lenin’s had ever been.

 

Nothing good would ever come of this story.

 

“I don’t either, Ash,” Brock said in relief, “Its trainer must have gotten it by now.”

 

Lily stood, causing her log of a stool to wobble dangerously behind her.

 

“Fairy?” Clefairy asked, peering up at her, but Lily didn’t look, kept her gaze focused on the grains in the wooden table.

 

“I think I’m going to take a walk,” Lily said tonelessly.

 

“A walk?” Wizard Lenin balked, looking at her as if she was being odder than usual and he was a touch concerned, “In this weather?”

 

Lily didn’t respond though, because he wouldn’t understand, couldn’t possibly understand what this was like. Even if he’d been in her head, even if he’d never abandoned her even when he had his body and the world in front of him, he would never truly understand.

 

She walked away from the table, quietly and quickly, ignoring the sudden burst of laughter from the other end of the lodge, near the great roaring campfire, and without a word stepped outside into the deluge.

 

Lily soon found her cotton sweater and shorts drenched, the cold rain soaking through her skin and all the way through to her bones, still Lily didn’t move but instead stared out into the darkness towards the road where Charmander undoubtedly still waited.

 

“Fairy?”

 

Lily turned, watched as the door opened to reveal Clefairy and Bulbasaur making their way towards her. Both looked up with large, concerned eyes, uncaring as they too got soaked through.

 

“I don’t think his trainer came back for him,” Lily confessed to the pair of them, and by the looks on their faces, she could tell they understood exactly who she meant.

 

“Bulba,” Bulbasaur agreed darkly, red eyes narrowing as he looked up at Lily.

 

“Or if he did come back for him…” Lily trailed off, trying to find the words that this was not the solution she was looking for. That Charmander shouldn’t have to live in a world where he’d wait for a man to return for him in a storm like this.

 

At the same time though, she remarked, “He didn’t want to leave though. He’d rather die than leave.”

 

“Clefairy,” Clefairy agreed solemnly, as sage as ever, and Lily wondered what exactly that was supposed to mean. So much was lost in translation between all of them, in both word and expression, and Lily wondered if she was only hearing and seeing what she wished to.

 

“What should I do?” Lily finally asked, both them and anyone else who could provide her a meaningful answer.

 

Did she tear Charmander away from that place and potentially save his life? Or did she let him make decisions for himself however terrible they were? Did she acknowledge that he knew full well what he was doing and there was nothing Lily could or should do to stop it?

 

Neither Bulbasaur nor Clefairy appeared to have an answer for her, just looked at each other then back at her, like Lily was supposed to be the one with the answers.

 

What would Lily have done in Charmander’s place? Hissed and spat if anyone came for her, of course, she’d tear their bloody eyes out for even thinking of removing her from that spot. Except, if she had been given time, and something more than that…

 

Things would have been different and Lily liked to think that she could move past that spot and move forward.

 

That was what life was, a chance to move forward, death for normal people… With death there was nothing, not hope, not pride, and not honor either.

 

“Bloody hell,” Lily cursed, and with that dashed out into the night, because that giant lizard was going to come with her to the pokémon center whether he liked it or not. He was going to live, and he was going to get over his waiting, or if not get over it at least live with it.

 

He wasn’t going to kill himself out of loyalty and pride on Lily’s watch.

 

The rain, which had felt cold enough earlier, now felt like ice against her skin. She could feel her feet through soaked socks and shoes growing numb, her hands were turning that ice-white shade of blue and were beginning to shake. Still, she ran, Clefairy and Bulbasaur fast on her heels, and soon enough came back on Charmander’s rock where he was curled in a ball, only a large leaf protecting him, as giant sparrows like vultures circled in for the kill.

 

Lily wordlessly sent them flying, crashing into trees as she dove over the shivering lizard. He didn’t even look up at her, didn’t seem capable of it, only capable of protecting that small flame at the end of its tail that was now the small size of a candle.

 

“Come on,” Lily said, hoisting him up and cradling him next to her chest, shivering even as she glitched the rain and the wind away from the pair of them and his flickering tail, “Let’s get you out of here already.”

 

“Bulbasaur!” Bulbasaur said, vines extended to offer assistance.

 

“No, I think we’re good, although this is cold as all hell,” Lily complained, she really should have brought a rain jacket, or thought about dispelling the rain and wind before she’d gotten to the fire breathing lizard.

 

“Hey, Lily, hey!” Lily skidded to a halt, watching as three familiar hooded figures approached her.

 

“Oh, good, you got Charmander,” Brock said, halting in turn, “Turns out his trainer left him here on purpose.”

 

“Yeah, that guy was a real creep!” Ash confirmed, then hesitated as he looked at her, “But you didn’t bring a jacket, you’re soaked, and Charmander…”

 

“Charmander’s fine,” Lily said, dropping her protection just enough so that the rain and wind buffeted her but left the lizard alone, just enough to convince the three of them that nothing untoward was happening, “It’s fine.”

 

“You could catch pneumonia like that,” Misty said, “It’s really dangerous out here.”

 

“Danger is my middle name,” Lily said back, chattering through her teeth, noting that she was now starting to lose feeling in all her limbs, “Now let’s get going before I start losing fingers!”

 

* * *

 

 

“You’re an idiot.”

 

Those were Wizard Lenin’s first words to Lily on their return, after Charmander had been rushed off to the pokémon ER. Lily had immediately curled on the couch by the blazing fire, somehow still feeling cold even after returning inside.

 

Bulbasaur and Clefairy sat guard next to her, or had intended to, but had quickly drifted off to sleep next to the fire.

 

No, that was a lie, it was an odd light-headed sort of feeling of at once being too cold and then too warm and sweaty. Like her body couldn’t decide what it wanted except that shivering was a much and thinking was out the window.

 

“You look like bloody hell,” Wizard Lenin said, seated next to her, warm dry and looking as smarmy and adorable as ever in his twelve-year-old rented body.

 

“No-no-no-no one asked you, Lenin!” Lily managed to stutter out, feeling a little too much like Quirrell.

 

“You should have asked me,” Wizard Lenin sniffed with contempt, before placing a hand on her forehead, “You feel like you have a fever.”

 

“I do—do—do—don’t get sick!” Lily spat back, but Wizard Lenin seemed unimpressed.

 

“You also typically don’t go dancing in the rain,” Wizard Lenin replied, “And there’s a first time for everything.”

 

“And you did it all for nothing,” Wizard Lenin said, crossing his arms with a sigh, “I hope you know that.”

 

“What—what—what are you talking about?”

 

“You’re losing perspective again,” Wizard Lenin said, brushing damp hair away from her face, “You always do this. Get yourself wrapped up in everyone else’s problems, never minding the fact that it has always gotten you into trouble.”

 

“That’s—that’s—that’s—” Lily tried to get out but Wizard Lenin was no longer in the mood for a patient conversation.

 

“Let this one go, Lily,” Wizard Lenin said, “Neither you nor I can help these creatures, even if we wanted to, because I am certain that many of them do not wish to help themselves.”

 

Lily didn’t respond, just glared and shivered, waiting for Wizard Lenin to finish.

 

“Do you know where the Charmander will go once its recovered? Because I do, Lily. He’ll go straight back to that rock tomorrow, sit there and wait until the next typhoon hits, and then he’ll die waiting for that dick of a master who will never come.”

 

Wizard Lenin had the nerve to smile as he looked at her, fondly, as if Lily was being foolish as always and adorable for it, “It’s not a unique trait, humans do this very often as well. Your parents, even, until the bitter end they believed Peter Pettigrew was a loyal friend and even when I murdered them in cold blood, I’m sure they still wished to believe it.”

 

“Short of dragging that thing kicking and screaming,” Wizard Lenin said, “There’s nothing you can do for it.”

 

No, Lily had done this much already, Lily had bought him a night and that had to mean something. It had to mean…

 

Abruptly, with the fire burning, and a blanket thrown over her, Lily was too tired to stay awake any longer. Shivering, she burrowed into the folds of her blanket, falling into a strange restless sleep.

 

She was still in the pokémon center, still hardly able to think let alone move, except Wizard Lenin was gone and instead she was sitting next to Clefairy the human with Pikachu the human only a small ways away, sprawled out on the couch with his hat tipped over his eyes.

 

On Lily’s other side was a young boy, probably close to Lily’s age, with hair the color of Lily’s eyes and eyes an alarming and vibrant red. Lily was willing to guess that this one must be Bulbasaur.

 

She hadn’t realized he was so young.

 

“Oh, we’re doing this again,” Lily commented, shivering and sneezing at the end of her sentence, feeling altogether quite miserable.

 

“Well, you called us,” Clefairy noted with a smile, “You keep doing that.”

 

“Sorry,” Lily said, not sure she felt all that apologetic, but not really in any condition to think enough to feel anything significant either. Anything other than cold, wet, and miserable that is.

 

“It’s alright,” Clefairy said with a brighter and cheerful grin, “I don’t mind.”

 

“You didn’t have to let yourself get so sick though,” Pikachu commented, apparently awake as he tilted his hat away from his dark eyes, “If you really do have a fever then we never will make it to Vermillion City.”

 

“What—what—what was I supposed to do?” Lily asked, curling in on herself, “Leave him?”

 

Pikachu sat up right, considering Lily and some of his natural pride and cynicism showed through as he looked at her, “I don’t see why not.”

 

“I couldn’t just—”

 

“He’s too naïve to function and there’s nothing you can do about it,” Pikachu interjected, pointing an accusing finger at her, looking genuinely irritated, small bolts of electricity visibly emanating from his cheeks, “It’s all well and good to play hero, but if he’s just going to jump back into the noose why bother. He had freedom at his fingertips, handed to him on a silver platter by that jackass trainer, and he’s too stupid to even realize he was throwing it away. Do you know what I would have given for that?”

 

 Crossing his arms, Pikachu cynically concluded, “One must always keep humans and your own circumstances in perspective. If he hasn’t learned that lesson by now, then he doesn’t deserve to.”

 

“That’s unfair,” Clefairy said gently.

 

“Is it?” Pikachu asked pointedly, “Do you disagree then? You’re willing to sacrifice someone like Lily for that idiot?”

 

Clefairy flushed, looked pointedly away from both Pikachu and Lily, lacing her fingers together and twiddling her thumbs in a very awkward manner, “Well—”

 

“Sac—sac—sacrifice is a bit much,” Lily stuttered out, but that just caused Clefairy to look at her, those deep blue eyes colder and deeper than Pikachu’s.

 

“He’s not wrong,” Clefairy finally said, “You are worth far more than a simple Charmander.”

 

“I’m not—not—not dying,” Lily spat back, so she was a little cold and miserable, but she wasn’t dead or anything. And even if she was dead she’d just come back anyway so it was hardly a big deal.

 

“It’s the principle of the matter,” Clefairy calmly responded, looking Lily straight in the eye, and for a moment looking anything but human.

 

“You’re both wrong!” Bulbasaur then said, scrambling over towards the pair of them with his red eyes burning, “This is why the world is the way it is! Why we can be thrown about and abandoned by those humans who call themselves trainers! It’s all because pokémon like you do nothing!”

 

“Well look at you,” Pikachu drawled, entirely unimpressed by Bulbasaur’s tirade, “The little hero out to save the world. No wonder you practically threw yourself at our dear little heroine over here.”

 

“That’s right,” Bulbasaur said, invading Pikachu’s personal space with reckless abandon, those red eyes still so unnervingly bright that even Pikachu couldn’t help but look a little bewildered, “And I’m not afraid to admit it either. She, at least, does something and will always do something no matter the consequences! Even if he goes back there, even if he doesn’t believe in her, she believes in him and that’s worth more than anything in the world!”

 

“Even if he just crawls back out there to die?” Pikachu asked, leaning away from Bulbasaur as far as he could, sinking back into the couch pillows.

 

“Even then,” Bulbasaur insisted, then he turned back, smiled at Lily, “Because I believe in her, and someday, even Charmander might believe in her along with everyone else. I believe this world can change.”

 

Lily stood then, unsteadily inside her dream, and declared even through her shivering and sneezing, “He’s right.”

 

“Even if no one else has faith, even if he has too much faith, I have to do this and trust that one day he’ll have the strength to leave on his own or understand. I have to believe I can change his mind for the better.”

 

“That’s,” Lily said pointing straight at Clefairy, “Is what I’m here to do and what I can do!”

 

“You do realize it will be an entirely one-sided conversation, don’t you?” Pikachu pointed out.

 

“Shut up!” Lily said, filled with the burning fire of either a raging fever of else her overwhelming and irrevocable destiny in this strange world, “No language barrier can stop us now!”

 

And with that Lily forced herself back into the land of the living, promptly fell off the couch, shivering and sneezing and feeling like her head was filled with lead. All the same though, she forced herself up, looked out the window at the early dawn light, then stumbled over to the ER to check on the lizard that wasn’t there.

 

Because he, apparently, had forced himself out of this place even earlier than Lily had.

 

“Right,” Lily said to herself, and with no further word, slowly made her way out of the pokémon center where Charmander and his rock would be waiting for her.

 

* * *

 

 

Clefairy and Bulbasaur found Lily not too long later, in a spirited discussion with the recovered Charmander she’d caught up with just a little way down the road. Lily, inspired by Bulbasaur the night before, had somehow thought this would be easier.

 

“Oh, come on,” Lily said, pausing to sneeze again and sniffle, “You know as well as I do that this guy, this Damien, is a jackass.”

Charmander glared, blue eyes narrowing, and gave her a warning, “Char”

 

Bulbasaur and Clefairy looked to Lily, waiting silently for her response.

 

“Even if he wasn’t, you can’t just wait for life to happen to you, you should go and find him,” Lily said, pausing to think of another award-winning point, only to break down into a hacking fit. Jesus, being sick was terrible.

 

“What I mean is,” Lily tried to say, only to hack again, this time having to bend over to get enough air in between barking coughs.

 

“What I—” Lily tried again, only to have the same terrible lackluster result.

 

She should have just stayed in the pokémon center and slept. As it was she curled in the middle of the dirt path, not convinced she could even make it back to the pokémon center without some kind of a power nap out here in the middle of the wilderness.

 

“Bulba?” Lily felt one of bulbasaur’s vines nudging her.

 

“Just five minutes,” Lily moaned out, coughing at the end of it.

 

Apparently, that was too alarming as both vines were wrapping themselves around Lily’s torso, Bulbasaur grunting out as he tried to lift her into the air.

 

“Clefairy!” Clefairy joined him, pushing one of Lily’s legs over her small head, and together the pair almost managed to hold Lily upright.

 

Just as Lily suspected she as about to crash down on their heads a third pokémon joined them, “Char!”

 

And with Bulbasaur supporting Lily’s upper body and Clefairy and Charmander handling the legs, the three of them set off back towards the pokémon center, not to save Charmander from his own stupidity but instead to save Lily from hers.

 

Still, she thought as she coughed and stared blearily upwards at the clear sky, it was a nice gesture.

 

If she could stop coughing, she’d thank him for it.

 

God, this was terrible, Lily swore to herself that she would never become sick again.

 

Suddenly, they stopped, “We’re here already?”

 

Looking over her shoulder though, she saw that they were not there at all, but instead facing some of Lily’s least favorite people in the world. Team Rocket was there, as fabulous as ever in newfangled blue rubber suits, a giant hole beneath their feet and Pikachu glumly trapped in a red rubber bubble.

 

Charmander dropped Lily, causing the other two to buckle under her weight, and stepped forward with determination in his eyes, “Charmander!”

 

“What is that thing?” Jessie asked in contempt as she looked down at the lizard.

 

“No, no,” Lily said, coughing, “It’s cool, Charmander, I—I’ve got it.”

 

Charmander paid no mind then, as he instead proceeded to threaten Team Rocket, “Char mander!”

 

Meowth sniffed, amused and rather catlike, “It’s saying you better give Pikachu back to those guys right now.”

 

Oh Jesus, Lily coughed, she was not in the mood for the weekly bullshit that was Team Rocket. They’d best go flying off again already. Before they could laugh at Charmander’s threat Lily hacked out, “Stack of Bricks, Disco Inferno!”

 

The trio was engulfed in the burning passion of the 1970’s in all its wondrous and catchy glory. Fleeing for their lives once again as they endured what, in any normal reality, would have been debilitating third degree burns.

 

“Charmander?!” Charmander cried out in shock, taking a step back, and looking down at Lily with blue eyes practically bugging out of his skull.

 

However, in this place, these people always seemed to bounce back alarmingly well.

 

“Pika,” Pikachu said, entirely unamused as he wormed his way out of his red rubber sack, glaring at Lily at yet again being saved by a stack of bricks.

 

“You’re,” Lily coughed, “Welcome.”

 

By his expression, Pikachu was dearly tempted to electrocute her into the next century. Maybe it was because Lily was so sick and sad looking, but instead he just sniffed, sat down, and waited for the rest of them to claw their way out of Team Rocket’s hole.

 

Lily instead turned her attention to Charmander, still staring at her in alarm, “You know, Charmander, you don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations.”  


Lily coughed again, pulled herself into an upright position with great force of will, and continued looking down in those blue eyes, “Loyalty is a virtue, but it should be rewarded, I think at any rate. Don’t waste yourself on someone who only needs you when you’re useful.”

 

She coughed again, holding up a hand before Charmander could interrupt, even as the rest of them finally were starting to emerge from the pit, “I won’t force you to leave, you can wait if you want, but keep it in mind.”

 

With that, she fell back down, curled into a ball, and tried to catch up on some of the sleep she was so dearly lacking.

 

* * *

 

 

“Don’t tell me I summoned you again,” Lily said, her dream world once again imposing on her as an entirely too humanoid Clefairy looked down at Lily with a bright smile.

 

“Perhaps,” Clefairy said cheerfully as she crouched down closer to Lily, “Or perhaps I somehow found the means to visit you.”

 

“Wonderful,” Lily responded, hardly meaning it, and wondering why she still felt like dying even though she was clearly sleeping.

 

Finally sniffing, Lily pointed out, “It’s probably about time for you to say that you told me so.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Charmander,” Lily said, “I tried, failed, and got myself miserably sick in the process.”

 

Wizard Lenin, after all, would certainly be telling her that he told her so and then some. In fact, he already practically had the night before in the pokémon center.

 

Clefairy shook her head, “Oh, I don’t know about that.”

 

“What?”

 

“Wake up, Lily,” Clefairy said, nudging her slightly, “And you’ll find yourself pleasantly surprised.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Lily came to it was to the sight of a group of huddled faces looming over her. There was Wizard Lenin, Ash, Mity, Brock, Pikachu, Clefairy, Bulbasaur, and to Lily’s surprise Charmander as well front and center.

 

“Lily, you moron,” Wizard Lenin said, “If you delay us reaching civilization because you pranced about in the rain and then ran off at dawn, I’ll never forgive you.”

 

(She’d known that was coming.)

 

“Hey, that’s not very nice,” Brock said back to him, “She looks really sick!”

 

“Don’t worry,” Wizard Lenin groused, “Lily is impervious to permanent consequences such as death.”

 

Lily opened her mouth to disagree, or else to caveat that she was not impervious to being miserable, but was interrupted by her own choked fit of coughing. Wizard Lenin, entirely unimpressed and unsympathetic, just crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows as he waited for her to finish.

 

“I’ll keep up,” Lily said miserably as she finished.

 

After all, in Vermillion City at least, there was likely to be a doctor’s office.

 

“Charmander!”

 

Lily looked up, blinked, and noticed Charmander holding out a clawed hand towards her, as if reaching out for a handshake. Tentatively Lily took his hand in his, squeezed it gently, and watched as his blue eyes lit up.

 

“Yeah,” Ash said slowly, looking a tad regretful but with a small smile, “I guess you should get Charmander since you’re the one who went after him first last night.”

 

“And went after him this morning too,” Brock added.

 

“Though you could have told us where you were going!” Misty sniffed, “We looked all over the place for you!”

 

“Huh?” was all Lily could say.

 

“Charmander’s trainer returned just in time to assume he had defeated Team Rocket,” Wizard Lenin explained, “Unfortunately for him, he was stupid enough to show absolutely no remorse and was promptly abandoned by his scorned Charmander. So, all’s well that ends well, and it seems Charmander has decided to accompany you.”

 

Lily blinked, blinked again at Wizard Lenin’s entirely too cheerful and accepting smile, like this was all just wonderful, “Huh?!”

 

“Although you really should start putting your pokémon in to pokéballs,” Brock said with a laugh, “Pikachu’s hard enough to explain.”

 

Ash laughed, putting his hands behind his head, “That’s for sure!”

 

This was…

 

This was too neat, too easy, and what the hell Lily hadn’t really planned for this? Wizard Lenin was too easy going, he was planning something, clearly. More, he hadn’t fought for the lizard himself, what was that supposed to mean?

 

Lily did not have the ability to figure this out right now.

 

Still, looking back at Charmander, staring at her with hopeful big eyes she couldn’t say no to that adorable face.

 

So, shaking his claw, Lily got the fire pokémon that Ash had always wanted.

 

* * *

 

 

And so, Charmander joins Lily and her friends on their journey. Maybe getting lost isn’t so bad after all. Especially when you’re lost with your friends. Of course, finding your way with your friends is even better.


	12. The Wrath of God

_In which Lily once again feels a sense of kinship, finally shows her hand for the sake of a friend, and Wizard Lenin shows a surprising amount of compassion and humanity in turn._

 

* * *

You’ll remember in an earlier pokémon adventure, our hero Lily unwittingly achieved Ash’s dream of catching a Bulbasaur. It was an anticlimactic victory and a very climactic disappointment for Ash! And so, Bulbasaur joined the ranks.

 

Soon, Misty, Brock, Ash, and Wizard Lenin lost their way, but found a Charmander. Braving a fierce storm, Ash and his friends came to its rescue, Lily catching a nasty cold in the process. Abandoned by its trainer, the fire pokémon recovered its strength and gained some new friends. Charmander became Lily’s newest pokémon, once again circumventing Ash’s dreams.

 

And that’s how Lily, debatably, caught Charmander and Bulbasaur.

 

Ash, though, is pretty pleased with himself as he skips down the road singing our pokémon theme. Becoming a pokémon trainer looks like it will be a snap if someone like Lily can manage it this easily.

 

Or will it?

 

Can things continue to go so smoothly?

 

Maybe Ash is too confident, and maybe Lily is too content. They’d better keep their eyes glued to the road ahead.

 

Who knows what pitfalls are waiting to swallow up our young heroes?

 

* * *

 

 

“Huh?!” Ash cried out as he stumbled forward.

 

Lily stopped in her tracks, looked down at Ash’s foot with the rest of them, which had somehow sunk a good foot into the ground. For a moment they all stared at it, trapped in the dirt, and at that second the ground gave way and Ash, Lily, and all the rest of them fell into what had to be a ten-foot pit.

 

Wizard Lenin, on top of Lily but crushed by a surprisingly heavy Bulbasaur, noted, “This is the second hole I’ve fallen into this week. Who keeps digging these?!”  


Lily didn’t know, tangled as she was between Wizard Lenin, Pikachu, and Misty, but she was going to go on a limb and guess Team Rocket. When all else failed, or they ran out of money, they seemed to default to a good old pit in the ground.

 

“Oh, I don’t know but I’m sick and tired of them,” Misty complained, “Ash, your foot is on my face.”

 

“Pika!”

 

“Lily,” Brock moaned, “This really is a good reason to start sticking your pokémon in pokéballs, they could get seriously injured falling into a pit like this, or one of us could get burned by Charmander’s tail.”

 

“What’s that?” Lily asked, as if entirely oblivious, “I can’t hear you.”

 

Lily hadn’t brought up the whole pokéball thing with the gang, either here in the living world or in the strange world of dreams, but Pikachu had been vehemently against the things since day one and must have some reason for it. More, they were a little too reminiscent of Wizard Trotsky’s diary, a place of limbo where one was confined for far too long a period of time. What did a pokémon do in there, when waiting in between battles? What did it do to you, if all you saw of the world and sunlight was the fighting pits?

 

Slowly, they untangled themselves, eventually ending up standing in too cramped quarters and staring up the smooth dirt walls of the pit and up towards the distant sunlight. Whoever had made this thing either was one of those OCD types who could never do anything less than perfection or else had far too much time on their hands.

 

“It must be a prank,” Brock said with Misty concurring, “Someone has a bad sense of humor.”

 

“I don’t know what pranks you’re familiar with,” Wizard Lenin spat as he brushed off his dirt stained clothing, “But I don’t know what’s supposed to be funny about this. Someone could have broken their neck.”

 

“Pika,” Pikachu concurred bitterly.

 

“Oh my god,” Lily said as the blue faces of their tormentors appeared above them, “We’ve been punked by giant turtles in sunglasses.”

 

“Squirtle,” the faces, laughing, said repeatedly with the dark gloss of their shades glinting in the noon day sun. Apparently, they found the gang’s sudden fall into a pit and possibility of serious injury goddamn hilarious.

 

“I knew it was about that time again,” Lily said with a sigh.

 

She’d just gotten over her cold and it’d been about a week or so since they’d stumbled on Charmander and his asshole trainer. It was about time for something or someone to interrupt their travels with an adventure that was sure to make Lily in some way very uncomfortable.

 

At Pikachu’s dubious look Lily exclaimed, “What? I can’t be the only one who’s noticing this pattern!”

 

“Shut up, Lily,” Wizard Lenin barked, “And get us out of this pit already.”

 

“You mean Stack of Bricks, get us out of this pit already,” Lily corrected for him, lest Wizard Lenin let her cover slip entirely.

 

None the less, Lily summoned Stack of Bricks from its pokéball and cried out in a commanding tone of a master pokémon trainer. “Stack of Bricks, levitate!”

 

Stack of Bricks dutifully levitated all of them out of the hole and back onto the path to face their blue nemeses who were, of course, still falling over themselves in hysterical laughter. Maybe if they were taller, and not wearing sunglasses twice the size of their faces, Lily might find it humiliating or else intimidating. As it was, they kind of looked ridiculous.

 

Ash, stepping forward, pulled out his pokédex which, as always, told them everything and nothing, “Squirtle, this tiny turtle Pokémon draws its long neck into its shell to launch water attacks with amazing range and accuracy. The blasts can be quite powerful.”

 

Suddenly, Ash’s rage was gone, replaced instead with a familiar look that Lily had learned to dread. Of course, she should have guessed, what did Ash do whenever he saw a new and exciting pokémon?

 

“With my very own Squirtle,” Ash said with a smirk, “Gary will never beat me! Go, Pikachu!”

 

How nice of Ash to think about Gary, who Lily had almost completely forgotten, at a time like this.

 

“Pika!”

 

Pikachu, apparently miffed enough about crashing into a hole to take Ash seriously today, bounded forward with his own far more dangerous look of determination. Instinctively, Lily took several steps backwards to avoid the electrical fallout.

 

With a great cry and volts of electricity sparking out of his red cheeks, Pikachu proceeded to aim a bolt of lightning towards what looked like the leader of the Squirtle yakuza, but was thwarted as a lowly henchman turtle took the fall for his boss. Which, by the look of it, managed to take him out in one blow.

 

Which, given this was the same mouse who had once blown up a hospital, was not shocking. No pun intended.

 

Lily, frankly, was a little surprised the poor thing wasn’t dead. Lily turned with a forced grin towards Pikachu, “Pikachu, don’t you think that’s maybe enough? I know they just almost killed us, but I don’t think that warrants—”

 

“Are you really lecturing the rat on overreactions, Lily?” Wizard Lenin asked dully, looking pointedly at her as if to remind Lily of all the times she’d been in Pikachu’s yellow shoes. Which, that was, well that was entirely different!

 

Somehow.

 

“Pikachu!” Pikachu said in agreement with Wizard Lenin, clearly stating that this was his own business and Lily should sit down and shut up unless she wanted to get fried to.

 

Lily eyed Clefairy, her sage and advisor on all things pokémon but Clefairy just shrugged, as if to say she had no personal problem with Pikachu beating the shit out of his fellow pokémon. Why was this whole moral dilemma turning out so hard? Lily missed the days when she’d just been aiming to be the best pokémon trainer in the world.

 

“Squirtle!” the lead Squirtle, with the darker pointier sunglasses, cried in dismayed at his fallen brother before looking up at Pikachu.

 

Pikachu, with no hesitation whatsoever, taunted back, “Pika.”

 

As if to say, “Come at me, brother”

 

They stared at each other, neither looking away, and in the background Lily could almost hear the western music playing that signified the start of a duel. It was not to be, however, as the wailing of police sirens was soon heard and the Squirtle gang decided it was time to hit the road before the fuzz could arrive.

 

Picking up their fallen brother, they raced for the hills with a dust cloud behind them, leaving the rest of them to stare.

 

“Chu?” Pikachu said, tilting his head as he watched them flee, Ash concurred, “That was sure weird.”

 

All Lily could say though, turning to Wizard Lenin and pointing at the dust cloud, “Is that what it looks like when I do things like that?”

 

Lily herself had never been one of the ones left standing behind in the aftermath. She wasn’t sure she liked being on the other side of the shenanigans.

 

“Yes,” Wizard Lenin said without a hint of hesitation or sympathy for Lily’s pride. A dagger, in other words, straight through to her heart.

 

Lily was about to say as much but by that point Officer Jenny had arrived on her motor bike. Now, Lily knew to call her Officer Jenny because she was the exact clone of the Jenny they’d first met in Viridian City, who in turn had looked exactly like the Jenny in Cerulean City, and probably looked like every Jenny on the goddamn planet who happened to be a cop.

 

Lily was going to go on a limb and say this one was a ‘cousin’ too.

 

“Officer Jenny!” Ash cried out as she came to a stop with a joyous smile, clearly not remembering the last time they’d run into a Jenny which wasn’t Jenny. Which, was kind of odd, as they’d nearly been arrested and Lily had set the town on fire to escape.

 

But Ash apparently had selective memory.

 

“Wrong Jenny, Ash,” Lily commented but he apparently wasn’t listening as he approached the blue-haired woman.

 

“Huh, have we met before?” the Jenny who wasn’t Jenny asked, “Your face doesn’t look familiar.”

 

“We met you back in Viridian City, remember?” Ash said, smile never wavering.

“Wrong Jenny, Ash!” Lily repeated, feeling a headache coming on.

 

“Now you know how it feels, Lily,” Wizard Lenin said, leaning in towards here ear, “When you’re stuck with an idiot who never listens to a word you say.”

 

Did he really have to plug that in there? Had he just been waiting years for the opportunity to rub that in Lily’s face and found Ash to be the perfect excuse? Judging by his smug expression, he really did. She was about to remark that it was too bad he was so petty but Jenny was explaining about the Jenny clones.

 

“Oh, you mean one of the other Jennys,” Jenny said as she stepped off her bike, “My cousins.”

 

“Cousins?” Ash asked, for once looking as dubious as he should by that bullshit excuse to cover up what had to be genetic experiments in some terrible lab.

 

“My cousins are all police officers,” Jenny said with a smile, as if it was perfectly natural that every single cousin named Jenny who looked exactly the same chose the exact same profession, “All of us look identical, plus, we’re all named Jenny.”

 

“Talk about family resemblance,” Ash finally said to that.

 

Lily gaped, unsure if he believed it or he was putting on an remarkably good show. She really, honestly, couldn’t tell with him. Ash, clearly, deserved to be abducted by aliens. She swore to god, if the Clefairies and their Jenny minions came back for him, Lily would just laugh.

 

Sadly, Lily thought with a glance down towards her own Clefairy companion, they were more likely to come back for Lily.

 

“At least they remember all their names,” Misty, always the smartest of the group, said uncomfortably as she looked at her companions for reassurance. She wasn’t going to get it from Lily.

 

Lily, with a sigh, wondered if she could just go for a hike and sit this one out. She supposed there was nothing stopping her, but the last few times she’d ventured out on her own strange things had happened to her anyway.

 

Still, she was so very tempted. It was shaping up, after all, to be a very long day.

 

* * *

 

 

They quickly relocated to Jenny’s police station, a small hut just at the edge of a small town. There at her computer, pulling up files, she informed them, “That pokémon gang calls itself the Squirtle Squad.”

 

“Calls itself?” Wizard Lenin asked with raised eyebrows, “Did you ask them?”

 

Lily was stuck on that phrasing too, as far as she knew, every pokémon except Meowth was damned to repeat its name over and over again as a means of communication. Well, that wasn’t quite right, they were probably named after the strange noises they kept repeating over and over again. Still, if they were going to call themselves anything Lily would have expected the Squirtle Squirtle with a dash of Squirt. She didn’t think they could say words like squad.

 

“Squirtle Squad?” Ash repeated, speaking right over Wizard Lenin.

 

“I’ve never heard of a pokémon gang,” Misty mused, also ignoring Wizard Lenin’s question, which apparently was so dumb it wasn’t even worth acknowledging. All Lily could do was pat him quietly on the shoulder while he all too likely told himself it didn’t matter so long as he took over the world and or returned home.

 

“They’re all Squritles who were deserted by their pokémon trainers,” Jenny explained, a remorseful look on her face as the pieces came together. The same pieces, Lily thought with a glance towards her own pokémon friends, that had formed the lives of Charmander and Bulbasaur.

 

Both were pointedly looking away from her now, Charmander staring at his reflection in what appeared to be remorse, Bulbasaur looking at the floor with an uncontained bitterness. Neglectful and indifferent trainers, it seemed, were the root of many problems in this world. One that even humans could acknowledge.

 

“Deserted?” Ash echoed, glancing down at Pikachu in his arms, who simply stared across at Jenny. As always, Pikachu had known and internalized this truth from the very beginning.

 

“They don’t have a trainer so they just run wild and play tricks on the whole town,” Jenny said, then, for demonstration she pulled up various pictures on her computer of the giant turtles partaking in graffiti, petty theft, and more at the town’s expense.

 

It was…

 

Looking at Charmander, Lily had thought, had been like looking into the past. With this Squirtle gang, though, it was almost more so. Charmander was the Lily that could have been, younger and abandoned by everyone in the world as she waited for a death that would never come. These Squirtles were the older Lily that had existed, had been abandoned by almost everyone in the world, and had made Hogwarts her desecrated kingdom.

 

“It’s really kind of sad,” Jenny said, looking down at the pictures with a regretful look in her brown eyes, “Because if they had somebody to care about them, they wouldn’t have turned out to be as bad as they are.”

 

“It’s a real shame,” Jenny repeated, and Lily wondered how many professors, if even Albus Dumbledore himself had said that about her.

 

A shame, yes, Lily supposed it was a shame for somebody.

 

* * *

 

 

In the end, they went fishing by the river. Of course, fishing in the pokémon world wasn’t quite fishing. Instead of fishing for a meal you were fishing for Pokémon to catch and train, something Lily very much did not approve of, but could see no reason to weasel out of.

 

As it was, with Ash and Brock napping on the river bank, Wizard Lenin reading through training strategy books again, and Misty the only one with a pole in the water, nothing had bit yet so Lily supposed it was moot point.

 

Instead, she could think about that gang of Squirtles. Given recent events, they’d probably run into them again, and while Lily didn’t like falling into pits if she was a pokémon she’d probably be doing the same thing as them and then some. In fact, she had and worse too, Lily had stepped into the role of Lily Riddle with alarming ease and proceeded to exploit and destroy wizarding society from within without a care in the world.

 

Compared to that, a few holes in the road and spray-painted walls were nothing at all.

 

Hopefully they’d just leave town and go their separate ways, but that somehow never seemed to happen on this strange Pokémon journey of theirs. Somehow, in some way, the adventure would always wrap itself up in a neat little bow.

 

She glanced at her pokémon friends, each lazily minding their own business as the day wound on, and wondered what they might think about it. She supposed she could always nap and try to ask them, but that was so tedious, it would just be so much easier if she could understand them in the waking world.

 

Well, she supposed that was on her since they perfectly understood everything she was saying. Still, she really could not pick up whatever pattern they were saying their names in. The general gist, sometimes, sure, but long paragraphs, forget about it.

 

Well, they’d get to Vermillion City eventually, and something would happen there.

 

“Hey,” Misty cried out in delight, “I caught something!”

 

Lily winced, that was the last thing she’d wanted to hear, and bolted upright. Now, rationally, she knew she couldn’t prevent her comrades from catchy any pokémon they came across. For one, they’d figure her out, and second… Well, Lily didn’t know, but it just didn’t seem realistic. Still, she felt herself grimacing as she stared out, wondering whose ass she was going to have to save this time.

 

Then she saw sunglasses.

 

“Oh, hell,” Lily said as that turtle’s mouth curved into a smile.

 

And then came a powerful jet of water, plastering each of them to the grassy bank.

 

“Lily,” Wizard Lenin spat out, absolutely drenched and still clutching his now ruined book, glaring at her as if this was somehow all her fault, “Where was Stack of Bricks this time?!”

 

“Stack of Bricks was surprised!” Lily shot back, equally soaked herself by river water and turtle spit.

 

Pikachu, apparently having more than enough of these upstarts, bounded forward and sent a rain of thunder down upon his foolish enemies. Unfortunately, his foolish friends were closer and soaked to the bone, so instead of getting the Squirtle, Pikachu succeeded in frying the rest of them.

 

It really was a wonder any of them were still alive after how many times Pikachu had electrocuted them.

 

The Squirtle, unharmed, jumped out of the water and onto the path, taunting them. Pikachu, glaring even as he cut off electricity, went right for it, dashing in order to confront the giant turtle. Unfortunately, the giant turtle was prepared for this as he ducked into his shell, rotating and knocking Pikachu into the river.

 

“Pikachu!” Ash cried out, even as Squirtle laughed. Pikachu emerged, looking irate as ever, but as he did so a giant horned goldfished jumped from the water, making its way towards him.

 

“Oh, it’s a Goldeen!” Misty cried, “Watch out for its horn!”

 

It felt like Lily was watching in slow motion as Pikachu looked about, then slowly, too slowly tried to swim back to shore. The horned fish was faster, and for a moment Pikachu was in the water, the next he was flying through the air with a cry as the fish, horn first, launched Pikachu back towards the Earth.

 

Lily scrambled forward, summoning the falling Pikachu into her arms, where she caught his limp yellow body. Lily clutched him to her, noting his faint breathing and his half open eyes, but before she could turn ropes had ensnared her and everyone else with the Squirtles at the other end.

 

“They got us,” Ash said gravely, even as the turtles laughed.

 

Lily looked at them, at the lead Squirtle, and felt any empathy or sympathy she might have had drain from her, “Do you have any idea what you’re doing?”

 

The Squirtle paused, only for a moment, then continued laughing even as the fat cat himself appeared from behind the treeline, “You’re not going to Squirtle out of this one.”

 

“Oh god,” Wizard Lenin said, “Was that a pun? Is that what puns have descended to? And Lily, isn’t it about time for Stack of Bricks to arrive?”

 

“Lily can’t get to Stack of Bricks, Lenin!” Misty said as she struggled uselessly in the ropes, “He’s in his pokéball!”

 

Oh, right, that, “That’s right, Lenin, I can’t get to Stack of Bricks because he’s in his pokéball. Looks like we’re all tied up.”

 

Wizard Lenin looked at her for a moment, all his thoughts written right there on his face, as Lily sheepishly grinned back at him. Finally, he said, “I cannot believe your puns are worse than the cat’s.”

 

“Clefairy!” Clefairy stepped forward with Bulbasaur, and Charmander, preparing to fight not for money or glory but what they saw as a just cause. Except, all Lily could think about was Pikachu in her arms, looking worse with every passing minute.

 

Brock glanced down at him, frowning, as he took in Pikachu’s heavy breathing and closed eyes, “Pikachu’s in bad shape, we’ve got to heal it with super potion before it’s too late.”

 

Lily looked up at the laughing turtles who were celebrating a job well done, squeezing Pikachu closer to her, “Do you think this is fun?”

 

“Don’t listen to her,” Meowth cut in, dancing towards his newest underlings and looking for all the world as if he’d already won this little game of his, “She’s just some human, now let’s hurry up and get these people out of here!”

 

“You’re willing to risk his death just so that you all can have a little fun with this jackass?” Lily asked.

 

“Lily,” Wizard Lenin said quietly, a prompt and reminder to remember where she was and what she was doing.

 

But she did remember, and she remembered what she had promised, who she had promised it to, and the pokémon that had been by her side since the very beginning. Even if her goals had changed, her world view had changed, she hadn’t forgotten who they’d started this strange journey with.

 

And if it were in his power, if their situations were reversed, he would do no less for her.

 

“Squirtle,” the Squirtle leader said, now taking a small step back at the look on Lily’s face, but it wasn’t far enough and the ropes didn’t loosen.

 

So, this was how it was going to be then.

 

The ropes, abruptly, cut away leaving all of them to stumble forward, surprised by their sudden and inexplicable freedom.

 

“Alright!” Ash cried, pumping the air with a grin at their good fortune, “Now we can get Pikachu that super—”

 

Lily hadn’t moved, hadn’t even blinked, kept staring at that lead Squirtle who now looked as if he was beginning to realize just what he’d done. She realized, distantly, that her hair was beginning to float upwards, that the grass about her feet was swaying in an invisible breeze, and her skin was starting to glow.

 

“Was that fun, Squirtle?” Lily asked, stepping forward with Pikachu in her arms as she stared down at this small, shaking, callous thing that played so carelessly with the life and death of those he claimed to trust above all others, “Is it fun to face your imminent demise because some indifferent asshole far more powerful than you finds it funny? Does it make you feel better about the past?”

 

He wasn’t just Lily, she thought, no he was the worst parts of herself she’d never realized existed until later. That callous indifference to the consequences of her own actions towards those she did not care for. He was what Hermione had paid for on Christmas of 1991, what Hogwarts itself had paid for in her second year, and more.

 

He was everything she regretted. More, he was worse than that, because Lily at least had never found it funny. Necessary, always necessary, but she had never done anything for as callous and cruel a reason as her own petty amusement.

 

“Lily—”

 

“What should I do to you and your friends?” Lily asked, stalking closer to the turtle and erecting a transparent barrier so neither the turtles nor the oversized cat could run away, “Should I throw you in a pit you can’t climb out of? Or maybe I should throw you in a river and have you poisoned then tie you up and have your friends watch as you slowly die. Doesn’t that sound like a grand old time?”

 

“Squir—”

 

“But I suppose Pikachu’s fate doesn’t really matter, because he wasn’t abandoned by a pokémon trainer like you were, isn’t that what you’re thinking? That maybe he deserves anything he gets because he’s fool enough to pal around with us. Well, what should I do to you for being fool enough to believe the bloody cat?”

 

Lily stopped in front of him, the lead Squirtle now pressed as close to the barrier as he could get, grass burning beneath Lily’s feet, “Tell me, Squirtle, what would you do?”

 

Abruptly, Lily was yanked back by Wizard Lenin and jerked back into reality, “He’d grow up and learn that actions have consequences, as you once did, and you’d spare him the lessons you were forced to learn.”

 

Squirrel, the snake, so many things that Lily had lost sight of just because she’d never learned to look for them…

 

Slowly, the world returned to normal, the strange tunnel vision was gone, and Lily found herself blinking back at her best friend in any world. He smiled at her, a thing that tried to be amused but failed to be anything but concerned, “Better?”

 

Slowly, she nodded, glanced behind her and winced at the scorched footprints she’d left behind in the grass. Then, seeing her gaping companions, she winced again. Well, it felt a little late to go ahead and blame that on Stack of Bricks or Clefairy, didn’t it?

 

She still tried, rubbing the back of her head, “Ah, good old Stack of Bricks, going entirely too far like usual. When will he learn?”

 

No one said anything, no one even dared to breathe. Well, it seemed the cat was out of that bag, looking down at Pikachu she mumbled, “I’m going to go into town and get that potion thing.”

 

She slowly wandered away from the group, still staring after her, with her bewildered pokémon friends trailing behind.

 

“Clefairy?” Clefairy asked, tugging on Lily’s shorts.

 

“I know,” Lily said blandly, “He didn’t deserve it.”

 

He didn’t deserve it, perhaps, any more than Lily herself had. Maybe that’s why she’d done it, because he really had reminded her too much of the things, she hated about herself.

 

* * *

 

 

Wizard Lenin found her later, sitting outside the Pokémart with the recovering Pikachu, Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Clefairy each sitting quietly with her and waiting for the day to resolve itself.

 

“Where are the others?” Lily asked.

 

“Tying things up with Officer Jenny,” Wizard Lenin said, “It seems Team Rocket has blasted off yet again.”

 

Lily didn’t laugh, but then, as he sat next to her, it seemed that Wizard Lenin hadn’t expected her to.

 

“I’m sorry,” Lily finally said.

 

“If it had been me,” Wizard Lenin said solemnly after a pause, “I imagine you would have been much worse. I know full well, Lily, the terrible lengths you are willing to go for those you call friends.”

 

If it had been Wizard Lenin, Lily thought, then they would have been dead and only a smoking crater would have remained where they were standing.

 

For better or worse, since it was only Pikachu, they’d lived.

 

“That doesn’t mean I’m not sorry,” Lily repeated.

 

Wizard Lenin looked across at her, searching for something in her expression, and then pulled a pokéball from his waist, “Someone, I believe wanted to say something to you.”

 

With a flash of white light, he released the pokémon from its container, where, blinking, Lily found herself face to face with Squirtle, wearing his pointed black sunglasses.

 

“Squirtle?!” Lily asked, nearly falling over, and at once feeling a tiny bit ashamed. He looked fine enough, certainly not physically harmed, but she’d been aiming to put more than the fear of god into him a few minutes ago.

 

“Squirtle,” Squirtle acknowledged, dipping his head. Then, with a sigh, he took off his sunglasses to stare at her with large brown eyes. Carefully, he passed them over to her.

 

“From what I understand, as much as I can understand,” Wizard Lenin said, “Squirtle has agreed to join our party as my pokémon. He wished to make peace with you.”

 

“Your pokémon?” Lily balked, to which Wizard Lenin shrugged with a small smile, “Apparently, I made quite the impression, at being to so easily tame a monster like you.”

 

Lily wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about that.

 

“That, or he’s decided I’m your human pet and wants to see how that’s working out for us.”

 

Lily burst into laughter, almost falling back onto poor Charmander, because that was a thought, wasn’t it? Lily had always thought of it as the other way around, a servant to Wizard Lenin’s thoughts, needs, and ambitions but maybe the giant turtle had something of a point.

 

Maybe, in this world, the very human Wizard Lenin was the one who helped Lily on her quest.

 

“So, is my cover blown then?” Lily asked, stifling laughter.

 

“Entirely,” Wizard Lenin said, “Which I would be more upset about, were I not also worried you might in a fit of rage blow up the continent.”

 

Lily eyed the sunglasses, looked over at Squirtle who nodded, and then placed them on the bridge of her nose and slid them upwards, “I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”

 

“It’s a bad thing,” Wizard Lenin dully retorted, “But frankly, after all these years, I’d expect nothing less from you.”

 

* * *

 

 

One more adventure, one more new friend, but there’s much more excitement waiting just round the bend!


	13. The Six Pokemon Problem and Solution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to GlassGirlCeci for betaing the chapter

_In which Lily says no to the episode of the day and chooses her own path instead, summons a council the likes of which hasn't been seen since Rivendell, and has an idea which is neither original nor wonderful concerning her latest and greatest friend._

 

* * *

Well, here's a familiar scene.

 

Wandering in a forest, it appears our friends have, once again, lost their way.

 

It's been quite a while since Ash, Lily and Lenin left the town of Pallet, and a lot has happened since they began their pokémon journey. Ash and Lily have already earned two of the qualifying badges for participation in the pokémon league, a boulder badge and a cascade badge.

 

One could almost see the spotlight over Ash's head as he stopped, displayed his badges, and offered his peers a rather smug smile. "Pretty impressive, huh?"

 

That Lily had the same number of badges, and Lenin had only one less, did not seem to occur to Ash.

 

"Impressive?" Wizard Lenin asked, pale eyebrows rising in disbelief as they always did at the egos of ten-year-old boys. "As I recall, Ash, didn't you torture Pikachu with enough electricity to wipe out the power grid of a small town? And even then, Brock gave you your first badge out of pity, and your second was just a handout."

 

"You just got them because Brock and my sisters felt sorry for you," Misty confirmed, looking entirely unimpressed.

 

"Hey, I earned these badges fair and square!" Ash spat back.

 

"We don't talk about how Ash didn't earn shit. That said, I didn't mind the handout," Lily said without any shame whatsoever, although she tended to shamelessly brag about her victories far less often. Despite having the same number of badges as Ash, she had yet to display hers in public.

 

"No one asked you, Lily!" Ash spat back, turning his attention from Misty to the other redhead who gave him grief at every opportunity.

 

"Either way," Brock interjected in his usual, lecturing manner, "Ash and Lily both have two badges and are on their way to capturing six pokémon. They'll need those six pokémon to compete in the pokémon league."

 

As usual, Brock isn't wrong.

 

In the league, a trainer is allowed to carry six pokémon at a time; Ash doesn't quite have this number yet, with Pikachu, Pidgeotto, and Spearow—

 

"And I caught them all, fair and square!" Ash interjected with an entirely too confident grin.

 

"What planet have you been living on?" Wizard Lenin blurted, undoubtedly feeling once again that he'd left any rational planet months ago. "You didn't catch a single one. You only have joint custody of the rat, the second Lily—"

 

"Stack of Bricks!" Lily desperately interjected, ignored by everyone focused on Wizard Lenin's usual ranting.

 

"—Electrocuted half to death for you. And didn't you capture the bird by throwing rocks at it? Or was that some different oversized bird?"

 

That was a different flying pokémon, Lenin's remembering Ash's first attempts at capturing a Pidgy and then a Spearow before Lily intervened, which involved tackling the pokémon unaware and throwing rocks at them. This ended in our friends being chased by a swarm of Spearow.

 

Ash grimaced, flushed, then laughed as he said, "They're all mine, and that's all that really counts for a pokémon trainer, right?"

 

"This may come as a surprise to you, Ash," Misty said with little sympathy, "But real Pokémon trainers actually catch pokémon on their own. Even Lily and Lenin, who started the same time you did, have done a better job than you."

 

This is somewhat true. Lenin, while far more adept at the strategy behind battling and forming a team, has half the number of badges and the same number of pokémon as Ash himself.

 

"In my defense," Wizard Lenin retorted drily, "I have put in absolutely no effort."

 

Comparatively, Lily has earned the same badges as Ash and captured a full set of six pokémon: Pikachu, Clefairy, Charmander, Bulbasaur, Stack of Bricks, and of course, herself.

 

Which is unfortunate, as Lily herself has absolutely no desire to enter any of her true pokémon into a battle.

 

"We don't talk about that either," Lily noted to the unseen narrator, rubbing her head and wondering what, if anything, her friends have managed to conclude about Lily's mysterious origins. Origins which are, in fact, so mysterious that even Lily herself doesn't truly know them.

 

"Seriously, narrator, we don't talk about this," Lily said.

 

"It's really not unusual for trainers to capture twenty or even thirty pokémon," Brock added, ignoring Ash's look of despair and Lily's growing look of panic.

 

"I get it already!" Ash cried out, "You can stop rubbing it in! Besides, I'll show you anyway, I'll become a real pokémon master and don't you forget it! So stand back and watch me work!"

 

Ash's companions stared at him blankly as he posed, pokéball raised high, and it was Lily who commented drily, "I believe the phrase you're looking for, Ash, is 'Hold my beer'."

 

* * *

 

 

Lily watched as Ash sprinted forward towards the west, a striking figure against the setting sun. He was determined to prove to them all that he wasn't an incompetent jackass and was perfectly capable of becoming a pokémon master, and as usual in his haste, effectively left the rest of them in the dust.

 

None of them said anything, just kept staring off after Ash, and Lily felt the urge to just continue standing there. Maybe she'd just wait until Ash came crawling back, because he had to come back eventually. Five seconds later, and it didn't look like he was coming back.

 

"Pikachu," Pikachu solemnly stated in his far too adorable voice.

 

Whatever he said, Lily was sure that she agreed.

 

At least none of them were accusing Lily of having unnatural powers and/or being a pokémon. She didn't know exactly why, but something about the past ten minutes of Ash bragging there had brought up the feeling that the cat really was out of the bag. Of course, the past ten minutes were unnaturally fuzzy, like there was something or someone she wasn't quite remembering, but she had the feeling that it wasn't all that important.

 

Less important than Lily keeping her secret identity, whatever the hell that even was, under wraps.

 

Lily had been certain they'd figured it out, but none of them had brought it up when they'd left the town in the capable hands of a gang of giant turtles. In fact, no one had brought it up since or even seemed to think about it at all. There may have been a few odd glances here and there, but the lure of Vermillion City seemed too strong to fight with yet another distraction.

 

That, or perhaps this was their way of blissfully turning a blind eye. Because just what did it mean, if pokémon could not only understand humans, but could in fact walk and talk like them too? What did that turn on its head, if, in fact, that was possible? Like Lily, maybe the gang simply didn't want to find out.

 

Of course, her new friends also had alarmingly short attention spans, distracted by whatever new and shiny thing caught their eye on an almost weekly basis, but…

 

"You know, Lily," Brock said, causing Lily to startle, sputter, and try to play it cool as she turned to face him.

 

"Yes?" Who was a pokémon masquerading as a human? Not Lily, that was who.

 

"While we're talking about it, you really should keep your pokémon in their pokéballs."

 

Lily didn't know if that meant they'd caught onto her or not; all she could do was laugh to deflect attention from the herd of oversized sentient animals standing just behind her. "Oh, I don't need those, we're doing fine—"

 

"Pikachu might be fine," Misty cut in, "But Brock's right. Bulbasaur and Charmander are just going to get bigger with evolution, and what happens when you catch more than six pokémon?"

 

"What do you mean what happens?" Lily asked, blinking as she glanced down at her animal friends, who were in turn looking back at her curiously as if they were just as confused as she was.

 

"A trainer can only keep six pokémon," Misty said with a sigh, like Lily was being particularly obtuse. "The rest are transported."

 

"Transported?!" Lily balked. What the hell did transported even mean?! She looked, with horror, down at her pokémon pals, but none of them were looking her directly in the eye. In fact, they were all now looking pointedly and awkwardly away from her.

 

This, apparently, was already known and horrifying enough that even Charmander (who seemed to have been more than alright with most of the garbage humans put him through) seemed uncomfortable with the idea.

 

"You can switch them out," Brock said, as if it was all perfectly natural that Lily sent her sentient slave friends to some other dimension somewhere so they didn't take up too much space. "Just press the white button inside your pokédex, that'll send the signal to activate the system that makes the exchange."

 

Lily whipped out her own mostly untouched pokédex that had been handed to her by Professor Oak ages ago now. With a sinking feeling of existential dread, and the feeling that this place somehow just kept getting worse, she asked, "Exchange to where?"

 

"Don't look so glum," Misty said, "Your pokémon will be transported to a place for safe keeping."

 

Oh, that was not making Lily feel better; in fact, she rather felt like hyperventilating. "What does that mean?!"

 

At some point, she thought, they must hit their limit. Surely there was a low point they could obliviously reach and then go no further. Apparently, they had not yet hit that point and Lily could only imagine where and what safekeeping even meant.

 

She shouldn't have been so surprised, given that Brock's grand ambition in life was to become a pokémon breeder.

 

"Your pokémon get transported to wherever you got your pokédex from, and when they do, they'll have to be in a pokéball," Brock said, now echoing Misty's tone, as if Lily was simply being too unreasonable to deal with properly.

 

Right, that would be Pallet Town with Professor Oak. That… he did not seem like an inherently bad man, and he wasn't a trainer, but… All the same, Lily could not 'catch' any more than six, couldn't take more than six with her at a time without raising more questions than she wanted to answer. As it was, the four that were with her outside of their circular prisons were raising questions.

 

And she didn't know if they were bringing it up because it was something they felt they had to, or a subtle note that they were onto her and the fact that she wasn't playing by their rules.

 

True, she could deflect and distract and give the others a chance to run away, but she'd tried that already and four out of five had insisted on coming with her anyway with Squirtle choosing Lenin instead. Given that, chances were that the next time this happened, the next time they stumbled on some pokémon, it'd want to come with her as well, and what would she do then?

 

Maybe that didn't matter, maybe Lily wouldn't let it matter, she'd abandon this road and live as a mountain hermit freeing pokémon if she had to. Or, perhaps, she'd take Wizard Lenin's place and become a grand revolutionary set to overthrow this world and everything it'd ever known in thousands of years. Maybe that was the way to do it, but… But what if they said no?

 

True, Pikachu and Bulbasaur had come to her rather bitter to begin with, but Charmander had fully intended to die just waiting for his owner to return. If his owner had been any less… callous, then Charmander would still gleefully be with him. Would Lily force them kicking and screaming into freedom and the civil war that would naturally come with it?

 

No, that was a path, but it was one of horror and blood and ultimately too easy for the true problem. It was…

 

She felt too out of place here. The road to the pokémon league stretched out in front of her, and Lily just didn't know enough to change it, to stop it without… Without something drastic.

 

There had to be some other solution, some small temporary thing that gave her some time to think, that maybe could even give them some time to think and finally recognize just what it was they were doing.

 

Something had to change, or else six was the limit and Lily was busy getting nowhere. No, that was the real issue, wasn't it? That Lily was, ultimately, sprinting both towards Vermillion City and absolutely nowhere.

 

"Pika?" Pikachu questioned, but Lily paid him no mind.

 

Lily walked forward in a wordless daze towards the west, following the path Ash had gone down moments before, hardly noticing as Misty and Brock struck up conversation on the typical number of pokémon each trainer had. Twenty to thirty, only Ash's sheer incompetence had kept him from capturing more, from Lily having to intervene more than she already had.

 

The trees gave way to a shoreline, a sandy picturesque beach that along with the sunset across the water looked as if it belonged on a postcard. And there was a grinning Ash, proving to Lily that she was already too late and clearly hadn't been intervening enough.

 

Ash grinned, displayed a full pokéball with some new animal friend, and cried out, "Now I really caught one!"

 

The noise that came out of Lily's throat could be best described as a gurgle of despair.

 

"Pika pika," Pikachu said, patting her lightly on the calf, but his heart wasn't really in it. Pikachu, after all, truly was something of a cynic and appeared to have accepted that this was simply the way the world was, and that if you got caught by a ten-year-old then you simply hadn't been strong or else clever enough to stop it.

 

Which, of course, was a horrifying attitude.

 

"Good try, Crabby," Ash said with his disturbingly familiar smug grin, "But not good enough."

 

"You caught something?" Misty asked, looking pleasantly surprised.

 

He'd caught something… Ash hadn't caught anything for what felt like a month, how the hell had he managed it the moment Lily's back was turned?

 

"You bet!" Ash said, and, with a grin, threw down his pokéball to release his latest and greatest catch, a… rather ordinary-sized crab. Lily blinked, but no, that thing wasn't much bigger than your regular sized crab. Which, for a place that was normally more like Skull Island, made this crab pathetically tiny.

 

"Isn't he the greatest?" Ash asked, even as the crab started to foam out the mouth.

 

"Pika," Pikachu said slowly, echoing Lily's sentiments exactly, and no one else seemed capable of saying anything at all.

 

Bulbasaur just sort of walked forward, vines hanging awkwardly in the air as if he had no idea what to do with them. Clefairy and Charmander both stood there, gawking. Slowly, their attention turned to Lily, clearly wondering what she was intending to do about it.

 

And she really should be doing something, shouldn't she, but it was… a rabid giant crab.

 

And it was just kind of standing there, it'd been released, and the water was right there. If it really wanted to, couldn't it scuttle back into the sea with no one to stop it? But no, the thing wasn't even making an attempt, it was just sitting there in its own drooling spit.

 

"A water pokémon," Misty said, far more enthusiastic than Lily. "You know, those are my specialty, and I can help you—"

 

"Forget it," Ash said smugly. "I don't need your help raising my pokémon. Crabby and I are going to get along just fine, right Pikachu?"

 

Pikachu looked pointedly out towards the sunset, the thousand-mile stare written all over his mouse-like features, and gave no response to Ash. For all that Pikachu's relationship with Ash had improved from hostile to somewhat cordial, it seemed they still weren't the best friends that Ash thought they were.

 

One day Ash was going to figure that out.

 

"It's getting dark," Wizard Lenin noted, staring out into the sunset himself with a sigh, as if none of this even remotely concerned him. Well, that wasn't all that odd; when Wizard Lenin was in control of his own irritation he acted as if none of this concerned him.

 

Not the pokémon's plight, not trainers, not anything.

 

The only thing that mattered to him was the path home, and if he eventually gave up on that, then…

 

Misty whined, apparently only realizing the time of day and lack of civilization herself, "Oh, I don't want to have to camp out again tonight. I'm sick of sleeping in sleeping bags!"

 

That was all well and good, but they were off the beaten path again, and there wasn't a chance they'd find any—

 

"Pika!"

 

They all looked up to where Pikachu was enthusiastically pointing, and there, a few miles down the beach and positioned up on a cliff, was a solitary lighthouse.

 

"A lighthouse!" Misty exclaimed with joy, tears of relief beginning to form at the corners of her eyes. "There'll probably be some extra beds! A sleeping bag is no way for me to get my beauty sleep."

 

"And there'll be someone there to tell us where we are," Brock said, which, of course, perked Wizard Lenin's interest. For all that they had continually gotten lost, this might have been the first time they'd actually stopped to ask for directions.

 

They sprinted towards the distant lighthouse, Wizard Lenin surprisingly with them, motivated either by the thought of finally arriving at this city or else having a bed for the night while Lily lingered behind.

 

She felt…

 

"It's that time of the week again, isn't it?" Lily asked.

 

"Clefairy?" Clefairy asked, looking up at her, but she seemed to catch on quickly enough. This, after all, was hardly the first time Lily had said it.

 

"We're about to meet someone very strange and learn an important lesson about something," Lily mused, continuing to look out at the sunset. "My… poké-senses are tingling."

 

Undoubtedly though, whatever she learned would only help Ash or else be generally unpleasant for her. Wasn't that how this usually went? Maybe though, maybe this time it would give her an idea, a true path forward to take. Because if Lily wasn't going to be a pokémon trainer, a pokémon master, then what was she supposed to do here?

 

And what if Clefairy wasn't wrong, and if Lily was to make any difference, she couldn't do it as a human being?

 

The sea had no answer for her, and it appeared neither did her pokémon friends.

 

With a sigh, she slowly trudged after the human half of the gang, setting out towards the lighthouse and ignoring the gathering dark.

 

* * *

 

 

By the time Lily arrived at the lighthouse, it was already well and truly dark.

 

More, there was something about this place that gave it the feeling like it belonged in a horror film rather than this overly bright and cheerful world she'd found herself in. It stood, for one, alone on this cliffside with no hint of either man or pokémon outside, only the ghostly beam of light rotating at the top of the tower giving any sign of light.

 

The doors to the tower were ornate carved stone featuring depictions of many strange beasts that Lily could only assume were pokémon. Juxtaposing this, almost unnoticeable, was a small box attached to the side of the door with a bright red button. The doorbell.

 

"On second thought, I'd rather go camping," Lily said out loud, and it said something that neither Pikachu, Clefairy, Bulbasaur, or Charmander, with all their vastly different personalities, disagreed with that statement.

 

Wizard Lenin was very likely in there, and it was Lily's sacred duty to help Wizard Lenin out and not have his soul sucked out by demons. Except that Lily suddenly remembered her second and last year of Hogwarts, and all the helping out Wizard Lenin hadn't been doing.

 

… Maybe he deserved to fend for himself for a while.

 

Lily didn't need another Flint or Seymore the Scientist or whoever the hell it was this time. Not now, not…

 

She turned on her heel and trudged back down the hill towards the beach.

 

"Char?!" Charmander balked, scrambling after her with his lit tail swishing behind him.

 

"Nope," Lily said as she walked, "I am not going in there and you can't make me. But, by all means, if you want to go in there and see whoever it is this time, be my guest."

 

No one seemed to argue with that, so Lily just continued without even looking back at them, "I'll just catch up to the rest of them—well Wizard Lenin at least—in the morning and say no to strange towers in the middle of nowhere surrounded by ominous fog."

 

Besides, she had other things to think about; maybe it'd be good to just be able to sit down and think without any distractions.

 

It was a surprisingly long walk, further than it'd looked at sunset, but eventually Lily and company made their way back down to the sandy oceans. The sky was overcast, so there were no moon or stars shining off the waves. Instead as she sat down on the beach she could hardly see anything at all.

 

Idly, she picked up a stone and tried to skip it across the water. Judging by the thunk sound it made as it hit, she didn't think it worked, and imagined it instead sinking into the waves only to be washed up on the shore a few moments later.

 

With a sigh, she sat down then laid back. Luckily the beach was sandy enough for it to be comfortable. Looks like she was staying out here tonight.

 

"It's still better than the tower."

 

A vine poking her, Lily looked up to see Bulbasaur looking at her with something that screamed concern, oddly readable for an expression on some kind of plant dinosaur. "Bulba?"

 

"I'm fine, it's just…" she trailed off, then smiled to herself, "Well, as usual, it's just that I have no idea what I'm doing."

 

She then looked at him, eyes wider, and sat upright. "Wait a minute! We can talk about this!"

"Bulba?" Bulbasaur, asked, casting a wary glance towards Pikachu and Clefairy (who had been with Lily long enough to have gotten used to her quirks).

 

She couldn't ask anyone else, everyone here was corrupted and Wizard Lenin couldn't care less and would just tell her to focus on something that wasn't unsolvable trifles. However, she was missing the point. She shouldn't be asking them to start with, she should be asking these guys; it was their future, after all, so they had to have some say in it.

 

More, if Clefairy had this grand vision for her, even for some eldritch pokémon Lily, then they must have ideas of how they'd like to go about it. Even a general direction that didn't lead to, you know, death on a massive scale.

 

Only, sitting there grinning, feeling as if she suddenly had a direction again, Lily realized she also suddenly wasn't tired. In fact, she now felt filled with boundless energy. A boundless energy that was not about to help her animal friends wear anthropomorphic forms and say anything besides their names.

 

"… I don't suppose any of you suddenly speaks English?"

 

Their profound silence was answer enough.

 

* * *

 

 

The night continued on, Lily's eyes occasionally drifted to the lighthouse, which looked as ominous as ever. Still, at least it hadn't exploded or caught on fire, which meant it was probably alright. Though it also said something that Wizard Lenin was apparently distracted enough not to try and hunt her down.

 

Lily, for her own part, was trying to think boring and exhausting thoughts. She was doing this by trying to make her way through the trainer's manual that Wizard Lenin lived by these days. And it was boring, it read like a manual, but it was also disturbing.

 

It put in so much… effort in understanding pokémon by their different types and something called levels. All in all, it was way too much of a flashback to Pokéwarts, which just reminded her that there was a Hogwarts everywhere, even for children learning to be pokémon trainers.

 

Eventually though, the rhythmic sound of the waves, the ups and downs of uncertainty and destiny, and the comfort of for once not being involved in the adventure got to her, because her eyes drifted shut, and when she felt them open everything and nothing had changed again.

 

And apparently, in Lily's dream world, the others were already going at it.

 

"What was so bad about the lighthouse?" Clefairy, in her pale, pastel, human form asked. She was cross legged, sitting with all the serenity of a monk, unbothered by the elements or her sudden change of form.

 

"Are you serious?" Pikachu asked dully. He was lounging, long legs spread out in front of him, looking a bit more casual but also radiating that usual feeling of being above it all. In other words, he looked much the same as usual, too.

 

"I don't see what was so—"

 

"If Lily doesn't like it, and it was built by a human, then you're not going to see me going in there," the adolescent Bulbasaur, still an oddly young, green-haired and red-eyed, said, as he mulishly poked at the sand.

 

"Because Lily's such a great judge of human character," Pikachu said, rolling dark eyes upwards, as if he couldn't believe he had to deal with these people.

 

Ouch. She hadn't realized Pikachu had managed to put that much together. Suddenly, Lily had the horrible feeling that Pikachu was around to watch everything and that no one even noticed because he was a giant, adorable yellow mouse.

 

… He'd listened in on every single one of Lily and Wizard Lenin's private conversations.

 

That son of a bitch.

 

"Oh yeah, then why aren't you up there?" Bulbasaur asked, now glaring at Pikachu. "And why do you even follow her around if you don't take her seriously?"

 

"First," Pikachu said, counting off fingers as he glared at the little boy, "I do what I want. If I'm not in the tower, it's because I don't want to be in the tower, not because Lily happens to agree with me."

 

Pikachu counted off his second finger, looking unbearably confident for someone who spent most of his days as a giant, overpowered, yellow rat. "Second, if you'll remember, the humans have joint custody and are fighting for my affections. Lily just happens to be in the lead at the moment."

 

Bulbasaur just looked at Wizard Lenin, then his lips stretched into a smug smile. "Sure, keep telling yourself that."

 

Bulbasaur was only just shoved out of the way in time as lightning struck down right where he'd been sitting. He'd been flung to the side by the newest member of the gang, a gangly red-headed boy who was, again, probably around Lily's age.

 

"Guys, please, there's no need to fight," the boy said, rubbing the back of his head and smiling awkwardly as he picked himself up off the beach. "We're all here—I mean, we all chose to come here, so I guess it was everyone's choice. So why are we fighting?"

 

"We're fighting because he's an asshole who can't even admit what he wants," Bulbasaur said as he stood and brushed himself off.

 

"Oh please," Pikachu said, examining his fingernails now as if they were of more interest than Bulbasaur could ever hope to be, "I always know what I want, and most of the time, I manage to get it."

 

"Is that what you call being caught by some professor and passed off to Ash Ketchum?"

 

"I said most of the time," Pikachu responded darkly, eyes flashing in warning, "Not always."

 

Well, Lily was going to take the only segue that these people were apparently going to give her. She clapped her hands together, smiled, and pretended they were all having a normal conversation like perfectly normal people. "About that, the catching pokémon thing. I wondered if you guys had some opinions."

 

It was like they only just remembered she existed and was sitting there, each of them staring at her in confusion, while Pikachu blurted, "Opinions?"

 

"Well, in case you weren't listening earlier, it was explained to me that a) pokémon outside of pokéballs is as large a societal no as walking around without a trainer's license and b) you apparently can't have more than six pokémon at a time. And given that I keep just somehow collecting you guys I… am running out of ideas here."

 

"Pokéballs aren't so bad," Charmander said, rubbing his head again, as the others turned to look at him in abject horror, "Really, you don't even really notice after a while. It's kind of just like… Taking a very long nap."

 

"That somehow makes me feel worse about pokéballs," Lily said.

 

"Good," Pikachu responded, yellow hair practically standing on end with pent up electricity, "Because neither you nor anyone else is ever sticking me inside of one of those things ever again!"

 

Yes, Lily was definitely not feeling the pokéball thing.

 

"Just stop picking up strays and you'll be fine," Pikachu said, crossing his arms and giving a sigh of exasperation, like this was all somehow Lily's fault. "Honestly, you don't even want to be a trainer and they keep just latching onto you. Stop being such a pushover and you wouldn't have this problem."

 

Was she really being a pushover? She didn't think so; sure they'd all wanted to come with her, but it was more that it wasn't her place to say no, especially when she did have the means and power to keep them from pokémon fights.

 

"I don't think she's a pushover," Charmander said on her behalf, "She came back for me, didn't she?"

 

Charmander was her new favorite.

 

"As I said," Pikachu responded, entirely unmoved, "Pushover."

 

Pikachu was her new least favorite.

 

"That's great, but none of that really addresses the problem," Lily said, holding up her hand to stop them. "Hypothetically, let's say we run into someone else who needs my help and wants to come with me—"

 

"Just say no," Pikachu interjected.

 

Lily, dutifully, ignored every word out of his mouth, "—What do I do then? Even with just four of you guys I'll admit it's starting to be a… herd."

 

"Well…" Clefairy said, and then paused, as if she didn't have all that good of an answer herself.

 

Finally, Pikachu with a shrug noted, "This isn't our problem."

 

"It is your problem because you people are giant, everyone likes pokéballs, and everyone expects me to battle you people or breed you—"

 

"It's not like that," Charmander interrupted.

 

Once again, the rest of them all turned to look at him. He flushed under the attention, looked dreadfully embarrassed and awkward again, but continued on, "I mean, that is, you make it sound a lot worse than it really is. Sure, there are those parts of pokémon training, and there are bad humans just like there are bad pokémon, but you're overlooking all the good parts."

 

"… What good parts am I overlooking?" Lily asked, because the way she saw it, she had been giving everyone very large benefits of doubt and they just kept spitting back in her face.

 

"Friendship," Charmander said, "The friendship between humans and pokémon can be a wonderful thing. I mean, look at us, look at everything we've been through and everything you've helped me with. You protected me, fought for me, even when I didn't want it at the time. If you're not my trainer then I don't know what you are."

 

Lily felt suddenly ill, oh dear god, she really had unintentionally become a pokémon trainer, hadn't she? She was a hop, skip, and a jump from becoming Ash. No, she was a better pokémon trainer than Ash, she had more pokémon.

 

"If it makes you feel better," Pikachu said drily, "Then you're only one-third of my trainer."

 

"You're not helping guys!" Lily cried out towards all of them. "I seriously need some kind of long term or short-term plan here!"

 

"Like what?" Bulbasaur asked, giving her a wary side-eye. "Most humans I've met seem to want to become pokémon trainers."

 

Lily rounded on Clefairy, who was blinking up at her in confusion. "Oh, go and tell them about my magical destiny or whatever it is you keep talking about."

 

"Huh?" Clefairy asked eloquently.

 

Lily prompted her, feeling incredibly awkward as she gestured for Clefairy to elaborate. "You know, that thing, the reason you keep wanting me to shed human skin and transcend into some sort of all-powerful goddess pokémon."

 

"Oh," Clefairy said, brightening as she caught on, "My people only know that you have the potential to change things, change everything, we have no idea how you're supposed to do it."

 

Lily felt as if everything stopped in one moment and that she'd been flung into a brick wall. "… You have no idea."

 

Clefairy smiled widely. "If you ever evolved, remembered your pokémon self, then you'd probably have the answer. But since I'm not you, and I really don't know humans that well, I have no idea. If you want to ask the others, we could head back to my people. They've probably been studying that human man long enough to get a good understanding of your species."

 

… Seymore the Scientist, they kept Seymore the Scientist as a scientific representative of humankind to learn their faults and weaknesses. Seymore the Scientist was supposed to represent mankind to alien marshmallows bent on taking back the Earth.

 

Lily hadn't wanted to know that, although it did answer quite a few questions about why the Clefairy and Clefable had been so keen to keep him around.

 

"Right. You know, Lily," Pikachu said, side-eyeing her, "It's really not your responsibility to fix things. The world's been like this for a very long time now, ages, and no one expects you to be able to change all of it. Honestly, it might be easier to simply become a pokémon master instead."

 

"But I—"

 

Pikachu sighed, "If you're really insistent, beat this pokémon league thing everyone keeps going on about. People listen to trainers, they listen to great trainers. If you're the greatest trainer in the world then they might listen to you."

 

Lily stared at him for a moment, then opened her mouth and noted, "I thought you hated Stack of Bricks."

 

"I didn't mean with the bricks!" Pikachu bristled. "Do it on your own! If you somehow win when acting as your own pokémon, maybe they'll be even more impressed."

 

"Or someone will try to catch her," Bulbasaur said with a pained grimace.

 

"I can fight for you!" Charmanader said eagerly, stepping in front of Bulbasaur with a grin. "I really don't mind, I even kind of liked training and fighting. Well, when I didn't lose too badly…"

 

"Then don't do it at all," Pikachu said with an aggravated sigh. "You're not even from this world. It's not your responsibility to care."

 

It… It wasn't, she knew that, she wasn't Ellie Potter here after all. Still: "I chose this."

 

She said it was an odd sort of wonder, as if she couldn't quite believe it herself, but it was the truth all the same. Lily had chosen this path, not because she had to, not because it was written even if Clefairy talked about it, but because she'd wanted to. Even if Wizard Lenin wanted to return, found a way to do so, Lily wouldn't until this was done.

 

Because these people needed her help but hadn't asked for it, some of them didn't even know it.

 

Lily opened her mouth to elaborate, to say as much, when a long mournful sound interrupted her. "What was that?"

 

It sounded… It was something like a whale's song, she thought, echoing out over the ocean towards them. Except it sounded… There was more emotion in this, human sentiment that went beyond words, an aching loneliness and sense of isolation.

 

It was the kind of loneliness of the cupboard, before Wizard Lenin and Death, only if it had gone on longer. If no one had come for her, if she had gone out looking and no one was there, that was the sound her heart would have made.

 

A hand fell on her shoulder. She looked up, startled, and saw Pikachu looking down at her. "Remember, it's not your responsibility."

 

No, Lily thought as she stared out at the sea, no it wasn't her responsibility. She had four pokémon, no desire to put any of them in pokéballs, and she had to draw a line somewhere even if she did aim to change the world.

 

Even if she'd promised Oddish and all the rest that she would come back for them someday.

 

"Lily, I'm serious," Pikachu said, "Sometimes, there is nothing you can or should do."

 

Another voice echoed out into the dark, similar to the first, and looking up towards the cliff face, Lily noticed the lighthouse had changed color. Instead of a bright white light sent out to sea, the light shifted from red, to blue, to green, and back again to white, all in succession as the second voice began to interweave with the first.

 

"See, everything is—"

 

There was a bright flash of orange light, smoke, a cannon shot launched in the dark, and a cry of pain and rage in the place of the music. They'd shot at it, they'd drawn it in with music, making it believe there was someone else there after all those years of searching, and then they'd shot at it.

 

Lily woke up.

 

* * *

 

 

Lily sprinted down the beach and up on top of the waves, ignoring the cries behind her and knocking off Bulbasaur's vines as they tried to grab her. Instead, without looking back, without even thinking, she rushed ahead, ducking at the sound of cannon fire and stumbling over waves.

 

Suddenly, rubble began falling—the lighthouse, Lily realized as she dodged chunks of stone; the pokémon had destroyed the tower in retribution and took the light out with it. Still, Lily sprinted forward and eventually knocked into something towering above the waves.

 

Looking up, she could only see the outline of a large figure and a pair of glowing yellow eyes. It glared down at her, eyes burning and filled with contempt, as all of the feeble expectations it had had for the world crumbled.

 

"Please!" she cried out, "This isn't the end!"

 

A great tail raised over her head, then came down with a vicious speed. Lily protected herself with an invisible shield, sliding back on the waves but not sinking or being thrown to the side. "Come with me, search with me, and I promise that this will never be the end! Whatever you're looking for, you can find it! Even if everything seems like a cupboard beneath the stairs, like everyone seems as if they weren't real in the first place, you can still find it!"

 

She looked up at it, him, straight in the eyes and insisted, "I promise, no I know, that it will never end like this!"

 

She held out a hand, comically small compared to his own claws, and watched as slowly, carefully, he reached to take it.

 

Only to stop and turn, taking her with him, as another cannon was launched from the cliff face. Without a sound, he swept his tail over the cliffside, knocking half of it into the sea along with the lighthouse.

 

Then it was curiously silent again, him looking back down at her, and slowly, with shaking claws, he allowed her to place her small human hand on top of his.

 

Lily grinned back, and suddenly she was laughing. She didn't know why, but somehow, soaking wet and standing here with a dragon, it seemed that everything was alright. It trilled, there wasn't really any other word for it, and she had the feeling that it was laughing too. Feeling, undoubtedly, the same way she did.

 

Lily wasn't what he'd been looking for, and she hadn't been looking for him, but…

 

She then paused, craned her neck to look up at him, and exclaimed, "Holy Jesus, you're huge."

 

This thing was as tall as the lighthouse had been, easily dwarfing the tallest building in any one of the small towns Lily had passed through on her pokémon journey. If she took this guy into town, without a pokéball, they'd probably think Godzilla was attacking.

 

He cocked his head at her, still trilling, as if she just said the darndest things.

 

"Do you do… smaller?" Lily asked, her smile becoming strained as her stomach sank with apprehension. "It's just, if you want to come with me to look, then smaller is better."

 

His head was still tilted. He was still trilling, and clearly, he either couldn't or else wouldn't do smaller.

 

"Wait a second," Lily said, eyes growing wide, "I've already done this."

 

Lily had done this once before, and without even blinking at that. More, she'd done it multiple times while asleep. She didn't know why she hadn't thought of it until now, why it had just never occurred to her, but looking up at her enormous new friend, she felt a smile growing on her face. "Do you mind if, for a little while, you have to look at things from a different perspective?"

 

He said nothing, simply trilled, but she imagined if he had a human face that he'd be smiling.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning was clear and sunny, the sun sparkling against the waves, and filled with a wonderful reunion of all Lily's favorite people.

 

It seemed that Ash, Brock, Misty, and Wizard Lenin had survived their night in the tower of terror and had a stellar time, if the look of their worn clothing and haggard expressions was anything to go by.

 

Pikachu wasn't talking to her; he was, in fact, pointedly not looking at her and hanging near Wizard Lenin (who was usually the least favorite of his triad of owners). Wizard Lenin, for his own part, having returned from his night in the light house apparently with some eccentric fop scientist named Bill who enjoyed ancient pokémon cosplay, was looking as if he wished he had no idea what was happening but was unfortunately far too familiar with the situation to be oblivious.

 

The rest, however, hadn't been in this situation before, and it was Ash who asked, "Hey, Lily, who's this guy?"

 

This guy, of course, being the unbelievably tall, golden-haired, tanned Adonis with bare feet, clothes that barely fit, and a messenger bag hanging off his shoulder as he stared up at the clouds in wonder as if he'd never seen anything like them.

 

Lily, in turn, was grinning as she motioned to the man standing next to her—a little too close, if she was being honest, as he hadn't removed himself from her personal space since the start of all this. "Everyone, this is Draco Dragonite, an Albanian refugee who was forced to flee from the dreaded A.L.F. He's looking for his…"

 

Wizard Lenin looked as if he either wanted to set her on fire or else set himself on fire.

 

Lily paused and looked at him, searching for some sort of hint on his face. "Sister, brother, mother, father, daughter, son… Any other unfortunate Albanian survivors, because as it is, he's pretty damn sure he's the last of his kind."

 

He nodded, smiled at her gently, as if she'd hit the nail on its very depressing head. Good lord, Lily thought, it just had to be the worst situation, didn't it? Also, why did all these pokémon keep ending up weirdly good looking as people?

 

That either said something about pokémon or really said something about Lily, and she wasn't sure which it was at this point.

 

"What's an Albania?" Ash asked, looking utterly dumbfounded and reminding Lily that they weren't in Kansas anymore.

 

"A place that you should never, ever, visit," Lily said blankly, before adding as an afterthought, "They have vampires."

 

* * *

 

 

Over time, we uncover more information about the mysterious ways of the pokémon. The more knowledge we gain, the more we realize how little we know.

 

And so, the journey of discovery continues in the incredible world of Pokémon.

**Author's Note:**

> So this one started out with a bang, kept going, and then I put it on the back burner presumably forever. So we have about nine chapters or so of this and then don't expect any more anytime soon. Written for a prompt of someone who asked for a Pokémon/Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus crossover.
> 
> Thanks for reading, comments, kudos, and bookmarks are greatly appreciated.


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